24th April, 2018

Bowled Over by the Broken, alhamdulilah, is the fourth novel I'm writing and I'd like to make one thing which is obvious, even more clear - it is not like my other books. My characters are a lot more different in this book and the situations I've mentioned are such that it evokes multiple emotions among different people and I value all your opinions. At that note, I'd also like to add, my protagonists are not the definition of perfection. Anabya is going to make mistakes, she is human, she will learn and she will grow. The same applies to Shamaaz. I'm talking about normal people here, people who know that patience is key but the same people who may lose out on it. This is reality, not a fairy tale and I want it that way... Also, thank you for all your opinions and constructive criticism, I really treasure them <3 On a side note, this chapter is not in Shamaaz's POV, sorry I changed my mind cuz that would ruin the plot. Enjoy such chapters before the dramatic part enfolds, happy reading! ;)

"And if you should count the favor of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful."

(14:34)

Chapter 39:

Don't Quit

"Assalamu alaikum, my darling Tammy," Raiyyan smiled softly as Tammara entered the car and once she had replied to his greeting, he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"How is my wife doing?" He asked, and a genuine smile graced Tam's lips.

"Better than I was before, alhamdulilah," she grinned.

"Where are we going for lunch then?"

"I found this Chinese place 5 kilometers from here, read the reviews too and I think it's our kind," she said, opening the location on Google maps as Raiyyan drove towards the restaurant.

Ever since she had fallen pregnant, Raiyyan had realized Tammara craved for extra warmth. He was sure everyone in the family would love to make her feel special had they shared the news with them, but since there were still a few weeks left until she finished her first trimester and they could announce the big news, it was up to him to take their place. Office had kept him busy but he had struck a deal that apart from weekends where he was all hers, he'd drop in on a weekday and they could go out for lunch.

"I feel sad for Anabya," Tammara spoke aloud after a few minutes of silence.

"Sad?" Raiyyan repeated with raised eyebrows. "And why's that?"

"From the time we were kids, Bee has been the dreamy kind, Ray," Tammara sighed. "I know after her teenage years she turned out to be far more practical, but even then I think she's not very happy in this marriage. Like I don't know, it's so confusing because according to me there are times when she's warming up to Shamaaz and letting him have control but other times she just closes out everyone around her. In short, I feel like she's struggling."

"That's perfectly normal, Tam, they're newlyweds, they will have their share of fights and differences. Don't you remember our days after the nikah, you refused to even look at me," Raiyyan reminded.

"Oh Gosh stop bringing that up," she replied, shaking her head. "I was a complete idiot back then. What made me do that because honestly, I can't even live without you!"

Her last statement made Raiyyan laugh while he said, "The way you behaved around me, I seriously doubted we'd even see a day like this."

"But I'm glad you didn't give up on us, I love you a little more for that!"

"Ah I see, someone is feeling very affectionate today," Raiyyan smirked. "But seriously,Tam," Raiyyan started, "Stop worrying about Bee, I'm sure she can handle it in sha Allah. Our first year of marriage was also hard on us but see how beautifully it turned out in the end? It'll be the same for her," he comforted.

"But I feel she'll have to face a lot more struggles than us, I just pray Allah gives her the strength to live through this," Tam prayed.

"Aameen. Anyways, I think both our mums are going to be annoyed if we share this good news so late with them."

"I know I thought about that, especially because I've literally been dodging similar questions ever since Humayra's birth but I'm very scared, Raiyyan, I'm petrified," she said, and even before she could realize, her eyes clouded over.

"Tam, Tam, Tam," Raiyyan started, quickly taking her hand in his and comforting her. "Please, in sha Allah it won't be like the first time, nothing's going to happen this time by Allah's mercy, stop stressing yourself."

"I'm trying to but last time was traumatic, and I can't forget that," she replied, quickly wiping a tear. "If something like that happens this time..." she hinted, horrified.

"I think when we really want something, we try to control every detail, ensure that absolutely nothing goes wrong to the extent that it costs us our mental peace. We forget the truth that in Allah's hands lies all decisions, all affairs, all matters and the best we can do is make dua for khair."

Tam stayed quiet, pondering over Raiyyan's wise statement until he said, "I really want a girl in sha Allah."

Finally, Tam found her lips curve into a smile as she said, "I just want a healthy baby and an easy labor, I don't mind if it's a girl or a boy."

