*Catchy theme music*

*Scene opens on Maker Kat's studio*

Maker Kat: *Suddenly whirls around*  Oh, hello!  *Spanish accent*  I did not see you there!  My name is Carlos!

Sassy Kat: *Yelling from somewhere offscreen*  NO, IT'S NOT!!!  IT'S KAT, JUST LIKE ALL OF OUR NAMES!!!

Rebel, helpfully and also off-screen: Except for my name, of course.  *Distant revving sounds*

Clipboard Kat's voice is heard: *Panicked*  And just what do you think you're doing?!!

Rebel: *Calmly*  I was just gonna demonstrate some of my pro chainsaw art for the kids.

CK: LIKE HAMSTERS YOU WILL!!!  Give that back to Farmer, RIGHT NOW.

Farmer Kat: Aw, thanks!  I was lookin' fur this here piece ah 'quipment!

CK: Uh, what does she need that hulking big chainsaw for?

Rebel: Dunno.  I'd be more concerned about the tractor she ordered.  It's due to arrive later today.

CK: WHAAAAAT?!!

Maker Kat: *Glaring at her offscreen companions*  Be quiet, this is my show!!!  You're not on yet!

Violent Kat: I'm seriously going to punch you in the face if I have to wear this on TV.

Sassy Kat: You think you have problems.  These feathers itch like crazy.

VK: Hey, at least you didn't blow nearly ALL OF YOUR BUDGET ON THESE!!!

MK: HEY!!!  Good thick craft foam is really expensive, so quit your whining!

SK: How much did all of these feathers cost?  For something that you bought, they actually look kinda realistic.

MK: Oh, I didn't buy those.  They were free.  I didn't really have any money left on my shopping trip at that point, sooo...  I asked Woodland Kat to shoot some birds down for me.

SK: When you say 'Shoot some birds', do you mean to say that I'm-

MK: -Wearing the corpses of several different species of wild birds, yes.  Well, the feathers from such, anyway.  Why?

SK: .........................

SK: *Distant retching noises*

MK: Weak.

MK: DON'T RUIN YOUR COSTUME!!!  IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF OF THEIR CHEST FEATHERS!!!

Clipboard Kat: Seriously?  That's your only concern?

Rebel: You're as cold as ice.  Me likey.

CK: Don't encourage her.

MK: Can I finally do my show now?

Tranquil Kat: *Softly*  Why ever not?  I'm looking forward to doing my part.

SK: *Rasping*  That's 'cause you're weird.

MK: I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!!

Wise Kat: Technically speaking, normally, you could indeed function in these circumstances, but adverse stress and excitement is causing your microscopic brain to overexert itself due to the pressures of the film industry.

MK: EXACTLY!!!

CK: *Whispers*  Did Wise just call Maker an idiot?

Rebel: *Evil chuckle*  CHAOS!!!

MK: ..................

MK: WHAT THE F-

CK: *Gasps*  -FLAMDOODLE!!!

MK: -FLAMDOODLE DID YOU JUST CALL ME, B-?!!

CK: -BACON!!!

MK: -BACON?!!

MK: *Confused*  Flamdoodle?

MK: Bacon?  *Suddenly falls over laughing*  AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!  S-she said f-flamdoodle!

CK: Okay, so maybe Maker is a bit of an idiot...

MK: Say that to my face, you little breadcrumb.

MK: Anyway, I can't be that dumb.  I have loads of numbers and calculations in my microscopic brain.

MK: I also have many extremely sharp crafting implements, Wise.  You'd better watch yourself.  I know where you sleep.

WK: Humph.  Then you obviously don't know me at all, Maker.  I haven't slept for nigh on 23 years.

MK: How are you not dead yet?

WK: Indeed.  I ask myself that on a daily basis.

Offhand Kat: Betcha I know how!

Violent Kat: *Grumbles*  Don't you say it.  Ohh, don't you dare say it!

OK: ........................

OK: *Deep inhale*

OK: SHE TAKES LOTS OF KAT-NAPS!!!

Rebel: *On drumset*  BA-DUM-CHHH!

VK: HOLD ME BACK!!!  HOLD ME BACK!!!  *Demonic screeching*

Rebel: YAAAS!!!  DESTROY HER!!!

Clipboard Kat: *Duct-tapes Rebel's mouth shut*  NO!!!  DON'T DESTROY HER!!!

VK: WHY NOT?!!

CK: Well..

CK: I...

CK: ..........................

CK: I don't rightly know.

OK: Oh, thanks.

Rebel: *Rips tape off of her mouth and doesn't even wince*  I know a great lawyer.

Sassy Kat: Who to the what now?

Rebel: Literary's surprisingly good at all of that legal stuff.  I should know.

VK: *Aggressively thankful*  That's good to know.  THANKS!!!

CK: Rebel?  How do you know this?

Rebel: Hmm?

CK: Seriously, it's okay.  You can tell me.

Rebel: *Snorts*  No, I can't.  I'm not stupid.

