"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them."
― George Eliot

solaris

I really didn't want to be at the bonfire. All the people who despised me were here, and I was pretty sure Chandler was going to approach me. But we hadn't been exclusive or anything, and besides, it was a bad decision I had made on my part. I should've known better.

"Solaris are you okay?" Bade asked me. He looked a little concerned. But I shrugged him off, and attempted a genuine smile. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," was my response. "I'm just a little overwhelmed. I've never been to a party or bonfire."

I looked around the yard where tents were set up, and people were walking around, and some were huddled around the bonfire; chilling and socializing.

I spotted an ice chest. "Hey, Bade, I'm going to get a Mountain Dew. Do you want anything?"

He looked at me and smiled. "Yeah, sure. A Dr Pepper. Thanks."

As I walked over to the ice chest, I was stopped immediately by Rena Elliot. She looked at me with disdain, and sized me up like she was criticizing the way I looked. "Why are you here?" She spat. "You got Chandler, and now you have Bade?"

I tried to look unaffected by her words, and didn't try making eye contact with her. But I did respond. "I'm sure you're completely aware of there being no electricity, right? Bade and I just decided to hang out because of that very thing. So please, Rena, don't jump to conclusions like you always do."

Rena laughed at me and crossed her arms. "You're such a skank. And you think you look so fucking hardcore with your chokers, and your eye make up. I hate bitches like you."

Her words would not affect me. "Rena, you're acting like the bitch. I was invited to the party like everybody else here."

"Chandler wouldn't want you here."

"I don't even see him."

"He's avoiding you."

I walked past her without saying anything. I understand that she was Chandler's girlfriend now, but why did she have to confront me? There were other girls he'd been with.

I felt sick to my stomach even thinking about that.

Chandler was a user, and a manipulator. And I felt even more sick just thinking about seeing him. I wished I could've told Bade everything. But I didn't want him to look at me differently. Besides Kai Woods, he was the only other person who talked to me from school. Even if it was only due to the fact that the power and electricity was out. He was still a pretty cool guy.

When I found my way back to Bade, he was talking to a girl who looked familiar. Her hair was up in a ponytail, her eyes were the color blue, and she wore a tank top, capris leggings, and a pair of Bobs.

She stood awfully close to Bade.

I was about to walk away from Bade and the familiar girl, but he saw me and called me over. "Solaris, over here!"

I stopped walking, and with enough guts, I turned around and walked over to him and the girl who would be taking Bade away from me.

He was a likable guy, and was very friendly. He had a nice smile, and was really nice to talk to. What girl wouldn't like Bade?

I pushed the uneasy feeling down in my stomach, and said to them both, "Hello."

Bade grabbed the soda I got for him from my hands. He then decided to introduce the girl. "Solaris this is Amelia."

We both waved politely at each other.

Before I could even say anything to Bade, she had to say something.

"So, Bade are you dating anyone?"

She touched his arm.

I took this as my cue to go.

As I walked away, I still couldn't hear Bade's response.

Sipping my drink, I felt somebody suddenly appear beside me.

That's when a chill ran down my spine, and I felt myself freeze up briefly. Why did he feel the need to approach me?

Ignoring me would've been the best thing to do. It would be the best thing for him, and definitely the best thing for me.

"Hi, Solaris," he said with a deceitful smirk. "You couldn't stay away from me for too long?"

I didn't look at him. I took a sip of my Mountain Dew, and turned away from him.

Please go away.

Please go away.

"Don't ignore me. I know you didn't expect me to come and approach you."

I still didn't look at him. Regardless, I still felt the need to say something. "Go back to the bonfire. Please. I don't want to talk about this. Besides, you've since ignored me."

He frowned. He took a sip of whatever was in the red cup he held, and he tightened his lips. "You can't tell me what to do. I could tell you to leave, but since I'm such a nice and thoughtful person I won't."

"You're a narcissist actually."

"Bitch."

I began to walk away from him because this time I did tear up. He was getting to me, and I told myself I would never show that side to him again.

The side that breaks down; and is so fucking vulnerable. And then convinces me that doing what he wants to do, is what I want to do.

He stepped in front of me. "Wait a minute. Solaris, you need to hear this..."

I looked at him finally. I finally looked at the guy who was both ugly inside and out. "I don't want to hear it Chandler. I don't." This time I could hear the hurt in my voice, and I'm absolutely sure he did. "I'm leaving."

I began to walk away from him, but this time he had the nerve to grab my hand, and bring me back to him. "C'mon. You can't leave now. The party has just started."

"I'm leaving." I yanked my hand out of his grasp, and I was for sure now that I was crying.

"Bade, man. What the fuck?!"

I couldn't see through my tears. Everything was blury, and I just wanted to stop crying but I couldn't.

I could hear laughter. Then I heard yelling.

"So, she was one of the girls, huh?!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about...you'd always talk about the girls you'd do it with!"

"Bade, you're a fucking square. Get the hell out of here! If we weren't so cool! I swear your ass would be grass! Now get outta here!"

I walked away from the bonfire party, and tried to gain some composure.

I had known what I was doing, and I was willing to do the deed. But I hadn't been ready for the humiliation, nor the shame I would feel.

I wanted to get away from reality for a little bit. I wanted to know what it felt like to do something reckless for once.

I regret it all now, God knows I do.

A yard away from the bonfire party, and at a park nearby I sat down on a swing.

The sky was dark and blue for a summer night.

I couldn't see the moon.

I wiped away the tears from my face using my hand, and tried to regain some feeling of neutrality.

"Solaris, I'm sorry."

I turned my head and saw that Bade was standing behind me.

His eyes were filled with what appeared to sadness and devastation. I'd seen the look before, but never on him.

At school I saw him. He would walk the halls with his friends, or hang out on the quad before school with his friends. He was always smiling or laughing. Even when he hung out with his best friend's Lars. He never looked sad as he did now.

"It's not your fault. None of it is. I should've been direct about it from the start..."

He scratched his head roughly. "Solaris, don't do that. I knew that Chandler was like that. But I didn't know you'd been involved with him like that, either." Bade looked at his hand and rubbed it. "This is going to be back and blue."

I bit back a smile, and tried my best asking him with disinterest. "Don't you need to go back and talk to Amelia. And get to know her...?"

He looked back towards the path that lead back to Chandler's place and the bonfire.

He shook his head. "No. I want to stay here. Besides, things are better when it's just us."

I nodded.

He sat on a swing to the left of me.

We didn't say anything to each other.

I was about to ask Bade if he saw me differently.

Then abruptly, a little bit away. North to the sky, we saw fireworks.

They weren't the big extravaganza type you saw in July. But they were of different types of colors such as purple, red, yellow, etc...,

They were beautiful and very vibrant.

I looked at Bade again. Still looking at the fireworks, with a small smile he said, "I don't."

The fireworks didn't stop.

☼

A/N: PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, COMMENT, OR FOLLOW.

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5 Questions:

☼ What do you think of Solaris now?

☼ What was your favorite thing that happened in this trailer?

☼Do you know any guys like Chandler?

☼ Are you convinced Bade and Solaris are soul-mates?

☼ Why do think Bade was able to answer Solaris's question without her asking it?

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A/N: Don't forget to check out our two COMPLETED stories: