I jolted awake breathing heavily, yet I did not scream. My body was soaked with sweat, and I felt as if I had run a marathon. I pulled myself up and was a little more relieved to find Katrina lying right next to me, her breathing a quiet rhythm that filled the silent room. I sighed quietly and tousled her hair a little before pulling myself out of the bed. Sure I was tired, but there was no way that I could go back to sleep after that. When I was up, I rubbed my forehead to rid of the stress that weighed heavy on my head. Then I slipped on my heavy hunting boots and opened the door to the room silently without taking one simple glance back to Katrina.

Light barely consumed the hallways as I made my way into the kitchen still massaging the temple of my forehead. All I wanted to do was run for Matt, the image of how he'd looked in that dream still burning in my head. I couldn't do that though, he hated me and probably didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Why though? Why did it seem like no matter what I did he wouldn't escape my mind. I pulled out a seat at the counter and just stared at the bowl of fruit in front of me. I was so hungry but I didn't want to eat, all I wanted was to curl up in a ball somewhere in a corner and cry. But I was just so much stronger than that, I knew I wouldn't get any better just laying around all day. Life had to go on, whether all the people I had one loved were there with me or not.

"Eat something why don't ya?" A deep voice rang from the hallway. I jumped a little at the voice then turned to meet a pair of dark hazel Brown eyes which belonged to General Evan. I forced a smile, God knew I wanted to ask about Jay but that wasn't something I could just bring up.

"No thanks Evan." I said quietly, not feeling the urge to eat. Though I did know it would be wise to do so seeing as I'd be leaving sometime and Probably wouldn't have the best amount of food for the days ahead.

"Really you're getting skinny, get some meat on your bones." Evan chuckled, elbowing me as he slid into the seat beside mine. I rolled my eyes while running my fingers through my hair not saying anything to him. I hadn't really eaten since I'd found out about my mom, and I didn't think I was going to feel the urge of wanting to eat for awhile. "I know it's hard, but don't do this to yourself." Ann's husband said noticing how bad I probably looked. I only shook my head not wanting to say anything. I didn't need his pity. He sucked in a deep breath as if he were trying to figure out a way to get me to talk.

"Matt's been awake all night you know." he said more as a questions than a statement.

"Nothing I wouldn't know, how's Jay doing anyway?" I muttered quietly not wanting to think about it, not wanting to remember the look on his face or the fire in his sapphire orbs. It hurt to see him hate me the way he did. It hurt to think that he never wanted to see me again. It hurt to know he wanted me to leave. Though I still wanted to forgive him, to run right back into his stupid arms. I knew that I couldn't do that whether he wanted me to do that or not.

"Jay's doing just fine, he's up and moving, but he won't be holding a gun for awhile that's for sure." Evan chuckled standing up to grab something from the pantry near the back door that led out of the kitchen.

"Though that's not what I meant. Matt was with Jay long enough to know that he was fine, then he left. He's been looking everywhere for you."

I felt like my heart was going to explode. "He hasn't you know, come down here has he?" My throat was dry thinking of Matt coming this way just looking for me. I couldn't Look at him, because if I did, I knew I would forgive him. I felt like I was stuck but, what could I do? It wasn't my fault that Matt acted the way he did. It had to be true for him to even remotely think it though, but was that Matt? Why would he even say that to me? We hadn't been in a argument in years, and it was my fault last time; I felt like he'd been ignoring me since he joined the army force. When I tried to talk to him about it he just blew up telling me that he was trying as hard as he could, and that it wasn't my place to tell him what to do. This was different though.

"No he hasn't, but you should really talk to him. I mean I personally don't know what happened between you two, but Matt doesn't seem like the kind d of guy that would intentionally hurt you. I mean it's not my place and all-" I cut off Evan in a soft voice trying not to show any sign of weakness.

"I know what you're saying, and I thought that too, but it's complicated Evan. He can't just say the things he said and not mean them. I don't know exactly what to do, but I'm not just gonna go running back to him. It's not something I can do." I let out an exasperated breath and leaned my head in my hands. I never thought it would be Matt of all people to make me feel so small. Hed always been the person holding me up, and making me feel better.

Then we heard a loud knock at the front door. I felt my heart leap forward and Evan stood up heading toward the front door with me following silently behind him. I don't know why, but I didn't leave the doorway that lead into the Living room, I just stood there as Evan cracked the door open. Right away I noticed the familiar voice at the front door, which instantly made me sink farther in the hallway not wanting to see his face.

"Have you seen Destiny? She's nowhere, I've been everywhere Lieutenant, I-I'm afraid she may have left." His voice was strained and sounded hoarse as if he'd been crying. I shook my head hating the fact that it was my fault He sounded that way. I hated that I was the reason he was hurting so bad, but why should I feel bad for that. Didn't he start this?

Evan turned around his eyes meeting mine for confirmation but I shook my head indicating a 'no'. I didn't want him to know I was here with Anne and Evan, mostly because I didn't want him to barge in here and continue to yell at me. I didn't want to hear him tell me to leave, I didn't want to here him say I'd never be good enough for him Even though I knew it was all true. "No I haven't seen her, but I doubt she left. That's doesn't sound like something she'd just up and do."

