It had been a while since Aadarsh felt so confused, so helpless. Usually people avoided difficult conversations. They ran the other way. But Ruhaani was different she faced them head-on even if it guaranteed a collision.

Aadarsh had underestimated and misunderstood Ruhaani. He realized that only now in retrospect. He had always thought she was someone who needed support, who needed stability for herself and Pari, who needed someone like him more than he needed her. People who needed something generally caved in first. They didn't question what was given. Sometimes even went as far as to tolerate unfair treatment and disrespect at cost of getting what they needed.

Ruhaani was different. She didn't give a fuck about the consequences of demanding what she deserved. Aadarsh would never openly admit but he admired that. It was something he found to be a refreshingly powerful quality for a woman to posses.

He wouldn't lie, he thought eventually their marriage would become one of those eighties marriage, where the roots of their relationship was compromising and turning a blind eye to the qualities they hated in each other for the sake of their family. He was ready for it. Not for Ruhaani questioning his behavior and complaining about it.

He needed space from her. Off late, he didn't know why but he was reacting more than responding. No smart man would react to a situation, especially if the said situation involved a woman. Fools react, wise people respond. It was that simple. However he didn't seem to be applying that to his life. It definitely had to do with Ruhaani being a part of his life, residing in his room and finding his shortcomings with a sharp eye.

It made him go mad. It had always done. He hated criticism. He hated it when someone picked his faults. He had lived a very blissfully isolated private life. His siblings looked up to him. They respected him, adored him and loved him.

And now suddenly there was this woman he had to share the private parts of his life with. He never felt more exposed. He should have seen this coming. In fact, he should have predicted it and prepared for it. But he fell short there. Making sure Ruhaani married him was his priority. Pursuing that with all his focus he forgot about preparing for a married life.

Now that he sat all alone in his hotel room away from home, just as cold as he preferred it, he was beginning to reflect on all his actions. Ruhaani was definitely a good fit in his family. She was the elder sister figure Ashvi and Abhi needed. She was the mother figure the twins needed. She knew how to make a home, a happy home.

A few days of knowing her had been enough for Aadarsh to figure out that she was a reflection of his mother. She was sweet, giving and loved children. Something inside had pushed him to pursue her. That night when she had first come to his house, in the quiet of the multipurpose room on the first floor, she had asked him nothing but to be a good father to Pari. Right there, he knew she was the person he was looking for. She'd give them the love they deserved.

And she did.

However he had forgotten to consider what kind of relationship would come in to existence between them.

It was on the night of their second day as a couple, after that walk by the beach in afternoon, that he had comprehended her power. She had got him to talk out his heart, so effortlessly. In many years, for the first time he felt he had shared something from the depths of his heart with a person who was not Abhi.

It was perplexing. She had brought alive all those memories, all those emotions inside him that he had thought he had forever forgotten. Perhaps it was the gravity of being married that had sunk in to the bone, reminding him of how differently he had imagined it to be.

He picked up the half empty glass from the small table and drank the scotch. There was an ongoing project in Agra. Just that it didn't need a visit from him. Devashish, the COO of his company, was scheduled to go. But he changed that in the last minute and taken the responsibility from him.

Ruhaani was a wonderful woman. However she wasn't his type. That was the biggest plus of the relationship. He liked long tanned legs, curly hair, confidence in the eyes, and women who knew what they wanted from him. Women who were athletic and wwore fitting clothes that were styled well. Certainly not, someone who preferred salwar kameez or kurti and long leggings on most days. He was the kind who preferred women in less clothes when she went to bed not a woman who worr an oversized tshirt that covered every bit of her skin.

He had assumed he'd never have a problem with physical attraction. Ruhaani always dressed modestly. Her sleeves were usually full or till the elbows. In one month of being around her, he had never spotted a neckline that could be called even a little scandalous. She was too prim and proper. A very ideal person and woman.

