My head and my heart

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Note: I really don't know why I insist on writing such long chapters. They're definitely not fun to edit! But anyway, you've waited two weeks, so I guess this is basically two chapters. Except it's actually one 4,000 word chapter! Hooray!

Oh also, I edited the last chapter to say that it took them an hour to get up the mountain, not twenty minutes. I meant to say that, but I forgot to edit it before posting that part, and I just remembered about it.

No, no, this must be wrong. Mei Tao had always told Nya she wasn't cursed. Even when it had seemed like that was the only explanation for it all.

Emperor Garmadon seemed equally surprised. "You have arrived early, brother. Have you learned something during your travels that you have yet to share with me?"

"Yes." Emperor Wu walked towards his brother, followed by a figure in blue and red samurai armor. The girl, Nya realized. She looked down at her clothes, embarrassed, and wondered how the samurai and the emperor had gotten up the mountain so quickly. When she and Skylor had looked back down from the upper palace gate, they hadn't seen the two making the climb. And that had been only minutes ago.

As the second emperor passed them, Skylor knelt in a kowtow, dragging the shocked Nya down to the floor with her.

Emperor Wu smiled at them. "You may rise, or sit if you would rather. There is no need for formalities. Brother, I have much to tell you. And I must admit, I am curious to hear the story of our guest."

Nya and Skylor sat cross legged on the floor, while Emperor Wu handed his bamboo staff to the samurai girl, who stood stiffly beside the empty throne, and slowly sat and stroked his long white beard. Both he and his brother appeared to be elderly, but Nya wondered just how old they were. She vaguely recalled something Skylor had told her just after they'd met–how the emperors' father had been enemies with her Queen's father, hundreds of years ago. In the moment, she'd been too caught up on everything else going on to think much of that particular detail, but now she realized that just didn't add up. How could the emperors' father have been around, and presumably ruling, hundreds of years ago? But it must be true. He and his sons were mentioned in Mei Tao's history books, and they certainly hadn't been written recently. In fact, they had been written so long ago that the current emperors shouldn't still be alive. Nya could hardly believe she hadn't realized yet. Not all those years she'd known about the Northern Empire, or during her days in the palace. She–

"I did not learn much of the, er, former thread-mage's story before you arrived, but if she would be kind enough to explain everything to us both, I would be much obliged." Emperor Garmadon had said.

"Um, yes, of course." Nya fidgeted with the hem of her sweater–the girl's sweater. She wondered if the girl recognized it–she couldn't be sure, seeing as her samurai helmet completely covered her face, but for a narrow slit for the eyes. "I'm not sure how much of this you are already aware of, but I'm sure you realize that I'm not meant to be the former thread-mage. I have yet to find my successor, and I doubt that she has even been born."

"Yes, of course. But tell me, how is it that you escaped the Serpent Kingdom? Lady Skylor had some part in this, I believe?" Emperor Garmadon looked at Skylor until she nodded.

"I am sorry, your highness. But when I learned of the passage–an escape route under the Serpent Kingdom's walls–I couldn't just stay here. I had to help. And when I met Nya and her friends and learned that they wished to see you, I knew I might be their only chance."

"You do not think my brother so harsh that he would've turned them away without your pleas, do you?" Emperor Wu asked her with a smile.

"No, of course not. I only thought–"

"We wouldn't've known where to go without her." Nya explained. "We wouldn't have known what to do. Things here are so different. I wouldn't have known how to use electric lights, or running water."

Emperor Wu sighed. "And I am very sorry. I understand why you left. I learned of the passage some months ago, and we were able to visit some of the refugees in our travels. They seem to be mainly soldiers, from what I've seen. But what interests me is hearing how a young lady like yourself learned of the passage."

"She learned from her boyfriend." Skylor blurted out. If the emperors were surprised, they did a good job not showing it, but Nya still wished they could've saved that particular detail for when, and if, it was actually necessary to share. Unfortunately, it was true.

