credit movie poster @-verdant-  

"If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible."

― Chuck Palahniuk

()()()

Zanna.

  After lunch, my classes went by swiftly and school was let out.

  My last hour had been choir.

  Mr Redd, the choir teacher, had stopped me after class.

  I was, as usual, the last one out the door. But I didn't mean to stay behind this time. Apparently all my choir music from my choir folder fell out, while I was shuffling like a madman to leave the room. I was rushing, because I needed to catch the bus ride home in time. And I was clumsily trying to put all the music back into my folder. And Mr Redd, being the cool teacher he was, came over and helped me.

  Once my music was back inside my folder, I bolted for the door.

  I was about to exit...

  "Zanna?"

  I stopped.

  "Yes?"

  Mr Redd came over and handed me some sheets of music stapled together. "Mr Richards and I think you should sing On My Own at the Les Misérables Highlights Festival."

  The school band would be performing the highlights of Les Misérables around November, and I'd audition for On My Own. I'd read the book and seen every film adaptation of the book/musical.

  Taking the sheet music, I instantly felt this indescribable excitement wavering through my bones. I thought I hadn't gotten the part. Mitchie Lux, had kept bragging in chemistry, about getting the solo to "On My Own". But then that meant, it hadn't been true all along. Mitchie Lux was a certified compulsive liar anyway. She lied about everything from who she was dating to who she'd hooked up with last weekend.

  Ha, I thought, I really did get the part.

  I knew I could do it. Our school's band was great, and I considered myself a great singer.

  I wouldn't disappoint.

  I smiled at Mr Redd, and gladly thanked him.

  Now that I was running late to the bus, I prayed to God I'd get there just in time. Mr Ray, the bus driver, was pretty considerate when it came to waiting on you, but I didn't know if he'd still be waiting on me. So much time had passed, and he could only wait for so long.

  However I'd been too late. I knew it.

    I stopped running as I realized there was no buses to be seen. All of them. Gone.

  I just knew I wouldn't have been able make it in time.

  Noted, I could feel my heart beating fast from all the running, and before I could even think of what to do next, I sat down on a nearby bench close to the school's entrance, and waited 'til I caught my breath.

  Shit, I thought.

  My mom was working late, plus it didn't help that she worked an hour away from here. That meant, she wouldn't be able to pick me up without having to get off early, and we couldn't even afford that. By the time my mom would be able to come and pick me up, school would be closed and vacant.

  I also didn't want her to be mad at me for missing the bus, and I didn't want her getting off early because of me. I wanted to save myself from a tongue lashing.

  I couldn't think of anyone else who could come and pick me up. The reason was, I didn't have anyone else. Sure there was my older sister Tish who lived all the way in Chicago with her boyfriend Keith.

  But really, it was just me and mom.

  I didn't live far from the school—I didn't live close either. I'd have to cross two freeways, before I'd successfully make it home. And I hated doing that. I hated having to push that stupid button just to cross over to the other side.

  However, if I wanted to get home, I'd have to do it.

()()()

  See, I knew I could be a big girl. I was getting closer to my neighborhood.

  I was just a street away from it.

  The streetlamps were on, in other words it meant, that it was getting pretty late. But I wasn't freaking out; my mom wouldn't be home anyway. I even sounded convincing when she'd called me a little while ago, asking if I was home. I felt bad lying to her, but it was for the best. I'd told her I was cooking me some Hamburger's Helper.

  She believed me.

  What was there to be so terrified about? Sure, there could always be the chance of a kidnapper coming about saying something about a lost dog, or perhaps even the chance of getting hurt; out of nowhere could a car come and hit you. But I was almost home.

  Oh, it was so frustrating seeing people in my grade in their cars whizzing past me. Probably laughing at me, and feeling sorry for me. Damn, it would make me feel real good if someone offered me a ride. If a classmate offered me a ride—even just a short distance—I'd start feeling better about tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and so on...I'd have hope for my generation, for the human race in general.

  Yet, as I continued to walk down the sidewalk I was neglected. Just then did a girl from Yearbook pass by in her car. She didn't see me, but I saw her. I could even hear the song she was listening to. It was that one Charlie Puth song that I forgot the name of. She looked all happy and just grand! Because she actually did fit-in at school, and her daddy worked at the school, too. So, wasn't she just spoiled rotten? For some reason, just then, I got this sudden urge to flip her off.

  But I didn't.

  Why make myself more of a victim to silent bullying. "Yeah...she liked flipped me off. So, let's ignore her today," I could hear her tell that to all the girls in Yearbook. She'd probably even tell the damn Yearbook teacher about this, too. Resenting me even more...

  Man, it was hard to even imagine a difference there'd be if I never ever went back to that damned school again—even if it was death that kept me from returning to high school. Even so, everyone would just carry on normally. One time in a day during the second week of my absence, a weirdo might ask out loud, "Hey, where's that one girl? Anna was it? Where'd she go?"

  Some answers would be careless shrugs. Responses of,

  "Who? Oh, I dunno."

  "Well, I never really talked to her. She asked me for a pencil once."

  I shook my and sighed. I needed to think about something else.

  Maybe if I were athletic...

  Maybe if I was athletic, maybe I would be able to walk home without feeling this monkey on my back.

  Walking home was sort of like an exercise for me. My backpack was the monkey. It was heavy with library books and school supplies. I so badly wanted to hitch it over a fence somewhere, for it wouldn't be lagging me so much. But it was no use; I kept treading towards my neighborhood.

  My main and only goal was to get home in one piece.

  I smiled at the word home.

  I wouldn't play Sims tonight. I had my set where once I got home, I'd take a nice hot shower and climb into bed, underneath my warm covers.

   Now at the second traffic light, I stopped walking. There weren't any cars at the moment which surprised me. I looked both ways, making sure I wasn't just dreaming. There weren't any cars coming from either direction, and I wouldn't have to push the button. Yay! Quickly making my way across the vacant street, the last thing I remember was a swerving pickup truck heading my way.

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A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter. Ask any questions if you like. I'd really appreciate it. Any feedback is welcome.

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