However he hadn't considered emotional attraction. Every time he observed her with his family something stirred inside him. When she was all motherly with the kids, he was reminded of his own childhood. When she laughed and spoke to Abhi, when she smiled at Ashvi, when she tapped into her inner child when she was with Mukti and Pari. He found himself desiring that camaraderie with her, but, be as that it may, he didn't want it the same time.

Friendships were capable of turning into something more deep, something more close to the heart. They were capable of transforming into a romance, especially between two people of the opposite sex. Like it had happened with him and Siddhi. They used to be the best of friends throughout most of school until puberty hit and they realized they were drawn to each other, that they felt at peace with each other, that they made each other happy.

He downed all the contents of the glass and leaned forward to refill it.

He couldn't risk falling in love again. He didn't want to. He had enough pain and wounds to last a lifetime. He wasn't a fool to be swept off his feet for some fleeting joy or pleasure. It was a beautiful feeling to know someone loved you but when that same person broke your heart it was the ugliest feeling in the world.

He closed his eyes, leaning back on the sofa. He missed the recliner of his room. The peculiar scent of his room that off late was blended with the scent of Ruhaani's fruity perfume and Pari's baby products.

Ruhaani.

His thought went back to her. How should he get out of the mess they both had landed in?

"you've been ignoring me since we were betrothed,"

Out of all, she had to say that. He sighed, that was the truth to some extent. Yes, he did his best to ignore her. He tried not get into any more deep conversations with her about himself or his past. He tried to be rude and cold. It would gain him some dislike from her. And he could use that to his benefit.

"I said you've been ignoring me. Not that, I want your attention."

Her words echoed in his mind again. It shouldn't have bothered him or bruised his ego but it did. He wasn't oblivious to the fact that he drew the attention of women effortlessly. He wasn't ignorant of the fact that women checked him out. For that matter Ruhaani had too on multiple occasions. However she never looked at him with desperation or that unabashed desire that he often spotted in the eyes of women. At times, she didn't even acknowledge his presence, usually when she saw pissed with him. Her putting it in words, saying that she didn't want his attention felt like a nasty big blow. How could she not?

And that, was the cause of his exasperation more than anything. He must be happy she didn't. That was what he wanted. But he was restless and annoyed instead of being content.

Now he understood why it was said that a man became useless after marriage. Because a wife drove a man crazy, to the brink of his sanity.

He sighed finishing yet another glass of his drink. He had had too much for the night. It was clearly not helping to calm his stupid thoughts. If anything, it drove his thoughts over the freaking edge.

He got up from the sofa and walked to the bed. Out of habit he walked to the other side of the bed. He settled on the bed, placing his phone on the nightstand. He laid back on the comfortable mattress. He looked to the side and only then it dawned on him that he could have taken the other side of the bed but he hadn't.

He turned to the other side. His hand stretching out to where his little girl would've been if he was at home. He had gotten so used to her, to his daughter.

He didn't know what it was. Why was he so emotionally connected to Pari without even trying? He hadn't even realize how deep his connection to her was to her until he had found himself dialing to the house landline just to talk to her, to listen to her voice. Hearing her voice felt so nice. It had briefly taken away all his worries and troubles.

If not for anything else, then for Pari he had to make peace with her mother. He had fallen in love with that little angel and he was not willing to let her go. Not yet. Maybe never. He had to make peace with Ruhaani for the sake of his daughter, their daughter.

He smiled like a defeated man who had an epiphany, Pari had become his weakness. That's what love did. Made a man weak. He was avoiding the mother but had caught feelings for the daughter instead. Either way this was a lost battle. He needed Ruhaani more than she needed him or anything from him.

"Only this one time, Ruhaani." He mumbled, closing his eyes ,accepting his defeat.

* * *

Nirvan had always been the most sensitive among them all. Yet, he appeared as though nothing mattered to him or made a difference to him. Aadarsh had thought it to be normal for a boy who had grown up without parents. But then Badi Bua had once expressed her worry for him, suggesting they show him to a child psychologist. Aadarsh had lost his tender then and there. His brother didn't need a psychologist he needed the love, warmth and parents.

