"You know the little voice inside your head that says killing is wrong?" He tried to say the words lightly but they stuck in his throat. He held his palm to the door, eyes flickering gold and magic bubbling within him as he used every protection ward he could think of.

"Merlin, I promise your not going to kill me-" The door thudded heavily as he slammed into it. Again. Like the seven times before, it didn't even tremble. Arthur's blasphemous mutterings were muffled by the door.

"What did you do to my door?! Merlin!"

"Well, my little voice is sort of gone. Corrupted.Actually saying rather the opposite of what it's supposed to be." He couldn't think of any more spells. Did he really know only sixteen?!

His head pulsed with the lies. The beautiful twisted lies. Such a likeness to the woman who implanted them in his head. Sinister evil behind warm smiles and white dresses.

Kill him. It's so easy. Just open the door.

The words felt so right- a kind friend's gentle encouragement. It was so easy. All he had to do was open the door...

"It's my room!"

The exasperated shout snapped Merlin back to himself and he yanked his hand away from the doorknob, horror jolting through him as he realized what he'd nearly done. He staggered desperately away from the door, his hands trembling.

I almost killed him! Sparks and spades and holy heavens above- I almost killed him!

Panic raced through his veins, seeping like poison into every fiber of his being. His heart thudded painfully against its cage as he fought to still the trembling that shook him from head to toe. He'd almost killed Arthur.

"Merlin- just open the door! Whatever she's done, I promise we'll fix it-" he continued- his voice suddenly soft and coaxing. Merlin wanted to believe him. Wanted to open the door-work with Arthur and the Round Table to break the curse. He ached to.

His blood chilled as he realized the ache wasn't him.

Open the door...

It was the curse.

"I'm not killing you!" Merlin shouted, his voice sounding annoyed. Normal. Almost. He stole a shaky breath and forced the terror writhing inside him into a tight ball. He didn't have time to panic. Who knew how long he could resist the slippery pull in his head? He had to seal his prison now, before it was too late.

"You won't, I promise- I could take you apart in one blow-" Arthur tried again.

"I could take you apart in less than that!" Merlin bellowed as he spun away from the door. The room looked back at him, the fire from hearth giving everything an innocent glow that belied the severity of the situation.

The situation.

The: he was cursed to kill Arthur and he's the prophesied Emerys who is the most powerful warlock in the world- literally magic itself and very capable of easily killing said Dollophead instead of fulfilling his destiny to protect him, situation.

"Oh spades and sparks and stars- I'm trying to kill Arthur!" He gasped, unable to hear how breathless he sounded. He was too far gone.

He was dizzy, his mind spinning as it tried desperately to understand the full depth of the situation.

The walls were closing in as he desperately tried to drag air into his lungs- his whole world pivoting off it's axis and whirling away into space. He was trying to kill Arthur. His closest friend- his King- the prat he'd been trying to protect and willing to die for since he'd come to Camelot!

He was trying to kill him!

His heartbeat roared in his ears as he collapsed- the ground rising up to catch him with a thump. He couldn't breath. The walls were closing in and he was trying to kill Arthur and he couldn't breath and was this what dying felt like? Oh Sparks, he couldn't breath!

He heard voices. Eons away. Unimportant. Loud.

They bellowed above the screaming of his pulse and the racing of his blood and the thudding of his heart and the spinning in his head-their sheer volume commanding his attention.

"Merlin, I'm coming in!"

The voice was wild- panicked? A thud-like smashing sound.

"Ow..." the same voice said, sounding suddenly subdued.

"You idiot! He's reinforced the door!" He knew that voice as well as his own.

Arthur.

But that didn't make sense. Arthur was hitting the door and yelling at him. Wasn't he? Or had he already killed him? Was he dead now? Was that why Merlin couldn't breath? Was the air being stolen from him as punishment? Was this hell?