"His best friend is a soldier, a border guard, who heard from his friend." Nya explained. "So the three of us, we decided to take a shot at coming here. My brother and our friend Zane agreed to come too. We traveled towards the border, and along the way I stopped to read peoples' threads, so no one would get suspicious. I could still do it then. I don't know why it doesn't work now."

"Maybe it only works inside the Serpent Kingdom." Skylor suggested.

Emperor Wu shook his head. "Unfortunately, I believe it is much more complicated than that."

Emperor Garmadon stared at his brother. "Just how much have you kept from me? This sounds like months, years of research!"

"It wasn't research at all. You simply do not read Father's old books and scrolls. He thoroughly details his knowledge of the curse of the thread-mage."

"Why have you never told me?"

Emperor Wu stroked his beard. "I suppose it was never important for you to know. Besides, Father did not know the specifics, and most of what he'd heard was rumors. And I never would have guessed that the thread-mage would leave the Serpent Kingdom."

Could my powers really be a curse? Nya wondered. They had certainly seemed that way sometimes, but they were only used for good–to ensure that people found true love.

"What are you talking about?" Skylor asked.

Emperor Wu sighed. "I suppose it's best I start at the beginning. My child, do you know why your homeland is so called?"

"Because of its border." Nya said. "Because it's so irregular." That was what she had always heard.

He smiled. "You have my father to thank for that, I suppose. Until the day he died, he never let the Serpent Kingdom expand their walls into his land. But no, the reason runs deeper than that.

"You see, the kingdom's royal family is descended from an ancient line of beings who are . . . not quite like us. Have you, well, met the Queen?"

Nya shook her head.

"I didn't think so. She's lazy, for one–why do the dirty work herself when her little minions will happily do it for her? But mostly, she doesn't like to show her face to commoners. It's her little secret. The truth is, her family is closer to serpent than to human. In fact, unless I am mistaken and there has been dilution in the royal bloodline, Queen Aspheera has not a drop of human blood."

"What?" Nya and Skylor both said at the same time.

"So she's serpentine?" Skylor asked.

"What's that?" Nya asked.

"The serpentine–snake people–dwell peacefully in the caverns underneath the city, and handle the plumbing and electrical systems," said Emperor Garmadon. "At least most of them do. You may have heard their kingdom called the Tomb Kingdom. But the caverns were never used for such a purpose."

"I've heard of them," said Nya. "I heard they're magical."

Emperor Garmadon shook his head. "Not any longer. Their race was known to have the ability to do sorcery in the days of old, but only Queen Aspheera can still. In fact, she may be the last serpentine sorceress on the face of Ninjago, for she has no children, and no remaining relatives. It is unfortunate that the art will be forever lost, but once she dies, which I believe will be mere years from now, there will be no obvious heir, unless she has appointed one. That, I believe, will be our chance to attack."

Nya didn't like that idea at all. Who knew how long it would be before the Queen died? And besides, how would they know when it happened?

"We can't wait that long." She insisted. "We can't just let people suffer for years, knowing we could've done something! You don't really know how long she could live–what if she put some enchantment on herself to give herself a long life? And besides, who knows what will happen when people realize I'm gone."

"My worry is what will happen when the Queen finds out." Emperor Wu said. "The people will fare well enough without you. Your powers were never meant for someone like you."

"What do you mean, brother?" Emperor Garmadon sounded as exasperated as Nya and Skylor felt. "Explain what you know of the girl's curse."

"From what I have read, the curse of the thread-mage was created by Queen Aspheera's grandfather, who began the process of walling off the Serpent Kingdom from the outside world, although it was mostly carried on by his son, the Queen's father. He knew that when his plan was realized, which likely would happen after his death, the birth rate in the kingdom would need to go up, in order for the people to support themselves and most importantly, the royal family, without outside influence. He had heard the legends of the red threads of fate, and how they could tell a person their soulmate, and figured that if everyone in the kingdom knew their soulmates, they would be more likely to have long lasting marriages and larger families. The problem was, precious few could see the red threads, and none in his own kingdom."

