Waking up beside a peacefully sleeping Raffo was a sight for sore eyes.

Ruth was the first to wake up the following morning. She blinked her tired eyes a few times, her vision taking a moment to focus in on the handsome face positioned right above hers. And when she finally registered him, a soft smile graced her lips.

She never thought she could have that again. It had been years since she last laid in Raffo's arms and got to wake up to the prettiest face in Oklahoma. With his long lashes kissing the soft skin beneath his closed eyelids, his pink lips closed and looking ultimately enticing, and his cheeks flushed from the heat of her body against his. His long, dark hair fanned out on his pillow and she fought the powerful urge to stroke it.

If Ruth could lie there forever, she would. To count the brief breathing movements of his chest, to brush her fingers against his flushed cheek, and count the row of eyelashes she envied. Maybe even explore the ridges of golden skin peaking out beneath his tight shirt.

But alas . . . the bathroom won that round.

Grimacing, she untangled herself from underneath his arm and used the bathroom. She rushed her toothbrush over her tongue and her teeth to get rid of any morning breath, took off her bonnet to wet her curls, and then tiptoed back into his room. His eyebrows were furrowed now, and flipped over onto his stomach, tucking his arms under his pillow. His breathing evened once again and Ruth smiled, her heart warming at the sight of him.

She knew she wasn't going to go back to sleep any time soon, so she soundlessly walked out of his room and made her way into the kitchen. Her gaze perked up at the sight of a Keurig and she immediately sped over to make herself a cup of whatever he had. It took her a few cabinets, but she eventually found his mugs and grabbed the cutest dog mug that had puppy prints along the outside of it.

Delighted, she walked over to his Keurig machine and curiously checked out his selection. Coffee, hot chocolate, tea, more tea, apple cider, and—oh!

A wild grin sprawled across her face as she reached for a chai tea pod and instantly put it in the top. She lined up her mug and impatiently waited for the tea to finish being poured. Her gaze trailed over the kitchen, liking that he was a clean individual who kept everything pretty spotless. She'd never been in one of Raffo's personal spaces before, considering he had an abusive asshole for a stepfather, and it pleased her to finally experience with him what they couldn't before. Maybe Raffo was right. They needed a chance to grow up and be adults out in the real world for a while. Raffo did fairly well for himself, despite the ignorant comments Emily had said to, and about him, and she was proud of his accomplishments. Truly.

After Ruth's mug was filled, she walked over to his table that was by a large window and sat peacefully in the chair closest to the glass. The morning sun slowly warmed her cheeks, and she sighed, taking a few sips of her comforting chai tea. She pushed a few curls behind her ear and listened to the birds faintly singing their morning song, while she slipped into her thoughts.

It didn't take Ruth long to figure out that she needed to somewhat explain herself to Raffo. She didn't have to, and Raffo never asked for anything regarding her past. But she didn't think it would be right to move forward without Raffo knowing the truth about why she dated Emily. She wanted him to know he was her first choice for a long time, even after she believed he didn't want her anymore. That it wasn't until she told Emily everything that she gave the girl a chance. It didn't have to be a long conversation, but she needed him to know.

She took another sip of the cinnamon-flavored drink and licked her lips, relishing the taste. Her heart may ache from being lied to, but she felt more at peace there, with Raffo snoozing in the room over than if she were to be home alone with her thoughts. They were relentless.

The sound of feet shuffling brought Ruth out of her daze. She shook her head and moved her curls from her eyes again as she looked over and spotted a now awake Raffo leaning casually against his bar with his arms crossed. His features were relaxed, his eyes serious as he greeted her with the perfect question.

"How do you always look so damn beautiful?" he wanted to know.

Ruth's cheeks glowed as she laughed bashfully. "That's a stretch."

He scoffed, affection in his eyes. "Clearly, you don't look at yourself enough."

"Clearly," she teased. She held out her free hand for him and he wasted no time in shrugging away from the counter to come to her side. Instead of him sitting next to her, however, he easily picked her up, took her spot, and sat her on his lap.

"I see you found the tea," Raffo acknowledged, nodding to the mostly empty cup in her hand.

"I see you have chai tea," she teased.

He wasn't at all ashamed for it either. "It grew on me," he admitted, throwing a crooked smile that shook her to her core.

She leaned down and kissed his cheek affectionately. "Good. I wouldn't have my favorite tea otherwise."

Raffo squeezed her in his lap, taking the sip she offered him. From the outside looking in, it seemed as if nothing had changed. Like they never broke up, and she never left.

But things did change. They had broken up, and she did leave.

And though she didn't want to speak about it, Ruth knew she had to. If she wanted to move on, she'd have to open up about how Emily came to her and about why she didn't return to Oklahoma to set the truth straight. It wasn't going to be the prettiest talk, but she needed to share it. Her tale of manipulation, desperation, and a twisted love that should have never been.

Raffo read her expression easily and frowned, running his hand up and down her back.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice soft.

Ruth sighed and wrapped her arm around his neck to better balance herself. With a grim nod, she added, "Yeah. I don't want to hurt your feelings, though."

"I appreciate that," he smiled. "But it isn't about me, and I'll be fine."

She nibbled on her bottom lip for a minute. She wasn't stalling, but she wasn't so sure how to begin it. The beginning of the end was a great place to start, she supposed, so that's where she started.

"It didn't happen right away," she started, absentmindedly twirling her fingers in his hair. His thumb rubbed against her hip, encouraging her to continue. "Nothing happened for a year-and-a-half or so, actually. We were just regular roommates with the same friends who hung out every day. After we left Oklahoma, she'd hold me and let me cry on her and—and comforted me the way a friend would. Told me I deserved better, that you didn't deserve my tears, and New York was my chance to start over."