And I want a baby with a heart like yours, she added mentally.

"But I'm praying for a girl just like her mother," he grinned.

"Okay," Tam shrugged, smiling at his tone. "What's this?" She asked, lifting the small bottle from front.

"Oh I completely forgot, I got that for you. It's sugar cane juice."

She twisted the cap and took a sip before asking, "Why sugar cane juice?"

"I don't know I saw cane crush on the way and just thought of getting it for you," he explained. "It's summer and you need to stay hydrated."

She smiled at his statement, wondering how every time she thought she couldn't love him more than she already did, her heart made space to find reasons to love him a little more.

***

When Anabya returned to Mumbai with Shamaaz after one week of their stay in her hometown, she had felt refreshed. The advices she received from her sisters had stuck to her and time and again she had reminded herself that this new life may seem intimidating, but this was her life from now on and it was up to her to find happiness in it.

After their fight over Fadil, the days that followed back in the city were more pleasant than she had thought. She had decided to spend more time with her in laws, had stayed patient over Tanzila's remarks and went to her mum's house next door only at those times when everyone at this place was outdoors. When it was time to leave, it didn't get better the second time especially because she didn't even know when she'd come back home again, yet she tried her best to not convince Shamaaz to extend their trip... by a month or so. So, with bags full of goodies, and hearts filled with some more precious moments, they were back to their life in this place where they only had each other to call as family.

And at that note, she decided to welcome positivity in to her life, to give this journey with him a chance to show them what it led to.

With these thoughts in mind, she decided to pray Zuhr and then unpack. She was in the middle of storing the perishable food items in the fridge when she came across a box of motichur laddoos from her favorite dessert shop in Bangalore and smiled, fully aware that Furqaan must have got these. Relishing one of the laddoss, she unleashed her thoughts.

Dear 16 year old self,

Dream. You're best at that so never stop dreaming. You're called silly for the fairytales you spin in your head, for the kindness you expect out of the world, the envy you fail to see in the eyes of people and for the love story you try to find in every person you meet. But I can't imagine you any other way.

You see your future as a blur but you are sure of one thing, that what waits ahead is everything you imagined and more. You've fallen in love with a story you created, and are seeking for a partner who'll complete it. You blush at the mention of marriage and giggle when someone jokes about finding you a husband. Life, in your head, is perfect, how can it not be, when it's filled with so much love?

But as you dream all this, remember to pray for it, and as you pray for it, also remember you get only what Allah wants you to receive. Make dua, lots of dua for everything you want, but don't live in your dreams so much that when an alternate reality hits you, you don't know how to cope with it.

When you step into adulthood, you'll still feel like a teenager, or even a kid. You'll still crib about finishing tasks assigned to you, you'll want to grab a few more hours of sleep, you'll eat junk and drink milk only with chocolate, but this time, there's a catch. This time around, life will not treat you that way. It will have its gun and grenades ready, for life thinks that adults need to learn to be strong, and pain is known to be its best tactic to deliver the lesson. Multiple times, you'll find your ideas challenged, some may be blessed to have their teenage dreams fulfilled, but maybe that wouldn't be you.

You may encounter situations which will baffle you so much that you'll find yourself looking up and telling God, 'Ya Rabb, this is the adult life that people talk about, isn't it? I must say, it's tough.'

But I have one advice for you, you can do this. Don't hold on to your teenage dreams and forget to live in the present, don't fall in love with the idea of an ideal man that you fail to love your man, don't cry over a closed door and fail to see the window of possibilities - Keep the past where it belongs, in the past.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but all I'm saying is that if Allah put you in this situation, it's because he knows you are strong enough to live through this.

Start fresh.

You wouldn't be given a fairytale; you may have to create one.

Accept the challenge, don't quit before trying.

These tides that you think will drown you, are only guiding you to the shore.

With love,

A 23 year old adult who is learning to accept life

The weeks that followed, Anabya had made a conscious effort to try from her side to make this relationship work. To complain less, and appreciate more. She had learnt to stay patient and when Shamaaz did something where she had another perspective, she had been careful to be polite as she explained her point. She wouldn't say that it was working well since they mostly collided on almost everything, but she was at least trying her best to reduce the number of fights they had. And rarely, they'd have their fight free days, days when they'd find the other a little more likeable than yesterday.

