Chapter 58 : Turmoil

Just like we have no right to take decisions for you...you shouldn't have any, to take decisions for us. It's her life Bhai. She should be in charge. We've grown up, you need to bring yourself to terms with that. You can't keep bossing around.

Abhi's words echoed in his ears as he settled on the wooden floor by the ottoman in the closet of his room.

He was hurting. He had never seen that anger in his brother's eyes ever before. There had always been respect and adoration.

He had never meant those words that he had said to Abhi in a fit of anger. Was he disappointed? Yes, but only in Abhi's action. Only with Abhi's stupid idea of retaining that box of memories. Not with him.

Abhi was far from a disappointment. That man was sorted, knew how to live well and was so strong to wear his heart on a sleeve. He was never a disappointment. His brother was his pride, his inspiration. Never disappointment.

Tears streamed down his cheeks. He was tired. Tired of holding the reins of control. Tired of making sure everything happened in their favour. Tired of making sure that they never had an unexpected grief knocking at their door ever again. Tired of doing everything his mother would have done for them. Tired of filling in for his father in their lives.

It was all so exhausting.

However, he couldn't stop. This was what he was supposed to do. This was what he was fated to do. This was his life's purpose—making sure his siblings never had to see the fears. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being financially fit to provide for themselves. Fear of not being in a secure home. Fear of loneliness.

He just wanted them to be happy, living a secured life, at the end of the day. Just like his mother would have wanted him to ensure.

He rubbed his tears, his gaze climbing up to the full length mirror. He looked awful. Gosh he hated his own reflection.

Why was he crying?

One after another, each life event that had been unfolding in the past few weeks seemed to be scraping at his core. Claws of various forms and sizes were tearing him apart.

He wanted to stop feeling. He yearned to return to that numb state he was in before. But somehow, he couldn't. It felt unreasonable. It was as though a Pandora's box had been opened, only this one brought pain solely to him.

His own father. Vasant Sehgal. Siddhi. The blackmailer, who had moved from sending ugly threats to sending abnormal parcels of dead animals.

Now, Abhi.

He would never want Abhi to be on that list. No. He had to fix this. He had to. He couldn't live with Abhi and Ashvi hating him. God, no. He had to fix the situation, even if it meant letting them go. Fresh tears sprung out of his eyes, at the thought.

He closed his eyes, throwing his head back on the ottoman. He took deep breaths. He remembered his mother. The touch of her fingers on his hair. Her kind voice. Her smile that reflected all the love in the world.

***

Ruhaani stormed into Abhi's room to find him seated at the window seat, his head leaning against the wall and his gaze fixed outside. She remembered the day after her homecoming when Abhi had given her a tour of his room. She recollected the small memory of him boasting about having the window seat specially made for him. Aadarsh had literally made sure each of their rooms were designed as per their needs and fancies.

"What was that, Abhi?" she asked slowly.

Abhi who had been stubbornly gazing outside with red-rimmed eyes, looked up at her.

"The truth." He answered slowly.

"It wasn't fair Abhi."

"You're taking his side?" He asked, his voice sounding very much like that kid whose about to cry.

"You hurt him, Abhi!" She said a bit harshly. She couldn't fathom why pain was scratching at the depths of her heart.

Abhi sighed looking away. He knew she was right somewhere. But he didn't feel that bad, as he should have felt. That in turn, made him feel so much worse.

"What was it about? The promotion? Do you regret it? I don't understand why would you not tell him about it." Ruhaani asked, trying to figure out the root cause of his outburst.

"Because I am not that heartless." Abhi snapped. "Bhai had always wanted a life in the US. But he didn't get that because he was stuck here."

Ruhaani parted her lips to say anything but found no words. Yes, that's what Aadarsh had wanted once upon a time. With Siddhi.

"You'll never understand how I feel." He said in a defeated voice. "No one does."

"Guess what...Aadarsh feels the same way right now. But he's never going to say it loud." Ruhaani snapped. The need to defend Aadarsh was intense.

Abhi's gaze raised up to meet hers. He saw a blaze in her eyes that he had never seen before. She was angry, genuinely, not the kind he saw when the kids didn't listen to her.

"It was not done, Abhi. You can't just talk to him like that." Ruhaani calmed herself and spoke.

"And he can do whatever the hell he thinks is right for us?" Abhi let out a scoff.

"He's just looking out for Ashvi. He didn't say No."

"We've been here long enough to know that it always starts like that. Then he gets out this long list and brainwashes us to do what he thinks is right. You don't even know him properly yet."

