*trigger warning*
'me of all people....why..I don't get it...am I really that violent and mean...fuck...I am aren't I...but...im still human...' katsuki thought to himself, spaced out in class absently chewing on the back of his pen. katsuki sighed as he subtly tugged his chest binder down off of a bruise on his ribs with a small wince of pain. the half body chest binder the ftm ash blond wore sat uncomfortably on a bruise that still hadn't healed over the week he has been back. in reality it wasn't just a few bones or skin that was broken when he was taken...so was his pride and a few parts of his mind. He snapped after being hit so many times by the league, he had to "learn his place" as one of the villains had put it before beating the shit out of the 5'7 male. also contributing to the greatness on katsuki's mental health the villains decided to have..."a little fun" with him, basically meaning well....katsuki had been raped by a few of the villains. that hadn't bee the first time something like that had happened to him either... and it wasn't the villains before. as the blonde had lost himself in thought a short green haired boy walked up to him concern on his face "kacchan?..." izuku asked softly to get the blonds attention, and it worked. Katsuki jumped slightly when izuku called out his name "h-huh oh;the hell you want deku?" he asked as he stood up after realizing class was over and started picking up his school supplies but stopping for a moment to readjust the binder once more a look of pain and frustration crossing katsuki's face before closing his eyes to breath. "k-kacchan,I'm worried about you...we all are. You are...you're acting differently maybe you could ta-" "tch- I've told you fucking extras I. don't. want. to. Talk. fuck it. I mean its not like the person I care about cares about me" katsuki said cutting off izuku in a growl and referencing the recent fight between bakugo and kirishima, which had lead to a messy break up between the rock hero and explosive one. Pain flashed behind the crimson eyes of the spikey blond before he looked away from the green eyes of the other. "kacchan pl-" the greenette was cut of by bakugo turning on his heel and walking away from izuku and the conversation the end of izuku's words hung in the air "please"

~~
it was about 8 p.m when izuku had walked up to katsuki's dorm, his two toned friend shoto followed behind to A) make sure izuku didn't get his ass kicked and B) because even though no one could tell and they weren't friends he was concerned for bakugo as well. izuku knocked on the door lightly with his scarred knuckles, shoto standing behind the shorter male, quiet and emotionless as always. There was a bit of shuffling behind the door before it opened to a tired looking katsuki, he was in boxers and an oversized hoodie;his hair a tangled mess instead of the normal messy spikes, the bags under his eyes darker then earlier. katsuki looked as if he had just woken up a sour look of exaughtion on his face as he stared blankly at the two in front of him no words, just a soft hum of acknowledgement. The dark room behind him a mess of clothes, notebooks, paper and....what looked to be bloody bandages? izuku looked even more worried before and shoto's normally stoic expression faded for a moment concern and worry taking over. "uh...uh-uhm k-kacchan...? c-can we come in?" izuku asked quietly and just got a half shouldered absent shrug as a response before the blonde male turned and walked back to his bed with a yawn as he flopped back on it not so gracefully. "kacchan, what's been up with you lately. Ever since....ever since we rescued you from the league...you....you changed and its worrying what did they do to you when they kidnapped you...?" bakugo flinched when izuku mentioned the kidnapping but just shot the other two males a tired glare before pulling a pillow over to himself and hugging it gently as he sat up slightly. shoto and izuku sat on the edge on the bed one on either side of the blond "deku if you had gone through this you would be different too" bakugo mumbled and izuku just shook his head slightly , the greenette reached down and picked up some of the blood stained bandages and katsuki's eyes widened slightly. the ash blond reached over Todoroki's lap quickly for them but missed as izuku pulled them away and the ash blonde jolted slightly and fell in the half hot half cold male's lap which caused a slightly confused and surprised shoto."fuck" the blond muttered as he got back up glaring at izuku "Look deku just fuckin drop it...like Jesus why can't you...please" the normal edge to katsuki's voice was gone it was just hurt and pain now but also a certain softness too. "no kacchan I won't drop this you were and still are in my eyes one of my best friends we grew up together and I hate seeing you hurting like this" "then stop looking damnit" izuku sighed at the blondes stubbornness then looked to Todoroki with a look begging him to help which he did."bakugo agree with midoriya we only want to ensure your safety so please, so we don't have to get sensei show us your wrists" shoto said quietly looking over to katsuki with a blank expression but a bit of softness flashed across his face for a split moment. Bakugo shook his head about to say no but thought about it.... 