Ephesians 4 vs 31- "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice."

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God doesn't exist!

Hell is the place you should rot in and not some fantasies about heaven or some stupid shit!

You... All of you disgust me.

Those cruel words buried in me was all I could think about during my walk home. After the session of Thomas and I in the hall, I was dumbfounded and disconnected from the real world for only God knows-all I could wish for was to close my eyes and wake up from this scary reality.

My emotion became a mix of anger, hurt, depression...till it went from being numb to a point that everything that revolved around me became negative. So many questions that needed answers left me puzzled and in the dark. Why does he hate God so much? What happened to make him this vengeful? Why does he think Christians are the same? Could this be the reason his name was dropped in my heart on Sunday?

The hurt his eyes brought, the despair from his mouth, his constant hits on me, his threats and everything that took place replayed itself in my mind, that I began to break down and lose my focus when I was exposed to a different place than the hall.

I didn't understand any of this. Why should I be bullied for my faith? Was this the life God promised me? Was there agony and pain in being a Christian? All I knew was that Christianity was a life of prosperity and wealth and that you can be condemned for that, but not to the extent of being forced to give up. Our pastor told us that Christ hath paid the price for us, so we are not to worry about the struggles the world faced, that they don't happen to Christians. So what was all this?

You have from now till tomorrow to think.

No matter what he says, I won't give in to his ridiculous choice, why does he seek to destroy and make life difficult for me? I have nothing to think about because my answer would still be the same, but at the other hand, do I have what it takes to endure his threats?

The rays from the sun hid behind the clouds, its reflection that once heat my skin with the same rhythm of pain I felt gone and slowly fading away for the evening to take over. If not for the unfriendly wind it brought after, I would have wished for its reappearance because the scourge it gave reminded me of those harsh words embedded inside of me. I needed something that would brutalise my skin since I was a nobody, a loser, a whore, a fool by them.

And home-home didn't help matters because it brought desolation when all I needed was consolation.

My dad had been at home since he claimed to have been robbed few days ago, and I was with the responsibility of taking care of his needs. If he's not caught staring at my mum's picture for hours, he's either drinking, reserved or on call as he never cared to ask on how I coped with school. All he wanted to see was a sparkling and nice looking home, food prepared to his taste since according to him, he was training me on how to become a proper housewife.

When I got back from church on Sunday, he was discussing with a friend of his and it seemed pretty important considering the way they had only nodded their head when I greeted them. That same evening, my worst fear happened-a lady who claimed the title of being my dad's girlfriend visited our home as all of this was to my distaste. The way they cuddled and how irritating she was when she began to order me around for little things she could do herself fueled my wrath the more. When my dad saw how frequent it became, he lashed out to her for her ill manners before he eventually sent her out to my relief.

Yesterday also, it repeated itself with the same lady but this time around, she tried to be nicer and wanted to form an intimacy with me. She eventually left after she got in an argument with my dad for his continuous stares on my mum's portrait.

I prayed today would be different.

The sound and light that came from the Tv was all that filled the quietness of the room and its hovering darkness. The smell of cigarettes that I was forced to inhale each day I came home brought a nauseous feeling, but I was too weak to start another argument with my dad concerning this.

I made an attempt to put on the pathway lights but stopped when a voice was heard." She's so funny!" It came softly with a chuckled laughter as I felt my answer being given already.

After putting on the switch, I came to the limelight and saw her and my dad with another of those positions that gets me worked up. She rested her head on his chest while his arm closed the gap as he gave her kisses in between. Soon, they became lost in their passion that the Tv became less important. And alternatively, they passed the same alcoholic bottle and cigarette to each other, a feeling of sensation passing through them.

Watching how happy they looked brought a grieve that bled my heart into pieces. It should have been my mum there-she should have been the only one to make him smile this way, she should have been the only one to console him, she should have been his best friend forever since that was what they vowed for. But she was denied all of that because she was gone and that is an hurt truth I have to deal with till I also cease to exist.

Like the ashes that comes from a burn and the dust from the ground, a priceless gem was lost to this cruel world. It's funny how easy it was to be forgotten when dead, despite all the promises.

