I'm sorry.

For everything I've done-I'm sorry.

I was scared of what was happening I didn't think of talking to you. I hope you can forgive me, even if I did something stupid in not talking to you guys. If I died, I'm sorry also. There's plenty of things, places I wanted to do, wanted to see, but time cut me short. I hope you will still be happy, even if I'm not here. You have each other, and now with Auntie Mari here you'll have her.

I'm sorry if I'm leaving you to go with the angels. I honestly don't know what I'll find up there-once I go. I know it will be soon, and I will leave this world and I will leave you, Daddys. I've seen people be affected by their families death. Please don't stop smiling. I would feel horrible to make your lives a torture because I'm not there anymore. 

I hope you can move on. I really do. You two were great parents, don't stop in being that just because I'm no longer there. You are still my Daddys, even if you're not there to tell me not to talk to dead strangers or to take care of myself while I'm talking to someone bad like Hitler. 

I still mean every word I said. 

See you next level,

Anna Katsuki-Nikiforov.

|1 week later|

I see the coffin shine in the dim light.

I was never a fan of black, and I hate it on my skin as rain falls down. My hands shaking holding the umbrella that shields Viktor and me. The graveyard is flooded with people. Next to me, Viktor finally cries. I stare up at him and see clear tears spill down his cheeks as he looks up at the black sky. I need to correct myself. I've only seen Viktor cry four times in my time with him. There isn't one smile on any face as the funeral beings.

I see Yurio cry in Otabek's shoulder, and Otabek sadly holding his fiancee. Chris, despite never meeting my daughter, lets tears flood like a waterfall. Most people don't cry-they drop a flower and share their condolences, but most didn't care if Anna was alive. Next to the coffin and a bouquet of white flowers stands a picture of us, Phichit and Anna. She's smiling right up at the camera, and in that moment, you would've never guessed she had leukemia. 

You would've never guessed that angel died and went back home.

Phichit cries next to me, holding a bouquet of flowers while his hands shake. His other free hand is taken by a young girl,  Malai, which will marry him at ends of the year. Once the priest is done saying the kind, cliche words about Anna, Viktor and I approach her grave. There isn't that much rain anymore, so I drop the umbrella and kneel in front of the stone.

ANNA KATSUKI-NIKIFOROV.

2006-2017 

"See you next level."

I sigh and tremble as a couple of tears slip down. I need to stop crying. She's not coming back and I need to get used to that. I will never see Anna grow old. I'm never fighting boys to leave my baby alone. I'm never going to tear up as Anna comes down the stairs with her prom dress. Viktor and I are never going to walk her down the aisle. We are never going to have grandchildren and were not growing old with our daughter taking care of us.

Anna will never pass 'that phase.' She's never going to ask for a dog, even though Viktor hasn't moved on from Makkachin's death before we even got married. We will never hold Anna when she cries over the broken hearts. We will never get to see her on a graduation robe. She will never visit us once we grow old. We will never visit her and her kids. We will never see her as the skater and ballerina she was always fated to become.

Have you ever felt empty?

Empty like you have no heart, yet beating whatsoever?

Have you ever felt miserable? 

Miserable like life hates you enough it will damn you for the rest of your days. 

Have you ever felt death? 

I clearly have. I part of me left with Anna, but my body, mind and heart decided to leave me stranded on Earth.

"Yuri," Viktor says, snapping me out of reality. He walks to me, cups my cheeks in his hand and kiss me hard and slow. With the gentle rain, I melt into the kiss. It's like were transmitting thousands of emotions over our lips.

I loved her.

I loved her too.

I miss her.

I miss her too. 

She's gone. She left us.  

We have each other, and that's all that matters now.

We break apart and stare into each other's eyes. I'm calm now. It's like Viktor took all the madness, emptiness and misery that was inside me and balanced it between us. I gasp in tears and jump into his arms. Viktor takes back the hug by squeezing me tighter and after were done, we let the white bouquet drop over the grave and kiss the tip of it.

We walk away where our crying friends are. We all pass certain emotions through our eyes and lean in for a group hug. Phichit, Yurio, Otabek, Chris, Viktor, Minako, Mari and I, all huddle in and make a hug, crying with each other and holding each other like we are the destroyers of each other's endurance. 

We leave the graveyard with new, pounding rain, no more flowers, and a rising loneliness we never thought we'd experience.  

|2 years later|

I hear Takeo's screams and supporting cheers all the way down. I whirl around to find Takeo, Yuuko, Mari and Minako cheering for me and Viktor from the benches. They each hold a different poster with pictures of me and Viktor. Takeo's caramel colored curls stand out brighter than the rink's lights. I blow a kiss up at all of them and then look back at the ice.

Viktor.

Ice.

Mostly Viktor.

