--
Jungkook felt like he was suffocating.

He lay on his bed, eyes screwed shut and fingers twitching as he attempted to regulate his own breathing. The urge to hurt himself was eating him alive; sizzling across his skin, clouding his thoughts, and blinding his judgement.

He couldn't though.

He couldn't do that to Jimin, couldn't reaffirm the older's beliefs that he was weak, selfish, and unneeded. He wanted to so badly though, he needed something to satisfy the urge within him. His skin felt like it itched as Jungkook opened his eyes and stared at his bedroom ceiling.

He tried recalling former tactics of subduing his temptations, but writing down his thoughts sounded useless at the moment, and he sure as hell wasn't going to a therapist when he was in this state.

The only other option in his mind was one that he knew Taehyung would be mad at him for even thinking about, but he knew for a fact that what he wanted was stashed in the back of his closet, underneath a few unfinished or failed paintings. He could remember exactly what it felt like too, and was quite fond of it. The only reason that he trashed the habit was because he hated the scent that clung to him because of it.

Yet still, he stood up, dragging his feet across the floor in the direction of his closet. The feeling that he felt as he rummaged through his belongings was the same one that he felt when his lighter was snug in his palm. He had the power then that could either affect him for the better or for the worse; only he could choose.

The small cardboard box felt strange, yet familiar in his hand as he dug it out from on of his old ripped canvases. It was lighter than when it was first bought, Jungkook opening it and raising an eyebrow when he only found three cigarettes left.

"It'll do." He whispered to himself, standing up and stuffing the box in the pocket of the pants he wore.

He chewed his bottom lip as he walked out of his bedroom, Taehyung had to go to class, leaving him alone. It was alright, he preferred it like that. He felt his heart ache as his eyes grazed over the glass shards that still scattered the kitchen floor, before making his way to the front door. Taehyung's coat still hung on the hook, which was interesting due to the temperatures outside, but Jungkook saw it as a good thing.

He carefully, rummaged around in his roommate's pocket, before his heart leaped when his fingers closed around an object that was all too familiar.

Jungkook drew his hand out of the pocket, and sighed with relief as he stared at the lighter that he now held. It was almost completely out of lighter fluid at this point, but Jungkook knew that it would be enough.

His steps, however, were hesitant as he walked towards the small balcony that extended off of the living room. It was only big enough to stand on, and Jungkook would use it occasionally to watch the bustling campus and try to clear his mind.

His thoughts though, were much too clouded to be cleared by a bit of fresh air.

Jungkook's fingers curled around the door handle for a few moments before he gave in and pushed it open, immediately shivering as the cold air clawed at his bare arms. Snowflakes swirled around sparsely, the blue sky hidden behind grey clouds that promised more snow to come.

He wasn't sure if he fingers were shaking from the cold or his emotions as he reached into his pocket and drew a cigarette out of the box. It had been over two years since he had once between his fingers, yet he didn't hesitate much as he lit a small flame and ignited the end.

He didn't even hesitate as he brought it to his lips, or when he took a deep breath in. Jungkook leaned against the railing, brushing a few tangled strands of hair out of his eyes as he breathed the smoke out into the crisp winter air. He liked thinking about it as if the smoke he breathed in was all of the issues that were weighing heavy on his chest, and the smoke he breathed out was them being lifted off of him.

He let his eyes flutter shut as he brought the cigarette to his lips again, hair being tousled by the wind as he let his mind swirl with thoughts. His arms were covered in goosebumps, fingertips red from the cold and shaking a fair amount.

Jungkook silently wondered if anyone would care if he just froze there. He really didn't believe that anyone would give a damn if his heart stopped beating.

They'd only care about how it affected Jimin, wouldn't they?

If he dropped dead in Taehyung's presence, the first thought on the older's mind would be about Jimin, wouldn't it?

It must be a nice world to live in, where people care about your well being.

"Didn't know you were a smoker." Jungkook didn't jump when a fairly familiar voice graced his ears, only opening his eyes and turning his head to confirm who he thought it was.

"I'm not." Jungkook spoke softly, shuffling to the side slightly to let Yoongi stand beside him.

"Taehyung... He texted me and told me to check up on you." Yoongi continued quietly, eyes focused on the smoke that left the younger's mouth as he breathed out. "I heard what happened."

"I feel like I'm... Like I'm trapped." Jungkook sighed, tapping some of the ash off against the railing. "I hate my mind, and I hate my body, but I can't discard of either, or else I've killed someone else who's much more beautiful." He closed his eyes once more, afraid that the aching in his chest would visualize into tears.

"Jungkook-"

"He said that if he was my sun, I could be his moon." The younger spoke, fingers trembling as he brought the cigarette close to his lips once more. "But there's a flaw in that, that I didn't catch when he first said it."

"What would that be?" Yoongi asked, crinkling up his nose at the smell as Jungkook breathed out another could of smoke.

"Without the sun, the moon can't shine. It's dark, lifeless and cold." Jungkook explained. "But if the moon disappeared, would the sun be affected?"

"I may not know you well, Jungkook, but I know Jimin better than I know myself." Yoongi breathed. "Just give him time to cool off. Jimin doesn't get angry often, but when he does its best to leave him alone. Anything could add fuel to the fire when it comes to his temper." The older sighed, shivering slightly when a gust of wind blew their way.

"You didn't see the look on his face, Hyung." Jungkook looked down. "He looked at me like I was a monster." His voice cracked on the last word, and he couldn't stop a lone tear from slipping down his face. "He said that he didn't need me, that he couldn't love me, that I was selfish and irresponsible."

Yoongi gulped as he listened to Jungkook speak. Although Jimin had expressed to him many times about his thoughts on his soulmate, he didn't think that he would go so harsh on Jungkook.

"I wouldn't have expected him to be so harsh on you." He spoke softly, Jungkook shrugging and quickly wiping the tear off of his face.

"Is he wrong though?" The younger laughed humourlessly. "Look at me. Fate screwed up when it paired Jimin and I together."

"Fate doesn't screw up." Yoongi countered. He looked down at the campus below, watching as students rushed to their classes, clad in various forms of winter apparel. "Jimin just hardwired his own mind into believing that it would be impossible to love his soulmate. Before he knew that you and him were soulmates, he adored you." The older smiled softly. "He spoke to me once about how much he loved being around you, and how you made him forget about all of the misfortunes in his life."

"Little did he know that I was the cause of the misfortunes." Jungkook took one last drag of the cigarette before he extinguished it against the railing and breathed the smoke into the air. "Don't you think that the world we live in is unfair?" He spoke after a few moments, making Yoongi raise an eyebrow.

"Unfair?" He asked, Jungkook nodding and rubbing his cold hands.

"We're under the charade that it's a fair world, because everyone has someone who is destined for them." The younger sighed. "And yet we aren't even entitled to our own bodies. The one thing that we deserve ownership over, is shared with someone else."

"My dad used to say that soulmates were linked this way so that nobody would ever be lonely." Yoongi explained. "When you died, so did your soulmate; therefore you'll never die alone."

Jungkook shook his head.

"That logic obviously wasn't created for somebody who wants to die, but wants their soulmate to live on."

--