"Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I feel like I've been really needing this verse lately for a lot of different reasons.

I asked someone a question the other day and it was, "Do you think it's strange that I am giving advice to a 20 year old about relationships that I haven't even experienced yet." And I'm 14 by the way. Really young. I don't even know if that person even reads this stuff ever so yeah.

This verse reminds me that I shouldn't let people think less of me even if I'm younger. Younger them them. In fact, it says that I should be an example. One that people can look at be like yes! That girl is a believer. I can trust that person and I can talk to them. I feel like I've been telling so many people that I can hear them out. That I'll listen to what they have to say and She wouldn't judge. She can give me advice. Good worthy advice.

I guess that's just me though. I'm a person that pours out my emotions. That's how I deal with my problems, by letting other hear them. But I've been realizing that people don't feel that way. They don't want to talk about it and they don't want to tell me about what they are going through. I can't help but wonder why. Is it because I'm younger? They don't think I'm competent enough? They don't think I'll understand? I don't know. And it really hurts me that people don't want to talk to me. It makes me feel like a terrible friend. It makes me feel like I haven't been there for them that they can't trust me. I don't want this to make them tell me either. You know who you are. Don't feel bad. It's not your fault. It's mine. People need there space. And somehow I don't get that.

I haven't had any friend ever that has stuck around me for more then maybe 1 1/2 years. And that's online. In real life hardly even 8 months. That really sticks. Sure I check up on them once in a while but that's it. Not to talk about your daily lives. Not to ask about what I ate for dinner and dumb things like that. I'm afraid of letting go. Getting distant. It scares me and for everything that someone doesn't tell me what's wrong. It makes me cry. Like every second we are getting farther and farther away. I lie to people and myself. I tell them it's fine that I get it but I don't. I never have and I don't know if I ever will.

I'm probably not as comforting as I thought I was. I'm probably not that great of a friend. How could I know? I don't even have many. I never have. I don't have a posse. A group of people I feel a real connection with. I never have and I probably never will. I don't get assurance. People come and people go. But I'm scared of that. I never forget.

So that's that. I couldn't say it to anyone directly but there it is. Again. Don't feel bad. It isn't your fault it never was. And I'll be fine. I'll get over it. It's not that big of a deal. So tell me or not. It's okay. I don't have to know. Just know that I love you. So much I might explode. That won't change, and it never will even if we never talk again at some point. I'll always love you. No matter what. ^-^

I'll always lend you an ear. Silly or serious. Ridiculous or something that is touchy. Bad day or good. I'll always listen because I know what it's like to feel ignored. I know that terrible feeling in your stomach that tells you that no one will care. I know it all because after all. I'm only human.