When your coming to a part of your life where you have just tried so hard, you're burnt out. I don't feel like pursuing anything anymore, not even people. I just let everything pass me by. I try to care but nothing comes out. I want to pursue but questions always pop up. Is it annoying? Does that person not like me? Will they just ignore me? What if it isn't worth it? What if you aren't going to go where you want to go? What if?

What if your all alone? No one to talk to? No one that can actually give you a hug. Someone who wants to give you a hug. What if your just curled up in a corner because you are so tired and you just can't do it anymore? You don't have the energy to talk, to speak. What if you can't remember the time someone hugged you because they wanted to? Not because they felt compelled to. What if your just too tired to even try to get attention? What if everyone around you just passes you by? What if you feel alone? You're there for people but they aren't there for you. What if you feel sobs constantly coming up your throats and all you can do is to conceal them? What if you're crying everyday and no one sees? Either that or no one even cares. No one gives you a hug, no one gives you a word of encouragement, and no one even gives you a pat on the back. Not even the tiny words, it's going to be okay.

What if I'm in a sea of people? I'm alone. What if one of my friends if walking right along side me? I'm alone.

I thought I felt numb. I thought I could brush it off like it wasn't a big deal. I thought I couldn't feel the pain of being alone anymore. And here I am indulging in a screen. Telling a screen what I'm feeling. Typing words on a page to people who might care. People who want to give me hug. People who want to support me. But I can't see them. I can't see you and you can't see me. We'll probably never meet and I probably will never get that hug that I always long for. No one will notice me. No one will try to include me. I'm in a corner curled up into a ball whispering to myself and rocking back and forth back and forth just to get through a day of school.

I'm never going to have someone who I can feel and touch, see with my eyes that cares. I'm alone.