Don't hate me,

Just take a deep breath

And everything is gonna be fine

And yeah- play the music.

***

Amal

I craved the ocean.The want to just feel the cold breeze.The powerful sound of waves crashing against each other.Their sound strong and powerful that ones heart could stop.The thunderous effect of the water with the winds.

The salty smell of the air that touches the skin with a soft caress each time it moves.The goosebumps that raise on the skin or when the hair at the back of the neck stands in fright and fear, or with excitement.

I could define Ocean as excitement and fear both.

Ocean could excite and scare me at the same time.

I sighed wrapping my arms around myself, the pencil rolling on the hard surface of the wooden table.Leaning back on the office chair, I looked around the silent office room.My husband had permitted me to sit in this room, to read and write anything I wanted.And fortunately the shelves staked with books had some decent biography and poems expect for the business management books and what not.

If something about this room attracted me, it was the wall adorned with the photo frames.The memories of my husband only dear to me.How beautifully they were framed and how happily they were hanged.Each photo telling a story of its own.The smiling faces reflecting love that they held for each other.

The soft rings of my phone distracted me.Standing up from the chair, I left the room.Unplugging the charger, I looked at the name shining on the screen.

Aunty Shahana

Smiling to myself, I slid the green button standing by the foot of the bed.

" Assalam O Alaikum."I greeted happily.Something I had not done in a few months.

Silence is what replied me.Suddenly the room seemed to be closing on me as I whispered,

" Aunty-"

A choke sounded making my heart beats to quicken.

" Amal , hayee Amal-"She cried in the phone, the sounds only palpitating my heart.My stomach twisted in a bad way.The knots tightening in my stomach as I anticipated her words,

" What happened-"I asked in a shaky whisper, gripping the phone tightly feeling it slip from my hand.

" Amal-"She cried again.

And the next words she spoke flipped my world upside down.My heart falling in the pit of my stomach.My legs giving up as I sat back on the soft mattress of the bed.The breaths in my body squishing me now.

The Amal that was soaring high in the sky a few minutes ago had now clashed against the hard ground.

As Aunty spoke in the phone, I remained paralyzed.Pulling myself together in a few minutes, I took my bag and keys before walking out of the apartment.

***

Arsalan

" You're totally smitten by your woman."The blue eyed man spoke smirking.His tall frame supporting a long dark blue coat, keeping him warm.

I smiled feeling my heart burst with the love I was trying to hide.But it seemed there was no use.

" Why don't you tell her?"Bashar said pacing around the room before taking the seat before me.

I scratched my neck suddenly nervous at the thought.We sure were taking baby steps in our relationship but I wasn't sure what she thought of me or what she felt.Maybe she didn't even like me or she was-

" I don't know, is it a good idea?"Pushing all thoughts away I asked the man seeing him play with the paper weight on my table.His blue eyes darting up to look at me.

" Well its better you tell her now when you are sure what you feel.And isn't it just the right time."He said shrugging his shoulder.I nodded slowly thinking over again.

Indeed it was the right time.I was over through the phase of just liking my wife.

Amal was my hope.

Amal was my light.

Amal was my home.

Amal was my shadow.

Amal was my red heart.

Amal was my life.

Amal was my happiness.

Amal was my everything.

And I wanted to be Amal's everything.

I vouldn't just go and sacrifice my life for any woman, I wanted to do it for my Amal.I could do anything for her, anything she wanted me to do.I would walk through a brick wall just to hear my name from her.

I loved her.

I loved my Amal.

I loved my wife.

I loved Amal Arsalan Khan.

I couldn't even imagine my life without her now.Everything seemed colourless with out her.Everything seemed dark without her light.Everything seemed hopeless without her.I was crazily in love with her.

The men and women conversed as I sat inattentive before my own working staff.Thinking about only one Woman.

" Thats all for today gentleman and ladies."I said dismissing everyone from the conference room.Closing the files before me, I looked up to see Violetta gathering her things.I frowned suddenly realization dawning on me.

" Violetta, where is your HOD, Sikander?"I asked.

She glanced at me, confused she said.

" Sir, he emailed all of us last night that he had some emergency and he was rushing back to his country."

" Okay, you may leave."I said to her seeing the woman nod and walk out of the room.

Shit.

