Video above - Sia's UNSTOPPABLE - #ProudToBeUnstoppable Michael Barbera cover

Jason learns that he's unstoppable.

**

I heard the elevator door close behind us. My arm was around Cabel's shoulders and we were staring at each other in astonishment as the car began to move upward.

"He's your dad?" I gasped.

"Yes!" His wide eyes gaped back at me. "Yours too?"

I was overwhelmed by a multitude of powerful emotions, not the least of which was the anger at seeing my dad holding a sexy young call girl in his arms while my mom was home alone down in Kenton. But what surpassed that and all the others, at least for the moment being, was the whomping pounding joy that Cabel was my brother.

I pulled him close so hard I probably hurt him. I couldn't answer his question. I couldn't speak. All I could do was nod my head. We were brothers, really fucking brothers.

But our dad quickly burst that bubble.

"What the fuck are you two boys doing together?" he erupted fiercely. "Jason! Why are you holding him like that? Jeezus fucking Christ!"

Rachel looked at him in surprise and placed a hand on his arm. "Jay, take it easy. These are nice boys. I know them ..."

"You know all the damn queers," he snapped at her. "Saying hello to them all over town like you're some kind of fag den mother. These boys are both my sons, and they're both queer. And it sure looks to me like they're being queer together."

The elevator seemed to be vibrating with his rage. "For goddamn sake! Now they're lovin' up each other?" He cast a look at the other boys behind us, then back to me. "I thought Johnny was your boyfriend? What the hell are you doing with Cabel?"

I was totally stupefied. I couldn't believe he was so angry. "Just getting to know him, Dad," I answered.  "We stopped to eat today where he works and, jeez, we look so much alike, we started talking ..."

"Yah, and now you got him for the night," he interrupted. "I heard what was going on when you  rushed in here. All night long, huh? Which one of you is fucking the other? Or do you take turns? I suppose I should be glad I don't have to worry about one of you getting pregnant!"

That's when I lost it. I totally fucking lost it. My whole life flashed before my eyes in a second and I knew it all to be a fraud. My mom walking the halls at night and taking her tranqs while my dad was up here in Columbus with other women,  girlfriends and expensive high class hookers, and helping to raise another son.

And he fucking dared to judge me for being queer?

I wanted to kill him.

"You rotten piece of shit!" I shouted, lunging at him.

But the boys had been watching me closely and in less than a second they were on me, grabbing me all over, pulling me back, shouting to stop, cool down, leave him alone.

And my dad hadn't even flinched. No, not Jace Landon. He'd tell Godzilla to go fuck himself and spit in his eye.

But I kept on shouting. "You mother fucker! You're up here in Columbus with this girl and mom's all alone down home? You reject me cuz I'm queer but you've been fooling around with other women all your marriage and even have an illegitimate son? You ..."

"Jason! Stop!" It was Johnny, trying to cover my mouth with his hand, holding me back with the others.

But I was in a rage and fighting them and I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted salty tears on my tongue.

"You bastard!" I roared. "You rejected Cabel cuz he's queer. You left him without money, without anyone to help him. I could see you doing it to me cuz I burst your stupid football dreams, but him? He's the sweetest nicest dude in the world and he fucking needed you ..."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened behind us.

"This is where we get off," my dad announced. It was obvious he didn't give a crap about anything I'd said. He looked at me like I was a stranger. "Fellas, keep him back."

Not even giving Cabel a final glance, he pulled Rachel forward roughly by the arm. The swish of her dress and the scent of her perfume was a wild blast of femininity in the midst of the testosterone reeking in the car. She gave me a helpless look as he led her to the open door.

My dad scanned the faces of the other boys. "You too, Ernie?" he said, his eyes resting on dude. "You're gonna ruin your whole future for some cheap perverted thrills?"

But he didn't wait for an answer. Big, tough, unbeatable and unshaken, he said to the guys, "There's enough of you for an orgy. Shove some dicks in Jason's mouth, a couple up his ass. That oughta quiet him down and cheer him up."

Then he hustled Rachel out into the hall.

"You son of a bitch!" I shouted after him. "You could've at least told me I had a brother. I would've loved to grow up with a brother ..."

