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Hania

A couple of weeks after Papa's health scare, Hamza and I planned a housewarming party. We picked a Saturday when the whole family would be available, especially both the fathers.

"I hope I haven't messed anything up." I nervously said as I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. I wore a long red Anarkali dress, with golden patterns on it, with cropped chudidar. The dupatta was sheer, and the border was gorgeous, large golden crocheted patterns. With the outfit I wore golden high-heel sandals which were a part of my bari. My hair was in a braid to avoid getting it in the food as I served later. "I tried my best with the dishes, but it's not going to be Mama-level good." 

*A bari is a collection of outfits/jewellery from the groom's side. 

"Everything will be fine. It's our parents, they'll pretend to like it even if it sucks." Hamza reassured me as he stood in his towel by the wardrobe, looking confused. "What the heck do you wear at such events?"

I laughed. "Certainly not your leather jacket." I joined him and frowned thoughtfully at his clothes.

He finally took a proper look at me and dramatically put a hand on his chest. "Why are you torturing this poor heart of mine, my beauty? Ma Sha Allah."

"Why are you so cheesy?" I rolled my eyes, even as I blushed. He says I'm torturing him when he's just standing around in a towel! Focus, Hania. I grabbed a white button-down shirt. "Just wear this with your formal suit trousers. No jeans."

"Yes, Mrs Hamza." He bowed, obediently.

"Just get ready." I began to walk away. "I need to go and check on the food."

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards myself.

"What are you doing? We don't have much time." I looked up into his intense gaze. The last couple of weeks had been pure bliss, and we were still on our honeymoon period. The newly married feeling was incredible. I was really enjoying being Mrs Hania Hamza, Alhumdulillah. He took care of my every need. He never went out clubbing now, and when he went out with Faiz Bhai and the others, he always came back home early, not reeking of cigarette smoke. Sometimes he took me out, but only when going out with his married friends, so that I could have company with their wives. However, despite my strong dislike for socialising, when he asked me to come with him, I never refused. As a compromise, he didn't ask me much because he knew that I hated going out, but he had told me that if I ever wanted to go out with him myself, I could just let him know. I really appreciated that.

"We have some time." He disagreed, holding me tightly.

"Hamza." I still felt shy whenever he held me against his bare chest, but at the same time I felt safe and protected. I realised that I had to really go and check on the food, and I freed myself by shoving him back lightly and then ran out of our bedroom. 

He had really put the Hania touch on the flat. The hall was covered with photos of me in various locations, and in the living room he had put up the photos I had taken in Edinburgh, as well as a beautifully taken photo of Hamia the Teddy Bear in the centre. I absolutely adored my home, mainly because of all the effort my husband had put on it for my sake. 

In the kitchen, I checked on the food. I had made chicken biryani, kebabs, bhindi (okra curry), and Hamza had made some salad, as well as picked up some naan from a restaurant nearby. For dessert, I had made a trifle last night, that I had placed in the refrigerator. I had been working hard all day, and even though I was tired, it was definitely worth it. It was the first dinner party that I was organising, after all. Hamza had helped out as much as he could, but he had to leave for an important meeting, as requested by Daniyal Uncle. Uncle had personally apologised to me, saying that he wouldn't have called him if it hadn't been necessary, but I had told him that as Hamza's father, he had as much right over him, if not more.

Mama had also offered to help, but I'd told her that I just wanted her to enjoy tonight, and not worry about any work. 

"Hamza, hurry up!" I called out. "Everyone will be here soon!" 

I was really excited that my parents were finally going to see me happy at my home tonight.

I had a habit of tidying up the room even when it wasn't necessary. I think I got it from Mama. I was just doing it when the doorbell rang. I rushed up to go and answer it.

"Assalam Alaikum!" I happily greeted my family.

"Walaikum Assalam!" They all replied.

I hugged my parents, before bowing my head in front of Uncle to get his blessings, and then finally I hugged Mani and Rabia.

"I'm so excited, Hani! Your first dinner party!" Mama gave me a kiss on the cheek. "And Ma Sha Allah, you're looking beautiful, meri jaan."

"Prepared to be judged." Iman winked at me. 