Ruhaani sighed. "Maybe I don't. But what I do know is that the past few days have been particularly hard for him. First the court case, then whatever your uncle did, his relationship with Bua, Devashish's accident, the work pressure building up on him and then Siddhi just waltzing back into his life. The last thing he needed was the load you dumped on him back there."

The bitterness on Abhi's face momentarily transformed into shock. "Siddhi? She's ...She's back?"

Ruhaani closed her eyes. She shouldn't have said that. Just like she shouldn't be reacting right now instead of responding to the situation. She looked aside wondering how to get out of the present trouble. Aadarsh wouldn't like it.

"Now it makes sense. His outburst." Abhi murmured, thoughtfully.

Ruhaani took in a sharp inhale, "look Abhi, I understand where you're coming from. I know Aadarsh can get way too protective but that's because he cares for you, in fact, all of you.

It's not fair to call it bossing around. It was not right to raise your voice and hurl all that you accused him of...

Abhi, your brother loves you more than anyone else will ever. I understand his ways may no longer be acceptable to you. But once upon a time they were.

I understand you and Ashvi are perfectly capable adults right now and can take your decisions, but you need to give your brother some time to adapt to it. You need to talk to him, not shout on his face in anger. You need to make him understand, not burden him with guilt.

He's used to looking out for you both since the beginning of time. It's rare Abhi, when people unconditionally love someone else more than they love themselves. When they do everything they can for your happiness, for your success, for your security, for you. I didn't have that privilege. But you guys do. Please don't take that for granted."

Ruhaani didn't know when tears had welled up in her eyes and when they had cascaded down her eyes onto her cheeks. She rubbed those tears away quickly, using the back of her hands.

"He deserves your love and understanding, not anger and complaints. If you have a problem, talk it out. Don't dump it on him as if it's his issue. All he has ever done is be concerned about you guys." She said with an air of finality as more tears formed in her eyes. She had to leave. She didn't know why she was hurting.

She recollected her last night's conversation with her husband, about Abhi being their best friend. About Abhi having a big heart. About Abhi keeping him as a treasure away from others.

She turned to leave.

"And Abhi, you're never a disappointment. Not for him, not for me. You're our source of happiness, of friendship, of love." With that she left the room leaving behind a man stuck in a maelstrom of emotions.

***

Ruhaani reached the room to find it dark. She walked towards the bed. Her husband was already on the bed under the covers.

"Aadarsh," she said softly, knowing well that there was no way he was already asleep. He didn't respond to her call. She sighed and slowly walked out of the room to get the children into bed for the night.

"Where's Papa?" Pari asked, when Ruhaani had interrupted their movie time and switched off the television.

"Yes, where is he?" Mukti asked eagerly.

Ruhaani looked from on face to the other suspiciously, "why?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because he said he'll be here with you." Mukti said quickly, while her twin shook her head in disappointment, indicating her to be quiet.

"He was tired, so he fell asleep." Ruhaani said.

"Offo!" Mukti muttered, hitting her palm against her forehead. Pari copied her gesture.

"Okay, tell me what is it, why you need him here?"

"We have to give you cards!" Pari blurted, while the twins immediately placed a hand each on her shoulder.

Mukti whispered something in Pari's ears. Ruhaani only caught on word—surprise.

"Okay, now tell me what is this surprise?" They all silently exchanged looks amongst themselves as though thinking what to do. Pari suddenly ran to the wall unit and pulled the lower drawer open. The twins followed her. Ruhaani looked on. There was never nothing with these kids around.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Pari squealed handing her a handmade card.

A smile crawled on to Ruhaani's lips as she settled on the couch and took the card from her hand, kissing her cheek in return, "Thank you, shona!"

She looked beyond Pari at the twins who seemed to be internally debating, giving unsure looks to each other waiting for the other to take the lead. She had noticed a folded A4 size sheet in their hands too.

"Mukti? What's in your hand?"

"A card for you." She said, toying with the bow-tie around belt of her peach coloured summer frock. "Bhaiya said we could make one for you."

Ruhaani smiled, extending her hand, "come on then, give it to me," she encouraged her. The girl slowly wore her classic dazzling smile and handed her the card that had the drawing of a lot of pink flowers on the front.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Mukti said weakly.

"But she's my mother!" Pari frowned, wrapping her arm around her mother's left thigh, to assert her rights.

"Shona, you call Mukti as Didi and Nirvan as Bhaiya, no? So I am like their mother too. Right Mukti?" She turned to Mukti.