But he was gone and the doors had closed. I slumped against the other boys and we slammed against the wall. I was shaking, gasping, gulping for air, suddenly in a state of sheer panic as the elevator car continued its way up. Johnny had himself wrapped all around me and Cabel was trying to calm me down.

"Take it easy, bro. He doesn't give a fuck. I thought it was just me when he wrote me off. But it's the same with you. He can't take it that we're queer. He's just a total fucking homophobe."

But his words could not soothe me. My heart was pumping so fast that it felt like it was going to pop out my ears. My body was vibrating like I was holding onto a live wire.

"Dammit, he's having a panic attack," Johnny groaned, looking up at the light showing the floor numbers. It was now seventeen. "We gotta get him in the room and lay him down."

"Almost there." Channing pressed the eighteen button just to be sure the car stopped there.

"Where's your pills?" Johnny asked me, frantic now himself.

"In the pill box in my pocket. I'll take one when we get to the room."

My voice sounded like a rooster's. I was dizzy now and would've slumped to the floor had they not been holding me up. I felt the car stop with a soft thump and then they were just about carrying me out of the elevator and down the hall toward our rooms.

I was so helpless and out of control. This was far worse than the attack in the car on the Athens Road. And why the fuck not? I'd just had the biggest shock of my entire life and my dad had proved himself to be even worse than I'd thought he was. I kept grabbing at Cabel. I wanted to touch him and hold him. I couldn't believe he was my brother. It was so much more than I could've dared to hope for. And maybe gaining a brother would help me get through this ridiculously insane trauma of losing my father.

"Will Jason be all right? Should we call 9-1-1?" Shondo asked as Johnny opened the door with the key card.

"He's got pills," Johnny told him. "He'll be okay. Just lay him on the bed and get the pill box from his pocket. I'll get a glass of water."

Moments later I was sprawled out on one of the beds. "Give him a whole one," Johnny said, the water in hand as Channing popped open the pill box.

Cabel was sitting on my left holding my hand, Shondo doing the same on my right. Ernie was sitting by my feet and looked so scared and worried that I would've laughed at him had I not felt like I was dying. The panic was ridiculous, but the weakness and dizziness from the hyper heartbeat compounded it and made me want to scream. Which I'm sure I would've done if I could get enough breath to do it.

I swallowed the pill, got it down somehow, then slumped back against the pillows. I wanted to get up and move - run, jump, skip, hop, anything to get my mind off what my body was doing. But I couldn't get up. I knew I'd fall right over. I heard myself groaning. How could I be so goddamned fucked up? What the hell had happened to me, to my life?

Just coming out gay could cause all this? My dad, my car, Mark Rydell trying to kill us, the Mafia destroying his car, his attempted rape of Andy Miller, Coach Bailey's homophobic anger that exemplified the attitude of the football world I'd wanted so badly to be part of? All that crap and more. And even darker stuff in response to the social media that I didn't want to think about, write about, even talk about, not even to Johnny. It was all just too much!

"Oh for cryin' out loud." Johnny was sitting by my knees. He'd grabbed my hand from Cabel and was taking my pulse, watching the second hand of his watch. "His heart rate's around two hundred. Damn that's high."

"Is it dangerous?" Cabel asked, frightened.

"Could be. That's more than twice as high as normal. But it's only because of the panic and should go down." Johnny stretched out between me and Cabel, squeezing in between us, and rested his cheek against mine. "Come on, babe. Calm down. It'll all work out somehow."

"I want to go home," I groaned. "My mom's down there all alone. She knew he was here in town  tonight. That's why she was telling me not to do anything crazy. She was worried I'd run into him. Which I did, damn it. She's probably walking the halls up and down right now worried as fuck. I gotta go home."

Johnny held onto me. "Well you can't go now. Wait till you feel better, then we'll talk about it. Ernie can drive you, then come back up tomorrow to get me and Shondo."

"Right, dude," Ernie agreed, ready to do anything he could to help me. He was sprawled out on my legs, his head resting on my thighs.

"Nah, you have to get to the parade line-up site. You'll need the car."

"It's right here downtown, a couple blocks away," Johnny said, placing his hand on my thumping heart. "We'll have Channing's car if we need one."