As per the desi hospitality, both my family and Uncle had brought sweets and savouries because they were visiting our home. 

Mama looked stunning in a black sari with a gold border, Ma Sha Allah. Of course she would dress up for her Hani's first dinner party. Her hair was loose around her face and she wore light make-up which was done so well that I had a feeling that Iman had applied it for her, being our make-up expert and all. Mama was good at make-up as well, but Iman was practically a professional from all the YouTube videos she'd learned from. "Ma Sha Allah, Mama. You look gorgeous." 

My sister, on the other hand, unsurprisingly wore a Western outfit. She wore a knee length black sweater dress, with thick black tights and (shocking!) black high heel ankle boots. The girl was obsessed with black outfits. She wore her signature silver hoop earrings and a sparkling silver nose stud, which made her look extra beautiful, Ma Sha Allah.

"I'm guessing that the son of mine isn't ready?" Daniyal Uncle asked, wearily. "Typical."

Everyone laughed as I led them into the living room. Although they'd seen the flat before, I'd still wanted a housewarming party for both our families together.

"Ma Sha Allah!" Mama looked satisfied as she looked around. "I love your home, Hania."

"May Allah bless you both, and give you a lifetime of happiness. Ameen" Papa had an arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he kissed the top of my head as he gave us duas.

"Ameen." Everyone said together.

"Assalam Alaikum." Hamza entered the room, looking perfectly handsome in the outfit that I had suggested.

"Walaikum Assalam."

After the greetings were done, I looked at the time. "I'm going to get everything set up."

"I'll come with you." Mama instantly offered, and before I could protest, she slid her arm through mine and we walked towards the kitchen together. "It smells so good in here."

As we set everything up, she looked at me. "Are you happy?"

I smiled genuinely. "Alhumdulillah, Mama." I walked over to Mama, grabbing her hands. "Hamza is perfect. He's so caring and thoughtful that I've forgotten about how rocky it was at the start of our relationship."

"Alhumdulillah." She looked genuinely happy for me. Of course she would, she was my mother.

We took everything and placed it on the dining room table, and soon we were all sat around it.

"Ya Allah! We almost forgot to give you your housewarming present." Mama looked at Iman. "Iman, babe, bring the gift bag from the living room, please." 

My sister nodded and headed into the living area to get the gift bag. She handed it to Mama before taking her seat again. My mother handed it to me and Hamza.

"Thank you, Mama, Papa and Iman." I smiled.

"There's no need for this, Aunty. You guys came here and that's more than enough." Hamza gave my mother his charming smile.

I made sure everyone was eating properly, as did Hamza. He was having a nice, casual chat with both Papa and Uncle, who both seemed incredibly happy seeing us like that. Mani and Rabia were talking about something, while Mama kept repeatedly praising the food and the arrangements. 

"Everything is very delicious, Hania beta." Daniyal Uncle's spoke halfway through the dinner.

"She learnt it from me." Iman joked, causing everyone to laugh so hard that she looked offended. "What? She can learn from me, you know!"

"Babe, you can barely cook yourself." Mama pointed out. 

Iman didn't look embarrassed. She didn't care if she didn't fit the stereotypes of how a Pakistani originating girl should be. She was happy with the way she was.

"It is really good, Hani." Papa looked at me, approvingly.

"I can actually say that she learnt it from me." Mama smiled at him before turning to me. "We're very proud of you, jaan."

I was beaming, pleased with the compliments.

"Hania's an amazing cook." Hamza looked at me. "Makes me think that I should hit the gym more often nowadays because I can't stop eating when she cooks."

"I can absolutely relate to that." Papa grinned at Mama.

"Aww." Mama looked almost emotional as she smiled at me and Hamza. "May Allah protect you both from evil eyes. Ameen."

When dinner was finished, I told everyone that I would bring the dessert to the living room, so they could go and have seats there. 

When I was preparing to serve it, Uncle reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "Here, Hania beta. This is your first official dinner for the family, so this is a little token."

It was a common tradition to give the daughter-in-law some money when she cooks for the first time, but that seemed more than a little token.

"Uncle, there really was no need for this. I am just happy that you all enjoyed the food." I protested weakly.