"Right!" Mukti smiled, throwing her arms around her.

Ruhaani draped her arm around the petite girl. "Thank you, sweetheart!" she kissed the girl's cheek just as she had kissed Pari's.

"Nirvan?" Ruhaani prompted softly, as the boy stood away, hiding his card behind his back. His gaze had been fixated on his toes. On hearing his name, he looked up at her. "Do you have something for me too?"

He nodded and slowly walked towards her. He slowly pulled the card he had been hiding behind him to the front. He handed it to her, with the back side facing up. Ruhaani slowly turned it over to find stars drawn with sharp lines. And at the end of the paper was written in his tiny handwriting— Happy Mother's Day.

Ruhaani beamed at him.

"Happy Mother's Day," he said quietly, extending his hand for a shake.

Ruhaani took his hand in hers and shook it. "Kissy?"

He looked disputed. He looked at Pari and then his sister. Then slowly forwarded his cheek. Ruhaani slowly kissed his cheek, running her fingers through his hair. "Thank you, my prince charming!"

"Nirvan!" He muttered, shaking his head not accepting her endearment.

"Raja Beta?" Ruhaani teased and he shook his head more vigorously.

"Niru!" Mukti teased.

"Niru Piru!" Pari added with a tiny laugh.

Nirvan glared at both the girls, as they laughed high fiving each other. Ruhaani pulled Nirvan to stand between her legs and hugged him. "Don't tease my boy, you two!"

When the girls had started chattering between themselves, Nirvan took the opportunity and called her closer for a secret. Ruhaani leaned forward.

"I took Bhaiya's help for the drawings. I did not want to cheat. So Bhaiya told me, I can take his help and tell you, I took his help."

Ruhaani smiled, caressing his cheek. "It's okay to take help if you're doing the right thing, Nirvan. Being honest always is also good. You're a good person." She kissed his forehead.

The boy looked pleased. "Thank you."

After each of them explained their cards in detail, she tucked each one of them into bed. She returned to her bedroom and made her way to the closet which was lit by the golden light. After changing unto her night clothes, she sat on the ottoman with their cards in her hand.

It was the first ever time she had got cards or such warm wishes on mother's day. Pari was now big enough to understand all of it and she had the guidance of the twins, and her father.

Pari had drawn balloons and coloured them haphazardly in different colours. Her letters were also all over the place. But it was the effort that counted. Inside there were more balloons, more colours and a text in Pari's handwriting that said— I Love You.

Mukti had drawn flowers on the lower half of the page, coloured it in pink while the top portion had blue clouds. In between she had neatly written the greeting in bubble writing. Inside the card she had drawn two figures— one a of a tall lady and the other of a small girl, holding hands. Ruhaani beamed.

She slowly kept the second card beside her and looked at the third. Nirvan had drawn stars, written the text in tiny letters that read Happy Mother's Day. Inside his card, starting right from the top, a paragraph was written on lines drawn in pencil.

Thank you for all you do. I like the muffins you make. I like defeating you in chess. I like reading with you.

Ruhaani smiled widely, as she read that little paragraph. That was all that was there inside the card. No more drawings and colouring. Nothing fancy.

"Did you like them?"

Ruhaani looked up instantly to find Aadarsh leaning against the frame of the closet doorway.

"Weren't you asleep already?"

"I was." He said, a yawn escaping his mouth right after the words as he crossed the length of the closet. "Had to pee." Saying that he disappeared into the washroom shutting the door behind him.

Ruhaani let out a deep sigh. She didn't want to spoil her mood by talking to him. She made her way out of the closet. She was already in bed by the time he returned.

She felt the mattress shift the slightest under the weight of her husband. Next, she felt the pillow she had put between them being taken away. A smile threatened to graze her lips.

She was a bit surprised when she felt him shift closer to her. Next, she felt his fingers glide over the gaps between her fingers, and hook into those them. The warm sensation caused her lips to part.

She steadily opened her eyes and turned her head to his side of the bed to look at him. He was already looking at her. In the room—that was mostly dark, lit poorly by the night lamps tucked under the false ceiling—she could still see the bright glaze over his eyes.

"Happy Mother's Day! You make a really good mother." He said softly.

Ruhaani stared at him. If her heart was a piano, he had struck every key on it.

Why was he being so nice? Why was he acting normal? Why was he acting like nothing had happened since they had returned home? Why was he so unbothered by Abhi's words? And above all, why did she feel the pain for him while seemingly he didn't give a damn?

