Happy Easter Sunday Everyone❤. This is an important time and moment for us because we acknowledge the price our Lord and Saviour paid on the cross for our sakes. Death couldn't hold Jesus, He lives and reigns forever more. Halleluyah!!!💃💃💃And how are you spending your Easter?

This is another update, peeps✌. So relax, sip your coffee and enjoy this really heartbreaking chapter. God bless you all❤

Psalms 34 vs 17- "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles."

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English class was finally over, but throughout the period, Mr. Richard had provoked me. He taught on high blood pressure; a topic which was not on our syllabus as he explained the causes, misconceptions, foods to be taken, what to avoid, etc. Aside from the fact that he was a mean teacher, he taught with simplicity and had received awards and applauding remarks by the Principal.

He noted constant exercises as a way it could be maintained, and used me for a 'theoretical reference' to illustrate his teachings better. He brought me to the front view and called Diana; the girl who had defended God earlier as he gave her a bottle of water to hold. He then explained that one often experience sweats after a workout, and that by pouring water(as he noted that out, he urged Diana against her will to empty the contents on my head as she obeyed with much trembling), we get relieved. He now took a dirty rag and used it to wipe my face, saying this was how the proper way of drying the liquid when it flowed. This left the students amused as always.

He also talked about loosing pounds for those who were overweight, but that Christians such as Diana and I were underweight, so we needed to be pumped up to be qualified for maintaining blood pressures. The class jeered into an unstoppable laugher after his statement as Matthew and few boys from the back threw pen and papers at us both.

He released us and when I went back to my standing position, those around me fuelled the fire. They called Mr. Richard's attention whenever I bent as he added extra twenty five reasons to the former, and now I was left with two hundred reasons on why he shouldn't punish me.

I waited patiently for Mr. Richard who was surrounded by a flock of both genders to leave the classroom because of the one thing I had in mind to do, and that was to search for my desk. Since they were together it increased my chances of being attacked, but when they dispersed that would be the perfect time to escape. And thank God Thomas was among the group.

Finally, my opportunity arrived, except that....

"Where're you going, nerd?" Christine put her hands on my chest and pushed me backwards. She kept repeating that till I stumbled and fell half balanced into the hands of Taylor.

"Oops!" Taylor remarked and released me, thereby causing my head and body to crash to the floor harshly. They laughed and surrounded me completely as each took snapshots of me and uttered depressing comments.

"We missed you yesterday."

"We thought you were dead, it's bad luck to see you this morning!"

"How was English's torture?"

"We've got you wrapped up in our fingers!"

"Till you leave this world, we would keep attacking you!"

"You have no God to help you, He considers you an outcast!"

Their words punctured deep into my mind and left shattered holes in every segments of my heart. It broke down the barriers leading to my past and pierced into those lonely, afflicted memories. No! I tried to push them away, but they were stronger than I was. The flashes from their phones brought familiarity as it dimmed my vision and took me back to that night.

The sound of their footsteps brought horror to my face as each of them held out their weapons and approached me. "She died because of you! It's all your fault!"

"No, Please stop!" I begged, but it got me nowhere. Their faces became duplicated into different forms with some of them having the word 'sinner' written on their foreheads. My struggle to break free became useless. I was becoming vulnerable yet again and guilt was eating me up.

"Stop resisting us cause we've got you wrapped up in our fingers...we've got you wrapped...we've got you..."

"No!" I screeched out in terror and awakened. The loud beats my heart made was accompanied with an erratic breathing that it tied a deep knot in my chest. My sweaty palms came to my ear as my body began vibrating.

I became aware of my environment when the whole classroom was plagued with the spread of laughter as I refused to open my eyes because of the embarrassment.

"Yo, nerd! You've got a problem there?" Christine questioned under suppressed laugh, but I didn't reply her.

With my eyes half closed, I stood up with great difficulty and faced down, not wanting to see any of their faces. They surprisingly parted the way for me as I walked through and threw balls at me, but the effect felt was numb. If only they knew what I just went through, they would be basked with pity and compassion for me...or was that right?

"Yes, go and die!" I ignored them and simply left the classroom. Death? I've gone through that multiple times, but always conquered it.

