Title: Her Soul

Genre: Fantasy/Romance

Author: Nefili123

Chapters: 50 (59)

The time has come, for me to finally publish your review.

Let's begin.

Title:

Honestly, I believe, that the Title, isn't bad. Her Soul is often used throughout the story and is also put in view very well. This reminds us why the name fits well. But after reading your story I had a different type of name in mind. For example, I thought of "Edge of Truth", "Hunt", or something like that, for me personally, I guess that would've fit more with the main topic your book revolves around. But "Her Soul" isn't bad at all.
8/10

Description:

The lines you wrote here, were quite appealing. We can see that Riaan will get Aviana as his next target, but stuff will not go down the way he thinks. Your sentences have enough mysteriousness in them, so they don't spoil anything. The only thing I didn't like about it, was one line. "What if the one who is being claimed as the wrong one is the wronged one?", I don't like it. Because, it technically spoils the whole plot. What we know until that sentence is, that she killed someone and now she is his target, because of what she has done. It's tense till then, but then you give that question, it's obvious, that she'll be innocent and he'll get to know her and find it out, then they will obviously look for the real killer. The whole plot is spoiled. Without that one sentence, the story stays mysterious.
15/20

Cover:

The Cover is beautiful, a real eye catcher. The bright and Dark colours put in view amazingly. The big and beautiful font makes it easy to read everything. It looks calming in a way, and perfectly reflects the Genre, which is Fantasy on one side and Romance on the other. But sadly, I do have negative aspects. It being that the Cover in total does not fit with the Crime and Seriousness, which you show in your story. Your story does not revolve around the sea at all, except for the fact that the main Lead feels as if she is drowning. Therefore, the pirate ship weel does look amazing, but has also nothing to do with the story. In other words, the Cover is beautiful and amazing, but does not fit the story. That is the only reason, why I have to cut points. Why does it hurt me more than it should?
14/25

Plot:

First of all Riaan is not a hero, because he kills. A hero is someone who doesn't take lives. Riaan would therefore be an Anti-Hero.

Now, about your Plot in general. I love your plot. The idea of time travel being used in such an efficient way, to make sure, those Crimes can be prevented, just genius!

Unfortunately, I have to admit, that your story did contain Plot holes. And by telling you which ones these are, I am not talking you down. I am just telling you to take a look at them and make your story a bit better than it already is.

What I didn't understand is that if they have to power to go back in time, exactly one hour before the Crime happened, then why do they kill the criminal, instead of just making sure, that he/she doesn't commit the crime? Maybe talk them out of it or anything similar, because there are normally only three reasons, why people kill. Namely, Love, Revenge and Money. Indeed, you did give us a reason for this, but I wasn't really satisfied with it.

I think, that I have the most problems with the concept. Because, why does it only work twice? The power is normally used in their everyday life that is why it makes me question, why it has not improved over the time.

The next questionable moment was for me, when Riaan said, I quote: "What could she have done, it doesn't matter", in chapter 3 I think, when his members ask him what Aviana could've done to become their target. They don't question a single time, whether they are about to kill a criminal or a victim... What?

I won't even ask how the team knows what the house of Aviana looks like by only having a shoelace as an article about the crime. Alternatively, even how they can confirm who the real killer is. Again, they have the magic to travel time but not to find out who the real killer is? I am sorry, but this bugs me.
In Chapter 7 and 8 Riaan saves Aviana. Why, if his only aim was to take her soul?

Riaan is shown a determent character, who doesn't question his authorities even once, which we have seen before, but suddenly he is fighting off his own teammates for Aviana in Chapter 15. That is what I call Character development. I think it's really amazing how you have shown, that he starts questioning the authorities, when realizing that the system can indeed be wrong. After seeing him at the beginning of the book, man I can tell how happy I was when his eyes finally opened.
20/30

Implementation:

From the beginning I can say, I really enjoyed reading your Chapter Titles. Some were quite creatively chosen and always fitted the Chapter in general. That is indeed very amazing, seeing that not everyone is able to do that, but a few were not really excitingly chosen. Therefore, it was an up and down with it. Throughout the story, I noticed that you did a very good job, while writing each characteristic to each Member of your story. In addition to that, like I said, I really like the Character development of Riaan, how he went from a strict, serious and determent Person, to a loving, caring, thoughtful one.
34/40

Writing-Skills:

There was definitely a change, when comparing your style of when you started this book, to the end of it. You see, when you started writing this story, you wrote metaphorically, most of the time. Using examples like the ripple effect. In addition, throughout the parts without examples, you still wrote lines to make your text seem alive. It was a beautiful Descriptive writing style. Somewhere throughout your Chapters, you changed your style into a Narrative writing style. When an author writes in a Descriptive style, they are painting a picture in words of a person, place, or thing for their audience. Moreover, when an author writes in a Narrative style, they are not just trying to impart information, they are trying to construct and communicate a story. Both styles are good in their own way, but you should not use both in one story. Try to keep one style for one story. That is my advice for you.
34/40

Grammatical-Aspects:

Mistakes are normal. Everybody has done them in life. There is no shame for doing them. It's only a shame if you never learn from them. With that being said, let's take a look at your Gramma.
First things first, I noticed quite quickly, that in some sentences you used an "is", where an "are" should be, "slept", where an "asleep" should be. These are small mistakes, which you did often, therefore I needed to mention them here.
In the end of some sentences you used a ".", where a "?" should be. That is very important because it changes the tune of the whole sentence. Sometimes, it doesn't matter but on other occasions, it does make a big difference.
The last thing I noticed is, that you had many mistakes of using the Comma.

Just take a look at these three aspects and you will get full points.
25/35

Concluding:

Finally we reach the concluding words. All in all, your story is really good. I like the plot and I would totally be head over heels, if you fill those plot holes. You have a lot of potential and you'll be a greater author in the future. Better than you are now, because we always improve ourselves. I really wish for you not to take this review negatively, but more like a helping hand to make you climb higher. This review is my opinion and that doesn't mean that my opinion is the only one. If you like your book the way it is, then stick to yourself.

PuppyBonus: +10

Total: 160/200

You reached under 170 points, which means, no sticker for you. However, that doesn't mean at all, that your story wasn't good enough or anything.

Wild Was His Nature,
Sweet Was Her Soul

Guys, check out the story, if you are interested.

That's it for now.

Bye! ♡