I keep on smiling and chuckling as I observe him. He's already sleeping, hugging one of his pillow tight and you know what makes my smile wider? It is because he is mumbling my name and I even caught him mumbled 'I love you' with it.

This adorable thing really loved me, huh?

I took out my phone from my pocket and I nearly fell off the bed when I saw the time. It's already 12 am! I am carried away and for sure, my mom was already home.

But do I care? ...

Of course, some part of me cares! What if she'll barge into my room and search for me or something?! Wait wait wait! My naked magazines and porn DVDs are in a complete mess! I didn't had the chance to fix it yesterday because I was too lazy. Well, just kidding. It's not like it's all over my room. Some of it are on the top of my bed so yeah. 

I adjusted the comfy, thick blanket to Jungkook before I kiss him in the forehead then grab my backpack. I hurriedly exited his room and practically run to the elevator. When I reached the ground floor, I noticed that Mrs. Kang isn't here anymore. Instead there is another woman who is in duty, guess it's really late indeed!

Within 30 minutes, I reached my house. The lights are still on - for sure mom is waiting in the living room, getting ready to scold me so hard.

I gulped first before I twist the door knob. Why am I acting like a coward when I act like a rebel in front of my mom? The irony of life, really. 

"Hey, mom." I said casually after I closed the door, I was right. She was sitting in the sofa, watching television.

She looked at me with his brows up then closed the television.

"How can you casually greet me when it's already 12:30 am and you just got home?" She asked, still with her brows raised. You can easily tell that she is just restraining herself from punching me or some thing like that.

"But... At least, I'm safe and sound."

She glared at me, "My friend called me and said she saw you with someone in a restaurant."

I immediately froze and tilted my head because of confusion. Friend? Who? What? Wait, of course. I do not know anyone from my mom's circle of friends. It's her fault, tho. She's not taking some of her friends home and she's not inviting me to any of her parties. Well, as if I will agree to go with her. But at least she'll introduce some to me sometimes. 

"What?" I gasped.

"You are with a guy. He's clinging to you." She said, now crossing her arms.

I coughed, "Well, he's just a.. friend. You know, bond--"

"I know you are lying, Kim Tae Hyung."

I pursed my lips, "And so, if he's a guy?"

"Your dad going to beat you up."

If only my parents knew how many guys I hooked up with...

"Do dad even care?" She didn't answer.

"Yes." She said before I speak again.

I scoffed, "If he cares, why is he not here? Whatever. I am just wasting my time talking to you."

Before we argue about the same issue all over again, I turn my back from my mom and walk upstairs. But she said something that made me stop in my pace.

"There's nothing I can do, Taehyung. If only I can make him stay." She said, her voice full of sadness.

I closed my eyes but opened it again then proceed to my room, not taking a glance from my mom again. When I reached my room, I immediately went in then locked the door. I lean my back at the door and a deep sigh escaped from my lips.

I always wanted to leave this house and run away. But I just can't... I know, some part of me hates mom but deep inside - she's one of those important people in my life and I just can't leave her no matter how much I want.

Well, let me tell you the story.

I had a happy and normal family last 4 years ago. Plus I am not this kind of player before. Not until, dad changed all of the sudden and left home without any last words. That sucks, right? I even remembered that I keep on asking mom when he will come home when I was kid. 

My mom starts to change, too. She became busier than ever. Sometimes, she will not go home and she'll just text me that she's in an urgent out-of-town business trip. That's why there's a big gap between the both of us.

After a month or two, dad came back home. I thought we will go back being a happy family but I am very wrong.

He said that he had another family than us.

I started hating dad because of that. How can he do that to us? There's nothing wrong with us. My mom is a hard-working and caring woman. But I guess, life is really like that and there is nothing I can do with that.  Life is really unfair and reality isn't that interesting at all. 

But dad promised to sustain our financial needs, he also gives mom a phone call once or twice a month.

But that is not enough.

That's why I'm scared of people whom I loved leaving me.

That's why I am fond of playing with people's feelings because in my perspective - playing with other's feelings instead of mine is better. I know it's mean and selfish but what can I do? It's much better to make others cry because of me than making myself cry because of the problems I have. 

But I had my angel now so I'll stop.

Jungkook is all I need. He's the one who can calm me down.

I was brought back to reality when I felt tears falling down my eyes. It's been a while since the last time I cried. I sit down, still leaning on the door, and hugged my knees. I let myself cry, I want this emotions out of my system. I just can't act like a tough, cold guy forever. I cannot act like everything is always fine to me. 

I still have a heart, of course. I still can feel such feelings. 

I heard a knock at my door but I didn't bother to open it.

Mom sighed and said, "Good night, sweetie. I hope you are sleeping now because I know that you are tired. I love you." Before I heard her footsteps walk away from my room.

I closed my eyes tight, these tears can't stop from falling.

I feel bad all of the sudden for treating my mom like that. But can you blame me? I lacked in attention. I can't help myself from acting like that in front of my mom. Even though I wanted to cherish her, there is a part from me that stops myself from doing that. Hating her became more significant than valuing her. 

Then I remembered what Jungkook told me recently.

"Now. Promise me this. I know overthinking is hard to stop. Just worry less. You got me, Tae. Remember what I said. I am always right here for you no matter what. I don't want you to worry. I just want us to be happy and real."

I made a promise to him. I should really stop overthinking because this is not good to me. This is making myself weak which is not on my list. I need to be strong for myself and for Jungkook. I need to be the strong one between the two of us. 

I sighed and stand up. At least, I feel a little bit lighter because I already cried and let those feelings out of my system - that is much better than keeping it to myself all the time. 

I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower before I changed into my boxers and shirt. I closed the lights before I proceeded into bed. Before I fall asleep, I opened my phone and a picture of me with Jungkook showed up.

A sincere smile appeared in my face.

"Taehyung will stop overthinking from now on." I whispered before my eyes closed.

❁❁❁

[author's note] oh my gad, i'm so hooked to lana del rey hELP-

edited; 052016.