Username: dreamherc
Title: Society of Brave Souls
Genre: Sci-Fi

Disclaimer: The scores given are solely for the 1st chapter only. ❤ means 1, 💔 means 0.5.

Score: /5
Style: ❤❤❤❤❤
Story: ❤❤❤❤💔
Grammar: ❤❤❤❤
Character: ❤❤❤💔
Overall: ❤❤❤❤

Short review:
The theme is amazing! Your blurb, especially the 1st line "Tell me I am real and convince me that I exist." Man, how amazing that is!

I love your style, the poeticness of it, but it's not very purple that it hinders the enjoyment. Some reviewers bitch about breaking the fourth wall, but your wall-breaking works great! Style is the writer's freedom. As long as it works, I don't critique styles. The narration is very insightful. Makes me ruminate about time and how much I have lost it. Sigh. Anyway, any books that start with an amazing poem is great imo. Haha!

Your story is still a bit vague, but it's mostly the flow and narration issue. A bit more introduction to your worldbuilding and the plot device on that scene where the narrator passes its baton to Diana should resolve this issue.

Your grammar is great. The syntax is very easy to read. Good word choice. Some of them read a bit odd, but that's mostly because of your punctuation errors. You have quite a lot of comma splices or simply don't have commas where they belong. This makes your dialogue tags wrong too. But that's an easy fix! Just read more about commas and dialogue tags/action beat, and it will help you tremendously.

Diana is a mystery. Giving you 3.5 doesn't mean the character is badly written, but there's little to no introduction on her. She's just... there. I can't read her personality YET. There are other side characters in chapter 1, but it feels like they're simply mentioned rather than introduced, personally.

Really enjoyed this story! I will keep on reading, as that's why I listed your book some time ago. Amazing idea with the time travel, none I have read so far. Amazing narrator!