"No way," I insisted. "I can hitch a ride. College dudes do it all the time from here in Columbus down to Denison, Xavier, and Ohio U, all over southern Ohio."

"Okay, whatever you want to do. Just stop thinking about it now. Try to relax. We have to get your heart rate to slow down."

Everybody chilled. It was a really awesome dudepile and I would've enjoyed it had I not felt so awful. I noticed Shondo was hugging Channing, who'd squeezed in between us, and planting little kisses on his neck.

"Hey you," I snapped at him. "That's me and Johnny's other third. Don't get so cozy with him."

"Ooops. Didn't even realize what I was doing." Shondo placed a hand next to Johnny's on my chest. "Guess it just comes naturally. Sorry Channing."

Channing laughed. "Keep it up. I like it. And I like that Jason's  jealous."

It took another ten minutes before there was a slight easing of the rapid breathing and maybe, just maybe, a slight decrease in the rapid hammering of my heart.

"Cabel?" I tried to look at him but Johnny's head was in the way. But Cabel's hand was on my stomach and I grabbed it. "Why'd that girl with our dad call him 'Jay'?"

"That's his name, Jay Cabel. Or at least the name I know him by. I told you my mom named me after him."

"Damn. You mean his Columbus name. He's Jace Landon. He's a Jason like me but just uses the short version. So you got his fake last name as a first name, huh? I wonder where he got it from?"

He squeezed my hand. "I never asked him. He didn't like it if I pried. Everything was a big secret and I didn't even know where he lived. My grandma never trusted him and always said his name was a blend of Cain and Abel."

That sent a chill up my spine. "Yah, that sure as hell fits him, huh?"

"But he was a nice dad," Cabel said. "As a kid I didn't realize how weird it was. He'd come over now and then, take me and my mom places, and he often took me to see the Buckeyes play. Once even up to Cleveland to see the Browns play the Pittsburgh Steelers."

"Jeez dude, he never did that with me. Did he try to interest you in football? He was obsessed with my playing at Ohio State and becoming an NFL player."

"He tried, but growing up with two women and not seeing him on a regular basis, I wasn't very sports minded. But he'd take me to his gym sometimes so I could watch him box. He'd beat the crap out of everybody. He was really good."

"Gym? Box?" I was dumbfounded. "Damn. He never took me to a gym. I had no idea he liked to box."

"There was no boxing club in Kenton," Johnny said. "Seems he had a whole other life up here in Columbus. Lots of secrets."

"Including women. Girlfriends and hookers, obviously," I muttered angrily, wondering just how much my mother knew about it.

Ernie cleared his throat to get my attention. "Emma Dean told me something about your dad, Jason. Older men she dated sometimes took her out to Bada-Bing! She saw your dad there a few times, usually with two or three of the strippers at his table. A couple times he left with one of them."

"Fuck," was all I could say to that.

"No wonder your mom hates that place," Johnny said.

"Do you think she knows about all this stuff? About the cheating? About Cabel?"

"Probably. She's gotta know some of it. Maybe that's why she's been taking the meds for years?"

Oh man, it made me crazy angry just to think about it. I had to get up. I had to move. That was enough already of the sexy dudepile.

"Come on, boys. Let me up. Let me go. I gotta get outta here. I want to go home!"

All my anxiety was centering on my mom now, all alone in Kenton and most probably worrying about me and my dad and what would happen if we ran into each other. I wanted to be there with her. I couldn't stay here. 

I had to go!

They tried to hold me down but I started punching and kicking and, with all the adrenaline running through me, it was really effective and they all jumped up off the bed. Although I did feel a little better, when I sat up my head started to spin.

"Johnny, you and Channing help me up. I gotta walk. I gotta get my balance back."

So we walked back and forth along the wall with the windows, Johnny and Channing holding me up. I knew I'd never make it out to the sidewalk like this. I was frantic from the panic, dizzy and breathless from the pounding heart. But I knew it would ease up. It did the last time. It was just a matter of time.

So we kept walking, walking, back and forth as the other guys watched with helpless expressions. Ernie and Cabel took over after about ten minutes, and I was actually starting to feel better. What a fucking relief. The panic and weakness were so frightening and it seemed like they'd never go away. It took another ten minutes for me to walk on my own. I was still pretty wobbly but I was doing it, and the boys were cheering me on.

