CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
butterfly's repose — part three
" 𝖌𝖗𝖞𝖋𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖗 𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊. "

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 James Potter is the most friendly boy on earth. She can count on one hand the amount of times they have ever interacted but as soon as she befriended his friend and mentioned how she has never quite understood the excitement around Quidditch, he sat her down, swung his arm around her shoulder, and spoke to Selene like they were life long friends.

What with the animated way he spoke about the sport and the squeezes of her shoulder, anyone would have guessed they had been friends for years. They hadn't but James Potter was Quidditch's biggest fan and when the first game of the season came around and Ravenclaw wasn't playing, James needed to convince Selene Vervain that it was Gryffindor she needed to root for.

It was safe to say he had sold it to her and by the time breakfast was over, she had acquired a Gryffindor scarf, pin badge and house-coloured face paint which Lily promised to paint on her before they made their way to the stands.

"He's very enthusiastic," Selene said to Remus as the large group gathered their things and began to follow the hoard of people heading over to the pitch.

"It's about the only thing he cares about," Remus told her. "I'm surprised he didn't teach you the chants."

"I'm sure I'll pick them up at some point."

Selene doesn't remember the last time she watched a Hogwarts Quidditch match. She remembers being dragged by her roommates to the final a couple of years ago but only because Ravenclaw were in it and it would be a crime if she didn't go. Watching a match when her house wasn't even playing was never on her agenda. Until now, when Remus Lupin convinced her to support James and that Sirius' commentary would make up for the cold.

The whole walk to the Quidditch pitch, Peter and Mary were arguing about what the score would be (Peter was convinced Gryffindor easily had the game in the bag but Mary was being more realistic and feared Slytherin might actually take this one). Selene enjoyed listening in as she trailed behind them until Remus decided to have his word in and she realised it wasn't really her place to predict how the match would go since it wasn't her house playing and she didn't totally understand the rules nor did she know the players' skill set at all.

She glanced up ahead where the pitch was still a good five-minute walk and she didn't know what to say as she awkwardly followed them. She felt like a lost puppy and simultaneously pathetic for thinking that.

Instead, she focused her attention on the sky, craning her neck until it filled her field of vision completely. It was a mosaic of shades of grey, hardly reflecting the mood of the buoyant James Potter who was probably currently skipping around the changing room in preparation for the first match of the season. The clouds were bulky and Selene feared what that meant. She realised she was hardly prepared and silently prayed that─

"It's going to rain."

The voice came from behind her. Selene suddenly felt very rude that she hadn't noticed Dorcas Meadowes was also walking with them. Selene had almost assumed that, besides James and Sirius, everyone would want to involve themselves in the group's discussion of the upcoming match, and, naturally, as the only non-Gryffindor, she was simply alone at the back of the group.

But alas, here was Dorcas, her hands in her jumper's pockets, smiling over at Selene as if they had been friends for so long.

"I think you're probably right," Selene said, slowing her pace so that she and Dorcas could walk alongside each other.

Dorcas shrugged, "I usually am."

Selene chuckled before pointing ahead of them. "If you're right all the time, why don't you join their group discussion? It seems none of them can agree and could use your expertise."

"When James and Sirius aren't here to tell him he's wrong, Peter usually gets far too confident and nothing gets through to him. I'll let Remus and Lily take this one," Dorcas sighed.

When Selene diverted her attention to Remus, Peter, Lily, and Mary, Peter had his hands over his ears, Mary was aggressively pointing at him, and Remus was pinching the bridge of his nose. Lily was smiling through it all, like an innocent bystander.

"Yeah, I think it's best to sit this discussion out," Selene agreed. "Even if I knew anything about Quidditch."

Selene held her breath as she waited for Dorcas to respond. Around 90% of the students at Hogwarts were addicted to the sport and this made Selene the minority. It was likely Dorcas was about to look at her like she'd grown extra limbs and this would almost be acceptable.

"You're not violently obsessed with Quidditch?" Dorcas asked in disbelief. When Selene shook her head, bracing herself, Dorcas threaded her arm through Selene's and they walked in tandem. "I think we're going to be good friends."

Selene let out a breath of relief. "Then I'm glad you're right all the time."

