BPD means im never mildly annoyed, im furious. It means im never kinda sad, im depressed + probably suicidal. It means im never cheerful, im manic and anxious.

It means i feel everything so much louder than everyone else. It means if i dont contain myself and i act out, i have to deal with, again, for the 20th time today, a barrage of self hatred and feelings of worthlessness that i have to work through while pretending to be okay.

It means dissociating so i dont hurt people or myself but still managing it anyway. It means knowing before i speak all the apologies i am going to have to make.

7//April 22, 2017