'I don't do it they will get the caterpillar and then I'm fucking fucked' he shook his head once more then rolled up his sleeves slowly, flinching when the cool air of the room hit the warm skin around the deep slits up and down the blonde's arms a few still bleeding lightly. He swallowed hard and looked away holding out his arms to midoriya and Todoroki. Both of whom seemed at a loss for words for a moment all that was heard in the room was a small gasp from izuku and a faint sniffle from bakugo who was looking away still. finally "k-kacchan...h-how long h-have you...k-ka-kacchan..." izuku whispered out clearly pained by just looking at it "how fucking long do you think deku.... did it start when I came out as trans and had the shit beat out of me or maybe it was oh I dunno before that..." the blonde said venom lacing his voice as he turned and looked izuku dead in the eyes his crimson ones red as the tears fell " maybe it was when I held onto the idea that it was just a phase and I was just a weak little girl like everyone said.. OR maybe when my uncle raped me and dad got sent to prison. Oh oh I know maybe it was when my mom started coming home drunk and beating me senseless just cause I'm not the 'perfect daughter' she wants or maybe when I dunno MAYBE when I was kidnapped a few weeks ago and had gotten broken up with and called a dirty whore because he found out that I had lost my virginity but wouldn't fuck him" katsuki had said breathing hard and pausing every so often so he didn't break down completely but it still happened anyway, the blonde broke down in sobs as every piece of memory from those moments came flooding back all venom and anger in his voice gone and replaces with pain ,hurt, and numbness "so I don't know deku WHEN did it start??? you would know wouldn't you since you know E V E R Y T H I N G don't you" he stated venomously glaring daggers at the greenette as tears streamed down his face he didn't sound like himself.by this point izuku was crying as well and shoto was surprised and even a little pissed at al the people who had do those things to katsuki. "I-I...kacchan... I.." the greenette stuttered out at a loss for words as bakugo shot him one last glare before looking away and wiping away some of the tears"i-i k-kacchan y-you d-don't...you d-don't mean all that d-d-o you? a-all that happ-happened and you j-just didn't tell anyone? You just didn't tell anyone. Not the police or me or my mom or even the teachers...y-you just resorted to hurting yourself... you should have told someone. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME DAMNIT" izuku said getting up and pacing the room slowly raising his voice with frustration and worry to which katsuki flinched and shoto instinctively put his arms around bakugo pulling him close like he did to his younger siblings when his dad got pissed. bakugo tensed at the touch but after a moment accepted it and went to wipe his face once more but fresh tears came as izuku continued on ranting about how he should have come to someone. "midoriya I think you should calm down a bit.... this isn't the time or place to be yelling. Not right now you came here to help but this isn't"Todoroki said calmly and just held his arm around bakugo gently as the blonde cried silently face buried in the half and half hero's shoulder "NO Todoroki-kun I cant just 'calm down' kacchan decided to hurt himself instead of asking for help I don't want to see my friend...my best friend who I grew up with like this I-I cant just let it go I-I cant...how else am I supposed to react to something like this" "midoriya you either need to calm down or leave...please you are not helping by yelling" Todoroki pleaded softly trying to calm both down as one yelled in the other flinched at every yell. after a minute of Todoroki and midoriya shooting each other glares bakugo spoke softly from where he was clung to shotos side "I-I'm sorry izuku..I.I should have but I didn't I'm sorry "by now you could hear a pin drop it had gotten so silent...that was until izuku just shook his head in disbelief and turned on his heel leaving the dorm


omfg im dying my poor hands that was 1727 words in total geez anywho thank you so much for reading see you next chapter~ the random author who is sleep deprived