This song makes me cry. Like I just started listening to it and tears came from nowhere

So I give you angst.

TW: suicide+suicidal thoughts

Jeremy held the note in his hands, tears falling on to it as he read the final words of his boyfriend.

You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death.

"Jeremy if I ever die, know I'll still be with you okay. Especially in your darkest times, I promise." Michael smiled sweetly and Jeremy laid on his legs calmly.

"You really promise?"

"Mmhm."

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.

"Jere...I'm sorry...but...I...I love you so much..." Michael gently kissed Jeremy before the toxins in the pills fully took effect, causing him to go limp. Jeremy stared at the lifeless body in the hospital bed with tears in his eyes.

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

"He said I was the most amazing person in the world...Now he's gone...What am I supposed to do!?" Jeremy punched the mirror, breaking it, getting cut all over his arm, blood gently dripping down on to his dresser.

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again. I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.

Jeremy wanted to write down everything Michael had ever told him...but the harder he thought, he less he remembered. Most of his notebook became filled with tear stains and sticky paper.

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time. That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

Jeremy sat on the branch, the rope securely tied around it. He grabbed the end of the noose and put it around his neck.

He looked up at the stars and smiled. He wanted to be with Michael...but...Michael wouldn't want him to die like this would he?

"Jeremy, if anything happens to me and you even think about killing yourself... I will come back and tell you to quit it. You're too amazing to die because of me. You should get to live, see the world, don't let yourself stoop so low as to just die... it's not worth it." Michael hugged Jeremy tightly, and the brunette grabbed his hand and interlaced their pinkies

"I won't. Promise."

Here he sat though, about to hang himself.

"Michael wouldn't want this...." He mumbled as he took the noose off and climbed down to the grass.

He decided to check in on Michael's moms. They were home and told him Michael had left something for him before he left.

Jeremy went upstairs and found a small voice recorder that had a sticky note reading "JereBear, play this. -Micha" on it.

I couldn't help but ask you to say it all again.

Jeremy pressed play and listened.

"Voice record #1, November 15th, 2013. Hi Jeremy. I don't think I need to tell you who this is. But I just...I hope you eventually hear this. Today I kinda fell in love with you. Like...really really fell in love with you. I dunno why but I just really wanna be your boyfriend. Like...really badly. I think you're amazing, you're precious and talented and you don't see it but I do and I just...Maybe one day we can be together."

Jeremy didn't say anything.

I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.

"Voice record #2, November 15th, 2014. Hello again Jere. It seems I've pined over you for a year now huh. I didn't think my crush would last this long but it has...and I just want you to know my love burns brighter than it did last year. You kind of...you're the light of my life Jeremy. If you left I might as well just kill myself...of course never kill yourself if I leave okay. You're all amazing and beautiful to die. I love you... maybe next year you'll be mine. Freshman year, new start!"

"Voice record #3, November 15th, 2015. Okay I just...I'm too far into this whole pining thing now to not just tell you I love you. I love you a lot Jeremy, and I really wanna let you know but I'm just...scared you'll hate me and leave like dad did. I just want you to know I thought you looked really cute during the Halloween dance at school in your little fox costume. You're such an adorkable furry baby and I love you. Bye"

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time...

"Voice record #4, November 15th, 2016. God I'm so in love with you Jeremy. But you are just...extremely oblivious and it really hurts...I kinda started cutting over it....not a lot but like...I have a few scars now. I'm not gonna kill myself though. I promise. I love you. That makes four years. You're still amazing, and I'm not lying."

"Voice record #5, October 25th, 2017. Ya know, you really hurt me when you turned that dumb optic nerve blocking or whatever on today. I think I cut about 20 times. I can't even tell you about it because of the Squip...I still love you though. More than you could ever understand.... I'll never stop loving you Jeremy. You could kill me and I'd still love you. I just wish you knew what you did to me."

That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

"Voice record #6, October 31st, 2017. Where do I even begin this one...Oh right, I'm utterly heartbroken now. I fell so deeply in love and you just call me a loser and leave...Jeremy do...do you know had badly that hurt me? I had a freaking panic attack in the bathroom! I tried to kill myself but stopped knowing you were still alive!! I love you and you're too caught up in Christine to freaking realize it... You're the best thing that ever happened to me Jeremy...Please come back....P-Please come back to me...don't leave me alone. I can't do this a-alone...I need my p-player 2..."

"Voice record #7, November 15th, 2017. Heya JearBear. I can't believe it's taken 4 years for you to realize I love you. And you love me back... I'm honestly glad because this means I can stop cutting and hurting myself...Because I'm yours and you're mine and we're happy...I really hope that you know how happy you make me Jeremy....You make me extremely happy and I love you so much and I don't want anything to happen to you."

Jeremy noticed that most of the recordings were done on the same day of each year. Michael really had liked him since seventh grade. He wiped tears out of his eyes to listen to the last recording.

"Voice record #8, my last voice record...January 15th, 2018. Jeremy...I...I love you, and I know you know that... but I...I'm just...I'm honestly too stressed about my life, my dad's trying to get custody of me again and send me to military school, Mallory's parents hate me for being gay and are tryna force her and Mama to divorce...and your mom tried to come and take you away from me...and I just...I can't handle being without you...and I hate seeing my family hurt. This is the last you'll hear of me...unless I get sent to a hospital and you come but...I really just wanna freakin die. I'm sick of how miserable everybody is and I can't see you hurt. I love you Jeremy. I always have, always will, and I forgive you for everything you did last year and I'm glad you're alive and healthy and I want you to know that I think you're an amazing person. You have such potential in life and I want you to pursue your dreams. So I put some money under my bed, around 500 dollars I've been saving, to help with your graphic design stuff. Oh and I'm also letting you keep my hoodie and all of my games. All of my consoles. Back to what I was saying though. I want you to love yourself. Don't listen to the Squip. He's a jerk and doesn't know you like I do. You're beautiful, hilarious, cute, amazing...my life...but...I just can't keep faking my happiness...but my love isn't fake. Or as Chrsitine would say 'no stress for you my love is never in doubt' but...but seriously...I love you Jeremy...So so much...and I want you to know that...Mahal Kita JereBear. I'm sorry."

Jeremy hit the stop button, letting his tears fall from his face as he held the tale recorder next to his heart, which was slowly beating faster and faster.

"I...Mahal Din Kita Micha...If you can still hear me, wherever you are...I want you to know that I'll fulfill your wishes for you...I can't wait...to...to see you again...But I'll live the life you wanted me to live...I swear on it." Jeremy lay on Michael's bed and smiled. "I really do..."

He ended up falling asleep on the bed. The Mells walked in on him and put Michael's Pac-Man blanket over him. Jeremy seemed to smile more as the blanket came into contact with him.

It was like Michael was there with him, arm wrapped around his waist as he held him close...if only it were true.

I'm sorry for killing you with these longer parts...also Michael tried to kill himself, his moms got him to the hospital and called Jeremy, who made it right before Michael died...kinda like "All The Angels" by MCR...but probably more depressing...and very gay.