"He's scared to death in there -alone- he can't even breath! What do you expect me to do!" The other voice- he knew that voice too. He yelled a lot. Insults in... taverns. When he drank too much and couldn't afford to pay...Gwaine... But that was wrong- Arthur was dead, and Merlin had killed him and was suffocating in hell, why could he hear Gwaine?!

"I expect you to do something useful and help! He's panicking because he's cursed to kill me- and you're trying to open the door he blocked so he couldn't! Now go do something productive and tell Gaius what happened. Then gather the Round Table and start looking for the cure, we need to find it as soon as possible."

Arthur wasn't making sense. He was dead. And Merlin was suffocating in the afterlife for murderers- that's why he couldn't breath and the world was going black and-

"Merlin, Merlin- can you hear me?" Arthur- his voice softer than a couple moments-years?-ago. Merlin could barely hear it over the sound of his whole body being ripped apart in the fires of hell.

But he could hear it.

And it didn't make sense Arthur was dead! He'd killed him. Hadn't he?

But Arthur kept talking.

"Merlin, I want you to listen to my voice, okay? I want you to close your eyes and listen to my voice." His voice was low and soothing. Almost like his Mother's lullabies. A tiny spark of peace in the chaos writhing inside him. He trusted it- that tiny, pathetic spark in the dark. He closed his eyes.

"Merlin, you are alright. It's me, Arthur. I'm right here. I'm alive."

He was alive? Then why couldn't Merlin breath?!

"I'm alive-you didn't kill me and your not going too, I promise. You already got a head start on that, remember?" He did?

"You ran into my chambers and you blocked the door so I can't get in-it's like you forgot who's King around here- but it's okay, because we'll figure out how to break the curse and I'll throw you in the stocks."

Everything would be okay.

But it wasn't. He couldn't breath!! Terror raced through his veins and his heart throbbed too fast and hard against his chest and he tried! He heard the terrible gasps as he tried to drag air into his desperate lungs- but he couldn't breath!

"Ar'tur-" He begged, a dying wheeze. "Please... can' breah-"

"Yes, you can." Arthur said immediately. His voice firm-an anchor for Merlin to latch too. "Yes, you can, Merlin. I need you to keep listening to me, okay. Right now your not thinking clearly. Gaius told us about this, remember? Your scared and your breathing too much-"

"Can' breah!"

"I know, I know- I hear you, Merlin. But you have to trust me. Your getting too much air because your scared. Keep your eyes closed and stop focusing on your breathing-"

"I can'-!"

"Merlin, I promise this will help! Listen to me, focus on what I am saying- don't focus on trying to breath, focus on my voice-" his voice was soft and low, speaking almost rhythmically. Like he was telling a story.

Desperately, nothing else to try, Merlin listened.

"Your going to be okay, Merlin. I'm the King and I'm commanding it. Your going to be cured and then I'm going to make your life miserable. I'm going to take you on a big hunt to celebrate, and then you'll catch up on all the chores you missed while you were lazing about in my bedroom. After that I'll take you out on the training field and I'll whack you until you learn to fight so we don't ever have this whole: you get kidnapped and cursed to kill me mess happen again. And then I'll hand you a quill and some ink, and I'll have your write one thousand times: I will not lock the King out of his chambers again on my door. Then you'll scrub it off, obviously. Destroying my door is a public offense so then you'll go back to the stocks..."

Merlin could breath. Cold, sweet air filled his lungs, rushed through his blood, loosened the knot in his chest, filled his mind with clarity.

He could breath!

"Your a clot-pole..." Merlin mumbled slightly breathlessly and Arthur laughed, the sound heavy with relief.

"At least I'm not a girl jumping at her shadow! 'I can't breath! I can't breath!'"

"Maybe I should open the door. All of my problems would be solved." Merlin said lightly, scanning his surroundings. He was on the floor. Probably the lack of air.

"For once your talking sense! Open the door and we'll figure this whole mess out-"

Merlin shuddered and the curse pulsed within him, making the idea sound outrageously attractive.

He had to do something about that.

An idea suddenly dawned.