Yah right. Actually cheering me because I could walk across the room by myself.

Ernie grabbed me and planted a big wet kiss on my cheek. "I was worried about you. I can't stand to see you like that."

I kissed him back. "Thanks, dude. My mom's meds really work and I've got a whole supply of them." I pulled in a couple deep breaths and actually felt my spine tingling with excitement. "I feel pretty good now and can breathe normally again. And the heart's not banging so fast."

Johnny grabbed my wrist and began to check my pulse. "It's in the eighties now," he said a minute later. "Still a little high but a whole lot better."

I kept letting out long breaths of relief. The panic attacks scared the hell out of me, and I don't remember ever being so scared of anything before.

They tried every way they could think of to stop me from going, other than tying me up. But I refused to listen. Maybe I was afraid of the panic attacks, but I wasn't afraid to hitchhike down home in the middle of the night. I wasn't a likely victim and I knew people would be real happy to give me rides. I kissed Johnny goodbye and hugged the other ones.

Ernie almost started crying. "Dude! I'm sorry what happened in that elevator. That was brutal, man."

"Thanks. I'll be all right," I told him. "Take care of Johnny, huh?"

I said to Cabel, "Remember, we're brothers. Don't forget me. Call me, text me, bother the fuck out of me like brothers are supposed to. Cuz I'm gonna do it to you."

He smirked. "Like I could forget you, Jason? You bet your hot ass I'll drive you crazy."

I kissed him goodbye. He was so awesome, so hot. Maybe because we were brothers we wouldn't ever fool around, be intimate, no matter how tempting. But that didn't mean I couldn't touch him and hold him. I hated to leave them all, especially Johnny. It was driving me crazy. But I had to get home.

Out on the sidewalk it was a warm muggy night. It'd been humid for a week now, but rain hadn't come. I felt okay, just a little dizzy, but I could handle it. It was such a wonderful feeling to be almost back to normal. Hitching a ride down home in the middle of the night seemed like a great exciting adventure and I hurried up to High Street. I got a ride at the corner light right away, a cool looking thirty-something dude in a brand new black Infinity sedan.

"Nice car," I told him, sitting back against the leather cushions.

"Thanks. My first big executive toy. And I'm lovin' it. You a student here at Ohio State?"

"Nah, I'm still in high school, a senior. And I'll probably be going to Ohio U. down in Athens."

"Well, keep on studying, kid. You can have one of these in fifteen-sixteen years."

That made me miss my Mustang. I started getting pissed off that I owned that fantastic car but didn't have it because it was sitting in Strike's garage waiting for repair. And so here I was stuck in Columbus hitching a ride home in the middle of the night because I had to be with my mom.

I'd never experienced that before - having to be with my mom. She was always close by and nothing bad like this had ever happened before. I'd never had any reason to be worried about her.

The Infinity dude was heading up to Powell, a wealthy suburb north of town. He dropped me off at the south ramp to Interstate 71 in the University District near the campus. I started hoofing it up the ramp with my thumb out hoping somebody from the campus area would be going south. It was after three a. m. and there had still been a lot of activity along High Street, most probably after-bar parties and other late night student get-togethers.

A car swerved over and screeched to a halt on the shoulder. Girls voices blasted out of the windows.

"Ohmygod dude! Come on!"

"What a hunk! Ohmehgosh. I'm gonna die."

"A football hunk! Am I ever gonna make a forward pass."

Oh jeez, drunk girls. They sounded totally smashed. But I ran over real quick and looked in the windows of the Sonata sedan. There were three of them, two in front and one in back, all in their early twenties, lots of hair and make-up, and all dolled up in sexy revealing outfits.

What a jackpot for a straight boy. They were totally hot.

But all I could think was that dudes are so much fucking hotter.

"Hi girls. I gotta get to route 23 off the beltway going south. You headed that way?"

"Yah, get in," the driver cried, looking me up and down with a lascivious grin. "We go right by there on our way to Reynoldsburg."

"Thanks, babe." I gave her a big smile as the back door popped open.