"You clearly put a lot of hard work to prepare everything, and this is a tradition." Uncle smiled. "Take it, beta. You wouldn't refuse your father, would you? So please accept this from me as well."

I took the money and thanked him. "I'll just go and keep this inside."

"I'll serve the dessert." Hamza looked at me as I left the room.

****

After dessert and tea, our families left, giving us plenty of blessings.

I went to change my clothes before I started cleaning up.

"You okay?" Hamza came into the room as I was tying my hair into a ponytail.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, without looking at him.

"You got quieter as the evening progressed." He began to unbutton his shirt.

"I'm just tired." I said. "I guess Mama has pampered us more than I thought because I'm not used to doing all this." 

"Everything was brilliantly managed, Hania. It didn't seem like your first time." He walked up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders and massaging them, causing me to unintentionally groan. "You like this?" 

I nodded. "I love you so much, Hamza." 

"I should massage you more often then." He chuckled, before I felt his lips press against my neck, causing me to shiver slightly. He brushed my braid aside and began kissing me at the nape of my neck.

His phone suddenly started ringing, interrupting our moment.

"Please leave it, Hamza." I whispered, wanting to spend some peaceful moments of romance with him.

"It might be important, Han." He walked over and grabbed the phone. When he answered it, it was clear that he was speaking to a friend, but definitely not Faiz Bhai, because I heard him discuss a club. As far as I knew, Faiz Bhai didn't drag him to clubs. 

He hung up a few moments later and walked over to me. "Some of my friends are gathering at Illuminate, the club. I'm just going to go for a while, okay?"

"I thought you were done with clubbing, Hamza. It just seemed pointless for you to go there, since you don't drink, and all this dancing and stuff is just inappropriate." I turned to face him.

"And I'm not going to drink or dance. We're just hanging out." He went to the wardrobe and grabbed another shirt.

"It's still not..."

"Hania, do you not trust me to behave in a proper manner?" 

"I do, but the whole environment of a club goes against what our religion and culture says..."

He pressed his fingers against his temples. "I'm just going for a while, just to catch up with friends. It's not a big deal, and I'll be back soon." He walked out of the room after grabbing his keys and wallet.

"Well, I needed your help to clean up, Hamza. I'm tired and there's too much!" I followed him out of the bedroom and towards the foyer.

"Leave it. We'll do it in the morning." He muttered, pulling open the front door and slamming it shut behind him the moment he had stepped out. He was clearly annoyed with me.

But I was my mother's daughter, and I was not going to leave the house dirty overnight, so I gathered up all the dessert dishes from the living room, and took them inside to the kitchen in multiple rounds, where I set them down with the dinner dishes. Loading most of them in the dishwasher, I washed the rest by hand to save time. I was in tears as I cleaned up because I was exhausted.

Are we going back to how he felt on the Nikah night? Is he already annoyed at me for being so uptight and 'boring'?

****

It was two in the morning, and Hamza still wasn't home. I was absolutely furious at him because I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't because I was upset about our disagreement and also worried about him. He had acted very immaturely today, and a little careless as well. He wasn't a teenager that he was behaving like that, and this housewarming hadn't just been my responsibility, but his as well.

I called him, but he wouldn't answer, so I decided to do the only thing that made sense to me right now, which itself was pretty illogical. I changed into jeans and a sweater and pulled on a coat, before grabbing my bag and phone and heading out. I booked a cab to Illuminate. I was a little terrified to go out at this time, but I wanted to see him and make sure that he was okay.

I was so exhausted that I almost fell asleep on the cab ride over, until the driver's voice woke me as he told me that we had reached the club. As it was a prepaid service, I thanked him and got out of the cab, shivering a little in the early November air. The club was packed, and people were spilling outside, lining the footpaths, laughing and talking loudly, dressed in clothes that made me feel cold. I headed to the front, where the bouncer checked my ID and let me in. It was a bad idea to come here but Hamza had been seriously inconsiderate tonight and I couldn't let it go.

I looked around for a long time, shoving through crowds of people, gagging at the horrible smells of sweat, alcohol and sin. I was about to give up and go home when I spotted him dancing with a bunch of friends. A girl in a short dress was dancing beside him, laughing as she tilted her head back to look at him. They weren't touching, but they looked close. He kept talking to her and the guy dancing on his other side, which made me realise that they were all together. He certainly looked too carefree for a man who had just had an argument with his wife. Angry tears filled my eyes and I turned to leave.