CK: Rebel, I mean it, okay?  *Slowly*  How.  Do.  You.  Know?

Rebel: Pfft-!  I'm not having my body burned alive, no sit!

Tranquil Kat: Oh, is that what happened to Lazy?

Wise Kat: I suppose so.

TK: Would you like some tea?

WK: Yes, please!

TK: *Calmly pours tea*

WK: We never needed Lazy to begin with.  Good riddance, I say.

Maker Kat: *Deadpans and starts playing some background music*  Well, Imma begin anyway!

MK: *Pokes Sassy Kat in the rump with a knitting needle*  Your line!

Sassy Kat: OW!!!

MK: *Glares at her*

SK: Uh, right.  *Adopts English accent*  -Ow'llo!  Socky here!

SK: *Quietly mumbles*  Because using the name Tocky would be copyright infringement.  

SK: *Flaps fake wings moodily*

SK: It's like, minute make time or whatever.

MK: *Silently lifts craft knife while glowering at her threateningly*

SK: *Gulps*  Um, might I add...  Guvn'r?

MK: *Mutters*  Good enough.

MK: *Smiling*  Hey, kids!  Today, I'm going to show you how to make a parachute in exactly one minute!  Ideal for when your idiot friends spontaneously decide to go skydiving, but there's mysteriously one less 'chute than there should be in the plane because they were trying to kill you all along!  Now you, too, may be prepared for just this kind of commonplace scenario!

SK: You know that it's impossible to make one in only a minute, right?

MK: Oh, ye of little braincells.  You underestimate my power.

MK: START THE CLOCK!!!

MK: *Suddenly starts creating so much, so fast that she creates a rift in the space-time continuum*  YAAAAAH!!!  I TRANSCEND THE VERY LAWS OF PHYSICS!!!  BEHOLD MY AWESOME POWER!!!  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!  *Maniacal cackling*

MK: ..Of course, this may take a tad longer than a minute if you don't have my total desperation to make random stuff at odd hours, but I digress.

MK: *Sews the final stitch and hefts the finished parachute*  Done!  If you couldn't follow along, of would like a more detailed tutorial, please visit: www.thekatsareawesome.com/death-defying-parachute-tutorial

MK: *Beaming*  Next weeks' minute make segment: Homemade concealed garroting wire, for those fun nights out on the town!

Rebel: COUNT US IN!!!

Clipboard Kat: NO.

Rebel: Dang supervisors.

MK: Next it's time for: THE SHAPES!!!

Violent Kat: Uh, no.  Nonononononono!  I WON'T-

MK: *Growls darkly*  DO IT.

VK: GET OFF OF MY BACK, YA WITCH!!!

MK: If that's what it takes...  *Goes offscreen*

VK: Hey!  What are you-?!!

VK: *Screams*  DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT YOU CAN TAKE ME IN A FIGHT?!!

MK: *In a low and threatening tone*  I'm in maker mode right now.  Nothing can stop me.

VK: .....................

VK: You know, I suddenly feel like participating.

MK: Good.

MK: *Onscreen again*  Take it away, girls!

*The next scene shows Wise Kat, Tranquil Kat, Rebel, and Violent Kat in oddly large and colorful costumes*

*The Kats (plus Rebel) begin to dance with varying degrees of enthusiasm*

VK: *Muttering*  This is ruddy ridiculous...

TK: *Silently smiling*

Rebel: *Kicks off a shoe and smashes one of the overhead lights*  Hehehe!

WK: *Shrugs and sighs*

All: *Simultaneously*  I AM A SHAPE.  I AM A SHAPE!  Nananana!  I AM A SHAPE!

Wise Kat: *Steps forward*  I am: A circle.  *Breathes a big breath of relief*

Tranquil Kat: *Twirls daintily*  I am: A triangle!  *Spins back into the line*

Rebel: *Smirks*  I am:  A two dimensional, four-sided shape of equidistant lines and four vertices that can be divided into four equal quadrants a fourth of their original size.  *Snickers*

Violent Kat: *Mumbles, with eyes downcast*  Amma rectangle...

MK: What was that?  I couldn't hear you!

VK: *Slightly louder*  Imma rectangle. 

MK: you're still not loud enough!

VK: *Grits teeth and bellows at the very top of her lungs, blowing away Rebel's shoe with the force*  I'M A FRICK-FRACKING RECTANGLE, DAMMIT!!!

MK: We'll edit that in post...

Clipboard Kat: *Runs onto the set*

CK: *Hugs violent Kat*  It's okay, it's over now.  *Gently covers her with a tarp and leads her away*

VK: *Quietly sobbing*

The others: 0-O

WK: If this song is the standard of intellect that adults hold children to, then we're all in a serious amount of trouble, to that I say: Boo.

Rebel: Do away with the school system, I say.  Commit arson, it's okay!  Kids, it'll be a learning experience.

TK: *Smiling serenely*  If you'd like to do it, that's fine.  It'll be sublime.  Anything's good to do, as long as you do it in rhyme.

