K

I'd hurt him— again.

V's working quietly in his place when I come in the door, not looking up when I do. He'd been gone in the morning when I woke up.

It's painful to look at him.

Taking a shallow breath, I turn and head for my workplace. When I sit down, I find my eyes on V again.

"Look. That person across our building."

S. I turn to look at her, at her gaze fixed at something outside the window.

I frown. What was she—

"I think he's getting ready to jump."

My eyes instantly flash back to V. He had heard— he's completely frozen in his seat, lips slightly parted.

Dammit.

"There he goes."

And V bursts up from his seat. Half the people in the room turn to look at him as he slams the door open and leaves, but soon turn back to the newest jumper.

I curse again, softly in my mind as I stand up to follow him.

These damn jumpers.

He's gone when I rush out into the hallway. I look in both directions— finally ending up choosing left.

But his familiar figure is nowhere to be seen, no matter how quick I force my feet to move.

Where is he?

"V? Yeah. I saw him coming out of someone else's apartment this morning."

I freeze. And I instantly press myself against the wall, worry turning into panic at the voice right around the corner.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I think he's in a relationship."

A sigh echoes. "Well— we have no choice then. I'll report him to get tested for the disease."

My apartment.

He'd come out of my apartment this morning.

The two men walk away, and I run back towards the workroom. I needed to get to V— tell him, let him know.

But he'd get tested in the end.

I skid to a stop.

He had the disease— he had love. He loved me, and I would be the reason he'd get thrown into the rehabilitation facility.

I'd never see him again.

And that I couldn't accept.

________________________

"V."

I find him hesitating outside the front of the door. He looks stunned to see me, and I pull him into my private lab the moment I see him.

"K-Kay."

And I press the cold vial of the prototype into his palm.

"Take it— the pill. Now."

"Isn't this....Isn't this your prototype?" He whispers, brown eyes confused and lost. "Why are you giving this to me?"

Please.

"Because I can't lose you." I say, talking faster than usual. "I can't. I'd rather have this than the other."

"I don't understand."

And I tell him. I tell him everything— that people would come to take him to testing, and that he would test positive if he didn't take this prototype.

I knew it would work.

His face pales.

"Will I still love you?"

I shake my head. "This is going to cleanse it all. You won't love me— you won't even know me. So I need you to..."

"I don't want it."

He pushes the vial of pills into my hands, stumbling back. He's still shaking his head, face paled.

"I-I don't want to live in a world where I don't love you, Kay. I want to keep this even if I'm forced to go."

He walks towards the door.

And I know.

I know that I've come to love him— this naive, innocent angel of a person. He was so beautiful, yet so vulnerable.

Which is why I need to do this.

"V."

I twist him back by his sleeve. Then I reach up, pressing my lips to his.

I'm sorry.

I kiss him roughly, on purpose. Everything— from my fingers running through his hair to my arms around his waist— is on purpose.

So he's distracted from the pill I was passing to him through his lips.

It's not long until he notices, pushing me back with a sharp cry.

"N-No." He whispers, panic filling his eyes as he tastes his lips. "K, you didn't. You didn't just..."

Tears wash down his cheeks, and I watch him shatter slowly.

"How could you do this."

And that day, I lose the only person who'd ever loved me.

The only person who I'd ever loved.

__________________________

Five months later

"K. Here's the assignment."

"P-Put it right there." I say, voice falling weak as I force myself not to look up at him. "Next to the other papers. Thanks, V."

Why did it still hurt.

"K?"

"Yes?"

"Do you— have I seen you somewhere before?" He suddenly asks, and I look up with a fake laugh.

"Of course. You're seeing me right now, V."

"That's— That's not what I mean." He says, biting down on his lip. "Other than work. I feel like..."

His head tilts.

"I just— I just can't remember."

"You're probably tired." I pass it over, tone flat when my heart is everything but. "Go home and get some rest. All you needed to finish were those anyway."

But he still looks confused as he walks out, and it's so similar to the V I'd used to know.

I open the drawer to my desk.

A copy of the cure sits there, and I touch the cold surface with my fingertips before pulling back.

Just a little longer, to keep V in my memory.

And then I'd forget.

___________________________

V.

I'm stunned when I look up, to find that his eyes are already on me. He quickly turns away, and there's a light blush on his cheeks.

What...?

And that hadn't been the last time.

More then three times for the next two hours, I catch him watching me when he thinks I can't see him. He always flickers his eyes away the moment I look up.

I'm confused.

And when it happens again, I walk up to his workplace.

"V. Do you have a question?"

"W-What? No." He stutters, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Really?"

Why were you looking at me, then?

"Okay." I say, motioning for him to follow me. "I needed you anyway, for something. Can you stay five minutes after work hour?"

He nods.

Soon everyone leaves, at exactly the hour that work ends. Few people ever went over five o' clock— work wasn't interesting to them, and it would never be.

And I'm alone with him.

"All you need to do is to help me with this." I say, tapping at one of the formulas. "You're the best chemist in here— I assumed you might know."

And there it is again.

He'd been looking at me. He only pushes down his gaze when I point at the formula.

It's so easy to see the nervous red flushing his cheeks.

"Um, so nitrogen and hydrogen won't go together in this—"

"V."

I step closer.

"Why do you look at me?"

He flinches. And the blush on his pale cheeks deepen, the moment he stares at the the ground.

"Why." I press. "You think I haven't see you—"

"I'm sorry."

He buries his face in his hands, covering his lips. "I think...I think—"

"I like you."

And I freeze. The moment he notices the stunned expression on my face, he makes a painful sound from his throat.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

That's when I know.

He'd love me. He would grow to love me no matter how many times I'd take that love from him.

My eyes sting.

"Don't be." I whisper, wrapping my arms around his waist. I feel him tense underneath me, and I can't hold down the pain.

How could I take away his love.

It was his, and I'd ripped that away from him five months ago.

"K-Kay?"

This is dangerous.

But when I look up to his lost, almond eyes, I know I would do anything to keep him. I'd take all the risk.

"Do you love me?"

He nods, before his brows furrow.

"I don't understand. I'd thought you would be angry—"

"I'll tell you everything." I say, breathing shakily. "I promise."

V falls quiet. When he nods again and tucks me deeper into his chest, I let myself in his warmth.

This is love.

And it felt more beautiful than anything I'd ever seen.

*END