"Let me buy you a drink, sweetheart." A random man stepped into my path, leering at me.

"Go away." Shoving past him, I rushed towards the exit, feeling suffocated in here. 

I headed out of the exit, feeling relieved to be out in the fresh air. I took a few seconds to breathe in the oxygen and headed down the street to book a cab. It was almost three in the morning and I felt unsafe, more than I'd ever felt in my life.

Ya Allah, protect me. I know I shouldn't have come out, but I was worried about Hamza. I crossed the road where there was enough space for a cab to stop and pick me up. As I got my phone out, I felt someone tug at my bag. I turned and saw a man who's facial features I couldn't properly make out, trying to grab my bag.

"Stop!" I yelled. "HELP!" I glanced across the street, but people were either too drunk or had been deafened by the loud music from the club. "HELP ME!" Allah!

"Oi!" Fortunately, not everyone was drunk or had lost their hearing abilities. A couple of guys and a girl rushed towards me to help me out.

The attempting robber shoved me and I fell onto the footpath, as the group tackled him. One of them reached out to help me up as I cried in pain.

"You okay, babe?" The girl asked me, concerned. 

"I'm fine." My voice was trembling. "I just want to get home."

I was terribly shaken, and the group was kind enough to book a cab for me, and I went home, not wanting to get the police involved.

****

I slept in the next morning. Hamza hadn't returned until after Fajr, and I couldn't sleep until then despite being tired and exhausted. 

I went into the kitchen after my morning routine, and made myself some scrambled eggs and toast, along with a cup of tea. I took the breakfast items to the living room and sat on the sofa, watching TV.

"Good Morning." Hamza muttered, stumbling in sleepily.

I ignored him.

He came and sat down beside me. "Are you still angry about last night?"

I sipped my tea, not moving my gaze from the TV.

"What happened to your wrist?" He reached out and gently grabbed it, and I jumped at his touch, spilling tea over myself. Fortunately, I had tea with cold milk, so it wasn't too hot, but it still made me shriek.

"Han! Are you okay?!"

"Hamza, just leave me alone, okay?" I glared at him. "Go live your life the way you want to. I won't mention anything to anyone, but just remember one thing. You want western thinking? Fine. If you don't fulfil your responsibilities as my husband, don't expect me to fulfil mine as a wife either!" I strode off to the kitchen to get cleaned up and to get some wipes to clean up the sofa.

"I'm sorry, Hania, I was really frustrated last night, but I guess you're right." He sighed, following me. "What you asked of me wasn't unreasonable at all. I need to follow my culture and religion." 

"By dancing with a non-mehram girl in a club?" I frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He scrutinised me, trying to figure out the meaning behind my words.

"Never mind." I turned away from him, cleaning my shirt with a wipe.

"What happened to your wrist?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

"I came to the club at two, looking for you." I replied. "I was almost robbed and I was shoved during it. My husband was in the club, dancing away with random females, and I was almost attacked!" 

He looked stunned. "Are you okay? Why did you come there, Han?"

"Because I had lost my mind!" I practically screamed at him. "I was worried about you, upset about our fight, so I came after you."

"Hania, you shouldn't risk your safety because of me." He reached out for me, but I backed away.

"Just leave me alone." I turned and left the room.

****

I had never been this upset in my life, and the worst part was that I couldn't talk to anyone about this. Normally, I would have spoken to Mama, but I didn't think it was appropriate to discuss Hamza's flaws with her. So I did what I used to do as a teenager: I wrote my feelings down in a diary. It didn't help the way it used to. The pain seemed to be ready to burst out of me any moment, and I was trying my best to hold it back.

My phone rang and I was surprised to see Daniyal Uncle's name on the caller ID. "Assalam Alaikum, Uncle."

"Walaikum Assalam. Is Hamza there, Hania beta?" He didn't sound happy.

"He was in the living room." I replied. "Would you like to speak to him?"

"I tried calling him, but it's going straight to voicemail." He sighed. "Would you mind giving the phone to him, please?"

