You can check out any time you want
But you can never leave

Don Henley & Glenn Frey

It is just before dawn when Julian opens his eyes, and finds Noel clinging to him. In the silvery morning twilight, Noel's face as he sleeps is etched with such otherworldly beauty that it hurts Julian to look at him. Yet it's such a good hurt that he can't look away. He places his lips on Noel's forehead in a reverent kiss.

"Joo'n," Noel says sleepily.

"Sorry I woke you," Julian whispers.

"S'okay," Noel mumbles. "Still love me?"

"Always," Julian says quietly, pressing his lips against Noel's.

"Now who's reading minds?" Noel says with a smile, returning the kiss.

Julian has a moment of wondering what Noel's on about – he's sure he heard Noel say that aloud. He changes the subject by asking, "How was your dinner last night?"

Noel rubs his eyes. "It was a bit weird, actually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I thought I was going to be having a private dinner with Jeannie, but she asked all these other people too. It was more like a dinner party than talking with my Case Worker."

"What kind of people?"

"Oh ... I dunno exactly. Jeannie made them sound well important. But, you know, they were there to talk about going Forward. What happens, what it's like, what sort of things I could do there."

"Wow. Like who exactly were they?"

"Well, there was this bloke Phil, and his missus," Noel recalls. "They were nice."

"Wait – are you talking about Phil the taxi driver?" Julian asks in astonishment. "The Cockney? I thought he just drove a cab."

"Yeah, that's him. He was really high up in Forward, some kind of professor, and he used to be a Case Worker here, for years and years. But he's driving a taxi now."

"That's ... um, okay."

"And his missus was even more of a bigwig. She was a judge here."

"But ... that's Pauline! She works at The Wayfarer's Arms. She brought me some clean towels last night."

"Yeah, Pauline. That's her name," Noel agrees. "Really nice."

Julian tries to imagine a Lord Chief Justice, or even a Q.C., making a change of career to drive a taxi or bring people clean towels. He can't. Marcus was right – people in the Afterlife have learned the lesson of humility in a big way.

"So who else was there?"

"Loads, all doing really important work for Forward," Noel says. "One bloke, Dennis, he's being sent to Earth next week. He's going to be giving a helping hand to people here and there, so they're more likely to go Forwards or Sideways when they reach the Waystation next time."

"Isn't that we'd call ... well, an angel?"

Noel looks unsure. "They didn't say an angel. They said another word. It sounds a little bit the same though."

Julian thinks of words that sound a little bit like angel. All he comes up with is angler and Anglican, neither of which seems right.

"Noel, it really sounds as if you're going Forward," Julian says at last. "It sounds like Jeannie was trying to prepare you for it, almost like an Orientation session."

"She does think I've got a good chance, yeah," Noel says. "But nobody really knows until the assessment, do they?"

There is a very long pause as Julian wrestles with his conscience, and his ability to limit the truth. He'd told Noel that he loved him – he deserved at least some honesty from Julian.

"Noel ... there's something I should tell you," Julian says, noting that it must be true, because he'd been allowed to say it. "I'm probably not going Forward after the assessment."

"You don't know that," Noel says at once. "You can't be sure until you've seen the judge."

"Marcus said ... it's far more likely that I'll go Sideways instead."

"He sounds really negative," Noel says critically. "Jeannie's been nothing but positive to me."

"He's being realistic," Julian says firmly. "He's not negative – he told me to remain hopeful."

"Well, there you go," Noel says. "Be hopeful you'll go Forward instead. Jeannie told me of loads of her clients who went Forward and weren't expecting it at all, and it was even a huge surprise to Jeannie."

"I'd obviously love to go Forward," Julian says, "but I'd like to be ready to go Sideways, if it happens. I'm reading a book about it, it's been very reassuring. I just ... just wanted you to be ready too. I mean ... I don't how you'd feel if we didn't both go Forward."

He looks so anxious that Noel cuddles into Julian, and kisses him.

"If I go Forward, and you go Sideways, then I'll wait for you," Noel says comfortingly. "After all, Sideways means you're on the way Forward, you'll get there in the end."

"You'd really wait for me?" Julian says, hardly daring to believe it.

"Of course, Joo'n," Noel says with a yawn, curling up to him. "But Joo'n, I think we should have a bit more of a sleepie now, don't you?"