I jumped into the back seat and the powerful mix of perfumes in the air almost knocked me out. Fuck, I sure didn't need anything to make me more dizzy than I already was. I'd barely closed the door when the driver took off like a race car daredevil and sped up the ramp crying out, "Route 23, here we a-go-go!"

"Whoo hoo," the one riding shotgun shouted in agreement. A cute sassy blonde, she twisted and turned around and got up on her knees to lean over the seat and ogle me.

"Ohmehgosh dude, what a hunky hottie you are. What's the front of that tank top say?"

"Kenton High," the girl with me in back answered. She slid over to me and placed her hands on my chest to flatten the fabric so she could see the words better. "Was that your high school?"

She was a sexy redhead with long hair that fell in tumbling waves on her shoulders, way too pretty a girl to be alone in the back seat of a car on a Friday night.

"Yah, it still is my school," I said. She was feeling me up all over my chest and abs now. "I'm a senior."

"You're kidding," the shotgun girl said with widened eyes. "How the fuck old are you?"

"Eighteen." I pressed the button to lower the back window. The perfume and hairspray and makeup were killing me.

"Ohmygod! You're just a baby," the one next to me said, feeling up my shoulder and right upper arm. "And you're so muscular. I love it!"

"Dammit, I wanna see," cried the driver.

"Yo, keep your eyes on the freakin' road," I begged as she turned to look at me. She'd been driving like a maniac and now the car swerved dangerously with her movement.

"Yowza!" she exclaimed, looking back ahead after checking me out. "You look older than the college boys at the party we were at. Bigger and way the hell hotter."

She had lots of long brown hair too, and I wanted to pull it hard and hurt her so she'd drive sensibly. I was beginning to wonder if we'd make it all the way to route 23.

"Compared to those dudes you're bomb as fuck," the shotgun girl gushed. "They were such dweebs. All they wanna do is get high and get drunk. Then they can't even ..." She had emphasized the 'even' and then her voice trailed off.

"Do anything," the one next to me finished for her, now feeling up my right thigh. "Why do you wear such tight pants? I mean, like I love 'em and they're really sexy, but most guys don't wear pants like these."

I was starting to feel claustrophobic, sitting in this car that was flying down the freeway, the one girl hanging over the seat ogling me, the other one actually all up on top of me.

Was she not only drunk, but dumb too? Well, maybe everybody didn't pay attention to what football players wore. "They're football pants. I play quarterback on the school team. Look." I leaned forward so she could see the back of the shirt.

"Jason Quarterback," she read. "Ohmygod! I love quarterbacks." She giggled, adding, "I eat them for lunch. Late night snacks too."

She made a biting gesture toward me with her mouth and I could smell the booze on her breath. Then the one leaning over leaned over even more. A little closer and she'd be falling over onto us. And to top it all off, the radio was playing some screechy hard rock song with falsetto-voiced dudes shouting about who the hell knew what.

I hoped I didn't start panicking again. These girls were ridiculous beasts and it'd really be embarrassing to totally lose it in front of them like I had earlier with the boys.

The shotgun girl shook back her long hair and squealed. "A high school quarterback? This is like going back in time. What a haul! Why don't you come home with us?"

Yah right. Like I wanted to spend the night with three drunk and horny broads. Sorry, not this dude.

"I'm gay," I told them.

That silenced them for about five seconds. Then:

"Gay? You?"

"Ohmehgosh! Who'd think?"

"The fuck you are!"

"Yes I am," I insisted. "I totally dig guys."

And you girls are reminding me why, I wanted to add.

Well, it turned out to be a mistake telling them. They liked it even better. The one leaning over now fell over, all the way, all over me and the redhead. The driver swerved into the next lane trying to look around at me again.

"You? Gay?" the one now in my lap croaked. She gaped up at me with wide eyes. "Ohmehgosh, I die over gay boys. I'm dying right now."

"That's all right. You can still come home with us," the driver said excitedly. "Annie and Sarah are staying at my place tonight. We'll have a riot."

"Sorry, I have to get home to Kenton," I insisted as the redhead, obviously Annie or Sarah, threaded her arm around my shoulders and began fluttering her lips up my neck.

"But why?" she whined in my ear. "We can have such fun."