"Sure, Uncle." I got up from the bed and headed out to the living room, holding the phone out towards Hamza, who sat on the sofa. "It's Uncle."

He looked surprised as he took the phone from me. "Assalam Alaikum, Papa."

****

Hamza

"Why are there photos of you coming out of a club, all over social media?!" Papa was furious.

I groaned. "Again?" 

"I'm so sick and tired of your behaviour!" He yelled. "When are you going to grow up and handle your responsibilities properly? How will Hania and her parents feel about these photos?!"

"Papa..."

"From tomorrow, you come to the office from nine to five, Monday to Friday. You're going to focus on work now, and if you are ever seen in a club again, do not bother talking to me again. You focus on Hania and work now, that's all. This is my final warning, Hamza." With that, Papa hung up.

I stared at the phone screen, taken aback. And that's when I noticed that Hania's phone wallpaper was the photo we took on the cruise in Istanbul, with my arm around her, and with both of us looking very happy. I glanced up at Hania, who was completely ignoring me again. "Papa's p***ed at me."

She feigned shock. "Oh no! How could he be so unfair and unreasonable?" 

Her sarcasm almost made me smile, but then I realised that I was in a lot of hot water right now, and I didn't want to p**s her off any more than she already was. I stood up and held out her phone and she reached for it, but I used that to pull her towards myself.

"My Papa basically threatened to cut off from me if I don't become more responsible." I told her. "I really let you down last night. I didn't help you with the cleaning up, and I couldn't protect you from harm. I'm literally a completely useless husband."

She didn't speak. She didn't even look my way.

"I've lived this lifestyle since I was eighteen, Han." I whispered. "But I'm willing to give it all up, for you, and not just because Papa would disown me if I don't start behaving." 

"I don't even know if I believe you." She muttered.

That hurt. "I don't blame you. And I will prove myself. No more clubbing, and no more female friends, if they make you uncomfortable." I put my hands on her cheeks. "But please, please don't ever risk your own safety again. I won't be able to tolerate it if anything happens to you, especially because of me." 

"I'm giving you an ultimatum now, Hamza." She said, seriously. "If you want me in your life, I want to see some serious changes. I can't handle you staying out till after Fajr, dancing in clubs with other females. You're married now, you need to choose what's important to you."

"You're important to me, the most important actually."

"This time I need to see it to believe it." She looked like she had no faith left in me, and that seriously shattered me.

I nodded. "I'll prove it you."

She didn't say anything further, and quietly left the room.

****

Iman

I stared at the letter in my hand and screamed with excitement. Last year, I had received exceptionally good results, and I was being given an award for my achievement in a nationally recognised award ceremony that was going to be held in a few weeks, in London actually. Although first year results are normally irrelevant, I was basically in the top students of the country in my course, and hard work is always rewarded, sooner or later.

"Thank you, Allah!" I glanced up, heavenwards. "Alhumdulillah."

I grabbed my phone, ready to call Papa, who was at work, when I saw an alert on my phone. I clicked on it, and an article opened up, showing Hamza Bhai leaving a club. "Ya Allah!" I shook my head. That brother-in-law of mine reminded me a lot of myself. He seemed to be unable to avoid trouble and scandalous situations as well. Mama and Papa must have seen it, and they would definitely be worried about it.

I rushed downstairs, and I saw Mama pacing the living room, looking worried. "Mama?"

She turned to look at me. "Let me guess, you saw the photo of Hamza as well?" 

"Did Papa see it?" 

"I don't know. He had to go into work earlier than scheduled." She sighed.

"Don't worry, Mama. I'm sure it was harmless." I tried to reassure her, walking over to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "You know he grew up very liberally."

"A Pakistani son-in-law behaving like this is never a harmless thing for the parents of the girl." She said. "Your father is not going to be happy, especially since he recently found out about Hamza's initial intentions." 

"Maybe you should talk to Hania Appi first?" I suggested. "See what she has to say about this."

"If she's anything like me, she wouldn't discuss things about her husband like that." Mama replied. "Not that your Papa ever gave me a reason to complain about him."

Suddenly, I felt really bad for my sister. "Mama, will Appi be happy with him? It really bothers me sometimes. They're too different, and sometimes I feel like he's not good enough for her."