"You helped them make cards for me." She spoke slowly as she began to understand that he might be attempting to avoid confronting the pain. Perhaps discussing lighter topics was his way of diverting or comforting himself.

"Nirvan told you?"

"He's always honest with me, doesn't hide stuff." The words came out more like a jibe, unintentionally.

Aadarsh turned himself to the side to look at her. Their gazes locking together. An uncertainty dancing in their eyes. It was as though they were skirting around a bandage that needed to be ripped off.

"Please, don't tell me you drew the balloons for Pari." She said, diffusing the tension that was tightening around them. He had enough emotional mess to deal with already. She didn't want to add to that.

Aadarsh let out a breath that he had been holding onto in anticipation. For a minute, he thought she would challenge him on his feelings again. Something he was not ready for.

"I won't." He said softly. There was no way he was going to let in these stupid stubborn feelings.

"Jeez! You should definitely sit along with NirMuk when I teach them drawing."

Aadarsh chuckled. "My drawing is not that bad. I held Pari's hand to make her draw it, that's why it was shabby. Otherwise my drawings are pretty neat. You should have seen my lab records. Teachers were always impressed."

"And the stars on Nirvan's card?"

"He drew them himself. I just plotted the dots for him to join using the ruler. He tried free hand with one or two, disaster!"

Ruhaani chuckled. "Did you make him write those words also?"

"Nope. That was entirely him. He didn't even show me what he was writing. I had to adopt a sneaky way to look at it."

Ruhaani slowly turned herself completely towards him. Their hands still locked together, rested in the space between their waists.

"He's learning to express himself. Seems like whatever it is you're trying is working." He admitted softly.

Ruhaani blinked. He was talking about Nirvan she reminded herself.

"What happened to teaching him dance?" he asked.

Ruhaani's thought process was interrupted by his words. "I didn't tell you?" She exclaimed surprised. "God, how did I miss it! So when you were in Lucknow I did try..."

"Oh, I remember that," he interrupted her, recalling that she had mentioned it during one of their calls. "I meant, why don't you continue it?"

"Because Nirvan is the opposite of you and Abhi when it comes to dance, which is why I started teaching him gardening...actually we learn together. I have as less as knowledge as him. He likes plants and finds those creepy crawlies fascinating. Yuck!"

Aadarsh chuckled. "We can tell the gardener to teach him, if you don't like it."

"No. No. Nothing I can't bear. In fact, the more time I spend with him, the better I understand how he processes things, how he thinks, what he likes, what makes him comfortable. He's smarter than kids his age, wiser even. And I want to help him to use that gift to make him a better person and make it worthwhile."

Aadarsh smiled, his thumb gently caressed the knuckle over her thumb. His smile faltered as he recollected Nirvan's words from earlier when he was assisting him with making the card.

"Why do you want to draw stars?" Aadarsh had asked.

"Because Bhabhs likes stars. All her favourite people are stars. She said when people die their spirit becomes a star. So when she looks up at them she feels they are looking at her. That's why I want to draw stars."

Ruhaani liked the mindless caress of his thumb. It was really crazy how she had begun to find comfort in his touch, in the hold of his hand, in his one gaze. In an odd way, it reminded her that she was no longer alone. She had someone... someone who cared. Someone she loved was with her, not up in the sky, far far away.

"Aadarsh," she called his name, when she thought he was lost in his thoughts.

"Hmm,"

"When I was teaching Nirvan dance, I realized Mukti enjoys it. Let's enrol her for dance class?"

"Why? You don't want to teach her dance yourself?"

"I would if I could. But having Pari around makes Mukti playful, and they're proving to be a deadly combination by the day. Also, I was thinking more towards classical dance. It will help her with posture also. She slouches a lot. Plus, I have read that it helps with focus. Mukti definitely needs that."

"Go ahead. The driver can pick and drop her. If you need anything from myside, let me know."

"No. I will go along or ask DJ. I don't want her to be alone."

"Whatever works!" He sighed.

"Aadarsh..." Ruhaani said, wondering if it was the right time to talk about whatever Abhi said.

"We should sleep." He said quietly, as though sensing where she was trying to take the conversation.

"Okay," Ruhaani said softly. "Good night!"

"Good night!" He whispered.

***

Aadarsh woke up the next morning to the sight of Ruhaani's sleeping face. It took him a few seconds to analyse their position. Her hand had been curled around his abdominal muscles, her chin almost resting on his shoulder. What was surprising was that he had draped his arm around her as well. They were both nestled against each other, the comforter covering her them halfway till their abdomen.