"It's an emergency. I have to get home to my mom. And I don't want to have fun with girls. I'm queer. I like dudes."

I was getting a kick out of saying that. Fuck my dad. I'd tell the whole damn world and not give a hoot what he thought about it.

"My brother's gay," the driver said, turning around to look at me again. "We live together. He's nineteen and a real hottie, although he's not a jock like you." She looked back at the road, the car swerving again, and she almost hit a truck in the next lane.

"He's probably home in bed now. If he even went out, that is." she went on. "He's such a good boy, doesn't run around. We can wake him up. What a surprise when he sees you, huh? And you'll love him. You can fool around with him. And me and the girls will watch."

The other two liked that idea and made girly noises in agreement as they continued to fawn all over me.

"Sorry, but I have a boyfriend," I said. "And I'm not gonna spend the night with a dude I don't know."

"A boyfriend?" the blonde on my lap gasped. She tried to sit up but couldn't quite do it, she was so wasted. "A real boyfriend? Like you actually have sex with him?"

I couldn't help laughing. "Sure. And lots of it. You act like it's so amazing."

"Ohmehgosh it is. Gay sex between boys is so freaking hot. I watch it all the time on the Internet."

The redhead snorted and punched the girl on her arm. "You are such a total slut, Sarah."

Guess that meant she was the Annie. She asked, "How old is your boyfriend? Is he as hot as you?"

"He's eighteen too. And he's way the fuck hotter than me."

"Impossible," blurted Sarah, her hand suspiciously close to my crotch now.

"No, really. He's the hottest dude you'll ever see. We were at Xanadude tonight and he won the Mr. Ohio Pride contest. He'll be in the Pride parade tomorrow on the Xanadude float."

"Ohmygod you're kidding! Did you hear that, Gina?" Annie said to the driver, almost shouting it in my ear. "Told ya we should've gone to Xanadude tonight. But no, we had to meet straight boys cuz they'll actually fuck us."

"Puh! Good luck with that," Sarah grunted into my other ear. She'd pushed up onto that side and her pretty legs were now all over my thighs. "They drink and smoke weed and take pills and get so obliterated they can't even get a boner," she complained. "It's easier to fuck a cow. They like booze and drugs better than girls. Xanadude would've been way more fun."

"Sorry girls," Gina tossed back from the front seat. "My bad. How'm I supposed to know that every straight college boy in town is a binge drinker and drug addict?"

"Well now we know," Annie said as she and Sarah kissed me all over my face and started feeling up my junk. "From now on, Xanadude. We can get more action meeting gay dudes to molest."

Which is exactly what they were doing to me – licking, kissing, nipping, their hands all over me. They obviously were really enjoying it, but it sure wasn't doing anything for me. It was way so totally hotter with Johnny and Channing all up and down all over me.

But I let them go at it because I needed the ride.

"What's your boyfriend's name?" Gina asked as she pulled onto the ramp that led to the beltway. "You got any pictures?"

"His name's Johnny. And, yah, I've got lots of pictures."

I started squirming, trying to get my phone out of my pocket with the two horny girls all over me. They were really hot girls, and it was insane that they couldn't get laid in a state college town on a Friday night because the boys were all so wasted on booze and drugs. But then, I'd heard about it before and that the dudes actually take Viagra too, known on the street as 'blue chew', to help them get horny through all the haze of the substance abuse.

What a bunch of jerks. I'd rather feel good and healthy and have all kinds of hot sex.

"Time for pictures," I said, hoping Annie and Sarah would lay off a little.

We roared up onto the beltway in the rushing early morning traffic and the girls did pull back a little as I held up my phone and tapped my way to the selfie of me and Johnny that I'd taken by the window in the hotel room.

"Here he is," I said. "Nice, huh?"

"Ohmygod! He's so gorgeous," Annie sighed dreamily.

Sarah was ogling the phone. I thought she was going to bite it. "Jeez, he's so hot. Look at you two. I'd die to be a gay boy and have a boyfriend as hot as you guys. We'd have sex five times a day."

I did my girly giggle. "We've done that."

"Well why not?" Annie giggled too. "There's nothing to do that's any better."