I sniffed up and made my way towards the dumping site, knowing full well that that was their favourite spot to abandon my items. I found my desk there but broke down further at the sight before me. It had the word "HUMILIATION" written on its back rest and was decorated with dirt, food items and mean drawings. I felt a burning ache as I read their insults-I didn't want to, but at the same time, it couldn't be avoided.

Stupid. Buffalo. Castrated fool. Forever condemned. Mother of pigs. Shameless Christian. Worst sinner. Coconut brain. Bloody liar.

"Be over, just be over!" I cried aloud and hit my head repeatedly, dreading this reality. And what made it worse was the fact that they were right, I was a liar, a sinner, the most condemned person, a... "Stop manipulating my mind, please stop!" I buried my face in my palms and sobbed in turmoil. Why must they make life so hard for me? What have I done to deserve this hate? Why can't they ever accept me? Why must they remind me of my faults? Why? Why? Why?

Still mourning, I darted towards my desk and ripped off the papers, wishing it was that easy to get their insults, threats, bullies off my chest. One of the papers had 'Remember that forgiveness is the key' as I reflected on that day in tears and began to question the One in authority.

"When would all these be over, God? Why aren't you saying anything? Why are you watching them do this to me?" I waited for a reply, but nothing came at first, and then, I heard a voice that sounded like a whisper.

My peace I leave with you, my peace I give into you.

"Peace?" I questioned in disbelief. "Do I really deserve your peace, God? I have so many secrets that still makes me prone to fear, and in the midst of this, why would you give me your peace? I don't deserve your love, God! I'm imperfect in my ways, and not worthy to be called your own. So I don't deserve your peace, I don't deserve your help and you know that, God! You know that I'm an hypocrite, that I'm not qualified."

Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I stopped listening and proceeded to clean the food stains that was plastered on it, I was grateful to have seen a tattered cloth as I picked it up and used it to wipe the spots away. I breathed out when I was done, oblivious of the pain that struck me in my back. My left hand hadn't heal completely so when I tried to lift up my desk, it made it difficult as it felt cold under the pressure. But still, I did it anyway.

I looked up at the sound of vigorous laughter and saw the quad making their way towards me. They held one another to keep themselves from falling as the sight of what they did made me despise them the more.

"Yes carry your burden, Emma!" Thomas mocked and held his tummy. "You have no one to help you. Where is your God?"

"Your God has magic fingers, right? So why is He silent? He should be the one to carry your burden, not you!" I held my tears, but still proceeded in my walking when they rendered their hate.

"Emma the burden carrier, wow, she carries it so easy," Ben who was recording me noted and brought his phone closer to me. I then stopped because of the ache felt on my hand.

"Oh, look! She's tired already. Why is God not saving you?"

"That's because there is no God. We have proofs, why don't you believe us?"

"Let Jesus help you now since He is your Saviour. Or has He left you?" They uttered more words and when they were done, they left me in defeat as they walked out in victory.

God why me?

I sank down in tears and was in great distress, as I began to validate their words. Where was God? Why was He silent? Could He have left me alone because of my sin? Does He really know me? God, have I offended you in anyway? Is this the consequence of my past mistake? Do I...

"The Lord is nigh unto the brokenhearted and pours out His love upon those that seek Him with a pure heart." I looked up to see Laura and was surprised. "Come, let me help." She extended her hand as I received it without complaining and stood up.

"Thank you," I muttered slowly and turned my face to the other side.

"You don't have to be ashamed of your tears, everyone has that moment," she noted out and left squeezes on my palm. "Don't believe their lies, God is able to deliver you," she further explained as I increased my heart wrenching sobs and was drawn into her embrace.

"You can cry all you want, I would lend you a shoulder," she offered as I gave in to my surprise.

"I wish they could all leave!" I sighed out in frustration and closed my eyes, remembering all their hate. "I wish they could stop hurting me, why are they doing this to me? Why can't I ever have peace?" She listened without interrupting, and when I was done, I felt light and lifted.

♧♧♧♧♧♧♧

Speaking with Laura consoled me greatly, it's been long I showed that solemn part of me to anyone since they stopped caring....but Laura offered that to me in the midst of it all. Who was she? Why was she always there to save me? Why couldn't she avoid me like others do? What have I done to deserve her concern? For a fact, I didn't know much about her and wasn't friends with her. She was a science student, yet existed as a shadow in school-she hardly talked with people. So why me?

