Do you think you would trade it all?
All the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you'd miss
The beauty of the light upon this earth
And the sweetness of the leaving

Jane Siberry

Julian sits holding Noel's hand in the shuttle bus all the way to the Hall of Mirrors. He feels proud to be seen with Noel, who Pauline has made look beautiful and raffish, like a slightly smudged angel. Julian and Noel tell Edith, Thomas, and Bronwen about their picnic in the park.

Bronwen describes the ramble they went on. "It was so lovely it took our breath away. Daisies of every colour across green hills, as far as the eye could see. If I could be allowed to remember one thing from here, it would be the feeling it gave me. Not the sight of it – just the feeling."

When the bus pulls in at the Hall of Mirrors, there is a sudden shift of mood, all the passengers becoming very quiet in preparation for what is ahead. The Hall of Mirrors is a long white building, double storied, with a great glass dome atop it, and a tower in each corner. Its windows are round, like portholes.

As they alight from the bus, their driver Neville says, "Cheerio, all. I'll be here at 9.30 pm sharp to pick up any ladies or gents who wish to return to The Wayfarers Arms. If you miss the bus, you'll have to find your own way back." He gives them a wink as he says this.

There are several buses there from other hotels, and Julian thinks there must be well over a hundred people walking with them across the plaza surrounding the Hall of Mirrors. 

When they reach the big glass doors at the front of the building, a petite curly-haired woman in a shell-pink uniform is standing on the steps, holding a microphone in one hand. Julian slides his arm behind Noel's back and pulls him in close as she begins speaking.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," she says in a clear, firm voice. "My name is Matilda Ramsey, and I am honoured to welcome you to the Hall of Mirrors. It is my most sincere hope that your experiences this evening will help prepare you for your assessment, and for the next stage of your journey."

There is a low, uneasy murmur through the crowd at the reminder of what they still have to face. Matilda gives them an understanding smile before she continues.

"Each of you has been assigned a private Mirror Room, and as you come through the door, I will check you off and give you your room number. You will have a Mirror Guardian with you at all times to help guide you through the process. Please, follow their instructions to the letter, for your own safety. Now, form an orderly line and walk up the steps towards me. One at a time, please."

Julian and Noel wait in the queue together, holding hands. When they reach the steps, Matilda ticks their names off from a list on her clipboard.

"Noel Fielding? You're in Room 64. Walk straight down the corridor, it's the one on the left at the far end. Your Mirror Guardian will help you further once you get there."

"Good luck, Noelie," Julian says, brushing his lips against Noel's cheek, and getting an excited grin in return. 

Noel struts down the plush red carpet of the corridor, looking like a rock star getting ready to accept an award.

When it's Julian's turn, Matilda tells him to go to Room 65, on the right hand side of the corridor, directly across from Noel. He adjusts his backpack over one shoulder and opens the door apprehensively, into a small, square, pale grey room. It has polished floorboards, and red velvet curtains on the walls to each side of him.

He is greeted by a large, comfortable looking woman with fluffy brown hair, wearing the same pink uniform as Matilda .

"Good evening," she smiles. "My name is Susan Meister, and I will be your Mirror Guide tonight. But first, can I please check your full name and date of birth?"

"Julian Barratt Pettifer, the 4th of May 1968."

Susan ticks him off on another clipboard saying, "Thank you, Julian. It's very important that I'm sure I've got the right person. You wouldn't believe how many people wander into the wrong room by mistake, and obviously the Mirror simply won't work properly then. Do you understand what you're here for?"

"Well ... sort of. My Case Worker said something about choosing between two mirrors."

"That's right. The moment you walked through that door, you entered the Mirror World." She pauses for effect.

"Looks more like a small room," Julian jokes feebly.

"Ah, it may be small, but it is a bridge to worlds beyond your imagination," Susan says, as if she's used to people making a joke about the size of the room. She points to the left hand side of the room. "Behind that curtain is a Mirror that will allow you to see a vision of your past lives."

Julian's gaze goes to it, a rich dark red heavy veil against the silvery grey wall. 

"And behind this curtain is a Mirror which grants you permission to see your loved ones for one last time. Of course," Susan corrects herself quickly, "you will see them again one day, when you have all gone Forward. But this Mirror is your last opportunity to see them as you remember in your previous life. Is that clear?"

Julian nods, and Susan goes on. "You may only look into one Mirror. If you choose the left hand Mirror, you will be able to see images of your past lives for five minutes. However, if you choose the right hand Mirror, you will see your loved ones for only one minute. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," Julian says. "Left hand, five minutes of past lives. Right hand, one minute of loved ones."

Susan nods in confirmation before saying, "The Mirror on the right hand side has been set to show you your loved ones in the near future, five years after your death. That way, rather than seeing them while their grief is still raw, you will get an idea of how they are healing, and keeping your memory alive."

"Okay," Julian says nervously.

"If you choose to see your loved ones, there's something very important you must know. Since arriving in the Afterlife, all your grief and suffering has been erased ..."

Julian shuffles awkwardly, and says, "Er ..."