If Sikander had gone to Pakistan then by now Amal surely knew about it.Checking through my mails, I searched for Sikander's.He had indeed emailed that he was leaving and wouldn't be able to attend the office for a view weeks.

My eyes read the words again and again.A sudden uneasiness forming inside me as if a storm was about to let loose.My stomach twisted in a bad way.Loosening the tie around my neck, I thought to myself.Leaning against the comfortable chair I decided.

I will tell Amal about my feelings today no matter what and also tell her what I was hiding from her.

*

" That one please."I said to the kind lady as she picked out the big bouquet of fresh red roses.

" Here you go.Fresh just for your lady."The woman said smiling brightly as I thanked her.Taking the bouquet from her hands, I smelled the roses.

I just hope Amal likes them.

Walking away from the stall, I strolled through the winter night.My heart thudding loudly against my ribcage.The apartment building came into view making me walk through the entrance and in to the building.

A sudden nervousness settling within my nerves.How am I even gonna say it?What if she doesn't likes it?What if she doesn't want to progress this much?What if she doesn't likes me?

This is now or never-just go for it.
A voice in my head said.

With the shaky of my fingers, I twisted the door knob.The dim lights welcomed me as I stepped inside my home.My hold on the bouquet tightening.Inhaling a deep breath, I looked around the silent house.

Putting away the warm coat, I called out for my wife,

" Amal-"I heard footsteps in the bedroom.Feeling my fully red heart jump out from my ribcage, I turned my back to the closing footsteps.Amal stopped closer to me, I could feel her presence near me.

The air around us moving.

" I want to tell you something."A soft voice broke the comfortable silence between us.The smile slowly slipped off my face as I heard the words.

Turning around to face my world, I remained shocked.With the minimal light illuminating around us, I could see the redness lining Amal's eyes.The tears swimming in her grey eyes.The blush pink nose with the nose ring.Her pale face and her quivering lips staring at me.

" What happened-"I started, reaching out to her but she took a tentative step back.An unknown fear surged within making me stop any advancement towards her.

" Amal.."I trailed off seeing the suitcase besides her.

My eyes widened as my heart stopped beating.My world turning upside down.

" I am leaving."You.She said yet her words remained like sharp arrows to my heart.Piercing through my each fiber.A sudden coldness running through my veins.Not getting any of it, I shook my head.Moving some steps away I looked at the woman, I called my wife.

" What are you saying?"Something was chocking me.She was choking me.The walls closing up on us, suffocating me.The woman sniffed, her large grey eyes looking right through me.Pain evident on her features yet still she was doing this.

" You never told me that my house was burned."She said, her face twisting in pain.The accusation standing out in her words.

" I-I didn't want to burden you with something that might hurt you.I got a call from Abbottabad telling that Aunty Shahana's house was caught up in fire and I was just about to-"

" Not only the house was burned but the gardner's family living there was also burned to death."She yelled as tears rolled down her cheeks.

A heavy weight settled on my chest.My eyes widening at the new information.Something broke inside me, the shattering sound so loud that it killed the deafening silence.My limbs froze, Amal's intense stare leaving me ashen.

" Sikander bhai already went back.Aunty Shahana is not in her right mind.She was crying hysterically all day, knowing that the home her husband build, the only place where her children grew up, the roof under which we saw happiness and grief was burned to ashes.You could have told me earlier."Her voice turned soft, her reddening eyes staring at me for answers.

" I could buy you thousands of houses like that-"I said but was cut off by Amal's voice.

" Its not about the house."She yelled with tears streaming down her face.

" Its about the memories we had their.Uncle had put his blood and sweat to build that house.The only place on earth we had apart from London.Jalal Khan's men put it on fire."She cried wrapping her arms around her self.

She was breaking herself and me.I reached out to touch her again but she moved away again.Walking inside the bedroom, she disappeared from my sight.I glared at the suitcase sitting a few steps away from me.

What have I done-I should have told her the night when I told her about Jalal.

Amal walked back into the living room with her phone in her hand and her bag.

" You promised that you'll give me anything, I'd want from you."She said in her shaky soft voice.

Lumps forming in my throat as my eyes turned glassy.My brain was too stunned to function as I remained frozen on my spot.

