Dear Jessa,

It is finally almost the end of summer, with classes starting in about three weeks. Remember we had thought about going to college together? We used to spend hours thinking about what we would pick for a career. Dad always thought Finance and Business were a good match for me. You thought about pursuing psychology, and Jason, of all, wanted to be a travel blogger.

I chose Business over Finance, but what other options did I have, anyway? My father didn't give me much of a choice.

After all, I moved to Madison to go to college for Business Management and see what life could bring me. I haven't met many people here yet, apart from my coworker Meggie, my roommate TJ, and two other boys. Denver and Maroney. I don't know what to say about them yet, except that Maroney is a very nice and polite guy, and Denver a sweetheart with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I don't know so much about Maroney, apart from that he loves fishing and spending time with his family on the weekends. Denver loves parties and having a good time with friends. I think his friends are his only family here.

I'm not sure I made the right decision to come to Wisconsin, though. It is far from Seattle and certainly far from Chelan, but not that it matters because I never returned to Chelan, anyway. Somehow, there is a part of me that still lives and craves to live there because all my memories from childhood are tight to the place I grew up and the people that mattered to me the most.  You and Jason mattered to me the most. So, Jessa, tell me, how can I ever find myself again in a so complicated world? How can I ever go back to be that girl I used to be?

Maybe I don't want to be that girl. Maybe there is no reason to.

Sometimes I dream about Chelan. I'm always with you and Jason, inseparable as we used to be. There, we run down the streets playing pranks in the kids or singing by the fire of grandma's Gigi house. Your cousins come later and so do the Super Brothers. Sometimes I remember the oldest of your cousins, Martin, and how he always looked after us, allowing us to sing our favorite songs until sunrise. Being a child becoming a teen was was the best part because we didn't know too much. And nothing could stop us!

A safe place is always a safe place until it is not.

Sometimes, I feel as If I had been buried and unremembered to the world, just like Jason is now. Life unexpectedly got me, breaking me into little pieces. There was a time you believed I was stronger than most people – the one to never shatter. But it turned out I wasn't. I was the weakest of all. But I guess we never know anything in the world, at least until the worst happens.

That being said, I have to tell you something, Jessa. Until yesterday, I never thought life continued. While bad things happen to people worldwide - no matter what the circumstances are - life goes on for most of them. Life goes on pretty much the same way it does on the planet that never stops circulating the orbit.

Could I have prevented the events from that night from happening?

Would things have been different if the worst had never happened?

With love,

Cassidy Bardot.

***

Placing the letter in an envelope, I call Meggie multiple times, but she never picks up the phone.

I'm just about to watch the new season of Vampire Diaries that came out, but my mind doesn't shut up, and I wonder whether I will focus on the first episode. A part of me can't wait to see what will happen between Damon and Elena. Will she fall in love with him and forget about Stefan?

I stream the show on my laptop since I don't have a TV set. The house is empty and quiet without TJ, and boredom consumes me. I

I pause the show before it starts and places a call to one of the girls who live in the same co-op as Meggie, and Margo confirms she hasn't seen Meggie since last night. Margo is the type of gal who lives and breathes for that cooperative. She is very engaged in the activities, organization of dinners and pot lucks, and the community's well-being. She fights for social justice and believes in a better world. She can be tough, though.

"If you speak with her before me, tells her to bring her ass here before our dinner meeting. She brought the idea of cooking some Brazilian dish tonight, and she hasn't brought a single ingredient at Woodman's. Val and Albuquerque are waiting for her and have no idea how to start."

Brazilian food? What does Meggie understand about Brazilian food?

"All right," I assure her. I can't forget how strict the residents are when it comes to those dinner meetings that happen every Sunday at six pm.

My phone rings as I'm going to start watching my show once again. I pause one more time. "Hello," I answer quickly, hoping Meggie is calling from a different number.

"Cassie?" A female voice speaks through the line, but I don't recognize it. It is definitely not Meggie.

"You mean, Cassidy?" I fix my name to ensure the girl is looking for the right person. Only one person used to call me that way. "Who is this?"

"It is me, Danika. I hope you don't mind that I'd told Denver where you work," she says through the line with her beautiful Russian accent.

"Oh, how do you know my number?"

"Meggie gave me a while ago in case I needed it."

Oh, in case of an emergency.

I move on the uncomfortable chair, reminding myself this is all I have in this living room. I'm surprised to hear from Danika. I always had the feeling she didn't like me much.

"I am just wondering if you got home safe, but I knew you would. Denver is a great guy.

"Yes, he is."

"I don't think what happened to you was fair last night. Mike leaving you behind and all that for you to walk alone. So, you haven't heard from Meggie yet?"

"No," I say honestly. I'm dying to know where she is.

"She is probably at Mike's place then. She drank quite a lot yesterday. Maybe she has a hangover?"

"Yes, maybe." I wait for Danika to say something else as my gut tells me she wants to talk about something else.

"So, did you and Denver hook up?" The question is too direct for me to answer.

"Excuse me?"

"I asked you if you and Denver kissed or maybe even slept together..." I can't believe she is asking me this now, but she can't seem to stop talking, "I know this is not my business, Cassidy, but he is a totally cool guy. He likes you."

"No, Danika, I didn't hook up with him, but I am glad he brought me home safe." I don't seem to please her with my answer. I head to the window, my eyes focusing on the tree. The rain has stopped, but the scent of wet soil and grass is still in the air. A rainbow appears in the distance.

"Well...I've never seen him excited about anyone that before, Cassidy. I know you're single, and he is single, so what is the problem?"

"I'm not interested in him," I tell her.

Her voice appears to get irritated over the phone, "Why not? Just because Denver is a student, it doesn't mean you are better than him." I hear her sigh on the phone as I feel completely foolish, not sure how to respond to it.

"I don't feel better than him. I don't feel the connection."

"You might change your mind after you go camping with us."

The Camping trip. I haven't gotten an approved day off for that weekend yet. I have requested that to Scarlet, but she has been pretending to forget. "I'm not sure my supervisor will approve me for that weekend."

"Let me know if she doesn't. I can talk to Sylvia directly."

"I don't even have a tent."

"No worries. You can either get a cheap one at Walmart or sleep in someone else tent. Denver's tent!" She laughs under her breath, but when she notices I don't correspond to it, she adds, "You know, there is always someone willing to share."

That's exactly when Meggie's number shows up on my screen, and I excuse Danika saying I have someone else calling me and need to hang up. She keeps talking, but I disconnect her, anyway. A heavy sigh of relief comes out of my throat.

***

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