"Do you mean multiple people could see them?" Nya asked.

"Yes," continued Emperor Wu. "Even without your powers, you can still sense that the red threads are there, correct?" Nya nodded, and he continued. "That is the first step. You see, outside of your kingdom, the only way to see the threads is through great meditation and study, and devoting your entire life to the practice. At first you are only able to make the connection with the threads, pull them forth to look at them. You have had enough practice that you can still do that, even outside your kingdom. But without the influence of the curse, you cannot read the threads.

"You see, the King knew he could never get anyone who could see the threads to help him. He didn't dare leave the Serpent Kingdom, in case people tried to escape. He couldn't convince anyone by letters alone, and sending men to kidnap someone was risky, in case they didn't come back, and also a good way to get on my father's bad side. But he was a strong sorcerer, as were several family members of his whom he lived with. Together, they created your curse, and bestowed it upon a young woman, who became the Serpent Kingdom's first thread-mage. Once the current thread-mage is reaching old age, the curse finds another occupant, as you know, so that the current thread-mage can train her as much as she can before her death. That is the way of the curse. As long as there is a sorcerer on the throne, there will be a thread-mage. But the curse only works inside the kingdom."

"But since Queen Aspheera is the last sorceress, doesn't that mean there won't be another thread-mage after Nya?" Skylor asked.

"That depends. If another is born before Aspheera's death, then she will be the last."

"But what will happen then?" Nya asked. "Is there anybody here that can still read the threads?"

"There may be. I do not know." Emperor Wu said. "I myself have studied the art for many years, as did my father, but neither of us got very far. In fact, I would much appreciate your guidance."

"I–I can try." Nya was still reeling from everything he'd just said. It felt like everything she had ever been told was true had just been proved to be a lie. "But I'm basically a fake, right? I was only the thread-mage because the Queen wanted me to be."

"Not exactly. It still took hard work for you to handle your powers well, I assume. And you helped many people. I believe that if you wanted to devote time to truly learning to read the threads, without the help of your curse, it would be much easier for you than for anyone else."

"I probably should, then, right?" Nya said. "The people of my kingdom depend on me. I don't know what would happen if they never knew their soulmates. They would probably be angry at me."

"Perhaps. But the powers of the thread-mage really shouldn't be used in such a way. Humankind simply isn't meant to have it easy like that, and you shouldn't have had to throw away your childhood like you have."

Nya didn't know what to say. On one hand, she would feel horrible for not being able to use her powers. If people never found their soulmates, and lived out a horrible life without love–well, that would be awful. But then again, if it wasn't so normalized to go to the thread-mage at a certain age, people would be able to choose their own paths and experiment with relationships before committing to their soulmate. Besides, she wouldn't have to deal with the hysterical clients who she had just told had broken threads. She wouldn't have to be thought of just as another thread-mage, instead her own person. She hated that. And she could have her own life outside of shaping those of other people. That was what Jay and Kai would want for her, right? She would have to think about it later, when she wasn't in front of all these people.

"I see. But about the Queen–you think she still might not have died by the time I get old?"

Emperor Wu shrugged. "I am not certain if she will have or not. But old is relative. With the, er, current conditions in the Serpent Kingdom, most people do not live to a very old age. That was normal, or at least somewhat normal, all across Ninjago in the old days, when the curse was created. So even if you stay here and live ninety years, the next thread-mage will likely be born when you are about fifty, or perhaps even younger. That is only a guess, of course, but I have reason to believe it is true."

Nya nodded slowly, trying to keep her cool. "Okay. So you know how bad things are there. You say I could live to ninety if I stayed here–I'll assume that means other people could too, since I'm not "special" other than being cursed by an old snake. How can you just leave them there, knowing you could've helped? You have a huge empire–I'm sure your military is strong. And everyone says that you're kind people. You could make so many lives better if you attacked the Serpent Kingdom, and took down the Queen and her forces."