One day, when Shamaaz was away at the training, the doorbell rang, and Anabya quickly fetched her hijab and went ahead to answer it. The entrance of their apartment had two doors, one completely packed while the other was made of iron grills that ensured safety.

Thus Anabya opened the first door, and carefully assessed the lady in front of her.

She spoke something in Marathi but seeing Anabya's confused expression, she resorted to speak in Hindi.

"You were looking for a housekeeper for daily chores, weren't you? Door No. 1201's Mrs. Leela has sent me."

"Oh!" Anabya nodded, quickly letting her in. "Yes, yes, please come in."

"See Madam, after finishing Mrs. Leela's housework I can come everyday at 12:00. Doing the laundry, washing the dishes, sweeping and mopping are the works that I generally do. Leela Madam must have already told you my wages, if there is extra cutting and chopping of vegetables, then you have to pay me accordingly."

"Right," Anabya nodded, marveling how crisp and clear she was, not forgetting how nicely she was dressed, what with fancy bangles and earrings, a stark contrast to the maids she knew back in her city.

"So do you want me to start work from today?" She questioned.

"Sure, why not," Anabya nodded showing her the cabinet that had the broomstick, dust pan and dusting cloths.

Even without having to tell her, she retrieved the stool from the work area in the kitchen and brought it to the hall, she climbed on it and started with neatly dusting the fan followed by other articles in the house.

"Oh by the way, what's your name?"

"You can call me Kamla Moushi," she said.

"Right Kamla Mousi, so you have kids?" Anabya asked, just to make small talk.

"Yup. Three kids. All of them are such brats, as if the devil possessed them."

Anabya laughed at that and replied, "Kids are known to be naughty."

"Naughty? That is an understatement. Naak mein dum macha kar rakha hai mere. You don't have any kids?" She asked, squinting her eyes.

"No..."

"Oh of course, I forgot. Leela Madam had said youare a newlywed. But I'm warning you, raising a child is not easy. Have youseen men? They can't handle the slightest pain. Haye haye! Why are you lookingat me like that? Then again, you're a new bride, so I understand. All these arefacts that I'm stating, don't feel uncomfortable. I've been told I don't have afilter when I speak, don't mind me okay? I'm like this only. Should I do thedishes first or sweep the house?" 

"You can sweep the house," she replied, taken aback by how much this lady spoke.

She was efficient with her work, Anabya would give her that. Within one hour, she finished all her designated tasks and was out of the door, promising she'll come tomorrow at the same time.

Munching on one of the laddoos that were still left from the box that Furqaan had sent, she went ahead to answer her phone that called for her attention.

"Assalamu alaikum," she greeted.

"Wa alaikum as salaam, Bya, what's up?"

"I was eating laddoo, want some?" She hinted, knowing how much he disliked desserts.

"Yeah sure," he replied sarcastically. "Considering how much oil it has, even Trump would send the military force to invade it."

Anabya laughed at his statement and corrected, "That's pure desi ghee, not oil."

"Same thing, both increase your cholesterol."

"Anyway, what are you doing? Are you coming home for lunch?"

"No, the guys wanted to go out today. Do you want me to get something for dinner when I return?"

"Not really, I was thinking of cooking at home."

"Why do you want to cook now? You can order something for lunch and we can go out for dinner."

"No, Shamaaz, I don't want to go out. I've planned something for the night."

"What may that be? Do I get to guess?"

"It probably won't be close to whatever you're thinking."

"But what do you know what I'm thinking?"

"I know what I've planned is something you aren't capable of thinking."

"And what am Ithinking?"    

"You know what you're thinking."

"But I want to know what you think I'm thinking."

"Bye Shamaaz."

"See you at night, Bya."

Shaking her head at this guy, Anabya proceeded to finish her tasks, made a quick sandwich for herself and then took a nap, considering how sleep deprived she was since Shamaaz had woken up early and she couldn't go back to sleep after that.

A little after Magrib, the food was ready and she had just gone to get the precious box from the room when the doorbell rang again.

"Assalamu alaikum," she greeted, locking the door behind them once Shamaaz had entered.

"Wa alaikum as salaam," Shamaaz replied, heading towards the bedroom as he dropped the duffel bag in a corner and before proceeding to shower, he said, "Someone's looking nice today."