Aadarsh was the only person Nirvan chose to be vulnerable before. He would cry when he was alone or when he was in his arms. He was not like normal kids but that didn't make him abnormal. He had asked his Bua to never bring it up again. It somehow made him very angry. The last thing that the boy needed was to feel he was abnormal and go through the trauma of being taken to a doctor to talk his heart out when he could barely manage to doo so with his family.

His worry was justified when Dai Jaan had called to inform him that Nirvan had taken ill. No one could handle Nirvan when he was sick except Aadarsh. When he was informed that he was not eating, his worry had grown by ten folds. All he could think of was getting home to his brother. This was why he hated being away from his family. He was angry that he was not informed earlier. He had called Abhi but the man hadn't said a word about Nirvan being sick. He would deal with that man later.

He was agitated throughout the ride from Agra to home. Dai Jaan had told him that Ruhaani was home taking care of Nirvan but he didn't think she'd be able to handle him. How wrong he was!

The scene before his eyes had almost moved him to tears. Ruhaani was always a natural when it came to kids. Nirvan was not an easy kid. But that didn't deter her. However what he saw was extraordinarily powerful to tug at the heart of anyone. He blinked, his eyes unusually moist.

Nirvan had moved to her lap and was sobbing. She was doing everything she could to comfort him. Like she would have done to Pari, to her own offspring. His lips parted in a soft sigh as she kissed the boy's head, reassuring him. She held the boy in her arms, looking ahead at the wall. Her gaze slowly moved to the door and her brown orbs met his. 

She blinked, her lips parted slightly, clearly surprised at his presence. He held up his hand asking her to stay as she was. He then gestured that he'd be out. She blinked acknowledging his gestures. After looking at her for a few beats longer, his gaze moved down to Nirvan and he then walked away from the room. He knew Nirvan wanted him but he needed Ruhaani.

No matter what he did, Aadarsh would never be able to give him that warmth and comfort a woman care giver could provide him, that specifically Ruhaani could give him.

"What happened?" Dai Jaan asked.

"I will make Khichdi for him." Aadarsh said moving towards the kitchen, still not over that beautiful scene he had witnessed. Every freaking time Ruhaani proved to be the better among the two of them.

"But I just made it." Dai Jaan spoke.

"I know. But you know he's particular about it."

"I made it exactly as you make it." She tried to explain it to him, but he walked away to kitchen. She sighed, pressing her palm to her forhead. These two brothers were the most difficult of the lot to handle. She decided to head to the room to see if Ruhaani had convinced the boy to eat. However she stopped at the door at the sight she saw before her eyes. A heartfelt smile made to her face. 

She could thaw every heart, but Nirvan somehow still had the doors of his heart closed. He wouldn't even let her express affection by kissing his forehead or giving him a hug sometimes. He respected her but not loved her, unlike his twin sister.

Seemingly, there was someone who had managed to break open the door to his heart. Now she understood why the frantic and angry Aadarsh Sehgal had retreated as soon as he had been to the room. She quietly left too. 

"Do you feel better?" Ruhaani asked when his sobs died and he simply sat on her lap, silently, resting his side face against her chest.

She ran a hand over his hair setting them back. "Nirvan?"

"My stomach hurts."

Ruhaani gently rested her palm against his tummy. "Do you belive in magic?"

He sniffed, "no."

"Too bad then, I have magical powers. I can do Abra ka Dabra Woosh to your stomach pain. But if you don't believe in magic then...it won't work."

"That's something grown-ups tell to fool kids. I know. Magic isn't real."

"It is, if you belive in it. Maybe you'll understand once you grow up." She said softly.

A comfortable silence fell. Ruhaani looked at the door wondering if she should call Aadarsh in.

"Who took care of you when you were sick, when you were little?"

