ISAIAH

The worst thing about having a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same is watching them give another person the attention you wish they'd be giving you. Yes I admit it, I have a crush on Kennedy but it's not working out so great on my end. Senior year is supposed to be my year, where I finally heal, truly learn to let go and enjoy my life, hopefully get a girlfriend and turn solemn mood around.

So much for letting myself be happy...

It's not like I based my whole plan on Kennedy but she is a huge part of it and now she seems to be intentionally avoiding me and I don't know why.

Did I do something wrong?

Our last decent conversation was on her first day here when we walked to the subway together. She did run away from me that day and hasn't spoken to me since then so maybe I did do something to her . But she won't talk to me no matter how many times I try so how do I fix something that I've no idea how I broke it in the first place.

What makes matters worse for me is that I can't avoid her like she's avoiding me because she's been sitting with us for lunch every single day. She might be good at keeping her distance but when I'm forced to see her everyday and sit next to her, it's not that easy for me.

She's not at the table when I sit down for lunch so I think that today might be my lucky day. That's until I see her walking in with Wesley laughing about something that only they are privy to. I scowl and push my lunch tray away having lost my appetite.

They sit down, say their hello's and carry on their conversation icing the rest of us out. I find myself glaring at Wesley wishing that I were him. What if I become the third wheel in their relationship? I can't subject myself to that level of torture, it's already hard enough watching them now and they are just friends.

Kennedy laughs at something Wesley says and ends up snorting making the juice she's drinking go up her nose. She winces making a cute face but keeps on laughing. She is effortlessly gorgeous and I don't think she even has any idea of how much she affects the people around her. I look around the table and I realize that I am not the only one gawking at her.

All week I've been listening to Wesley gush about how great she is and it's physically painful listening to him. It's clear that he has a crush on her, half the guys on the team do and the rest don't because they are dating. I don't want to lose my best friend over a girl but I am feeling weirdly possessive over her yet she's barely said a word to me for days.

She won't even look at me yet she talks freely with Baron and Wesley. I feel like I'm being iced out whenever she is around because she gets all the attention yet whenever I try to include myself I'm objectively ignored.

"Why didn't you tutor Wesley? You're one of the top students on the honor roll." Kennedy asks looking at Baron.

"Because this mothefucker can't teach for shit. He's always hitting me when I get something wrong." Wesley answers shoving Baron.

"Baron! That's not nice." Kennedy scolds.

"What can I say? He's dumb." Baron shrugs.

"Wesley is not dumb." Kennedy defends looking ready to hit Baron herself for his unkind comment.

Wesley beams and pulls her in for a side hug. "Thank you for coming to my defense princess. Suck on that fuckface."

"Shut up you tadpole." Baron retorts and they end up getting into a mini food fight.

I am supposed to intervene but I don't have it in me today so I let them work it out themselves. Kennedy who provoked them in the first place is watching them with amusement.

She looks gorgeous today with her hair piled up, pinned back with a pencil revealing her beautiful face much more. She is wearing a baggy brown sweater since the weather is a bit chilly and blue jeans. Her pale baby blue eyes are alight with laughter as she gazes at my friends. Her freckles look more vibrant today, maybe it's because of the cold but they only add to her charm.

She is so beautiful.

She turns to me, catches me gawking at her and I don't even try to hide it. It's the first time she's looked at me since she sat down but she looks away a second later as if I don't even exist. This pisses me off because why are Wesley and Baron worth her time but I am not.

"So princess any chance I can talk you into cancelling our tutoring session today?" Wesley asks Kennedy after he is done fighting with Baron.

She smiles at him and shakes her head."Not a chance in hell."

"Come on princess, I've been good all week. Give me a break." Wesley pleads pouting at her.

Hearing Wesley calling her princess makes my stomach burn with jealousy. They have cute nicknames for each other yet when I called her Berry, she almost bit my head off.

"It's Friday, you have tomorrow and Sunday off so today won't kill you." Kennedy insists.

"Argh fine!" Wesley relents.

"Though you'll have to meet me in the library. Miss June has a meeting in the art room after classes so I can't go there." Kennedy explains.

