Chapter 15 - "Beyond My Control"

It was one among my weird habits, whenever I felt like everything was falling apart, I chose ice cream as my saviour. But this time, I didn't know why, I couldn't eat it. I just couldn't. It was tough. So, I disposed it in the dustbin and threw the empty box of it on the floor before plugging in my headphones.

I was lying on my bed with my phone on full blast. The curtains were drawn and the doors were locked. The empty tub of my favorite ice cream lied on the floor. Smudged with make up, my fingertips were stained from wiping away the mascara and eye liner stained tears. Our last conversation played in my head. I was sure I couldn't get him back.

Hot tears gushed down my eyes as I felt my throat drying. I lost everything. I failed everything I tried to do. I shouldn't have confessed. I shouldn't have told him the truth. I could've hid it from him. At least, I would have not lost my best friend, the reason of my smile and my protector.

Out of all this, one thing was confirmed, I could never stop loving him. I knew what it costed me, but it just wasn't in my control.

Loving him was not my decision. It just happened, like thousand other coincidences in my life. But now, when I knew that I loved him more than anything else, I couldn't stop. I'll love him as long as my fate allows.

Slowly getting up from my bed, I saw Rhea sleeping on the other single bed. I swear I have never hated someone more than her. Why the hell did she tell him everything?

Well, it was this way now. I had to admit, one more chapter of my life was closed now. He entered and he left. In between, there was only emptiness.

I walked over to the bathroom. Splashing some water on my face, I pursed my lips, trying hard to not cry.

Why didn't he love me? Maybe because not loving me wasn't in his control just like loving him was beyond my control. Maybe.

I stood near the window, removing the curtains. Looking up at the sky, I rubbed my shoulders in order to calm me down.

"Neil." I whispered. It felt so soothing. Just calling out his name made me feel so peaceful.

"Neil." I again murmured, as slowly as I could. And then, again. Again and again. He couldn't hear me, but I felt like it.

"I love you Neil. I love you. I love you so much. I love you. I love you." It escaped my mouth so many times. I didn't know what was happening to me. It was just too peaceful. It also pained, knowing that I would never be able to hear it back from him. But, knowing that I love him was such a good feeling. I knew, even if I try, I would never be able to stop loving him.

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Seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours. I stood there, crying until I saw the light rays of sun erupting and colouring the black sky into a hue of blue.

It dawned on me. I immediately wiped off my tears. Washing my face and trying to cover up my puffy eyes from some makeup, I got ready for college.

I did not want to talk to Rhea, thus, I set an alarm of a minute later on her phone and kept in near her ear. It buzzed and she got your startled, before thumping back on the bed lazily.

"Get up. It's late." I spoke sternly, pinning my hair up.

As if she was again startled, she got up with a jolt and jumped out of the bed. I rolled my eyes and began keeping my books in my bag.

Without waiting for her, I left the hostel for college, afraid enough to face him.

As I climbed up the stairs of the corridor, I felt my knees weakening. I couldn't do it. I wanted to run away. Far, far away.

I was about to plan upon my thinking when I heard DD shouting my name. I turned around and plastered a smile as I saw him approaching me.

Before he could come to me, we heard the bell ringing indicating that it was time for the class. I signalled him to meet later and ran towards the class before I could get late. I did not certainly want him to notice my reddened and swollen eyes. In fact, I wanted no one to see them.

Entering the class, I occupied my seat without looking here and there. I knew Neil must be here, but I did not want to look at him, for looking at his face meant weakening myself.

The lecture started and I began copying down on my register. It was one such moment when I felt like checking if he was even present or not.

Gazing around the classroom, my breathe hitched as I found him, sitting with Ali just behind me. I realized he was already looking at me. That look! I literally felt he would read everything inside me.

"Ms Avni?" I heard the professor call out. Startled, I turned around and got up quickly.

"Why are you looking back?" He asked, his voice stern as his brows furrowed.

I had nothing to say, still I tried. Realizing that I couldn't form proper words, I spoke, "I don't know."

What followed was a murderous glare from him and a shout of 'Out' that shook me.

I grabbed my bag as a silent tear made it's way down my cheek. I could feel everyone's gaze on me and I was reminded of the other day when I was kicked out of the class and Neil came to comfort me.

As I ran out, I was sure of the fact that this time, he wouldn't come out of the class.

However, I was soon proved wrong as the next one I saw was Neil coming out of the class. To say I wasn't shaken would be a huge lie.

I looked straight into his eyes as he stopped near me. Noticing my teary and reddened eyes that he must have seen earlier in the class too, he forwarded his hand slowly towards my face.

Closing my eyes in anticipation, I pursed my lips as I felt his warm hands caressing my eyes, softly rubbing away the tears.

He dragged his hands to my cheeks and I opened my eyes slowly looking into his tired ones.

A small moment of an eye lock followed before he walked away, leaving me all miffed up.

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I know you all must be getting bored now. But the coming updates are again a blast. And I promise, I will not be late.

Till then, comment and vote to let me know how was this one.

Much Love.