✽

𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐆𝐑𝐘𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆. The Slytherin lead was minute but a lead nonetheless. Selene started to think ahead at what it would be like to be surrounded by a bunch of disheartened Gryffindors and by the enthusiasm of that morning, it was a melancholy mood that was probably going to persist.

Sirius' commentary had become more angry, the stands surrounding her were less cheery and more groan-y by this point. Remus then presented her with a flask of hot chocolate which temporarily eased the blow of a potential loss but this was quickly shut down by another score from a Slytherin chaser and the turn in the weather.

The rain started in occasional spits, nothing students who had become accustomed to living in Scotland couldn't handle. But as the game dragged on, the droplets became bigger and the intervals became shorter, Selene was beginning to remember why this wasn't her thing.

Soon the drizzle turned into a rainstorm and the chill in the air became musty and humid. All around the stands umbrellas were coming up and people lifted their scarves and banners above their heads to shield from the downpour which was only growing heavier. The game continued even as the clouds grew thicker with the promise of longer showers.

Selene could feel her clothes soaking through to her skin as her bones began to shiver. Remus nudged her side and when she looked up at him, his hair was damp, his face sprinkled with droplets that appeared to glisten. But what she realised was he was getting her attention to offer the umbrella that he held in his right hand. Gratefully, Selene edged a little closer to his side so that he could cover them both under the protection of his umbrella.

"You sure know how to best deal with all this," she joked.

"When James Potter is your best friend, you can never complain about the experience of watching a Quidditch match," Remus replied. Just when she thought they couldn't get any closer, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, "I'll give you all my tips, don't you worry."

But soon, they weren't even thinking about the weather. Because five minutes later, the Gryffindor seeker had caught the snitch. Selene could have sworn the stands adorned with gold and red decor could have collapsed with the amount of raucous applause that followed the lions' win. Alas, they did not and beneath the umbrella as the rain pounded down on them, the group cheered.

And she loved every second of it. The cold embrace of the rain with the victorious atmosphere of the stands filled with students who had thought, a mere few minutes ago, that their house was going to lose.

Selene didn't believe Remus to not care that much about Quidditch because when James and Marlene flew by their section of the stands, arms lifted in celebration, the umbrella he was holding almost fell to the floor with the way Remus roared his jubilation for his house's win.

As Remus hugged his friends, Sirius' voice boomed around the stadium as his not-very-unbiased commentary guided them through Gryffindor's win, Selene realised that she was happy Gryffindor had won more because it meant she could see Remus so ecstatic, rather than being pleased she could spend more time with them celebrating later. She couldn't imagine what James Potter was like when his team won if he was as enthusiastic at eight in the morning before anything had happened.

The Slytherin stands started clearing out first, defeated and moping, the rain only adding to their depleted moods. All while they waited for the crowds to make their way down the stairs and out of the stands, Remus made sure Selene was covered under the umbrella the entire time.

As soon as they were under the cover of the castle once more, they decided they could laugh. Soaked to the bone, their clothes heavy with the rainwater, Selene and Remus laughed, knowing that soon they would be dry and even sooner, they would be celebrating Gryffindor's momentous win.

The two of them hung back at the edge of the castle, beside the open arch as water pelted onto the cobblestone path. It dripped in buckets from the overhang, onto the endless train of students seeking comfort inside the castle.

Selene couldn't see where Sirius, Peter, Lily, Mary, or Dorcas had got to and the mob had grown far too large for even Remus (whose height would mean he could see over the heads of the crowd) to spot them. And so she waited, just tucked away from the torrent but close enough to the gate that the cool air caressed her face.

Remus nudged her then, just as he had when he was offering his umbrella.

"What is it?" Selene asked. "Can you see them?"

Remus shook his head. He gently pulled her away from the entrance into the corner of the hallway and out of the way of the traffic. Softly, he cupped her face before running his thumb along her cheek, swiping until there was a blend of red and yellow face paint left on his skin.

Selene almost flinched, afraid getting this close to her face, he would see the scars that tainted her skin. But his hands were warm and his smile even warmer and suddenly, Selene didn't mind at all. In fact, she chuckled at where the ugly brown colour that now tainted his finger also had specks of her mascara on it.

