Three months passed after the meeting with Aatifah. We had not met again after that. In that one meeting, Sa'ir had ensured that whatever friendship -- connection -- we had developed; it would be severed.

He had also been successful in ensuring that I would not get any help from her. I could not go back to her. I could not summon the courage. How could I go to her and tell her that I needed her help despite what I did to her? I was a lowly woman. But I had some shame in me.

The three months that had passed had proved to be a blessing for Aadam. He had grown stronger, sturdier, and had become my motive to live. I could not believe that I had despised him during birth. I blamed my emotions -- the pain; -- but I knew that was not the truth. I had despised him before because by coming to the world he snatched away the life that I was living. I was forced to become a mother.

In these three months; it was something I had begun to enjoy!

"Will Zainab baaji ever perform with us again?"

We were sitting in our courtyard that looked at the garden. Our quarters were better than other maids and servant because we did better than simply serve -- we were his source of income. I was lying on the mat, staring at the sun, and imagining the blood moon against the day sky. Aadam had enraptured one of my sisters and she was busy playing with him. I looked at my other sister -- the one that had spoken -- and raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you ask?"

She was a beautiful girl; only aged sixteen with black flowing hair and bright dark eyes. She was also my successor. The one that was trained to be a superior dancer after me. There was something that was commonly known amongst us dancers; despite what we said, we loved the attention that we got when we danced. For a moment, it gave us a surge of power. The truth that we could intoxicate people with our movement was simply domineering. The feeling only lasted during the dance. Later on, when we were ogled by men, it was easy to forget the power we once thought we had.

I understood what the girl meant by the question. She had enjoyed being the attention in my absence. She did not want to let it go.

She shrugged, "I don't know."

She sat, poised on the chair, carefully and intricately braiding her long and luscious hair. I felt a pang of jealousy as I stared at her. I would never look like that again. I missed my youthful beauty.

"No," I finally said lying back, "I won't be dancing with you anytime soon." I glanced at the baby on one of my sister's lap. "Aadam needs me."

And I wont be staying here long, I said to myself.

I had finally been able to think through what I imagined to be a plan. Of course, without anyone to talk to or discuss, I had no idea if it was good one or a bad one. I had never considered myself smart; a bit witty, a bit hot-tempered, but not smart. This was new ground that I was walking on. However, I had one thing that kept me going, and it was my son. I could not let my son live here with that mind. I had thought through that too.

Was I being selfish? Was I snatching away a life filled with riches from Aadam? Would he be happy?

I knew I was snatching away his father from him. I knew that when he grew up he might blame me for that. But I was secretly hoping that he would understand -- understand why I was going to escape.

"Zainab baji, are you listening?"

"W--What?" I said looking up at her.

"I was saying that I'm excited about the performance that is going to happen in few days. I've heard lot of important people are coming."

"Yes," I said feeling a flicker of annoyance, "It will be delightful."

"Do you miss it?" She asked.

I sighed. The kid was a curious one. Usually, I didn't like questions but motherhood was teaching me how to be patient.

"Performing?" I shrugged. "Not really."

It was also teaching me how to be a good liar.

She hummed at that and looked away. I caught sight of one of the servant boy passing us, he looked at the girl strangely, and when I looked back at her, she had turned red. I sighed, loudly, praying that she wouldn't make the mistake that I had.

He must have notice me sigh because he hurried away. But he was followed by another person. She was a small girl -- a new recruit -- she seemed to be running because when she neared I could hear her pant. She gave me a nod, out of respect, and then turned her gaze to the girls.

"Mahnoora, Afrah," she said softly, possibly scared of the other girls, "Khatoun is asking for you for training."

The girls nodded with Mahnoora bringing Aadam to me. He had a strand of her hair in one of his tiny fist. I smiled at him.

"Could you help me tie him around? I want to get some work done." I said to Mahnoora. She nodded and I bent to pick up a red scarf that she can use to tie him against my body. I preferred him on my chest, rather than the back, so that I could sneak a look at him whenever I wanted to. He didn't like being tied around. I suppose we were the same that way. But he did settle down once he realised that I'd be moving around a lot.

Once Aadam was comfortable against my chest, Mahnoora nodded, and both the girl took off.

I inhaled loudly, I had the entire house for myself. I licked my lower lip. It was time to put a part of my plan in action.

The one thing that I had wondered while planning out our little escape was what I would next. I had not met a lot of people who had escaped, but I assumed that they focused so much on how to escape, that they did not wonder about what to do next.

But I was a mother. I needed to think that. In order to give Aadam a decent future. I had to give him few things; the most basics of them were -- food, clothes and shelter.

To be able to give that, I needed money.

I had never imagined myself to be a thief. I was a lowly woman; I was willing to sell my body for money but to actually steal, I had never done it before. I wanted to steal from Sa'ir himself. After all, I needed some sort of revenge from him. But he'd know and it would be an added motivation for him to seek his revenge from me. I didn't want to be tied to this continuous revenge-loop. I wanted to be free of him.

Who could I steal from?

Khatoun.

My dear, lovely mother, who had found me when I was young, promised me food and shelter and lured me to her place. She was one who had started the dancing but she did not have a decent financial support unless Sa'ir took over from her.

She was paid a lot and Sa'ir gave her incentives. She was a rich woman. We were given incentives too but since we had everything we needed, we never cared to ask our share.

Now, I needed my share.

Our quarters had two floors; Khatoun and I lived in the lower floor. It had strategic purposes. If Sa'ir wanted to send someone or talk to us then we wouldn't have the girls bothering us. Also, it helped Khatoun keep an eye on me and the girls. She did not do a good job (or I would not end up being pregnant).

"I'm not a thief," I muttered to myself and my son as I inched closer to her room. "I am simply taking my share."

I felt fear and anxiety in my mind. I hadn't felt like this even when I was fooling around with Sa'ir. I had felt guilty. But now I felt like a traitor.

"I have to," I justified to myself, "How else do I plan to live?" I pushed open the door. My hand trembling against the handle. I took in a shaky breath, collecting my thoughts, and stepped inside.

I had been inside her room a couple of times. But without her, it felt cold, and empty. I licked my lower lip, adjusted Aadam against my chest, who had fallen asleep, and stared. I knew where she kept the money. She had showed it to me. She kept a small chest, under her mattress. The key to the chest was sewn in one of her dresses -- her favourite purple dress. She was a clever woman.

Her room smelled of frankincense and smoke. It was an intoxicating smell, and it helped me feel relaxed. Quickly, I went to the wardrobe, and opened it. It took some time to find the dress and few more minutes to rip open the stitches so that the key would fall in my hand. Aadam moved against my chest, probably aware of my heartbeating loudly. I placed the dress back and then moved towards the bed. I crouched, lifting the mattress with one hand, and pulling the chest out.

It was small black chest, it was not a pretty thing, but Khatoun was not fond of pretty. Except for girls.

I held my breath as I unlocked it.

A smile spread through my face as I stared at the content of the chest. The smile surprised me. I suppose I was glad that my future did not look too bleak. I removed a small bag from my blouse and then filled it with what I hoped to be my share of gold coins. Once it was filled enough, I locked the chest, and placed it back in its place.

I went to the wardrobe, took out a needle and thread from my blouse, and sew the key back in the dress.

Impressed that my plan didn't particularly fail. I walked out of her room, with a small bag filled with coin, and new ray of hope.

Maybe I might succeed in my plan of escape.