" ... but if you choose to look into the right hand Mirror, you will endure the pain of losing all whom you loved on Earth. I must warn you, opening your heart to earthly love, even for a minute, may trigger powerful emotions. I cannot stress enough that the choice of that Mirror must not be taken lightly."

"I understand," Julian says, "but I've been thinking about it a lot, and although it's the more difficult choice, I want to see my family again, even if it's only for a minute."

Susan smiles warmly. "That's the option most people choose to take. You may stay in this room for ten minutes afterwards while you collect yourself, and there is a Recovery Room you can go to for up to two hours before leaving the Hall of Mirrors. Of course, if looking into the Mirror is too painful, you may simply pull the curtain across at any time, closing the Portal. You won't be able to open it again, though."

"Okay," Julian says again, looking pale, but determined.

"Whenever you're ready, Julian, stand in front of the Mirror, and pull the curtain across," Susan instructs him. "You have one minute." She steps aside to give him space.

Julian swallows, and does as Susan says. He is afraid to pull the curtain back, and gives an involuntary shiver as he does so, but it only reveals a large oval glass in an ornate gilt frame, showing his reflection.

A moment later, his face has disappeared, and all he can see in the Mirror are swirling flames and smoke. For a dazed moment he wonders if he is looking into hellfire. But then the flames die down and the smoke clears, and he can see and even hear what the Mirror shows him.

The first surprise is that the scene in the Mirror is a chapel with stained glass windows, the second that a line of people are slowly making their way to the front of the room, where an open casket is on display. Calling All Angels is playing softly in the background.

It's a funeral. Could someone in his family be dead, just a few years after him? His stomach wrenches at the thought, even though he's in the Afterlife himself, and knows that there is nothing to fear from death. 

When the Mirror shows him the coffin, it is an elderly woman, about Edith's age. The trouble is, he has no idea who she is. She looks a bit like his nana, although older, but Nana would never be buried in such bright colours, or have that haircut. And when the vision brings him closer ... he couldn't imagine Nana ever getting a little tattoo on her wrist.

Two middle-aged men are at the front of the line now, looking so alike that he's sure they are brothers. Even though they are strangers too, they're not completely unfamiliar, and he wonders if they might be his second or third cousins. They have the height, the awkward shuffle, the clumping step that every Pettifer man seems to have. They silently place rosemary sprigs in the woman's coffin with their heads bowed, and turn away.

If this is a family funeral, where are my mum and dad?, Julian wonders in frustration. He hears a young woman say, "Andy, Andy!" and Julian tenses, waiting to see his father. But Andy turns out to be a wandering toddler, and the woman scoops him into her lap, with a rueful grimace to her seatmates.

Then flames cover the face of the Mirror again, before it clears and shows only his own reflection. He gives Susan a stunned look.

"Was it very distressing for you?" she asks in concern.

"I didn't ... I didn't recognise any of the people I saw," Julian manages to get out.

"Had they changed so much in only five years?" Susan asks in surprise.

"No ... they were strangers to me," Julian says. "There was a family resemblance, and I think they may have been distant relatives, but I ... I don't know who they were."

"That's very odd," Susan frowns. "Are you quite sure you gave me the correct name and birth date?"

"Yes," Julian says impatiently.

"This hasn't happened before," Susan says helplessly. "Look, it's very irregular, but you've obviously missed out, so I'm offering you the chance to see your past lives instead."

"I want to see my family!" Julian says, his voice cracking slightly.

"Let me see what I can do," Susan says distractedly, as she comes forward to the Mirror. "It must be a matter of tuning it correctly. Let me see – I think if I ask it to show me your family closer to the present ... I hope this works."

She waves her hands commandingly in front of the Mirror, and the flames and smoke appear again.

"This is what it shows when it's getting ready. Sort of like the static you get on a radio when you're between stations," she says over her shoulder. She steps aside to let Julian take her place  in front of the Mirror.

The smoke clears. Julian sees his mother. She is sitting in a chair in a small grey room. He is not prepared for how white and drawn her face is, how utterly exhausted she is. She looks as if she has aged ten years, and those years have drained her of every ounce of happiness.

His little sister is there too, her eyes so red they look burnt. She takes Julian's mother by the shoulder, and says, "Please, Mum. You can't put yourself through this. You've got to get some rest."

Julian's mother shakes her head. "I can't leave him, Em," she says in a hoarse voice. "I said I'd stay by his side, and I will, even now, when - " Her voice catches and shudders to a halt.

The view from the Mirror pulls back a little more, and Julian sees his father, a broken man. He holds a denim jacket of Julian's, clutching it for comfort like a child holding their teddy bear. Julian's nana is praying quietly, in a manner suggesting all other hope has been lost.

Only in the last few seconds of the vision does Julian realise they are sitting around a hospital bed, and the last moment is one of horror at seeing his own corpse, surrounded by machines and tubing.

Then the flames. Then nothing.

"I'm dead," Julian says to Susan in shock. "I'm dead, and they're sitting around my body. I think I just died."

"Oh, my poor child," says Susan sympathetically.

"I want my Mum," Julian sobs, and without thought, puts his face between Susan's generous breasts and weeps as if his tears will never cease.