He jumps and lands his quadruple toe loop and the crowd cheers. I fidget with my golden rings as I look up at Viktor end his performance, the crowd going wild. I stop fidgeting and clap my hands and cheering for my husband as Viktor picks up the flowers and stuffed animals from the ground and comes over to me. 

I smile at him and throw my arms around him, kissing all of his face repeatedly. Viktor kisses my lips hot and soft and when he breaks apart and he smiles at me. "If I score better than you, we see The Fault In Our Stars tonight."

I roll my eyes. "Jeez, now I really have to skate good."

Viktor laughs, kisses me again and lets me go. He takes off his skates and, not even looking at his score, runs up to the benches where Yuuko, Minako, Mari and Takeo stand, throwing their arms around him and congratulating him. Viktor grabs Takeo's tiny waist and swings him up his shoulders. Takeo laughs as Viktor sits back down and blows numerous of kisses at me.

"And now, our last competitor-Yuri Katsuki." The crowd again goes wild. Thousands of people stand up and cheer for me, raising their arms up as if to greet them and as soon as the outbreak came, it disappeared. Silence fell like elegant silk over the crowd, making them sit back down as I skate to the center of the ice and prepare myself.

I say my prayers, not because I want to win, or not even because of The Fault In Our Stars, but I always start my programs with a quite prayer to a special someone. 

Anna, you are thirteen now. This is for you. I think and immediately, start skating. 

The piano piece blasts from the speakers and my body immediately moves to the music. I close my eyes a couple of times so the music sink in. I make my first jump and land it. The crowd cheers, and then goes silent. I've thought of this routine even before Anna died. It was always in the back of my mind and now, I'm here. Skating it and feeling her close to me.

Sometimes, I imagine her skating this with me. Her messy, silky black hair flying with me as she jumps and lands her jumps. We'd have matching outfits and Viktor would skate with us this routine too. Her ghostly imagine is what keeps me going. Is what makes me land another jump and for the people to keep looking at me. 

I love you, Anna. 

I land another jump and gain speed to jump again. Everybody's eyes are on me and on the message I want to emit out of this performance. I spin at an incredible speed my vision goes blurry, but only for a moment. I raise my hands in the air, creating the shape of a heard in mid-air, then lowering them down to bring them close to my chest.

And the piano ends.

And the cheering begins.

I crack a smile as I receive a standing ovation and my family cheers more than every other screams. They throw me roses and little stuffed animals I would always give to Takeo. I bow and thank the people for their kindness, then skate off the ice. I'm tackled by Viktor's hugs and the rest of my family behind me. He kisses my nose and says, "We'll stick to something like the Terminator or some of that sort."

I laugh as Takeo jumps into my arms, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck. I nod at Takeo who is slowly falling asleep and hand him over to Mari who takes him willingly as if he was her own son and carries him out of the rink with Yuuko and Minako. Viktor and I change out of clothes and put on our pants, get some interviews we take together and burst out of the rink facing the streets of Barcelona.

Right in front of the church Viktor and I got engaged, Otabek and Yurio are playing with their twins, Inna and Arsen they adopted. Even though both are Russian, they decided to name Arsen with a Kazakhstan name for Otabek's roots. Otabek swings Inna over his shoulder and flashes us a smile as Yurio grabs Arsen's hand and crosses the street.

Takeo immediately wakes up from Mari's arms and jumps out of them and lands next to Inna and Arsen, then starts playing with them. Takeo, Inna and Arsen play all the time. While Inna and Arsen have bold, blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, Takeo looks Japanese-because that's where we got our five-year-old-with brown eyes and caramel curls.

From the distance, Phichit and Malai wave at us with their new born baby in their arms. From the other road, Chris and his wife approach us with a baby, not physically yet. We all gather around and say our hellos, let the children play freely as we enter the church.

Well, today is June 8th. 

My daughter's birthday.

I pull out her letter and look up at Viktor as he picks up Takeo as we enter the church. 

I hope you can forgive me.

She had said two years ago. Two years ago, I thought my happiness aside from Viktor was ruined, a piece of coal I could never turn to gold. Two years ago, I thought I'd be drowned in a sea of depression without ice which was my only way to breathe, and not even Viktor could pull me up from the sea. Two years ago, I thought Viktor would let me go-and I would be forever alone. Two years from that, Viktor and I are better than ever, both dancing in the ice and feel younger than before. We adopted Takeo and made sure he is healthy and well when he was just four. 

I hope you can forgive me.

I do, Anna.

I do. 

Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that. XD I feel so sad in ending the story like this, but there's nothing left to say. I hope I didn't make anyone actually cry. (I'm looking at you, Daniela, Anna isn't coming back.) And I hope you enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it. Now that I have another free fanfic, I will start with a Klance one that I'm already starting to get ideas on.

See you next level, (sorry)

fandom_girl42