"My chachi did," Ruhaani answered truthfully. Her aunt may not have given her the emotional care but she did give her good food, administered doses of medicines timely and made sure she slept. For a long time Ruhaani was happy with that until she saw how both her uncle and aunt took care of Arti when she was sick. Yet, Ruhaani could never complain. They did take care of her at the end of the day. It might have been worse if they chose to not take her in.

Nirvan blinked. "Did you ever miss your mumma?"

"A lot," Ruhaani answered, earnestly.

Aadarsh had come to check on them after mounting the pressure cooker on the stove. But when he had neared the room and heard them talk he had stayed outside, out of sight, eavesdropping. His answer to that question would have been the same. Oddly Nirvan never spoke of their parents to him. Maybe because he knew Aadarsh had memories that he could never make. He was way too mature for his age, that little boy.

"I miss her too," Nirvan admitted softly. Aadarsh would have missed that sound had the house not been awfully quiet like it was on weekdays when everyone was out. "My friend Arshad says that his mother is the best. I have met her once during open day. She is nice. She always makes smiley chocolates for him and puts it in his lunchbox. Do you do that for Pari?"

"No, I don't. Pari gets tooth ache,  if she eats chocolate everyday."

"Hmm, maybe that's why Arshad doesn't have his two teeth. One on the side and the other in front."

Ruhaani smiled, the boy was intelligent for his years.

"Have you ever seen her?"

Ruhaani's smile faded, she remembered her mother. Her memories of her parents were vague but not entirely missing. She nodded. 

Aadarsh leaned closer to the entrance of the room. He hadn't heard her reply. What had she said? 

"I have seen a picture of my mother. I have heard Aadarsh Bhaiya say she was very nice. But I don't know." He heard his little brother say.

Ruhaani smiled. "I can fill-in for your mother, you know. We don't have to tell anyone about it. It can be our secret."

Nirvan gave her a thoughtful look.

"It's a very good deal, Nirvan. You can hug me whenever you miss your mumma. You can talk to me whenever you want to talk to her. Just like you go to your Bhaiya when you miss your father."

"You don't mind?" He asked, getting off her lap to sit comfortably on the bed.

"No dummy. I don't."

"Don't call me dummy. I am not dummy. Mukti is because she's just... dumb,  at times." He shrugged helplessly. 

"Haww," Ruhaani reacted.

"I mean it in a ... good way." He said quickly. 

"If you say so..." Ruhaani said with a smile. "Let's get you something to eat? Then we can play chess if you want. Or maybe not because you are sick and then if you lose you will say it was unfair."

"No, I won't. You play very badly. I always win." He spoke up, making Aadarsh who was still overhearing their conversation smile.

"Haww, fine then. Let's have lunch and then we will see who wins." She challenged the boy.

"Fine, challenge accepted." Aadarsh heard his brother say, just as he decided to step forward and make his presence known. 

"That's like my boy!" Ruhaani remarked getting off the bed. Aadarsh watched her as she leaned forward and kissed Nirvan's forehead. "Shall I make something for you to eat or will you eat the khichdi Dai Jaan made?"

"Not required," Aadarsh announced. Nothing would be worse than subjecting the boy to something that Ruhaani made, especially when he was down with stomach flu. He could wager that Ruhaani knew that too. She was just trying to get his little brother to eat something. "I have made Khichdi for you," Aadarsh announced walking over to the bed.

Nirvan crawled across the bed and immediately got on his knees to hug the man. Ruhaani couldn't help but smile. Her gaze shifted to Aadarsh as he lifted Nirvan up in his arms, hugging him. 

"I went away for two days and you managed to get a stomach bug!" He remarked.

"I don't know how it got in." 

Aadarsh chuckled. "Worry not, your superman is here!" He quickly spun the boy around.

"Bhaiya, don't do that. I am not a small boy anymore."

