Jeno and Jaemin had stop including Renjun as of late. They always made excuses why they couldn't hang out with their Chinese boyfriend.
Renjun sat in class spacing out, he knew his boyfriend's were ignoring him. What did he do wrong? Did he hurt their feelings? He bit his lip thinking of the two feeling like shit. It's his fault they are ignoring him right? The professor dismissed their class and he got up and packed his things in his bag and everyone filed out of the room. He unlocked his phone, his home screen is a selfie of all of them together with bright smiles. He shot a text at their group chat.

You
Hey wanna have lunch together?

Nana ❤️
I have to study for a test, sorry Injunnie :(

Nojam ❤️
I'll be studying with Jae

You
Want me to help you guys?

He waited for a reply as he walked to the canteen and spotted Mark and Donghyuck sitting down at their hyung's table. He walked over and sat next to Lucas. He sighed and grabbed his lunch out of his bag and set it on the table, he didn't have an appetite. He bit his lip. Should he ask his friends about it? He gulped and faced everyone. They were all smiling and talking. "Hey guys?" He spoke quietly and they looked at him.
"What's up Renjun?" Mark asked and sipped his water.
"Do you know if Jeno and Jaemin are mad at me?" He questioned shyly and some of them gave him confused looks.
"Not that I know of" Taeyong said.
"How come you are asking?" Sicheng questioned and Renjun waved it off.
"No reason, sorry" he said and quickly started eating.
15 minutes later and no response. He had only eaten 1/3 of his lunch before he packed it back up. He left the canteen after checking the time since he had class on the opposite side of the college. He bid his goodbye and walked away putting his lunch in his bag and shouldering it. He walked down the hall and stopped to look in the glass door of the library seeing Jeno and Jaemin holding hands across the table, lunches pulled out, but no books. They didn't even have their bags. He felt his heart squeeze in betrayal but brushed it off trying to convince himself that they're taking a break from studying. He quickly walked away heading to class.

A few days later they went out to a movie. Renjun was flooding with happiness finally able to hang out with his boyfriends. They got their snacks and headed into the large room and sat in the middle row. Jaemin sat in the middle.
Halfway through the movie Renjun noticed Jeno and Jaemin holding hands and inched his way to Jaemin's hand and tried to hold it but Jaemin quickly occupied himself with eating his candy. Renjun put his hand back in his lap feeling ignored and sad.
After the movie they walked out to Jeno's car. Before they got in Renjun spoke up. He hugged himself. "Are...are you guys mad at me?" He asked and the two looked at each other and then Renjun.
"No they answered at the same time and before Renjun could speak once more they got in the car. Renjun sat in the back. He unlocked his phone and checked if he had any messages but saw none. He checked the group chat. No response to his "good morning" text. He looked out the window trying to distract his thoughts. Are they lying? Are they actually mad at me? He looked up front and saw them holding hands resting them on the center console. They didn't even try to kiss Renjun goodbye.

A week later Renjun had asked if they wanted to come over to his dorm but they refused saying they were busy. He sat on his bed lonelier than ever and checked his instagram. He scrolled and stopped at a picture on Jaemin's account. It was him and Jeno, posted 10 minutes ago.
"Hanging out with my boyfriend 💕" the caption read and Renjun felt a tear roll down his cheek, burning the skin. Comments read how cute they were and asked what they were doing. Only one brought up Renjun, Sicheng had sent the message.

Win.Winnie: Where's Renjun?
Na.na: he said he was busy :( @Win.Winnie

Renjun felt betrayed, unloved, unwanted. He choked on a sob and grabbed his pillow to scream into it. What did he do wrong? What did he do?! He grabbed his phone and shot a text to Sicheng.

You
Hyung can we talk?

Sicheng Hyung
Yeah, everything okay?

You
Hyung I'm not busy
Image attached

He sent the texts in the group chat earlier as he cried.

Sicheng Hyung
Why would they lie?

You
Idk, I'm so hurt hyung, Idk what I did to make them ignore me

He sniffled and grabbed a few tissues blowing his nose and threw them in the trash.

Sicheng Hyung
Wanna come over? Kun and I are watching a movie

You
Be over in 5 tysm hyung

Sicheng Hyung
Np Renjun

He quickly dressed more appropriately but still comfortable. He made sure he looked presentable and headed out.