Clipboard Kat: *Returning*  WHAT HAS SHE BEEN TEACHING YOU, EXACTLY?!!

TK: Like drops in a pond, it's hard to respond, hmm..

Rebel: Matter-of-factly!  BOOM!!!

TK: Thank you, Rebel!  That was actually rather useful!

WK: Careful now, you know Clipboard can be abuseful.

Rebel: *Wild applause*

CK: THAT'S NOT EVEN AN ACTUAL WORD!!!

WK: I'll allow it this once, I'm not quite as fussy as Literary.

CK: Oh, joy.

Maker Kat: Okay, it's time for the last segment of the day!  I've decided to dedicate today's bit to, no surprise: ✨Ginger!✨

All the Kats, even Rebel: *Wild applause*

*Ginger's photo is onscreen*

Clipboard Kat: AAAAAHHH!!!  SO CUUUUUUTE!!!  *Faints*

Rebel: *Slicks a couple fingers into her mouth and emits a shrill whistle*  YEAH!!!  WOOHOO!!!

Sassy Kat: YESSS!!!  OUR FURBABY!!!

Tranquil Kat: *Suddenly screams out*  YOUR MOMMIES WUV YOU!!!  *Deep calming breathes*

Maker Kat: At least that's one thing that we can all agree on.

MK: Alright, goo.  *Turns off the overhead projector*

The others: AAAW!!!

MK: SHUT UP, YOUR SUFFERING'S NEARLY OVER!!!

MK: I want to show you kids how to build a house for your beloved pet.

MK: Though they've probably taken over your home and have the run of the place already...

MK: No matter!  You can do this anyways!

MK: First, you grab your father's drill..  *Takes hold of a miniature replica*

MK: Then, you wash his blood off of it with warm, soapy water..  *Wash-wash*

MK: ..Grab some screws..

MK: Wash the blood off of them, too...

MK: Grab some wood planks or what have you..

MK: I think you know what comes next..

MK: It's a wonder dad hasn't lost more of his body than his thumb-tip.  *Giggles*  Now that was an afternoon to remember!

MK: *Happily using the power drill*  Now I, on the other hand, have inherited all of father's building knowledge and skill, but none of his embarrassing clumsiness.  ..Now you attach the roof..

MK: But here's a bit of advice for my young viewers: If you're going to have an accident, make it big.  Make it showy. After all, nobody thinks that a cut-off thumb bit is cool.  It's just sad.  Instead, lop off your whole arm, because that's pretty freaking awesome.

Clipboard Kat: Opens mouth, then hesitantly shuts it again*  Nah, I'm not dealing with her today anymore.

MK: ..You also want to make people feel sorry for you, so that you get stuff for your troubles.  Make them feel guilty for indirectly being the cause of your injuries.  This works especially well with parents and nice people.

Sassy Kat: *Walks up, her hair pinned under a bonnet*

MK: Like this, observe.  *Very deliberately drills through her hand*  Oh.  Oh, MOTHER!

SK: *Makes an exaggerated alarmed face*  My child!  How could this have happened?!!

MK: *Dramatically holds her uninjured hand to her brow*  I have hurt myself..  For you!

SK: *Wipes a fake tear from her eye*  Then you are truly my favorite child!  Here, let me buy you a new car!  *Slowly leads Maker Kat away*

MK: *Turns her head around and winks conspiratorially at the camera*

Clipboard Kat: Maker's way tougher than she pretends to be.

Tranquil Kat: I suppose it's because she regenerates quickly.

CK: Like a lizard.

TK: *Softly rings a bell*

*A black form rockets through the air, landing at her feet with a ding*

Black form: Hello, how are mew all doing, nya?

CK: Oh hey, look!  It's the furry.

Kitty Kat: Clipboard's looking meow-velous today.  *Casually licks her wrist and draws it over her ear*

CK: ...............

CK: I still have questions about you...

KK: *Flicks wrist and mewls cutely*

KK: You think mew have questions.  I'm still wondering about that.  *Looks up at a red shape flitting around near the ceiling*

The shape: Heehee!  I believe I can fly, baby!  YAHOOO!!!

CK: Well, Kat's full name in Hungarian is synonymous with ladybug, you know.  So I guess that explains..  Her.

Both: *Slowly look up*

Both: .................

KK: Nope.  I still don't get it.

Tranquil Kat: Look, Kitty!  Maker's built you a fine house to live in!

KK: Mew-ray!  I finally have my fortress of solitude made!  It's paw-sitively purr-fect!

CK: *Facepalms*

KK: *Promptly moves in*

KK: Now I can plot my revenge on all those who have wronged me!

KK: I can dominate the world!

KK: I can nibble on my kitty kibble in peace!

KK: I can eat my tuna with having Woodland use it as bear bait!

KK: I can impale hoomans' heads on sharp pikes as a warning to all that trespass on my domain! 

KK: THANK MEW, MAKER!!!

Clipboard Kat: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!

Word count: 2031