28/11/12
dear diary,

at school today they were back at it again— the name calling, hurtful words, the sniggering, the whispers.

it was all because of what happened with junseo at the beginning of the year.

he tried to get me to 'date' him. i didn't and uh, he pretty much ruined my reputation.

being our school's only idol trainee at a well-known entertainment company; he was certainly a heartthrob.

he had girls throwing themselves at him left and right but his minor phase of being obsessed with an outsider like myself surely puzzled everyone at school.

i had girls send me hate mail and guys 'rate' my looks.

these disgusting rats, if only i could—

anyway, that happened and he got over me pretty quickly after facing rejection from my part one too many times over the span of a month. he also kinda told the entire school i was seeing someone at the city's community college. a guy 4 years older than me. as a, ahem, sugar baby.

somehow they started believing him and everybody started looking down on me like i was some sinner.

i make it sound like i was so unaffected by this but in reality, i was a mess.

i am a mess.

there was a letter taped to my locker today, from him. it said that it was no use for me to try and run for class president since he would make sure nobody voted for me.

the brochures and pamphlets i had made to distribute were stolen from my bag when i excused myself out of class to go to the washroom. stolen, torn and thrown in the trashcan in the cafeteria.

if that wasn't enough, junseo ollowed by his gang of miscreants approached my sulking, sniffling form during lunch, hurriedly trying to get some food into my system and trying hard not to cry.

he grabbed me by the wrist and basically dragged me to the center of the compound. by now, everybody had their eyes on us. to them it was free entertainment. another show.

he pulled me closer than i would've liked, his arm was flung around my waist and my yearmates' surprised gasps echoed in my ears as he looked around to his 'audience' with one of his charming smiles to say that anyone who votes for me is, in plain words, 'done for.' all the while, i was trying as hard as i possibly could to free myself from his grip.

finally, i pushed him back with all my might. the tears were freely flowing now. i try so hard and he always ruins it. why don't people see the truth? are looks everything to them?

jerks like him need to know their place and stay there, if anywhere at all.

i ran back to my secret little hideout as fast as i possibly could, pushing my way through the scores of people who had gathered around to witness this exchange.

i ran so fast my legs almost gave away. i felt numb.

all my school life i'd spent trying and trying and trying to be the best at something but all of them didn't see my efforts nor my sincerity. to them, i was just the nerd that the school's most popular boy held a grudge against.

you know, when this kind of stuff happens in those k-dramas people watch it seems really exciting but in my case i felt nothing but hatred and anger towards everyone out there. especially the boy named kang junseo.

panting and out of breath from all the running, i fell to my knees with quite an impact. i didn't bother getting up and stayed in my position, if the tears kept flowing for a few more minutes i was sure there would be none left anymore. uncontrollably sobbing around the abandoned east wing staircase, i didn't think anyone would find me.

i remember just this, he came with his sweatshirt's hood covering most of his face, his jaw clenched but very much recognisable even with his head lowered. he offered me his hand as support for getting up, i took it not thinking much of it.

i wiped at my tear-stained cheeks and bowed at him, gratefully thanking him. my mother raised me to be a strong young woman. the crying may have blown my cover but i think the bowing made up for it somewhat.

with my regained composure i finally dared to look at him instead of the tiled floor to find that he had nearly turned the next corner. he left things unsaid. i don't like those kinds of people.

guess i'm the only one with manners anymore.

it has sorta changed my opinion on him. maybe he's not so bad afterall...maybe kim namjoon isn't the cocky brat i had taken him for.

however, i have other things to worry about. like my english mid-term marks.

i'll have to set up everything on my desk from now on since it's getting somewhat snowy outside and i'd rather not fall ill what with being exposed to the cold while walking to the local library and miss a bunch of school days.

i remember when i used to study and write by the window for hours on end with the sounds of the gentle rain pattering on the tarmac of our cement driveway and leave the window slightly ajar so the wind made ripples in my untied hair. last year seems like a dream in comparison to my current situation.

on a lighter note:
shuri's whiny again. the reason being; i forgot to feed her, again. so we have that on our checklist.

update on the plant : it's growing well but i think i need to water it often so it'd grow faster. shuri really seems to like the fragrance of the flowers it seems...she's been clawing at the base of the bay window all day trying to reach the top where the pot is kept.

i do hope i'm not boring to you.

goodbye,
for now.