I really shouldn't be paying attention to their conversation but it's not like they are being discreet.

"Or you can come watch us practice. See how good we really are." Wesley suggests.

I want to shout no! That I don't want to watch more of their interactions but it's not a closed practice and it'll raise too many questions if I say anything. I am not ready to tell my friends that I have a crush on Kennedy especially when it's not reciprocated.

"I don't do sports." Kennedy declines.

Yes!

"You'll be watching, not playing." Wesley teases.

Kennedy shakes her head no. "Even so, I'd rather just wait in the library."

Wesley doesn't give up easy and goes on a five minute argument as to why Kennedy should come watch us practice. Eventually he wears her down and she has no choice but to agree.

"Fine I'll come." Kennedy caves.

No!

"Great, you'll love it. We're really good." Wesley praises.

I have no idea how I'll handle Kennedy watching us play when I know she's not there to cheer for me but for Wesley.

Unable to bear her giving everyone else but me attention, I excuse myself from the table. I dump my untouched food in the trash, put my tray away and leave the cafeteria going directly to class.

I was hoping to avoid Kennedy until practice but unfortunately our last class of the day is AP French and Culture that we unfortunately share. She is seated behind me though, so I don't get to see her but I can't help but feel as if she looking at me at times. I wish I could turn to confirm but I'll look like a fool if she's not. It's probably just wishful thinking though. Why would she be looking at me when she's hell bent on avoiding me?

"I have an assignment for the class. This is due next week Friday." Mrs Beaufoy our teacher announces at the end of class.

"We'll have a show and tell. Yes, just like you did in middle school only this time you'll be doing the presentation in flawless French. You're all to bring something from home that means something to you, something of actual value that brings you joy and peace. You're supposed to make a five minute presentation about it including a history of how you came to acquire it." She explains.

A lot of my classmates don't like that idea but I don't mind. My French is actually quite good so it'll be an easy grade.

The bell rings while we're still complaining so Miss Beaufoy dismisses us demanding that those who fail to present their work will all fail.

Class empties out quickly and I take my time because I'm not excited to go to practice. I turn around to retrieve my bag from the back of my seat to find Kennedy still seated behind me drawing something on her notebook. We're the only ones left in class and I really should leave but I find myself poking the bear instead.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask her.

She looks up at me surprised and closes her notebook quickly. "What?"

"You've been avoiding me all week. Did I do something wrong on Monday?" I repeat.

It was the last time we talked so it must be the root of the problem.

She shakes her head. "No."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" I insist.

The not knowing has been killing me all week and now she's telling the that I did nothing wrong. There has to be something there.

"How can I avoid you when I barely know you?" She retorts.

"That's because you've been thwarting all my attempts to try and get to know you." I demand.

"Maybe I don't want to know anybody." She mumbles under her breath and I barely manage to hear her.

"What?"

"Look Isaiah, it's not personal. I just don't think I'm a place right now to make any new friends." She explains.

Oh please, she could have just said that she doesn't want to be my friend. "Unless it's Wesley right?"

I try to stop myself from sounding like a jealous possessive prick but it doesn't work.

Kennedy narrows her eyes at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I might as well go for it, I've got nothing to lose at this point. "It means that you've been ignoring me all week, stopping any and all attempts I've made to be your friend but you keep parading Wesley around, walking each other to class and giving each other nicknames."

Kennedy looks at me like I've sprouted another head which might be better than sounding so jealous and possessive over someone who won't give me time of day.

"Are you serious right now? I'm his tutor so we're bound to spend time together, everyone in this school has a nickname for me including you and lastly he walks me to class because he's a gentleman. I thought he was your best friend." She demands.

"He is. Of course he is." I reply.

I am just a jealous prick who wants all your attention or at least a little bit of it.

"Look I don't know what's gotten into you but you and I don't know each other and I would like to keep it that way. Ignore my existence and I'll do the same." Kennedy insists.

Her words strike me like a dagger to the heart. I didn't know she was this averse to being my friend. It's a bitter pill to swallow but I cannot force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I was okay before I knew she existed and I'll be okay after.

"If that's how you really feel."