Matt sucked in a harsh breath and ran his fingers through his hair obviously irritated. "You don't understand Lieutenant, I shouldn't have said this, but I did. I told her to leave, and everyone would be better off if she wasn't here, but I-I didn't mean it Evan, what do I do?" He sounded stressed but I couldn't think straight all I knew was that I had to get out, I couldn't fall for this trap. I backed into the kitchen taking this moment as a chance to run through the back door knowing that Matt wouldn't be at his house, seeing as he was here talking to the lieutenant.

Just because Matt had shown up at Anne's house didn't mean I was going to back out on my plans. The door shut silently behind me and I was off. I sprinted through the backyards so that Matt couldn't see me. I met the curve leading you away from the street within seconds, but even though I was out of sight I kept running as fast as I could. It was early and no longer a school day, so luckily most people were asleep, but for those that were I earned a curious gaze as I ran pass them. The old run down shacks people called stores disappeared from my gaze and I kept running. Even when I saw my house in the distance. My lungs were burning and every inch in my body was telling me to stop but I didn't. The faster I came in and out of Matt's place, the quicker I could escape this town, the thought of Matt alone was enough to make me leave this death hole that kept me in a limited range of freedom.

My pace slowed once I reached the forest, but even though my legs were tired I trudged on, quickening my pace as much as I could. It seemed like a maze as I ran by the trees, with leaves crunching under my boots. In order to get there quicker I had to push the vines and low tree branches out of my way as I passed them. Then before I knew it I reached the bottom of a familiar tree, but this time it didn't feel welcoming. Instead I felt as if I weren't supposed to be anywhere near here, but that didn't matter really because I had business that I needed to take care of, and whether Matt wanted me here or not, I was going to get my things.

It hadn't occurred to me that his tree house may have been locked until I was already halfway up the tree. I shook my head pushing away that thought, even if his house had been locked, I'd seen Matt get in the house a numerous amount times without a key. I was sure I could figure it out, that was if he did lock the latch. I approached the latch crossing my fingers hoping that it would slide open without any hassle, and to my surprise it did. I scrunched my eyebrows together but still climbed through the latch opening. Had Matt even gone home that night? Had he literally been looking for me all night? No he couldn't have, Matt would've gone here first if he was really looking for me. Or did he leave it open for me in general? Did he know I would come back for my stuff, and leave it open?

I took in a deep breath to clear my thoughts and marched through Matt's 'living room', trying not to notice the weapons still strown all over the floor from yesterday. It seemed as if the house hadn't even been touched since then. Even though it seemed weird, I didn't do anything about it. The kitchen was for the most part clean, except for the package I had left on Matt's counter. I grabbed the jacket out of the cardboard box and the letter that had come with it. The jacket scent was strong of pine, mixed with old spice and a hint of musk seeing as my dad had been wearing that jacket for years now. It smelt of him so much that I couldn't keep my mind straight, and I don't even remember how I had made it back into Matt's living room.

Without even thinking I grabbed the bag of clothes off of the floor near the latch, but I felt so wrong. I couldn't just leave, not like this. Could I? Well, of course I knew that I could, but that didn't really matter. Why would Matt want to see me after all? It was too much really, you know my mom, Clarissa, the possibility that my dad could be gone as well, my brother, and Matt. I didn't know what to do, but I did know that everything had to come together somehow, that's how all stories ended, good, right? But this? This was not a book, or a movie. This was life, so how could I ever know how it was going to end, for all I knew nothing was going to get better...

I shook my head trying to get rid of the thoughts filling up in my mind. It didn't work though, I collapsed to the floor clutching my daddy's jacket as close to me as I possibly could, wishing that instead it were him, just wanting the comfort of my dad. I hadn't felt this close to him in so long, and some part of me said that I wasn't far from finding him either, but, would my dad still love me? After everything that had happened in these past five years I was not the same person. My dad had always taught me how to be a girl, that I was to stand a certain way, to talk and act I'm a womanly matter, but now I had to fend for myself. I learned about weapons, how to use them to fight, and how to raise a child at only the age of eleven. Would he even see me as the same person? Would he want me around?

That's when the first tear slipped out of my eyes. I couldn't believe I was so close, yet so far from I wanted. Did I really want to leave Rasnic? This was my home, but everyone that I loved here, I had lost, well this is everyone except for Ann. I was surprised that she didn't hate me after Clarissa, and even so maybe she secretly did. More tears fell, and they wouldn't stop, my body was shaking because of how hard I'd been sobbing. It wasn't one of those pretty cries either, I felt like I couldn't breathe gasping for air, and not even bothering to wipe at the constant flow of tears that fell down my face. Was I really this weak? Why couldn't I stop myself, I knew I was better than this, so why was it so hard to just hold everything in, why couldn't I be like everyone else, and silently deal with my problems alone.

I really was weak, I was a disgrace. I had to stop, but I couldn't bring myself to do so, the more theses thoughts came flooding the worse it became.