"Don't say that, Iman. Allah will never let anything unfair happen with our Hani. We, as Hani's family, can only pray for her and their happiness."

"In Sha Allah, Hani Appi will always be happy. This is just the beginning. Things will get smoother for her, In Sha Allah." I don't know whether I was comforting my mother or myself, but it wasn't working for me. "If you want, I can talk to Hania Appi?"

"No, Iman. If Hania wants to talk about this, she'll approach us herself." She said. "There are some matters that need to stay between a husband and wife. Hani is very mature and I have faith in her to deal with it in the best way possible." 

I nodded. "I hope so." I was bursting to tell her about my award, but I didn't think it was the right time. She was worried about Appi right now, and I didn't want to seem like I was trying to steal the attention from Appi's issues. I was going to be selfless for once.

I went back upstairs to my room and called Appi. I wasn't going to discuss the topic with her, but I wanted her to know that I was there for her. It was my responsibility as a sister to give her moral support when she needed it.

"You saw the photos?" She guessed. "Did Mama and Papa see it as well?"

"I don't know. I don't think so." I lied to make her feel better. "But, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Hamza Bhai is crazy about you."

"You think so? That I have nothing to worry about?"

"Look, Appi. Some people might be more liberal than us, and yes, it's not culturally or religiously acceptable, but just because it looks bad doesn't mean that he's crossing the absolutely forbidden limits. Despite all this, I'm sure of his loyalty to you. Trust me, I know about staying within limits while defying rules." 

"I really love you, Mani."

"I love you, too." I sighed. "Don't worry, okay? Everything will work out fine, In Sha Allah. Hamza Bhai will eventually truly realise your value, and then he'll never do these things again." 

"In Sha Allah." 

****

I was working on my laptop that evening, when my parents called me downstairs. 

"Assalam Alaikum, Doctor." I said, walking into the living room, where they sat together. Papa had just gotten home and had only had time to shower and freshen up.

"Walaikum Assalam." Papa actually looked pleased, which meant that he probably hadn't seen Hamza Bhai's photos yet. "What is this that I'm seeing?"

Okay, he seemed way to happy to be talking about the photos. "Umm... I'm not psychic, Doctor Papa. You need to clarify." I took a seat on the armchair, crossing my legs underneath me.

Mama grinned widely. "You cheeky girl! Why didn't you tell us immediately?!"

"What are you talking about?" I was genuinely confused.

The exchanged a look, both shaking their heads.

"Are you sure she is winning that award?" Mama asked, dubiously.

Oh. "How did you guys know about that?"

"It was on the education segment of the national news!" Mama said, excitedly. "Iman Fawad, the kid I gave birth to, is on national news for topping in her exams for her first year of Biomedical Sciences!"

"It's not really a big deal. First year results don't count." I shrugged modestly.

"You're getting a nationally recognised award and you're in the news for it, of course it's a big deal!" Papa looked incredibly proud. "Iman, you have no idea what a huge deal this is for us." He got up and came over to me. I stood up and gave him a hug.

I actually got teary-eyed, seeing them so proud of me. "It's all thanks to Allah, and all the support you guys have given me." 

"You never need to thank us for supporting you." Mama came up beside us, looking just as emotional. She placed her hand on my back and kissed the side of my head.

"When's the ceremony? Let me know so I can take time off to attend." Papa asked.

"I'll show you the letter."

"There's a letter? And you didn't immediately show it to me?!" Mama frowned. "Iman, how dare you? I would have gone to get mithai immediately if I'd known earlier, but the shops are closed now."

"I can get you ice cream." Papa looked at her. "We can still celebrate." 

They exchanged a proud smile, and I had never felt happier for any of my achievements in my life.

"I love you guys." I said, hugging them both. "I really hope that I keep making you both proud like this."

"I know you will." Papa said. "I have faith in you, Iman." 

"We both do." Mama added, resting her head on his shoulder.

I was on the right path now. May Allah always keep me there.

****

Iman's finally becoming more responsible and selfless.

Will Hamza finally handle his responsibilities properly or will things get worse between him and Hania? 

Thoughts and comments?

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