"Someone looks nice every day, maybe you just don't notice."

"You're always clad in kurtis and loose pants or jeans and tee, nice to see you wear a dress today. You should wear such clothes more often," he grinned.

"Shamaaz," Anabya chided, looking at her dress. It was a half sleeved dress reaching an inch above her ankles, and while it didn't reveal much, that's just how comfortable she felt with him just yet. Although she didn't think much about it, trust Shamaaz to pay these details extra attention.

"Shower quickly, I'm hungry!" She called after him.

"Okay okay! What's for dinner though?"

"Guess," she grinned.

"Biryani?" He asked, his eyes lighting up.

"No," she replied, her nose scrunching. "Biryani is yum but have you any idea how long it takes to make Biryani?"

"Fine fine okay, you must have made your favorite then, fried rice and chicken?"

"Not really, I just made chicken sandwiches, and noodles."

"And you built so much suspense for that," he commented, retrieving his shirt from the closet.

"I was testing you," she shrugged, hopping off the chair while she went to set the table.

Once they were done with dinner and dishes were dried, Anabya asked Shamaaz to wait for her in the living room.

"What's that?" He asked, eyeing the box in her hand.

"Do you know what's Jenga?"

"I do, we used to play it in college. It was Natasha's favorite."

"Really? Am I the only one clueless then? One of Natasha's gifts for us at the wedding was this game for couples. I got it with me when we visited home last time, I thought we could play it."

"You want to play Jenga with me?" Shamaaz mused.

"Why? Is there something wrong with that?" She questioned, feeling conscious all of a sudden.

"Why are you so cute?" He asked, laughing to himself.

"What? I don't understand," she replied, confused.

"Nope, nothing. Come let's start," he said arranging four blocks and stacking the rest 50 on top in a similar fashion so it resembled a tower.

"So you know the rules right?"

Instead of answering his question, she gave him a suspicious look. "You look too smug about this, I almost don't want to play."

That made him laugh as he said, "You've been so reserved so long, like a closed book, it's going to be interesting to hear stuff from you. Okay so the rules are simple, we need to remove one block from this tower when our turn comes, read the truth or dare written on it and do as follows. We can't draw the block from the top, we can't use two hands and while you're retrieving a block, if the tower falls..."

"Then what?" She asked, almost scared.

"Then the other person gets to give you a dare and you have to do it."

"I don't trust your dares."

"Don't make the tower fall then," he smirked.

"You go first." She said, begrudgingly.

"Okay..." He dragged, rubbing his hands as he drew a blue block from the bottom.

"What does it say?" Anabya asked curiously.

"Oh this is easy, natural color or highlights?" He read aloud.

"I don't want to color my hair but I really think you'll look great with red highlights," he answered.

"Highlights? Red? Me?" Anabya said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I was just giving my opinion," he replied.

"I am thinking of cutting my hair, Mumbai heat is something else."

"No you're not," Shamaaz replied, as if she was committing a sin.

"Yes I am," Anabya replied, "I'm very serious, I've made up my mind."

"I don't give you permission for this," he said, frowning.

"I was informing, not asking," she reminded, smiling sweetly.

"Come on, Bya, I love your hair, you can't do this to me," he said, running his hand through her curls.

"Just shoulder length," she coaxed.

"No, no, no."

"It's not like you can do anything after I cut it," she smiled mischievously.

"I could always shave my beard..."

"No you wouldn't!" She was quick to say.

"Why? You like it?"

"Obviously," she replied in a matter of fact tone and colored when she realized she just complimented him.

"Oh!" He smirked, gazing at her.

Breaking eye contact, she said, "My turn now!"

"You always ruin a romantic moment," he sulked.

"I didn't hear you," she sang as she carefully retrieved a block.

"Absolute no no in a relationship," she read out. "That's easy. Lying," she put forth. "I don't think any relationship can work if the partner finds the need to lie to the other, it directly means you don't trust them and if there's no trust, the ship is sure to drown."

"Fair enough," Shamaaz nodded, drawing another block, his eyes lighting up as he read the statement.

"Adventure or serenity?"

"Adventure, definitely," Shamaaz answered. "Doing those stuff that gives you the thrill, that's something else altogether."

"What are some of the adventurous things you've done so far?" Anabya prodded.

"Racing, skydiving and bungee jumping."