"I wanna see," Gina whined from up in front of us.

"Whoa, not now. When you stop to let me off," I said firmly. "No lookin' while you're driving."

Sheez. I did not want to end up in a car wreck before I even had a chance to hitch the rest of the way home.

I showed Annie and Sarah other pictures, the naked football selfies, the ones of Johnny and me in Uncle Ted's tuxedos, and some from the jock-over at Squaw's Leap. They just about screamed when they saw Trenton in his G-string.

"Who's he?" Sarah was frantic. "Is he gay too?"

"He's bi. He likes boys and girls. He did a strip routine at our dude camping trip."

"Oh fuck," Annie sighed. "Look at him! He is so awesome. And just knowing he does it with other dudes makes him even sexier."

Sarah was actually drooling. "Why don't bi boys wear signs letting us know they're bi? God, I'd be all over this one in a second."

Which I didn't doubt, considering she'd been all over me almost as fast.

I showed them the short video I'd taken of Johnny dancing on the stage with the other two contestants for the Mr. Ohio Pride contest. The sound of the cheering crowd and the wild anthemic music filled the car and clashed with what was blaring from the radio.

"Ohwowfuck! We shoulda been there."

"Those other two dudes are so awesome too ... "

"Dammit, I wanna see," Gina cried again. "I'll pull off the road when we get to 23 so I can see all this shit."

I showed the other two our Facebook and Twitter pages, the stuff on YouTube, and they got out their phones to bookmark the information. The sex video too, of course. I was ridiculously proud of that. Johnny and I were so fucking awesome. I thought Annie and Sarah were going to pee in their panties when I showed it to them. I knew they'd watch it as soon as they got home to Gina's.

"You guys are social media stars," Annie exclaimed. "Like real celebrities."

"And you can see us on CNN too," I added. "They'll be showing clips of us all weekend. And Johnny will be in the parade later today."

I kept them busy with all the pictures and media and it kept them off me a little bit. I'd forgotten all about the panic attack and hyper heartbeat by now, they'd been such a complete distraction. When Gina pulled over onto the shoulder by the ramp leading down to highway 23, I got in the front seat with her and showed her everything.

She wasn't real hands-on like the other two, but she did say," I wish I could take you home to my brother."

I chuckled. "I'd sure as fuck consider it if I didn't have to get home to my mom."

She was really cute. Her brother probably was a real hunk. But jeez, how many dudes in the state could I be carrying on with? But the thought was a tempting one in the middle of the night when you had over a hundred miles yet to hitchhike home.

A few minutes later I watched them pull away shouting and waving and with Gina blowing the horn. There was a lull in the traffic on the wide highway and it suddenly was so quiet after being in that speeding noisy car. There I was all alone in the night with the bold glittering skyline of Columbus ahead of me across the lanes.

I thought of Johnny and Cabel and our friends in the hotel downtown, one of those twinkling skyscrapers, and I really got a pang in my heart missing them. Then the terrible scene in the elevator flashed through my mind and I instantly filled up with hurt and rage and anger remembering my dad was in that hotel too.

"Let it go, dude," I yelled at myself, balling my hands into fists. "You feel good. The chill pill did its trick. All that matters is that I'm okay and don't panic and get weak, and then go fuckin' nuts again."

But fuck. I couldn't help being so damn emotional. Tears started streaming down my face. I took one more look at the Columbus skyline and raised my right fist into the air.

I shouted, "I am not gonna let any of this shit stop me! I'm gonna be exactly who I am and what I am and I'm not gonna alter that for anybody or anything. They're not gonna put me back hiding in a closet. They're not gonna stop me!

"I'm fucking unstoppable!" I growled, shaking my fist at the city.

Then, "Jeezus H. fucking Christ! What does a dude have to go through just to be himself?"

**

Thanks for reading, everybody!

A/N: Jason's stress reactions to the trauma he's experiencing in his life now are an example of how quickly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can set in with all its powerful symptoms, in his case the hypervigilance, paranoia, anxiety and panic, and the need some victims have to fight back at it with distractions like aggression, self-aggrandizement, hypersexual activity, and often the uncontrollable desire to get back to the safety of home.

Next - Jason gets an unexpected ride ...

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