He slowly pushed down the comforter. His gaze moved to his arm, which rested just below her bosom.

He blinked as he moved his fingers slightly. His hand had been tucked to her other side, as though to keep her close to himself. His fingers were pressed against something warm, something soft, something akin to skin.

Fuck!

Slowly, he pulled back his arm, removing his hand that had somehow slipped under her t-shirt and was resting at her waist. He gradually shifted away from her and got off the bed, hoping his movements didn't wake her up.

He ran a hand down his face and gazed at her as she stirred in her sleep. She pulled the comforter up and turned to the other side.

He took a breath of relief. It was good that she hadn't woken up at the same time. He didn't want to face this issue.

He blinked.

How does it matter? It isn't like you haven't been that close. You have made out before. A voice said in his head.

But you hugged her in sleep. You held her hand yesterday night. You removed the pillow she had placed in between. Remember what she said, she needed time. This was fast for her. Another voice reasoned.

Aadarsh shook his head to brush off both those voices. He had enough on his plate, he didn't have to add issues that were seemingly only in his head to the list

***

Ruhaani had thought she could get a word with Aadarsh about his argument with Abhi. She had to help him fix this issue. It was just worsening with time. However, she was not surprised when she woke up to find him absent. He had left for work unusually early. He was running away from confrontation as always!

It was that same evening, when she was in the kitchen assisting Dai Jaan in preparing the dinner when she heard him call her name. It was uncommon for him to call her name from the living hall. She hurriedly washed her hands and made her way out.

"Everything okay?" She asked, momentarily stumped at the sight of her husband in a deep royal blue three piece suit. He looked gorgeous as always. But she couldn't say the same about his face. His eyes looked empty. His face dull and tired.

As her gaze moved around the room, she was slightly taken aback at finding both Ashvi and Abhi also in the living hall.

"Yes. Just wanted everyone here." Aadarsh muttered turning back to his sister. He handed her a wide paper cover, as she looked at him curiously.

"It's your passport. There's a contact of a career advisor, who specializes in helping students pursing fashion in foreign universities. There's also a contact of the person who is a Counsellor at the university in Paris. I have personally spoken to him. He'll help you with practically everything, finding a suitable place to stay, finding a suitable part time job, which by the way you will have to take up to meet your personal expenses.

If you're going to Paris, you're going as an adult. You got to take care of yourself. I will have a monthly allowance sent to you from your inheritance to take care of your basic needs but if you want to shop in Paris you have to earn it."

At once, a dazzling smile set itself on Ashvi's lips. She let out a squeal for happiness and jumped forward to hug Aadarsh.

Ruhaani smiled heartedly, as Ashvi threw her arms around her brother and at once Aadarsh welcomed her in an embrace.

"Thank you Bhaiya! You're the best brother ever." She remarked, giving him a tight hug.

The smile never left Ruhaani's face. Aadarsh deserved those words. Ruhaani watched on, as Aadarsh ran a hand over his sister's hair and kissed her forehead. "I want you to be safe and happy. It's not going to be easy ahead and I want you to prepare for it well. I have always got your back, Hmm."

"I will!" Ashvi exclaimed, encouraged. "I love you so much Bhaiya!" She hugged him once again, resting her cheek against his chest. Aadarsh draped his muscular arms around her, placing his chin on her head. His gaze met Abhi's.

Ashvi excitedly excused herself to go get the documents to be submitted read. Aadarsh sighed as he stared at Abhi. He shifted his gaze to Ruhaani.

She slowly nodded, silently encouraging him on. Just one look at his face and she knew he was taking the first step to resolve issues between himself and Abhi.

He pulled out a paper from his coat's pocket and extended it towards Abhi who slowly took it.

"Don't give up on what you can achieve for me. I spoke to your manager. I explained to him that you need some more time to think about the offer. Luckily it's still on table. You have a week to accept it."

"Bhai..."

Aadarsh looked around and then abruptly spoke. "I need to use the washroom. You..." He gulped, "should think about that." He pointed to the offer letter that he had collected from his office. Having said that Aadarsh excused himself up the stairs quickly. Ruhaani turned to follow him up. He was not okay. He only pretended to be.

• — • — •

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Looking forward to read your thoughts on it.

Saw a lot of new readers but he notifications, welcome on board. Hope you're enjoying the book.

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Next : Friday

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—Anami!♡