"Really?" Anabya asked, surprised upon discovering this information.

"Adventure is in my blood, Bya, you have no idea," he answered. "I'd ask you the same question but I already know your answer."

"Of course, it's written all over my face," she joked.

"When was the last time you cried?" She bit her lip after she read the question.

"Well, do I have to answer this?"

"Of course you have to!"

She made a face and said in a small voice, "When we had the big fight in Bangalore last time."

Shamaaz looked at her quietly as she elaborated. "I was angry, upset and hurt."

"I didn't intend it to turn out that way, Bya, trust me."

"I know, Shamaaz, but it is what it is," she shrugged.

"But you didn't cry in front of me."

"Well yeah..." She trailed off, she hadn't shown him her vulnerable side just yet.

"Anyways, your turn."

He looked at her for a few seconds and proceeded with the game.

"Would you mind if your partner had a best friend of opposite sex?"

"Yes, I would definitely mind for the simple reason that I'm supposed to be her best friend. My girl ain't getting close to any man other than me," he added on a lighter note.

"Agreed. But the rules must apply to both partners in the relationship..." Anabya subtly hinted.

Shamaaz shook his head and sighing internally, Anabya carefully drew the next block from the tower.

"Just saved," Shamaaz grinned, considering how the tower was so close to falling when she was removing a block.

"Describe your relationship with your partner... Why do I get all the difficult questions?" Anabya wondered aloud.

"Describing in words must not be difficult for a writer," Shamaaz replied, taking immense pleasure at their current state while he waited for her answer.

While they had been answering all the previous questions almost immediately, it took Anabya five whole minutes to word her sentence as Shamaaz waited patiently.

Biting her lower lip, she finally found the courage to say, "I'm letting go of my fantasies to live a dream with you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, puzzled.

"Whatever you want it to mean," Anabya shrugged.

"That's unfair, you can't twist your words in a way that I don't understand," he said.

"It's not my fault that you can't reach my depth, Shamaaz. I'm not explaining, think what you want," Anabya laughed at his confused expression.

Was her statement really confusing or was he just too dense?

"Well, at least I know it does not mean something like I hate you," he added.

"I don't hate you," Anabya confirmed, alarmed.

"Relax, I was joking. But seriously, you have to explain this, I'm not playing my turn otherwise," he said crossing his arms.

"Such a baby," Anabya gasped at his behavior. "Fine. It means I don't not like you."

He narrowed his eyes at her statement and replied, "I know it doesn't mean that but I'll take it."

She rolled her eyes at that as he picked the next block, his expression turning sour.

"That's it, we're done! We're going to sleep."

"What is it?" Anabya asked, definitely curious at his response.

He couldn't even read it out loud, so he just showed her what it said,

Say something about your ex.

"Well..." Anabya dragged, trying to play it cool but internally inquisitive about what he'd say.

"She was a good friend but dating her was my biggest mistake."

Anabya had a hundred questions at the tip of her tongue but if he wasn't going to elaborate, then she wasn't going to prod.

Something told her to ask him more about it and clear it forever, but she couldn't get herself to it.

Quietly, she played her turn but her cheeks instantly colored when she read the statement.

"You didn't tell me this game had dares."

"What did you get?" He asked, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"We're going back to sleep," Anabya announced, getting up.

"What? Definitely not like this, show me what you got," Shamaaz said, following her to the bedroom.

"No," she replied, shaking her head as she hurriedly held the block securely in both her hands behind her.

"Show me, Bya," Shamaaz said, taking a step towards her while Anabya took a step back, shaking her head until she reached the wall and there was no way to escape.

"Shamaaz, no," she screamed and laughed while he slid his hand and tickled her side to retrieve it from her clutch.

"At least show me," he said as he found his hand loosen her grip around it.

"I'm not doing this," Anabya repeated.

"I get to give you an alternate dare then," Shamaaz challenged smugly, not sure why she wasn't willing to act upon whatever the block read.

"Save your dare for another day, please," she murmured, looking into his eyes.

And something changed that night, for the four walls of that room had never seen the still new bride embrace her fate with a level of patience and acceptance whose roots traced back to her heart. The journey was still long, but she had embarked on it with baby steps.

_________________________________________

If you could give Shamaaz and Anabya questions/ dares in Jenga, what would they be? :)