"It is." She replies.

"Fine then, have a good one, Berry." I bite out and quickly correct myself. "Sorry Jane Kennedy."

And with that I walk away but I don't miss the sour look on her face. I've called her by her first name knowing that she hates it. I wanted her to feel just as bad as I'm feeling right now even if it's just for a fleeting moment.

I can't believe that I've just been turned down by a girl. It's the first time in my life I've ever put myself out there only to be faced with cold hearted rejection.

Remind me again why I wanted to do this in the first place?

Oh to try and be happier. Well happiness can suck it because I am done. I was better off faking happiness anyway because then I didn't need anyone. I'm okay on my own, always have been, always will be.

I feel like I need to blow off some steam so as soon as I change into my uniform, I run to the court and start running drills. I push myself hard but it's better than letting my thoughts roam free to overthink about the feeling of rejection still churning my heart.

Soon the whole team is on the court and Baron takes charge since our coach is absent today.

Practice is good until I spot Kennedy in the bleachers hunched over the same notebook she was drawing on in class. She glances at the court every few seconds before turning back to her notebook. She looks like she's drawing something or someone in the team.

How I wish that was me she was drawing but it's not.

Wesley spots her as well and waves. She waves back with a smile and that sets me off.

Why does he get her full attention while she treats me like I'm gum stuck to her shoe that needs to be scrapped off.

Baron tosses the ball at me but I miss it so it smacks me right in the chest before bouncing off.

"You good bro?" He asks looking at me with concern.

I wipe the sweat off my brow and nod at him. "Yeah, let's do this." I reply brushing him off and skip away.

As practice progresses in my mind I am trying to block off all things Kennedy but I soon come to realize that I am showing off. It's like I'm trying to impress her by showing her how good I am at basketball, better than Wesley when I've known for years that he's the best player we have on the team. Kennedy doesn't even care who's better than the other, she doesn't like sports, she said so herself but I still find myself trying to prove that I am good at this and better than anyone else.

During one of our plays, I make an incredible shot that makes all my teammates go crazy. I feel proud of myself but then I look at the bleachers to see that Kennedy didn't even see it. It sucks so I spend the next ten minutes trying to recreate that move over and over again but I fail miserably.

At one point I think that I've got it but I mess up and the worst thing happens. My elbow collides with Wesley's face and all hell breaks loose. He howls in pain and drops to the ground cupping his face. I panic and drop to my knees next to him with Baron on his other side. Wesley lifts his hands upon Baron's request and his face is covered in blood.

"How bad is it?" Wesley asks looking at his bloody hands.

"It's okay, it's not broken." Baron assures us and I sigh in relief.

"I am so sorry." I apologize feeling like the biggest freak on earth.

Why would I do this to my best friend?

"It's okay, it's not like you did it intentionally." Wesley grins sitting up.

Didn't I?

"The nurse is already gone for the day but there a first aid kit in coaches office. I'll take you." I offer helping him stand up.

He takes my hand and I walk him out of the court and towards the coaches office. I don't miss the worried look on Kennedy's face as we walk past her with her new bff covered in blood.

When we get to coaches office, I help Wesley sit down and quickly find the first aid kit.

"Does it hurt?" I ask as he cleans up the blood.

"Yeah but I can handle it. We've suffered worse pain than this." He replies.

He's right but I've never hurt any of my best friends before and now today I almost broke Wesley's nose. I didn't do it intentionally but maybe my subconscious wanted to hurt him for getting Kennedy's full attention when she won't give me time of day.

"I'm really sorry man." I apologize again.

"It's okay, I'll be okay with some ibuprofen. But can you please tell Kennedy that I won't be able to attend our session today. I'm just gonna lie down here for a moment." He requests me.

I almost say no, I don't want to face Kennedy but he's in this situation because of me so I at least owe him that much.

"Of course, do you need anything else?" I ask him.

"No I'll be fine." He assures me.

"Okay." I nod and leave the office still feeling guilty as fuck.

I cannot believe I just did that. How could I have been so reckless? I am the captain for a reason.

I run into Baron who is on his way to the coaches office. "How's he doing?"