He ended up spending the night not wanting to feel so alone. He had left their place and went to the showers and saw some people were already in a few stalls. Never mind, two people in one stall. "Haha Jeno come on, calm down." He heard Jaemin whispered with a laugh.
"I can't keep my hands off of someone so beautiful" Jeno spoke and Renjun heard the sounds of kissing. He felt his heart break in tiny pieces. He walked back to the lockers and looked in to mirror. His hair a mess, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks tear stained, and lips chapped. I'm ugly. He thought and bit his lip not wanting to have a breakdown.
"Jeno" he heard Jaemin say.
"Yes babe?" Jeno questioned.
"W-what are we going to do about Renjun? I think he's getting suspicious" Jaemin said and Renjun frowned walking over to listen.
"I don't know Jae, but we have to stop making excuses or he'll catch on" Jeno said and Renjun covered his mouth feeling tears well up in his eyes.
"How will we confess to him?" Jaemin questioned.
"I don't know but we should do it soon. We can't keep doing this" Jeno said and Renjun bit into his hand.
"I feel bad, but I just don't love him anymore" Jaemin whispered and Renjun started crying uncontrollably.
"Maybe it was a phase? I mean... I loved him too. At least I thought I did" Jeno said and Renjun's heart broke. It broke into tiny itty bitty pieces. He was planted on the ground unable to move, that's until the shower turned off. He darted out bawling and ran to his dorm room, running up the stairs bumping into people along the way as he cried. He slammed open his door thankfully he forgot to lock it. He shut it locking it behind him and ran to his bed hugging his pillow as he cried and cried and cried. They don't love me anymore. He started crying thinking back to what Jeno said about it being a phase. So they used him? Only to throw him out when they were done with him? He choked on a sob. He pulled at his hair as he continued to sob feeling so hurt and heartbroken. Why? Why did they use me? I gave them my heart and they broke it. The problem with having two boyfriends is the double heartbreak, losing them was like being shot. Death sounded way better than dealing with this pain. Was he just a bother to him? Was he not good enough? He got up and looked in his full body mirror as he cried continuing to wipe his tears so he could see more clearly. He looked at his tear stained face, his messy hair, his flimsy limps. He hates himself. Renjun has always had trouble with his self-esteem until his boyfriend came along. They made him feel beautiful and handsome and good about himself, they made him happy; now they are tearing him down, leaving him behind. He walked to his desk absentmindedly and opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a small box containing an old friend. He opened it slowly, the blade still shiny with no rust or dust. He gulped and took it out with a shaking hand. "Hey old friend" he whispered with a bitter smile. He gulped and looked at his arms. They had very very faint scars from two years ago when he was in the deep end of depression. He brought the blade to his skin as he shook. He rested his back against his desk uncomfortably and dragged it.
One
Two
Three
...
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen.

He didn't know when he stopped but by now the blood was soaking his shirt and the floor. He let out a broken sob and looked at the mess he mad. Idiot! He cursed himself and cried painfully, barley any tears left to cry. Why can't I be good enough? His phone went off and he winced as he moved his arms to push himself off the floor, leaving the bloody blade. He grabbed a towel and pressed it painfully on his skin feeling dizzy. He unlocked his phone and saw a text in the group chat.

Nana ❤️
Renjun,
Jeno and I have been talking. Before you came into the picture Jeno and I were already in a relationship. When you arrived we were infatuated with you, but maybe it was admiration. We're sorry to do this over text but we don't think we can stay together anymore. Jeno and I are very sorry but we fell out of love... with you. We'll always cherish our memories but we just can't be with you anymore.

Renjun choked on a sob unable to shed anymore tears. He looked down at his wrist. Get rid of the pain in my heart please please please. So he went back to it.
Twenty
Twenty one
Twenty two
...
Thirty.

He was dizzy with blood loss, he was heartbroken and hurt both physically and emotionally. No matter how many cuts he made they stabbing pain in his heart wouldn't go away. He grabbed his phone wiping his bloody hand on his pants and shaking as he texted back.

You
I'm sorry

His phone started ringing but he ignored it, he tossed his phone aside and buried his face in his knees after pulling his legs to his chest rocking himself wishing for comfort. None came.

He managed to bandage his arms, he had shut off his phone 30 minutes ago. If they cared they would have came to your door. I stared at the wall feeling blank. He didn't know what to do with himself. He loved them, he loved them to hell and back, even now he loves them still. So much. He used to think of marrying them, having a beautiful wedding and possibly adopting with them. They promised to be there for him, they promised to love him. Why would they date an ugly freak? He cuddled into his blankets letting himself drift off into dreamland.

He woke up shaking at 4:00 in the morning. Memories from his past continued to haunt him more than ever. He cried and rocked himself. Jeno and Jaemin weren't here to hold him, they're never going to be here anymore. They'll never sit together at lunch, they'll never kiss and cuddle, they're done.

Renjun suffered heartbreak, on the other floor Jaemin and Jeno cuddled sleeping happily.