"tae, you're not eating again?"

taehyung shook his head, trying to ignore the look of concern on seokjin's face.

lunch at school was absolute shit now, because his friends had started noticing and they'd started worrying, but they didn't need to worry because taehyung was most definitely just fine.

right?

"i'm just not hungry, i'm fine."

you'll only be fine when you're skinny.

"you never eat with us anymore, tae," jimin whined. "you should see a doctor, this loss of appetite thing is getting ridiculous."

"yeah." taehyung laughed softly."

pathetic bitch.

he took a sip of water.

water: zero calories.

apples and celery had negative calories.

he could have had some of those. hell, he needed some of them. he was starting to feel a little dizzy.

you don't need anything to eat.

taehyung gripped at the hem of his shirt, pulling it down over his thighs. he was hungry, but the voice in his head kept telling him he wasn't.

he didn't know what to believe.

"hey, tae, you okay?" namjoon waved a hand out in front of him. "you keep zoning out."

"oh, yeah. i'm okay. yeah."

he stood up.

he didn't feel well.

he felt nauseated every once in a while; when he couldn't stomach the food or he was feeling anxious or it'd been too long since he'd last eaten (which, in taehyung's opinion, was ridiculously masochistic of his body to try and throw up the non-existent food in his stomach).

it felt like a combination of all three today.

"where are you going?"

"bathroom."

he didn't even have time to check for people in the bathroom before he threw up.

fuck, he didn't even throw up. he more like dry heaved and spit into the toilet bowl for a few minutes.

he didn't even know what he was trying to throw up.

it'd been days since he'd last eaten anything.

the nausea left his throat eventually, and taehyung flushed the toilet and sat back against the left wall of the stall he was in, exhaling and deflating and letting himself breathe again.

he'd found that he wasn't very good at breathing.

some old woman had come in during his algebra class once, telling them all to breathe and forget and just fill their stomachs with air and let it all out slowly. she had called it "mindfulness" and said it would help with stress.

he'd tried.

but he found that he was awful at it; that he felt lightheaded when he didn't breathe in and out quicker.

"hey, you okay?"

shit.

someone was in here.

he should have checked.

hell, he didn't even lock the bathroom stall.

taehyung turned around.

some tiny kid, skinny and scrawny and short, almost as short as jimin, was standing in front of him, a look of concern on his face.

"what's wrong?"

"i felt sick."

"is that all?"

a beat.

"debatable."

"you should go to the nurse."

"to be sent home? hell no. i have a physics test next period."

"you look pale. have you eaten?"

oh. there it is again.

the question everyone asks him when he looks pale or he's just thrown up or he just doesn't feel well.

"debatable."

"dumbass. then go eat."

not that easy.

"not hungry." taehyung stood up then, smoothing out his baggy jeans that were supposedly the smallest size the store carried. they were still too large, hanging around his slim thighs loosely, the way they shouldn't be.

"you look hungry."

who the fuck says something like that?

"are you implying that i look starved?"

the boy shrugged.

"debatable."

"oh fuck off," taehyung grumbled, making his way to the sink and turning on the faucet.

"you're the kid that passed out in gym class last year, aren't you?"

taehyung didn't answer.

"and the kid i saw sticking two fingers down his throat a few days ago in the locker room?"

freeze.

how the fuck?

"what?"

"idiot. you're supposed to at least check for people."

"i have no idea what you're talking about."

paper towels.

goddamnit, where the fuck are the paper towels?

he wiped his hands on his jeans.

"i don't know what your deal is but my situation has nothing to do with you."

he walked out.

-

"taehyung, no dinner again, sweetie?"

"not hungry."

his mother's eyes cast a look of dejection, absolute sadness, before she turned around with the plate and left his room.

he felt bad every time he rejected the food his mother cooked; the gaze she sent him was enough to fill his gut with guilt, but it was better than eating. he would watch her face fall and darken a million times if it meant he didn't have to eat.

he was selfish.

he was selfish and ugly and too big and he hated himself.

-

"hey, kid!"

taehyung turned around.

oh, it's the scrawny kid from the bathroom.

great.

"what's up?"

taehyung shrugged.

"the sky. clouds. me, because im four inches taller than you."

"salty today, aren't you?"

"always salty. never sweet."

sugar makes you fat.

"let's go eat at the new fast food place after school."

"what the fuck, no."

"why?"

"we don't even know each other. for all i know, you could be a fucking pedo."

"i am most definitely a pedo. great guess."

taehyung looked the boy up and down.

of course he wasn't a pedophile; not only was he obviously just another student at his school, but he was also five foot eight and no more than 120 pounds and wore ripped jeans and baggy t-shirts and carried around a kumamon keychain and he always had that watch on his left wrist.

he couldn't hurt a fly.

kumamon loving teenagers couldn't be dangerous.

but taehyung needed to get himself an excuse out of eating.

especially at a fast food place. the calories in their food were ridiculous.

"i don't like fast food."

great excuse.

creative, believable, fucking perfect.

you're gonna have to eat today. and you're going to get fatter.

"the fuck, that's not even an excuse," scrawny kid punched him in the shoulder. "you're coming. namjoon wanted to go today too."

"you know namjoon?"

"yeah, we played hockey together."

"you're tiny for a hockey player."

"and you're tiny for a human being, go eat something, will you?"

"and you said i was salty."

the boy smirked, brushing back strands of his hair that had fell in front of his eyes.

"i'm yoongi."

"taehyung."

"how about taesalty af."

taehyung scoffed.

"oh shut up."