Emperor Garmadon frowned. "I am afraid we cannot make such a move. I understand what you are saying, and please trust that my brother and I do not want to leave your people to suffer. Our father would want us to take back the Serpent Kingdom, and we want to do it as well, but it is not possible now. We must wait for a strategic time. Our chief strategist refuses to consider such a thing, saying our forces are not strong enough and we will never win out without great bloodshed."

"If I may, your highness, I agree with her. We must act now, and I will lead the attack." The samurai bowed before the emperors. "Please, allow me."

Emperor Wu shook his head. "I have no doubt in your abilities, my child. But I'm afraid it is too dangerous. And after all we've been through so you can pursue your training . . . well, I'm afraid letting you leave the Empire so publicly would end all of that. He would never let you. So unless you find the strength to–"

"Don't." She hung her head. Nya was surprised at her nerve to so bluntly cut off the emperor, and also confused as to what he had been talking about. She took a deep breath, but she still sounded upset. "If I cannot go, I will strategize the attack, and lead the war from this side."

Emperor Garmadon sighed. "If a war begins, you may be forced to return home. Besides, war isn't easy, and we will all suffer. Is that really what you want?"

"No." She said, and Nya's heart sank. She couldn't blame her, though–of course a war would lead to casualties, and she for one knew that she'd blame herself for them.

But the samurai wasn't done yet. "But does it matter what I want when an entire kingdom's fate is at stake? Besides, I'm sure the Serpent Kingdom's people aren't happy with their lives. If they knew we were trying to help them, they could rise up against their own Queen. But the longer we wait, the less we could depend on them trusting us. I mean, what reason do most of them have to trust you? But the thread-mage is famous throughout the kingdom. And she's here now. She could convince the people we're on their side. But soon they'll get used to living without her, they'll forget about her. That's just another reason we have to act as soon as we can."

Emperor Garmadon turned back to Nya. "Is she right? Do you think you could do that?"

To tell the truth, she didn't know. "Maybe. I mean, I'm obviously well-known there. But honestly, most people would probably side with you anyway."

"I see," The emperor nodded. "Thank you. My brother and I have much to discuss. You and Lady Skylor are dismissed."

The samurai stood and looked to Emperor Wu. "I as well, Master?"

"Yes." Was all he said. She nodded and followed Nya and Skylor out of the room, shutting the door behind them. As she caught up with them, she pulled off her heavy helmet and tucked it under her arm. She was pretty; her ash blond hair slightly curled at the end, tied back in a messy ponytail.

"I'm sorry about your clothes." Nya blurted out. "But all my own things were dirty, and Skylor made me–"

"It's fine," She sighed. "I don't know why Lady Skylor saw it fit to break into my room, but I don't care. Those clothes . . . they came from someone who . . . wants to see me differently than how I'd like. Besides, these days, all I wear is armor." She laughed weakly.

Nya wanted to ask her about where she'd come from, and what she'd meant. She and the emperors kept making hints about this someone. He would never let you. Someone who wants to see me differently than how I'd like . . . Nya didn't like the sound of that.

"I'm Pixal, by the way. Pixal Borg . . . well, not technically, but . . ." She shook her head. "Anyway, it's nice to meet you."

"You too." They stopped at the front door, and Nya shook Pixal's hand. "Nya Smith."

"I guess you already know who I am." Skylor said.

Pixal looked shy. "I mean, not really, I've just heard your name. Speaking of which, may I ask where you've been?"

"None of your business." Skylor opened the door. "But what about you? Where's Emperor Wu been taking you? And what has he been teaching you that you think you could command an entire army?"

"Not an entire army. It wouldn't be wise to expend all our forces on one attack." She said, seemingly without thinking. "Sorry. But we've been traveling all over. The emperor has an amazing intuition. He can sometimes sense when things are coming. Plus, he knows Queen Aspheera is getting old. He probably figured he should research up for this big battle they're planning for when she dies."