" I want freedom.Freedom from this place.Freedom from being with you."She spoke breaking me apart.I felt myself being torn apart.The sobs rustling out of her mouth as she cried.

The bouquet of fresh roses slipped from my hand.The roses hitting the ground soundlessly just how my heart did.

" Amal-"My voice sounded husky and low.

She shook her head.Her eyes glancing up at me.

" You promised.You promised me.I want to go with Aunty Shahana.I want to find myself where I lost myself.I would always have my name attached to yours but I can-n-ot l-li-ve h-ere.."She breathed out as if the words poisoned her too as they did to me.

I was drowning in a sea.There was water everywhere.My limbs were giving up, I couldn't fight.I couldn't swim up.

I was drowning.

I was drowning.

I was drowning.

Closing my eyes tightly.I pulled at my dark strands.My fingers gripping my hair roots and I groaned.Walking past the woman I stood by the large windows in the living room.Unclocking them, I slid them open allowing the cold air to skim past us.

I shouldn't have promised her.

It was all my fault.

I shouldn't have.

How would I live without her.

How would I breath without her,
She was the fvcking air I breathed.

Tears brimmed my eyes as I breathed in deeply and then breathed out.

" Why are you doing this Amal?"I asked turning my back to her.

I could feel her move, her light steps pacing.

" I don't mean to hurt y-you."The soft voice whispered.

" But you are still hurting me-"I growled loudly punching the window pane.The woman gasped behind me making me turn to look at her.Silent tears streaming down her eyes as she remained stiffened in her steps.

The air around us thickened.Making me regret immediately.Running a hand past my jaw, I said.

" I am sorry.I didn't meant to yell at you."Am looked down to her feet.The dark blue veil slipping on her shoulders from her head.Her black thick strands inviting me to run my fingers through their length.I looked at her pained.

My heart was bursting.

" It has to be done at some point in our life.You married the woman only to protect her.I was just any other woman you wanted to protect.And along the time, I have somehow lost my identity.I want to live like I lived before.Without any fear, without any sorrow."She said in a small voice.Hearing the words from her mouth, I strode towards her.

Gripping her shoulders, I pulled her towards me,

" You are not just any other woman.You are my damn wife."I said feeling the anger course through my veins.

Her eyes looked up, sadness filling in her once shining orbs.Her trembling hands reached towards my cold ones as she placed them on mine.

" You're hurting me."She voiced out hissing.My eyes looked at my hands on her shoulder, my harsh grip probably hurting her.

Moving away from the woman, I looked around my dark house.My breaking house.

" I don't have any complain from you.You could have any woman, and I would never say anything to you because I wouldn't be here."Amal said tearing me more apart.

She was slicing each piece of me.Cutting through my flesh.Piercing so deeply into me, that I feared I would never heal again.Because Amal was mu healing.She was my everything.And when everything is gone, nothing is left.

The tears that rolled down my eyes I didn't brush them away.My hand did reach towards my chest where my heart lay just to see was it still beating or not?

" Please let me go."A soft whisper becoming the loudest scream.

" For the sake of your happiness."As Amal pronounced the words out my eyes shot to hers.Her hands were joined before me.She was begging of me.

Silly, she didn't even know that all my happiness was her.

Reaching towards her joined hands, I lowered them.Shaking my head at her, I wiped the tears away.

" Please don't do this to us."I begged instead wanting her to brighten my house once more.My hands were shaking as I gripped hers.My cold skin over her warm one.

" Please Amal."I whispered out.

The woman cried lowering her head.I couldn't stop the flood of tears in my eyes as I let them free.

There comes a point in a man's life when he is defenceless.Powerless before the situation.Hopeless before the situation.When all of his weapons are lowered as he succumbs before the dominant.The man's weakness isn't love.Love is strength but the power holding all of this together is weak.The threads holding love together is weak.

I was at my weakest.I couldn't stop her from going.I was defenceless before her.My vulnerability standing out.

Grey eyes clashed with my charcoal ones and I stilled.Her face only visible before me and everything else dispersing in thin air.My world spinned as I felt reality punching me hard.The same face I saw almost five years before.The same face I saw few months back.

Not able to contain myself, I wrapped my arms around her.Pulling her in as she moved closer to me.Her arms going around me.I tightened my arms fearing she'd slip away.I felt myself reliving all moments with her again.Remembering each tiny details since she walked in my life.