"You'll always be my small boy, Nirvan. Why didn't you talk to me on the phone? I would have come sooner." He spoke taking him out of the room. Ruhaani released a deep breath. He was back. She wasn't sure what to expect from him. She would have to wait and watch.

* * *

Aadarsh did make a good Khichdi, she'd give him that. They had managed to feed Nirvan, while having lunch themselves and had then given him the medicines. After about thirty five minute long chess game, Nirvan had won fair and square. Ruhaani and Aadarsh had both stayed with him until he fell asleep.

Ruhaani walked into their bedroom.  He hadn't said a word to her other than about Nirvan. She wondered if he was still going to continue to avoid her. She plugged her phone to charge at the nightstand and turned around to find Aadarsh approaching her.

"We should talk," he said.

She stared at him.

"About the other day, I mean, we should sort it out."

"Finally, you realized we should." She sighed folding her arms looking at him with a sharp gaze. She shouldn't have taunted, but it felt so good. Attention, her foot. She didn't want his attention, certainly not the kind he was trying to imply the other day.

Aadarsh knew he needed all the patience in the world to have this conversation. "I am trying to be mature about it, Ruhaani. Can you.."

"Oh very mature!" She remarked mockingly cutting his sentence short. "You ran away to a different city." She should have not said that. However the satisfaction it brought her, to spell out his immaturity was gold.

Aadarsh thinned his lips, "it had nothing to do with this. I had a business matter to attend to." He wasn't exactly lying.

"I am not a fool, Aadarsh. In fact, no one in this house is. They all suspect something is off between us."

"They do?" He asked surprised. 

"Apparently you almost never make sudden travel plans."

Aadarsh sighed. "Ruhaani, this is not going anywhere. Can we please talk about the actual matter instead of debating my work trip."

Ruhaani narrow her eyes at him. "What do you have to say?"

"I am sorry." He said. He had to say that. Honestly, he was sorry for not having it planned out. For not defining what their relationship would encompass.

"You don't have to say it if you don't mean it Aadarsh." She sighed. 

"I choose silence over something that I don't mean. If I am saying it, I mean it." He said taking a step closer to her. "I shouldn't have snapped the other day."

She kept looking at him, paying attention to his words. "Why do you ignore me?" She asked evenly.

"Let's start over," he said instead of answering her question.

"No, answer my question." She said stubbornly.

"You're being ..." he paused realizing whatever he would say would make the whole thing blow off again. "I had my reasons, but I promise... I will rectify it."

Ruhaani eyed him with a thoughtful look. His apology was sincere. She could tell that much. "I am sorry too. I might have behaved a bit... difficult." She said realizing there was no point stretching this.

He nodded. She was diluting it very much. There was no 'bit' over there. "Thanks, for taking care of Nirvan." He said softly looking at her. 

She nodded and looked away. There was something so unsettling about his gaze. It was like he was trying to read all her secrets looking at her that way.

"But you should have told me earlier when he fell ill." 

There it was. Ruhaani snapped her head back in his direction to look at him. "I would have, had it been serious. I genuinely thought it was just indigestion, kids get that all the time. The moment I realized he had a low grade fever we rushed him to the doctor."

Aadarsh absolutely loved how he unsettled her and got her to react. "Yeah, thank you for that. But I would prefer knowing, if something is wrong, the minute it is, not when it escalates." He said with a smile, she couldn't call it a taunt if he was smiling.

"Noted Mister Sehgal!" She said as evenly as she could. "Anything else?" She asked tilting her face with a saccharine smile.

He bit back a grin. "Nothing. I will make sure I pay attention to you."

She stared at him with wide eyes. He didn't just say that. It was definitely said to annoy her. "I didn't mean.."

"Shh, don't jump to a fight again. I would prefer to sleep." Saying that he turned around and walked to the wardrobe to get changed into something comfortable. Unaware of the smile playing on his own lips.

• — • — •

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Next : Thursday(hopefully!)

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—Anami!♡