"I didn't believe that bullshit for a long time. I guess some part of me always knew there was something off, but I convinced myself it was just my lack of coping talking. But when someone continues to paint someone in a poor light, that's all you see. She told me you were selfish for leaving me the way you did, and that there were people out there who wouldn't treat me that way and could give me a life I deserved. There were even two people in my friend group who were willing to go out with me at the time, but I just kept pushing everyone away."

Raffo didn't look at all bothered, but his eyes fell to the cup in her hand briefly at the mention of other people and Emily's cruel words. It didn't take him long to look back up at her, but his eyes were sad.

Well, jokes on Emily, Ruth thought triumphed, as she twirled a strand of his hair around her finger, relaxing him into her touch. Raffo's made quite the life for himself and his family.

Ruth proceeded to tell him about her time in New York. How Emily kept coaxing her to enjoy her time in a beautiful place of possibility. To take a bite of The Big Apple and relish in her riches.

"I'll spare you the details, but Emily's comfort became more of a physical comfort, and because I was tired of being alone, I slowly gave into her. At the time, I thought I needed it. Everyone always said the best way to—well, you know," she mumbled, embarrassed.

"I know," he said, his voice gentle yet uneven. She didn't stop. She still had to rip off the rest of the bandaid.

"Eventually, I came to resent you," Ruth admitted, biting the inside of her cheek. "I was tired of being sad all the time and once I told Emily what happened, I decided to forget you. Just thinking your name made me angry, and eventually, I gave Emily the chance she always wanted and returned her affections. I thought . . . I thought she loved me, and I cared about her. She even told my mom off for me, and my parents and I haven't spoken too much since. I guess that's one good thing that came out of it."

The pain of the truth crept up on her and she took a moment to sip her tea, recollecting herself. Raffo was patient and utterly quiet.

"I tried for her. At least I thought I did," Ruth admitted. "I cared for her and loved her as much as a broken best friend could. If I didn't care for her, I wouldn't have even tried to be anything. But it was never enough; not for either of us."

She finished up by explaining Emily's overwhelming jealousy for Raffo when she got back to Oklahoma. She supposed she had a reason to worry, but it didn't excuse any of her behavior. Especially after Ruth found out the truth . . .

"For so long, I put off the thought of you. I thought it meant I was finally over you and I was over what happened between us. But at the bachelorette party, I finally realized all that putting off wasn't me coping with the loss of us. It was me pushing away my feelings and pushing whatever hope I had for us. And we both see how well that worked."

Raffo's lips tilted up into a small smile, a hint of sunshine through the gloom of clouds. "True . . . where do you think you and Emily go from here? With your job and your apartment?"

Ruth grimaced. "I don't know what to do about the job and apartment yet, but I definitely am done with her. What she did is unforgiveable, and it doesn't deserve to be forgiven."

He hummed. He stroked her back a few times to gather up whatever courage he had, and forced out a, "I think—well, maybe you should talk to her."

Ruth recoiled in his lap. "What?"

"Hear me out," he cautioned, soothingly. "We both experienced firsthand what the lack of closure will do to somebody. Emily thought you not talking to me was going to give you the closure she wanted you to have, but we saw how flawed that reasoning was. You deserve the truth from her and an explanation of why she did what she did. It's not fair she hurt you for so long and you don't completely know why. Don't you think that question's going to bother you until you know the truth? The 'why'?"

Yes.

But she wanted so badly to say no. To say that she didn't care about why. That her actions didn't even deserve a 'why' follow up because there was no justifying crazy.

But damn did he know her well.

"I refuse to do to you what she did," he continued, tucking a curl behind her ear. "I want what's best for you Ruth, and I wouldn't have suggested that if I didn't think it would help you move forward."

"I know," she mumbled. He was right, and she didn't want to be haunted for another three years by the 'why'. She had a sneaking suspicion as to what it was, but she supposed hearing the truth from Emily was better than guessing.

"I'll do it," she finally confirmed. "But . . . can you be there? With me? She's probably at her moms house for who knows how long, but if I talk to her at Jana's apartment, I would feel more comfortable if you were close by."

Raffo hugged her body tightly to him, his lips finding their home against her head. "Of course, aiukli. I'm always here for you in whatever way you need me."

Then he paused. "As long as it's after work. I still gotta make my money," he added, and she laughed.

She pulled back to feather her fingers along his jaw. "And if I need you while you're at work?" she teased.

His kissable lips fell into a panty-dripping smirk. "Well, I do have my own office. So, if you need me while I'm there, just say the word and I'll pencil you in."

A shiver trembled through her quaking thighs as she remembered exactly how hung the man below her was. "That monster is not a pencil. You'll have to carry me out of the office with that shit," she joked, and they both shared a laugh.

"Whatever you want, baby," he winked. Then his eyebrows furrowed and worried Raffo was back. "But thank you for telling me everything. Are you sure you're okay? Do you feel any better?"

She nodded truthfully. "I do, actually. Thank you for listening to me and being understanding. I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear."

His rueful laugh was enough of a confirmation. "It wasn't, but I'm glad you told me. I think I needed to hear it for my peace of mind, too."

"Glad I could help, you damn masochist."

Raffo took her cup and drained the rest of her tea and she opened her mouth in mock outrage. "HEY!"

"Don't "hey" me. Maybe you should have watched that damn mouth of yours."

"Like the way you've been watching it?" she challenged.

Raffo wrapped his fingers into her curls and pulled her down, claiming her cinnamon flavored lips and stealing all the mouthy words off her tongue.

*****