Look theres a stupid person writing fic in midnight even tho she has a morning class. 

A fictional universe where people does not need to care about after life. 

Dont try it at home, ur world is real world

Proceed with your own consent.

Is this me self projecting my cowardly thoughts into taufan? Pretty much yes but with more spices.

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…

When will you put that poison in my drink, i wonder? 

.

.

Another day of cold treatment. It'd be better if they just point out what's wrong about him. Really. It'd be better if they literally threw a burning soup and the pan to his face as they complained about their hatred towards Taufan. It'd be better if only they Stop telling him to give them space and let them sort their Emotions. 

Don't say that he is rushing them, it's been four years since he got this kind of treatment, or maybe more. And everytime, he could only brush it off as them having a bad mood and letting them whisper something behind his back. 

Sometimes he stares at his reflection in the mirror. It's funny how he has the same face as them but he feels like he is an outsider. Everything, every little detail, reminds him of the fact that he is not welcomed. 

And the voice that telling him that he better off dead somewhere faraway, 

That it's better for him to never exist in the first place, 

That they never accepted his existence, 

It begins to annoy him more frequently. 

And the sad part of it is, no one  realizes that something is wrong except for himself. 

They still smile at him sometimes, sharing breakfast, and having nice conversations about daily life. 

Yet, it feels so distant. It feels like they do it just for the sake of proving that they're getting along. 

Well, compared to both of them, Taufan has much more flaws. He is not a genius like Solar and Ice, not talented in sports like Hali, not dependable like Gempa. He has no special traits, he never gets a scholarship unlike all of his other brothers who always get it easily. 

It's as if, as if his role in this family is being a burden. 

He went inside the so-called 'living room' , but for him it's more like a 'pressure room' where he has to double his mask (not literally) and pretend that he is just some stupid, funny, cheerful clown like what they think of him. 

They were immersed in a deep talk about something. Yes, 'were'. After he shows up, they immediately shut their mouth, as if he should never know about the content of their talk. Taufan smiles, thank goodness he is so good at putting a stupid grinning face of his and acted like he is such a carefree teenager who cares only about having fun. 

"Good evening, Gem, you returned quite early today." He greeted the golden eyed little brother. A gentle smile appears on the motherly brother's face, "good evening to you too, Taufan. I think dinner is ready, so I'm going to go to the kitchen." He said, quite rushed in Taufan's opinion. 

Taufan smiled, the ice blue eyed teenager was still lying on the sofa, pretending to go back to nap after Gempa left the room. Taufan sat down next to him.

He hates this part of him, he hates it that he keeps trying to get closer to his brothers even though he knows that it's impossible and he will only get hurt as a result. 

Yet.. 

"I heard you won the speech competition, congratulations." Taufan said to Ice. 

The aquamarine eyes are now staring at him, he nodded, lazily. "Thanks, I was forced to join the competition." He said. 

It's a lie if Taufan said that he never feels envious towards this lazy little brother of his. He is lazy, everyone knows it. Yet he is such a genius that even if he only reads a material once he will easily memorize it. 

"I know it's nothing much, but here is some present for you." Taufan said as he gave Ice a little-nicely wrapped- box. 

Ice is silent, he gave him a small smile "thanks" he said, almost emotionless. He took the box and opened it. Inside is a little whale keychain. 

"But maybe next time.. don't bother buying things like this for me." Ice said.

Taufan is a little stunned. It's a good thing that Ice accepted his gift but the words he said… does he accept it out of a goodwill only? Is he.. unhappy with the fact that i'm giving him a gift? 

"You should spend your money wisely, unlike us, you don't get any scholarship so don't spend it on some accessories", a person wearing a visor appeared as he drank his coffee. His words hurt Taufan so much but Taufan knew that he didn't mean any harm. 

He is always sharp with words, and what he says is true. 

Once again he is reminded about the fact that he is so useless.

Taufan chuckled, "I will remember that." He said, forcing it to sound like it's a light hearted response.

Getting hit by a reality and getting slapped on the face that he is flawed is his daily routine. 

A whisper from his family that never ceases to exist. And everything changed, unfortunately, not in a good way, it's getting worse. Everything changed when his cousins, Blaze and Thorn, the duo who are also a genius, one belongs to the national junior football team, and the other brings so many trophies because of his green finger. 

The feeling of isolation and detachment is getting heavier. 

Until one day, after he got into an argument with Gempa, he couldn't stop his mouth from saying the sentences that he's been repeating for so long inside his head. "I prefer you guys kill me if you guys can no longer bear with me." 

Of course, not a scolding like what Gempa usually does to his little brothers that he received. It's an empty word of "that's not a nice words, Taufan." 

Taufan smiled, and he said good night. 

.

.

One week, two weeks. No one killed him yet. Well, not yet, literally. But mentally? Who knows. The treatment he received is getting colder and more distant. 

And he knows that maybe that's not the case, he knows that maybe he is just being overly-sensitive. But to be honest, he is so freaking tired already. 

He is tired of the neverending, unspeakable conflicts. He is tired of never having a proper solution to his problem. 

Well, Solar has so many poisonous chemicals in his study room, 

When will they put it inside his drink, he wonders? 

Or maybe they just don't want to deal with the mess of burying his corpse? Then just throw it away or something. Is it that difficult? 

Ah, right. Society is complicated after all. They will be called as a murderer. 

And if that happens, i will be a heavier burden for them. 

I'm so tired, why can't I just cease to exist? 

As if evil has taking over his mind, a stupid idea popped out inside his head. 

.

.

.

Why didn't I realize it back then? 

The one who hates me the most is me.

The one who can't bear with me the most is me.

If there's someone responsible of dealing with me, 

It's no one other than myself. 

I just use my brothers as an excuse, 

An excuse to hate myself, 

But I no longer need to do that. 

If you are talking about the best spot in this little town, then the answer is the river. Just by seeing it from afar, you can already feel the cold water. 

The sapphire blue eyes are staring at that clear,  deep pool of water. 

"It's sad that i'm living a pathetic life until the end, but it's no one's fault but me. I'm just too weak and selfish." 

So many things that he wanted to say, but he didn't know how to convey it with words. Yet, his tired blue eyes said that all. 

About his selfish and stupid choice.

About him, stopping to seek for a solution. 

And decided to drown in self hatred. 

"I know what I'm good at now" he said, as he lightly chuckled. He let himself fall from the height. His body is midair now, he can feel the nice breeze brushing his face and how fast his surroundings seem. 

"I Am good at being a coward." 

"Maybe.."

"That's my true role." 

He said as a cold pain stabbing his back from the force of the gravity. He landed on the water in a painful way of course, maybe some of his bones got dislocated.

He didn't fight back, he never tried to reach the surface, he never tried to swim to save himself. 

He chose to end it all, the pain, the bitterness, the hatred for himself, as he drowned in a cold, deep water.