The night I brought her home for the first time.

The day when I accidently locked her in the guest room.

The first time she cried.

The first time we went out together.

The night we watched football match together.

The evening I told her about Bashar.

The day she panicked.

The spaghettis she made for lunch.

The innocent questions she asked.

Her shopping day out with Rhea.

Our dinner at her Aunt's house.

The first dance we had.

The black dress on her.

The first time we held hands.

The time she cried on my shoulder.

The day she trusted me.

The day she showed me her scars.

The day I fell in love with her scars.

I day she showed care for me.

The soft whispers we shared.

The day we shopped.

Our first date together.

The first time I kissed her.

The day she hugged me.

The day I teased her.

The day she missed me.

The day she took care of me.

The day I missed her.

The second time we kissed.

The happiness and smile on her face.

The day I made us breakfast.

The night she got henna on her hands.

The night she was happy.

The night we kissed again.

I cried burying my face in the warm skin of her neck.

" Don't leave."I whispered in her skin.And the whisper seemed as if reality dawned on us making the woman stiffened in my arms.My jaw hardened as I felt her grip loosen.

Pulling away from her, I took a step back feeling her take one back too.She was drawing an invisible line between us.Parting our ways.Making it clear that we were not to walk alongside.

" I have to go."She said brushing away her tears.I gulped roughly down my throat.The mere gesture causing immense pain.

I never got to tell her what I felt for her.

Coldness seeped through my cells with her being away from me.

Please ALLAH stop her.

PLEASE STOP HER.

I yelled in my mind.Biting against my lower lips, I wiped the cold tears away from my face only to allow the much colder ones to take their place.

Moving around the room, the woman placed her phone on the coffee table.I closed my eyes tightly.Everything already slipping from my hands.

" Aunty must be waiting for me."I averted my eyes as she walked over to her bags.Gripping against the handle of her suitcase noisily.I could feel her grey eyes look around the house.

" Its for the better Arsalan."She whispered lastly.My name rolling off her tongue smoothly.The name I loved more because how she used to say it.My shoulders shook as I cried silently.

The sound of the door opening burst through the silent apartment.Closing my eyes tightly, I opened them.

She was going away.

SHE WAS LEAVING ME.

SHE WAS TAKING EVERYTHING OF ME.

SHE WAS TAKING ALL OF ME WITH HER.

Amal was taking away my everything with her.A half part of me going along with her.Turning my eyes to the door, I could see her stand in the doorway with her bags.Feeling my eyes on her, she turned around.Her teary face tearing me apart.

She was giving me the full right to think that she was chosing something else over me.She knew it.She knew, she was chosing something over me.

She breathed in a deep breath.Leaving the bags there, the woman walked back to me.Her hands cupping my face before she placed her lips on mine.Half of me was going with her and now she was taking all of me.But with the kiss she was giving me the last part of her.

Our tears mixed together as Amal pressed her lips harder.Her hands shaky and cold against my face.

It was our last kiss.

The sad kiss.

The goodbye kiss.

Seconds turned into minutes.Breathless she pulled away.An emotion shining in her eyes I couldn't decipher.

" ALLAH Hafiz, Arsalan."She whispered.Her hands landing on my chest, her hand stopping just where my heart thudded.

Smiling at me despite her tears she walked back.Grabbing her bags she walked out closing the door on her way.My eyes remained fixed on the closed door.It felt as if a storm had come and gone.

My mind unable to decipher anything.The woman that remained in my arms a few moments ago wad gone.

My Amal was gone.

My hope was gone.

All energy drained out of me and before I knew, I was on my knees crying.She took my heart even with her.

"AMAL"I shouted loudly.

Her name becoming a mantra as I kept calling her.I couldn't even take the pain without her.With her being with me made everything easy.

But I remained empty.

Arsalan Khan was nothing without Amal Arsalan Khan.

An hour later, a knock on the door sounded.Averting my eyes from the roses on the floor, I looked at the closed door.

I knew she could never go away from me..

***

So...

Don't hate Amal.. Look, their house was burned.. and its just not a thing..

I actually cried writing this, so I want to know how it effected you ,

Let me know by your precious comments and votes .

And I have nothing else to say.

Until next time,

_Hafsa