"The bleeding has stopped and he's lying down." I answer.

"That's good. I've dismissed the team for today. We'll pick up tomorrow morning." Baron explains.

"Probably for the best."

"Are you sure you're okay Iz. You're distracted and today you were playing basketball like it's rugby." Baron asks.

Baron is intuitive so it's hard to lie to him and even though he knows about my past, he doesn't know the extent of it.

"Yeah I'm just going through something but I'll fix it and come back fresh tomorrow. I won't let my personal issues affect the team." I assure him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offers.

I shake my head no. "Thanks bro but I'll be good on my own."

Baron doesn't look convinced but he respects my boundaries. "Okay but you know that I'm always here for you."

"I know, thanks."

We part ways as he goes to check on Wesley while I go look for Kennedy. She's on the court trying to dribble a ball and failing miserably. She was right when she said that she isn't a sporty person. She still looks cute though and the sight of her holding a basketball has to be one of the sexiest things I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing.

"Need lessons?" I ask approaching her.

She drops the ball and turns to me. "Nah, I'm good. Sports that involve balls aren't really my thing. Or sports of any kind really." She expresses.

I nod in understanding and pick up the ball that she dropped. I dribble it and shoot making the perfect basket. Kennedy looks impressed and that look on her face is one I've been searching for this whole time and I finally get it. I beam with pride and grin at her but the moment is broken quickly by her next question.

"Is Wesley okay?"

I nod remembering why I came to find her in the first place. "Yes he's resting in the coaches office. He asked me to tell you that your session is canceled."

"I assumed as much. Can I see him before I go?" She asks her voice laced with concern.

"Sure! I'll show you where he is." I offer.

She picks up her tote bag off the court floor and follows quietly behind me while we walk together to coaches office.

"He's in there." I say showing her the door.

"Thanks."

"Kennedy." I find myself calling out before she can walk in.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry." I apologize.

I cannot go around holding a grudge and hating my best friend because he has the attention of the girl that I want. I should be happy for them and find a way to move on.

"What for?"

"For pushing and being an insensitive jerk. I've always been easily liked by most people so it was a shock to me that someone wouldn't think the same. I wanted to be your friend and I pushed you even when you didn't want that and for that I am really sorry. I respect your decision to not want to be my friend. I won't disturb you ever again. And once again, I truly am sorry." I express and leave before she can say anything.

I'm hurt but I needed to get that out of my chest and maybe with all that said and done I can move on. It's only been a week of knowing her anyway. How deep can my crush for her be?

I take a quick shower when I get to our locker rooms and change back into my clothes after I'm done. I grab my things as well as Wesley's and join them in the coaches office. Kennedy is no longer in there with them which is good. I can't face her again today so it's good that we have the whole weekend ahead so I can sort out my feelings and figure out how to exist in the same space as her while keeping my distance.

"I brought your stuff, I'll drive you home." I offer.

"Don't you have work?" Baron asks.

"I do but I can be late today."

"No you can't. I'll drive him home, you go to work." Baron insists.

"But..."

"No buts. Seriously get over your guilt already, I'm fine, accidents happen. I promise Baron and I won't kill each other in your absence." Wesley assures me with a grin.

He does look better and they are right, if I drive him home I'll be late to work and I've never been.

"Okay, I'll see you both tomorrow." I relent.

I fist bump them and leave the office walking across the deserted school halls done for then.

When I make it outside I am surprised to see Kennedy standing by the curb. She looks like she's waiting for someone and a part of me wishes that its me. But then a sleek, black Mercedes Benz G Wagen pulls up and she gets into the front seat.

So much for her waiting for me? What did I expect? That she would change her mind and decide she wants to be friends. In my dreams.

I don't see the driver since the windows are tinted. The car leaves just as fast as it arrived.

I'm left puzzled by what I've just witnessed but I don't dwell on it. I don't know anything about Kennedy, she's made it profoundly clear that she doesn't want me to know anything so it's none of my business.

I've allowed her to take up a lot of my mental and emotional energy and its high time I stop before it gets worse. I assured her that I would stay away from her and I meant it. I turn towards the subway ready for this day to be over already.