Chapter One

December 21, 1993

"Dad, which one should I pick for Ian, the white friendship bracelet or the green one?" I ask while looking at the shiny bright colors glaring at me almost as if each one is begging me to pick them.
"Uh- I don't know, what's your color?" I look up to him, distracted by the different array of colors. In my back jean pocket I pull out a sage green bracelet with a heart.
"I think I'm gonna choose white." I say. We walk to the register and above all the cigarettes I see a poster that reads, "Movie Night Drive In Tonight at 7-9 Pm" I quickly look over to my dad and tug his collar.
"Can I go with Ian?" I ask pointing up to the sign.
"Yah of course sweetie." He says chuckling.

We arrive back at our house to see my older brother helping mom decorate for Christmas, all laughing and smiling and playing the sweet tones of Christmas background music. A picture perfect moment for a picture perfect family. I wait in the car just to take in how lucky I am to have a family like this. A loud knock comes from my side of the window.
"Are you gonna sit in here and day dream or come and help?" My dad says smiling. I sigh and get out of the car with my tiny little white bag that holds the bracelet for my beloved best friend.
"Does it look nice?" My mom says holding up the reef to the front door. I laugh and tell her yes, of course.
"Well princess, you can help me put the garland around the banisters. Also there's hot coco inside waiting for you." My brother says with a smirk..
"Shut up." I tell him and run to the kitchen.

After all the extra Christmas decorations are put up I go to my room to get ready for the drive in, I can't drive yet till next year, but Ian can. I put on my gray sweater with ripped skinny jeans and a black beanie. I add some mascara and red lipgloss and I'm almost ready... I take out the friendship bracelet for him and clutch it in my hand. I look one last time in the mirror before he arrives.
"Bailey! Your friend is here!" My mom calls from downstairs. I ignore her.
I quickly put on my fuzzy boots and run down the stairs to see him waiting. He looks so handsome with his black long coat. He smirks and holds out his elbow.

"What movie do you think they'll play?" I ask over the semi-loud Christmas music playing.
"Uh- I'm not entirely sure. I think they might be playing Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or something." He answers. Oh I think.
"Doesn't Chevy Chase play in that?" I ask
"Hell yah. All where the name vacation is in a title of the movie, you'll always see him." He laughs, I let out a little chuckle. The car ride was filled with laughter and conversation and we would talk about our relationship with our siblings to our relationship with chocolate. He's the type of person I can come back to for everything. My best friend since first grade.

We arrive at the drive in, literally just in time, the previews are playing and people are talking and all comfy in the back of their truck.
"Hey I'm gonna go get popcorn and hot chocolate, that's alright?"
"It's perfect." I tell him. I sit comfortably in the plaid red and black Christmas blanket and watch the previews. He comes back with a large bucket of popcorn and two styrofoam cups of hot chocolate.
"I have something I wanna show you." I say as he gets in the trunk and makes himself comfortable by me. I see his breath in the cold air.
"Yeah.' He responds. I grab the white bracelet from my pockets, still warm. And hand it to him.
"See, it matches mine." I lock the heart in with the outlined heart. It connects. "Promise you'll be here with me through everything." I say.
"Of course." He answers.

December 21, 1994.

I have a question. When you read that, did you think I had the perfect life? Because I did. I had everything I've ever needed and wanted. A perfect life. Well that night I came home police were sitting on my front porch interrogating my brother and my mother, and than me. Why? Because my dad was nowhere to be found. Nowhere. My mom sat crying on the porch, my brother like an open book upset. From than on my life went downhill. My dad made most of our income so we had to move towns and in a trashy 3 bed 2 bath house. It's small and dirty, and no one even cares to clean up, the outside looks trashy. Our family looks trashy. Only on the inside. My mom still wants to continue our reputation to have a perfect looking life on the outside, but on the inside she makes our life hell. It's like she doesn't even care what happened. It's like nobody even cares about each other anymore. My brothers in his room smoking pot, not in college. I'm here working my ass off at school and my mothers doing whatever the hell she wants to do, weather it's drinking or sleeping. I lost all my friends accept for Ian. Our house isn't even decorated for Christmas, and Christmas is a huge holiday for our family. We didn't even do anything for Thanksgiving either. I'm sick of feeling like shit, and sitting in my room all day studying and doing homework. There's nothing to do anymore. It's a Friday night and usually I would've been with my girlfriends shopping or at the local diner. Or with Liam. Now I'm just sitting here in the dark, with the light breeze of the winter air slowing coming in through the crack of my window.

I hear my door open and assume it's my mom that just got back from work. She got fired from her job 6 months ago for never being on time and being uncooperative, so now she works at a grocery store. I decide to greet her like always, not expecting a "good, how about you?" Response.

"Hey mom." I say on the stairs while she walks in, her hair all frizzy and her shoulders down.
"Hello, sweetie. I'm not in the mood for talk right now, okay." She says as she quickly walks past me, I follow her to the kitchen while she pops open a beer and starts chugging it like an athlete who's been running for 6 hours nonstop in desperate need of water.
"Okay than, I'll just go." I say and as I'm about to walk up the stairs I hear a bang.
"Mom?" I say and turn around, she standing there like a psycho, the beer can across the room and the excess dripping off her fingers.
"You know what young girl." She walks up to me with her finger in my face.
"I have had enough with your attitude, it's been hard on all of us with dad missing, don't you dare ever act entitled anymore." She screams in my face. My eyebrows scrunch and my eyes dilate. She backs away, realizing what she's just done and falls into her chair and starts sobbing.
"I'm sorry, I'm trying, Bailey. I am."
I come over and hug her. A tear slips out my eye, running slowly down my cheeks. Her breath shaky and her feet tap. I walk away and I take a glance at her before I walk upstairs. Seeing your mom exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained is difficult. There's nothing I can do though. As I'm walking up the stairs I smell something funny, it's coming from the brothers room.
"Andrew." I say as I open the door. And a huge whiff of weed comes running towards my nose. I pinch my nose between my thumb and my pointer finger.
"Why." I say, my voice shaking.
"Why not."
I nod my head.
"So is this it, your just gonna throw your whole life away for some plant!" I say, my voice noticeably higher.
"Bailey, chill-"
"No, don't tell me to chill, Andrew-" I cut him off, and before I finish my sentence I realize that he doesn't even care.
"Whatever." I say and slam his door shut. I slam myself onto my bed and start crying.
"Why does life need to be this way." I sob. I can't stop crying until I can't. I lift my head from my bed, and huge wet spot from where I'm crying is left in a circle on my bed. I sniffle and I call Ian.
"Hey." I say.
"What's up?"
"Do you wanna hangout?"
"Of course." He answers, which leaves a smile on my face.