"I just don't get why they think that's such a good idea," Nya put in, as a guard opened the front gate for them and they started back down the mountain. "I mean, they don't even know when she'll die. How do they even know how old she is? And what even is the average lifespan for an evil, walking, talking magic snake?"

"Well, they can estimate based on how long her father lived." Pixal pointed out. "Plus, the emperors don't exactly see time the same as we do. Their father was raised by dragons, and they blessed him and his family with great longevity, and made him the first ruler of Ninjago. In fact, he was the one who gave Ninjago its name. For a short time, our continent was united, and people called him the creator of Ninjago. But that didn't last. He was too peaceful, and let the Southern kingdoms and city-states rise up. He didn't mind. But when Queen Aspheera's forefathers took over the land that is now the Serpent Kingdom, and began to close it off, he realized his mistake.

"But anyway, all that's to say, you'll have to forgive the emperors for having a warped sense of time. Having lived as long as they have, ten or twenty or even fifty years doesn't seem nearly as long to them as it does to us. They try to see things our way, of course, but it isn't always easy."

Skylor glanced at her suspiciously. "Whose side are you on?"

Pixal sighed. "I'd like to think it's not about taking sides. But trust me, I agree with you two–immediate action is the best plan. Didn't I argue for you before the emperors? Besides, I know that suffering can make time go slowly. I don't want the Serpent Kingdom to have to wait until whatever time we happen to find most convenient."

The rest of the walk down to the lower palace was painfully awkward. The sun was setting, and long shadows stretched across the stones. Nya and Skylor made their way carefully, a fall down the steep stone stairs, or worse, down the side of the mountain, seeming very possible. Pixal, however, walked quickly and nimbly, sometimes speeding up too much and doubling back to them. She didn't seem particularly energetic, but her endurance was amazing. No wonder she had gotten up the mountain so fast earlier, Nya thought. Besides, she probably went up and down the mountain a lot, and she hadn't been talking and stopping every now and then as she and Skylor had. They probably could've made it up faster themselves, but they hadn't wanted to look too exhausted and sweaty by the time they arrived.

By the time they made it back to the palace, it was getting dark. Pixal went to her room, and Skylor brought Nya to the kitchens to find food, since they seemed to have missed dinner. When they'd finished eating, the girls parted ways, and Nya headed back to her room, finding Jay waiting up for her.

"How were the emperors?" He got up from the floor where he'd been sitting, leaning against the door.

She wondered how he knew where she'd been. "You didn't have to wait, you know."

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry we ate without you, by the way. The prince and his mother invited us to an early dinner with them. She's nice, but a little . . . odd. She told us where you and Skylor were."

"Where's everyone else?" Nya asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I think they were looking around, but maybe they've gone back to their rooms by now, even though it's not that late. I told them I'd wait for you."

Nya opened the door to the room, and they sat together on the bed.

"So, how was the audience?" Jay asked again.

She told him everything. He listened as she explained the emperors' plan for defeating the Queen, her and Pixal's new plan, and lastly, how her powers were actually a curse.

"And I don't know what to do," She finished. "Emperor Wu said I could learn to read people's threads easily on my own, but I'm not sure if I should. He also said people weren't really meant to know their soulmates, which I kind of believe, but if it wasn't for the red threads, I wouldn't have found you."

"But what's important is that you did. We'll never know if you would've in some alternate universe where you couldn't see the threads. But that doesn't matter. What matters is what you want."

"But, Jay, what if what I want isn't what's best? I want to be free of this curse–and that is what it is. I don't want to be able to tell someone's entire future–that's too dangerous! I think we should all be our own people, and we weren't meant to be able to have our destinies laid out in front of us. But then again, things would be easier if I kept my powers. You know it."

"Maybe things would be easier for other people," Jay agreed, "But not for you. You wouldn't get to have the life you want. And I'm not okay with that."

Nya sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Thanks, Jay. I still don't know what I'll do, but . . . thanks."

"Of course." He put his arm around her. "Just . . . try not to sacrifice yourself for everyone else. And know that whatever you decide, I believe in you. Okay?"

"Okay."

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