I think by the point that I heard the latch slam open, I was curled in a ball on the floor crying. I lifted my watery eyes to see who was there, not all to surprised to see Matt. He seemed like he'd been running, but wasn't all to bothered by it, he was only breathing a little heavier than usual. When he started to step towards me, I still couldn't stop crying, but I managed to pull myself up and keep space between us by backing away from him. "Please, don't" I sobbed, not meeting his worried gaze. "I- I need to go." I grabbed everything that was mine and rushed past him.

Matt didn't let me though, he grabbed my arm which made me drop everything in my hands and pulled me toward him. I jerked my arm away from him and backed away, my face still covered completely up with tears. Matt looked hurt, as if I'd hit him in the face but he continued to move toward me with each step I took back, but then before I even knew it my back hit the wall and Matt was right in front of me, his chest pressed against mine. He wipe the tears off of my face, and when I tried to look down he forced my chin up to look at him.

"Just listen to me, please." Matt's voice was quiet and seemed as if he'd been crying. He looked horrible and I could almost feel the pain he was in just from the look in his eyes, so I didn't fight him. I sniffed trying to calm myself down and met his dark eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean any-" I cut him off shaking my head side to side.
"Then why? Why would you say that? Do you care about this? Don't you care a- about us?" I started to sob again and Matt pulled me into his arms and squeezed me so tight that I couldn't breath.

"Of course I care about you, I always have. I- I was just so stressed and I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean it though, I really didn't- Destiny please, forgive me. I would never intentionally-"

I cut him off in a weak voice not meeting those unnerving sapphire eyes staring right back at me. "But you did, and I, just, I don't know what to do Matt." I cried wiping the tears away from my face as they fell. "I trusted you more than anybody, God I trusted you more than I even trusted my own brother! What, what can I do?" I sniffed and looked back at him for a small second, feeling horrible as I caught that hurt expression in his face.

"What can I do?" Matt whispered his eyes looking straight into mine. He shook his head and ran a hand through his short dark-brown hair obviously getting even more stressed.

"I-I can't just make you forget that, I can't just say sorry, and poof, everything gets better. So, what can I do? How can I make you trust me?"
I shook my head not wanting to hurt him, not wanting to say the wrong words. "Matt I have to go." I whispered feeling like the most horrible person in the world. "I-I have to get Katrina, and we have to go, and you, you're not coming." I bit my lip, and looked back up at him trying to push him off of me.

He backed away slowly not knowing what to do, he looked as if he were lost. "Destiny, no you can't." Matt said in a worried voice. "You can't just go without anyone, you'll die, no please listen to me." He pushed me back forcefully, and I yelped trying to pull away from him. Matt had never lashed out this way towards me before and all the color in my face drained when I meet his eyes. They were no longer that sapphire blue that I loved so much, they were now a pitch black. "You're going to die out there without me." His voice was harsh and I could see the veins in his arms sticking out.

I scrunched my eyebrows together, and my hands were shaking, I tried to push him away from me once again, but he wouldn't budge. "You can't tell me what to do." I hissed at him, still knowing very well that I could not move or do anything to protect myself. Matt leaned dangerously close to my face, his breaths trailing my skin as his eyes continued to search my face. Goosebumps formed all over my skin but it didn't matter that my heart was pounding, and my eyes were still watering, and everything didn't seem real, It didn't matter whether I was to live or die at the moment.

"You aren't going." His voice was shaking and he looked almost as if he were scared, not angry. His knuckles had turned a pale white and his breathing seemed forced "You won't make it even a day." He whispered loosening his grip on me. "You can't go alone."

"You don't tell me what to do. Not, anymore at least, I'm done with your shit Matthew Doorhan, now get your hands off of me." I shoved him away and tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't do much about it. I was so furious that my face had probably turned a shade of crimson, and steam was likely radiating from my face. Matt only chuckled as I shoved him out of my way, tears became a mixture of anger, sadness and fear all in one. That fact only made things worse, so I grabbed my things, trying not to look him in the eyes, because if I did, I would forgive him, and I couldn't do that. Matt had to learn that things weren't always going to be okay, and he couldn't treat me as if I were a three year old.

"Destiny, come on, would you calm down." Matt placed a hand on my arm and pulled me back. I whipped around and shoved my elbow in his side, not so hard though. It couldn't have broken anything, and Matt looked hurt, but not that 'in pain' kind of hurt. He threw his hands up and backed away from me, probably just then realizing how much he had broke me. "Destiny-"

I cut him off, showing him my shoulder as I swung the metal latch open. "I'm going whether you like it or not." My voice was quiet and shaking. I wanted to hug him, to say I was sorry, and I wanted nothing to change. I wanted to erase what had happened yesterday, I wanted to erase all the bad. But, there was nothing I could do, nothing he could do, this was the end of Matt and I. Because, eventually when things get to a certain point there is no return, and this was that point. I never wanted to see Matt's face again, never wanted to hear his voice, see his smile, nor those eyes I'd fallen for millions of times.

Matt always came after me, but this time he didn't. Which may be why I felt sick to my stomach; I guess it was a good thing Matt didn't come after me. If he did I surely would have gave in and forgiven him.