"I wish our romance could be like theirs, it would mean everything to me. What's your view?" she continued and hugged him further while staring at him for a response.

"Not now, Bianca," my dad who freed himself from her grip said. "I'm tired and Emma would be back from school anytime from now. I don't want her to see us this way." That seemed to be a justifiable excuse because she actually bought it and gave a warm smile.

"I understand, and I'm willing to sacrifice everything to make this work. So, why don't I prepare dinner while you get over your moodiness again?" she concluded in an euphoric manner, not minding if my dad had ignored her to face elsewhere. "I love you." She kissed the side of his lips for a while before she stood up to adjust her blue top and short fitted black skirt.

I needed to step in now, there was no way I was going to let her...

"Oh hey! You're back." I frowned when she caught me as I bit the inside of my lips to control the great dislike I had for her.

"Yes I'm back," I sarcastically noted.

"Such good timing, kiddo! I can't deal with working in the kitchen alone and your assistance would be needed, most especially for the chopping and washing. You are the best one..."

"I'd rather not," I cut in, disinterested and irritated by her forwardness. "Goodnight." I took a last look at my dad to find him drowning his worries in alcohol. I'm used to his uncaring manner, so it didn't get me that much.

"I can tolerate your rudeness for now since this whole thing looks new to you." I averted my gaze to hers, wondering what she meant. "Dinners such as these would be frequent once your dad and I get married, so you better get used to it." She crossed her legs to sit on the arm of the sofa as this made her skirt go way up to reveal her tattooed thigh. She folded her arms to her chest in confidence, a crafty smile playing on her lips when she noticed my withdrawal and muteness.

Marriage?

"Marriage?" I voiced out my thoughts in a struggle to believe her words.

"Yes, marriage." She gave out a pleasant laugh and played with a strand of her black hair. "I would fill up the areas your father's ex-wife-" she dragged the words while fixing her gaze to me under her raised lashes, "-left untouched, and would give you back a family of brothers and sisters to make up for where that woman failed. With time, you would get to realize that the deceased remain forever gone till the point where they mean nothing to you."

I held myself from lashing out, the depth of her words piercing through my heart as hot streams of tears fell before I could control it. Was this my dad's plan with his mistress? Was this part of the things he discussed with her? Was my mum now referred to as 'that woman and ex wife' by him? His silence proved every of my answer-my mum was now his past, while Bianca was his present.

Oh God please take away this pain, it's torture.

"You're actually crying!" she mimicked and touched her chest as if to understand my grief. "It's too much to hear in a day, right? You got me worked up and I had no choice. Since I've spilled the big news to you, I deserve respect from my soon-to-be-step-daughter. Whatever respect you had given to that dead woman, give me double of that because I...."

"Bianca, get out!" My dad snapped in an alarmed tone while his hand wrapped the drink firmly to control his anger. I guess he had had enough, but it doesn't matter to me because he listened to how my mum was insulted and pretended like this scene never took place. He was the same as them all, no difference was evident!

"But wait, what did I do?" She stood up and moved towards him.

"Not one step, not even the tiniest!" he warned with a killer look, the kind that meant danger for overstepping your boundary. "You have no damn right to insult my wife that way!" He pointed his fingers to her before crushing the cigarette he held with his palm, the pain the burn brought having the least effect on him.

Bianca who had stood rigid and motionless the whole time finally found her voice. "Your dead wife, you mean?" she corrected. "I don't understand what is wrong with the two of you, come on, get a life and move on! The point is, she is long gone and never to return again, she has no flesh, no life, no breath, basically nothing which means she is gone. G. O. N. E. Long dead gone! Jeez, is that too hard to understand?" she completed and folded her hands while staring intently at my dad.

"I'm sounding a last warning note, don't you dare speak irrelevant stuffs about my wife again. She's not your business!" he warned through gritted teeth.

"Yo, Daniel! This is the twenty first century in case you've forgotten, and at that, women are not slaves or servants to men. I'm not your submissive wife who takes punches from you without complaining, so stop being an asshole and get a life!" she spoke back in temerity. "I'm not your stupid wife whom you can..."