She willingly obliged to help me with my desk and told me to get some rest because I needed that. Ms. Dorcas was already teaching in the classroom as I gave Laura a sincere smile before collecting my desk from her and proceeded inside. When I did, Ms. Dorcas noted out that she had asked after me from my classmates, but they told her I didn't come to school today. They laughed lowly as I gave her a slight nod and told her that I was absent yesterday because I was not feeling too well.

As usual, we had history test but when we were done, Ms. Dorcas had observed how drained I looked as she asked me to go to the bay to make complains. At first I wanted to say no because I remembered Mr. Richard's task, but then I realized that I needed medical help, so I complied to her offer, thanked her and left.

The bay which was white in colour had several preventive measures and safety precautions plastered on the wall; the two nurses shared the same long wooden desk with files on it. There were several rooms also as each had their functions placed at the top of their entrance. The whole place smelt of a mixture of drug and air freshener.

No student was inside when I stepped in, except from Janet and Ms. Loveth as this seized their hearty discussion and caused them to face me. It appeared that Ms. Loveth was leaving for somewhere because after I had greeted them, she announced her departure to Janet and left with her bag draped right at her shoulder.

"Emma, how are you?" Janet noted as she arranged the files on her desk, without giving her full attention to me yet. I began to feel wrong because of the way I had treated her the last time we met. She offered her help to me but I rejected it and accused her in an unfair manner.

I kept my head low, still washed in guilt. "I'm...fine," I replied and sat down.

"You really are here?" she remarked with a faint tone and opened a document. "And why if I may ask? Is it to make complains?" she phrased and gave me an intense stare that reminded me on how impolite my actions were that day, so I couldn't hold it.

"Yes, to make complains," I replied and played with my hands nervously.

"Alright, I'm listening," she noted out and I continued.

"I've been vomiting and down with fever ever since Wednesday," I explained as she wrote it down.

"You might want to elaborate on the symptoms you noticed, and how often do you vomit?" she pointed out in a serious manner and hasn't even smiled at me since I came in. I guess I deserved it since I pushed her away, she called me her friend, but I made her my enemy so I was to be blamed.

The tears wanted to fall but I held it and told myself to be strong. "Headache, burning temperature, weakness...that's all. I vomit up to three to four times in a day and it's been bad."

She asked some other questions to which I answered to and then proceeded to check my temperature. The result the thermometer brought made her conclude that I needed to rest, as she gave me drugs after confirming I had eaten today. I relaxed for a few minutes before she led me into the room herself.

At my first contact with the soft bed, I felt irritant, but Janet's soothing pat on my back decreased it. "It's okay, don't be afraid. No one is going to hurt you here, I won't allow that." She gave me her first sincere smile today.

"Thank you," I whispered and lay down with her help as she covered me, but stopped when she got to my hands.

"It's okay, you can trust me." Her eyes told me how sincere her words were, but it held pity; something I hated others showing me. Still, I let her have her way as she felt it. "How has it been?" she asked out of the blues, but I won't show her any weakness.

"It's been fine. Thank you." She wanted to say something regarding my reply but withdrew herself.

"When I was your age, I suffered the same issue and it seemed never ending," she explained and I yawned, already feeling worn out. "The bullies were mean, bellicose and posed threats to the school. They were at the top, and..." She stopped speaking when she noticed my sleepiness and said something that I couldn't grab.

I felt a light contact on my forehead but wasn't sure if it was a real kiss from her or if it was my imagination. But whatever that was, it made my tears fall off as I felt loved.

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At this point, do you think Emma would faint?

Alright so everyone, this chapter had lots of activities going on. We could see that in the mixed emotions our main character had to face, but what's great about it is that she got to experience love from two people when she was not even expecting it.

Remember to show love to someone today, you don't know how desperate they are for it. Never treat others badly and don't judge easily. Is there anyone who have offended you, forgive and let go! Anyone who have insulted you, overlook it and let go! Let the light of God be seen in you.

Much Love,

Mary.