One his entire being repulsed at, one that sent his heart beating erratically and his magic revolting inside him.

One that would solve the problem.

One that would stop him from killing Arthur-

He had to do it.

"Can you imagine the possibilities? I'd get to sleep in every morning-"

Merlin heaved himself up his feet, surveying Arthur's room again. Now he knew what to do, he only had to find them.

"You already do, you lazy sock! Open the door."

"Wouldn't have to go on anymore cruel hunts..."

Where were they? Not any place he cleaned often, he hadn't seen them in months. But they were Uther's last 'gift'. They were here.

"Merlin! If you don't open my door-!"

"What would you do? You can't get in!"

Now I just have to make sure I can't get out.

"It's my room! You can't just lock the King out of his bedchamber! Where am I going to sleep?! And what about my wife?!"

"Your welcome to my bed. Gwen'll have to stay with Elyan. Tell her I'm sorry."

Not in the closet. Not in the dresser- maybe the hidden compartment in the hearth? Merlin crosses over to the pleasant fireplace and dragged over Arthur's chair.

"Merlin! You cannot split me and my wife! She's the Queen, she can't sleep in a blacksmith's shop! And I refuse to sleep in my servant's bed!"

"You could share, but my bed isn't the size of your ego, I doubt you'll both fit. And Gaius is right next door and I imagine his snoring isn't the most romantic sound for any marriage pleasures-"

He stepped on the chair until he reached the slightly crooked stone that covered the compartment he thought Merlin knew nothing about. Idiot king.

"Merlin-! If you don't open my door this instant-"

"You won't die? What part of 'I'm trying to save your life isn't sinking in?!' You should be on your knees singing my praises, you ungrateful Clot-pole! 'Oh thank you Merlin. I'd be dead without you, Merlin. I'm so glad you resisted my idiotic threats Merlin. Have some time off, Merlin-'"

He pulled out the stone, grunting slightly as he took the full weight, the rough underside of the stone scraping his skin. He winced and, unable to carry it anymore, dropped it to the ground. It cracked- exploding with a loud thump into a cloud of dust.

"What was that?! What're you doing to my room? Merlin!"

Dust stinging his eyes, coughing and fanning in front of his face, Merlin turned back to the compartment.

"Renovating- how fond are you of your dresser? The clothes are all too small for you anyway-"

"You leave my dresser alone- what do you mean 'too small'? I am fighting fit!"

The compartment was full of the random knick knacks that Arthur considered his most precious treasures.

A scraps of the dresses Gwen wore for their first kiss and their wedding day.

The dagger Morgana gave him after he teased her into her first words following her father's death.

The gauntlet from the first knight's challenge he'd ever fought.

The old blue cloak Merlin had lent him all those years ago.

His mother's wedding ring.

And- there they were!

"Merlin, you're quiet. Is everything alright in there?" Arthur asked, his voice almost hesitant. No longer exasperated or irritated. Worried.

I don't deserve his worry.

"Of course everything's alright. You're locked outside."

It wasn't. He was about to do the scariest thing in his life. He was terrified. His magic thrummed against what he was about to do, begging him not too, twisting inside him until he felt physically sick at the thought.

But he had too.

For Arthur.

"Merlin, please. Your doing something stupid, I know it- I order you to stop! Your not a danger to me-"

But I am. He grabbed them, pulled them out. Held the terrible things in his hands.

"I promise I can take you in any fight. We'll go to Gaius and we'll find the cure-"

The cool metal chilled his blood and seared his heart. His magic twisted and writhed inside of him. He wanted to drop the terrible things and crush them beneath his worn boots. But he couldn't. He needed them.

For Arthur.

"You can't guarantee that, Arthur. And your life isn't something I'm willing to risk."

Every part of him screamed as he locked the cuffs around his wrists.

His magic froze. Unable to move. Trapped. Locked. Helpless.

Useless.

He turned back to the door that was now truly his prison.

"I'm not doing anything stupid, Arthur. Just ensuring some extra security."