"Shut up!" His fury was demonstrated when he smashed the alcoholic bottle to the wall as the pieces scattered all over. Blood began to drip down down from his palm to the floor, the sight which made me agitated and disturbed.

"So now what? Is smashing bottles to the wall a new way to get over your depression? Or you wanna..."

"I said shut up!" He made a quick movement to where she stood and raised his hands midway to hit her, fright written on Bianca's face. He breathed hard and trembled furiously, while torn between a choice of holding back or of hitting her. And then slowly, he withdrew but still had his stares on her.

"You... You make me sick!" He had the both of his hands to his hair as he squeezed it in a frustrated manner before dropping it. "You're garrulous and I hate that, in fact the sight of seeing you irritates me. Just get out while I'm still a gentleman enough, get out and don't come back! We're done!"

"Done, like done?!" she asked, taken aback.

"Yes Bianca, we are done and over! No more mutual communication between us both, I'm tired of you!"

"Is that supposed to scare me or what?! After everything, is this what I deserve?!"

"No, it's supposed to activate that childish brain of yours to tell you to leave this instant! You were nothing but a satisfaction to quench my needs, you're so cheap and overrated! No wonder Ken had to offer you to me seeing how desperate you were for pleasure! My wife was far better than you are, she was well mannered and cultured and knew how to..." A slap silenced his words.

"I promise, Daniel!" She snatched her bag from the sofa and worked her heels to her leg. "K.J would hear about this. You and your daughter can die for all I care, I hate you!" she screamed to him, still having a hard time to buckle her heels.

"Don't forget to add that you are a loser and a prostitute!" my dad spoke back.

"I won't!" she said and stood up. "In fact I would make enquiries on psychiatric hospitals to know if they are still accepting psychos!

"Do that and I would spoil your reputation. I would put your name and face on social media and bash you for being an adulteress!"

"Really? Just that? I would...."

And that was how they spent the rest of the evening hurling unstoppable insults at each other, but I had left before it got intense. Memories of today's ride flooded my mind as I curled up in the bathroom and let out my feelings in tears. Their shouts and screams triggered it all up as I couldn't help but feel miserable.

I was tired of everything and wanted it all to be done with, I wanted to feel loved. If only I could change situations, I would erase the bittersweet memories and replace them with happy ones. If only my mum and sister hadn't died, my dad would be more stable than this. If only I didn't make that mistake, everything would have been normal.

If only....

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I took in a deep breath before entering into the school building after several withdrawals. By past eleven, I woke up to find myself asleep in the bathroom as I had difficulties sleeping back from then. The pains from my body was unbearable as I resorted to my medications and tried to study afterwards, but couldn't focus. I fixed cereals to eat only for me to lose my appetite, movies or even searching through the web didn't appeal to me.

I finally decided to pray and after about five minutes or seven, it felt empty and lifeless. It was as if there was a cloud that prevented me from connecting to God, so I stopped. I believed God wasn't going to answer this particular prayer because I had my failings, was full of wrath and disdain, so I was not worthy to pray to God.

Shortly after, I found myself writing and the inspiration flowed perfectly as this helped me forget my worries. It wasn't until when I stepped into the school building that I realized such happiness was for a period.

I sighted Lydia at a corner bullying two students and ran away before she sighted me. I wasn't able to rest and breathe properly until I stopped in front of my locker and rejoiced at my victory for not getting caught. With the mentality that she or anyone of them could be here any moment from now, I opened my locker in haste, only to be greeted by something unpleasant.

It was a bold written message that had the same white X crossing sign at the edge of the paper.

This was when I believed Thomas meant it when he said tomorrow was going to decide my fate. That tomorrow meant today and it starts from now.

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What do you think the message contains?

So sorry for the impromptu hold on this story; work and study had me tied down that I didn't have enough time to edit a single chapter. But the good and amazing news is that I'm back and would disturb your notifications with my updates<get ready for it😇❤

On a rating of 1-10, how well are you enjoying this novel?

Much love,

Sally.