She used to be a popular girl, well-liked by many. Everyone knew her. Because of this, she felt like she's in power.

However, when she entered high school, everything changed.

Suddenly, she was the loner girl at the back of the class.

She tried everything to regain her previous power. She tried to talk to her old 'friends', but they had abandoned her.

She made a few friends, but that's it. Eventually, she just gave up, resigning herself to the fate that she will be a loner forever.

Once these walls were grey

She tried to be happy. She really did. But even her friends weren't enough to save her from falling into depression.

She started starving herself. She also started cutting, always bringing a pocket knife with her everywhere. She wore happiness like a mask, even to her friends.

But you made stars and skies and snowflakes

Then, she was reintroduced to a particular fandom.

It was the hype of BoBoiBoy Galaxy at that time, and she got curious to what the story was.

She watched it once, and she got addicted. After all, she was very interested in anything related to elemental power (which is a wonder why she wasn't into Avatar).

We found a rainbow everywhere

It made her feel like a child again. All the worries, the stress, the pressure, it would dissipate whenever she watches an episode of the series.

It was her escape from the reality.

You made a place so we could hide away

That addiction opened a portal for another addiction: writing. A place where she could express everything without being questioned. After all, everything was just a story. A fabrication.

Each story that she makes was a piece of her own life. Her own thoughts. Her own experiences. Her own emotions. Her own reality.

Through writing, she met a lot of people online. These people became her friends, and eventually, her family.

And if you stay right by my side

It all started with a collaboration. She found someone on an online platform, and that someone was planning a collaboration book. Despite being kind of new to writing, she decided to join the collaboration.

That decision changed her life significantly.

And make it through the night

The three people that she met during the collaboration grew as time passed by. Four people became twenty-five, and it was still growing.

It took months, maybe even a whole year, to make her stop cutting. It took a lot of suicide letters, and a suicide attempt just for her to realize that life is worth living.

Then you'll never have to feel alone again

That group of people became her reason to live. She wanted to help them, to talk to them, to be with them. She wanted it all to be real, and she works hard for it.

It was like having some real life friends, even though they haven't met in personal. She feels the urge to protect them, and to defend them.

So before it's time to leave, would you build a little world with me?

But everything is bound to fall apart sooner or later. The group was set to fall apart sometime in the future. It would be a good idea to keep her distance to the people there, considering what had happened to her in the past.

However, she grew dangerously attached to them, and now it was coming back to haunt her.

Once this room was cold

After her friends abandoned her, it was like she forgot how to feel happiness. She started to hear the degrading comments on her back that she used to ignore. She started doubting herself if she was even a good person. She swore to not get attached to someone else after that.

But then I asked the sun to smile again

But the heart is truly a fickle thing. She fell for three people, who were now her best friends. And now, she let herself get attached to twenty-three more people.

The past few months for her was the best time that she had in her life. For once, everything was real. No one was faking: everyone liked each other. They helped each other at times of need, and dare I say it, they all acted like real life best friends.

It was perfect.

Our castle covered the expense with all the patches, pillows we could hold

The thing is that, it didn't cost her anything. She didn't buy their friendship. It was made of pure love and/or adoration. It was friendship at its purest form.

And if I stay right by your side

They were always there for one another. From late night sad yeehaw hours to making chaos at 3 am. Time differences didn't matter. They were all weird.

She loved it.

And make it through the night

It was what kept her going, knowing that someone was out there needing her. Knowing that someone out there wanted her. Knowing that someone out there was thinking of her.

It was selfish, but she didn't care.

And I'll never have to feel alone again

Every time of the day that she can, she goes to the group chat. Sometimes, she just watches them talk. Sometimes, she goes in.

Whenever she's with them, it doesn't matter if she's alone in the house. Her autophobia wasn't acting up. Because they were keeping her company.

She wasn't alone anymore.

So before it's time to leave, would you build a little world with me?

She was part of their little world. A little world full of writers and artists. Full of weird, crazy, and sane people. Full of mothers, children and intellectuals. Spamming story prompts day and night.

A little world that finally, she belongs in.

If you stay right by my side

But then, friendships wasn't all ups. Someone will always have to leave.

The first one was Ria. But even after a few months, she was still remembered by everyone. She was the Petir of the group, being the most serious one.

We'll make it through the night

The next one happened when they all had to abandon the first group chat, as it was already full of inactive people and deactivated accounts. The inactive people were left in the chat, while they made another one where they can add more people to their craziness.

And the third one was Kaz. Or would be. A few hours after I first publish this story, she will be gone.

And we'll never have to feel alone again

Kaz was the mother (or at least, one of the mothers) of the group. She was the Gempa of the group. She was there when someone was sad, opening her DM whenever someone had a problem and needed to rant. I had gone to her a lot of times.

She was always helping someone, but no one was helping her.

So before it's time to leave would you build a little world with me?

Hey Kaz. I don't know if you'll read this, but I made this for you anyway.

You were the one who grounded us. The anchor of the group. You believed in us, and you made us believe. You helped us a lot in carrying our burdens.

I know you carry burdens of your own, and yet we, I, did nothing to help you. I regret that. You did a lot to help me, and yet, I didn't do anything to help you.

Did I greet you on your birthday? Did I tell you a Merry Christmas last Christmas? Did I tease you on Valentine's Day?

If I didn't, then I regret not doing so. Advanced happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy new year, happy Valentines and many more. I don't know if I'll be able to say it again.

A lot of questions has been going on inside my head right now. Am I not good enough? Am I too weird? Why do people have to leave? Why do people have to suffer?

But there is one question that went through my head a million times.

Why am I being selfish?

You already did a lot for us. Why can't I let you do something for your own? Why am I only thinking of myself? My own feelings?

The truth is that, I need you. Because I love you.

But then, someone did say that if you love someone, you have to let them go.

And now, Kaz. I'm gonna let you go.

Now it's time for me to leave

I'm glad you built this little world with me

And now, Kaz. It's time for you to leave. And I'm glad that you formed this little world with Scar, Val, Diana, Lara, Ainya and I.

I'm glad you made our family.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For those who didn't get it, this is the story of my life.

The song that I used was "Build a Little World with Me" by Laura Shigihara, the creator of Rakuen. The song is in its official soundtrack.

This song has been going in my head in the last few days. The song was sad by itself, and added by the fact that Kaz is about to leave, I can't stop crying. I've broken down more in the last few days than I've been in my entire life.

And my friends have left me before.

I don't know why this affected me so much, but as I was writing this, I can't stop crying. It's like my past experiences were coming back to haunt me.

And before you say anything, Kaz, it's not your goddamn fault. don't fucking blame yourself. 

I'll move on, like I always will.

So, I guess this is my formal way of saying goodbye. In a form of a oneshot gift.

Sorry if I made anyone cry.

~Glace, the protector of the hurt, a soldier of the darkness

Note: Not my fault if anyone else cries.