"Oh God, how awful does it look?" She asked, her lips scrunching as she felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment. Face paint and makeup and heaps of rain clearly did not mix.

Remus' chuckle was low as he inspected her other cheek with a mock grimace. "Terrible," he said, earning him a jab to the chest. "I'm kidding. Honestly? You pull it off."

"You don't need to lie to me, Lupin," she rolled her eyes. "It's not going to convince me to forget about it." Selene desperately began searching her pockets then, hoping she'd find a mirror she knew she didn't bring.

Remus waited until she was looking at him again. "I'm not lying."

When Selene rolled her eyes again, Remus retrieved the pocket mirror from inside his coat and passed it to her. "See for yourself."

"You have a mirror in your pocket?" She chuckled, even as she accepted it and flicked it open.

Remus shrugged. It was all he could do because how could he tell her he carries one everywhere so his paranoid self could constantly check whether his scars were visible?

When Selene finally got the chance to check herself in the mirror, it confirmed her suspicions and Remus was definitely wrong. Her under eyes were clumpy and lined with a thick black smudge that was dripping down her cheeks like tears. The gold paint was no longer shiny but rather a clumpy mess and the red just made her cheeks look like she was having an allergic reaction.

She swatted him in the chest. "You're too nice, Remus Lupin."

Remus' mouth twisted where he tried to suppress his smile. "Am I?"

Her heart fluttered at the thought that he was being genuine. Which it appeared he was. Even when she felt like a drowned rat, Remus thought she was beautiful. It was a foreign feeling, the butterflies in her stomach, but she embraced them just as she did his jacket when he lifted his arm over her head and they braved the weather once again on the hunt for their friends.

Their friends.

✽

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐒 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐘𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌, looking as though he was on the top of the world. Previously, she may have silently judged this level of enthusiasm or alcohol intake, but after the woes and thrills of the day, she admired James' adrenaline and hoped to pick up some for herself.

But that was easy because within fifteen minutes of the celebrations, James galloped over to her and slung his scarf around her neck, "You're a Gryffindor now, Selene, so no excuses!"

The boy then danced away, leaving her astounded by his actions and feeling as though she might have whiplash from the way he tugged on the scarf.

She kept it on nonetheless and turned to a very amused Remus. "Am I about to get a rude awakening when Gryffindor lose a match?" She asked him with a grimace while they stood on the sidelines of the overflowing common room ─ a sight and atmosphere she was starting to become accustomed to.

Somehow, Remus' grimace was harsher and his brows furrowed in warning. "Don't say that out loud," he said, pulling Selene away from James, "you might send him into cardiac arrest."

Selene smothered her laugh with her hand, in case James saw them chuckling and got curious. "My apologies. But, you know, should Gryffindor be unsuccessful," she said.

"Lower your voice," Remus joked.

She noticed how his hand was still resting on her arm. "Duly noted," Selene replied, her voice now a whisper. "Is James less friendly?" She asked. It had been lovely feeling a part of this little Lion pack but Selene feared it was only temporary since Gryffindor's victory was fuelling James' enthusiasm.

"Oh yeah," Remus said, "but he's less friendly to everyone, so I wouldn't take it personally."

"Yeah, because he's a psycho."

Selene was now accustomed to the voice that had now joined them. For the entire evening, she and Dorcas had been planning study evenings in the library and coffee dates in Hogsmeade because, as it appeared, they couldn't be more alike. The only difference was that Dorcas was a nerd and proud. Selene tried to hide her nerdiness by drawing as little attention to herself as possible ("With a little intervention, we can change that, Vervain, I promise.").

"Be nice, Dorcas," Remus said, bending over to address the girl who had walked up to Selene's left side. "Everyone is passionate about something and this is James' . . . thing. It's not like he's crazy about anything else."

Dorcas brows almost lifted to her hairline before she glanced over at Lily Evans on the other side of the room.

"Fine, he's crazy about two things," Remus relented.

"Did you know that Selene and I were born a day apart? She's twenty-six hours older than me," Dorcas then said, seemingly out of nowhere. Selene had already embraced Dorcas' delight that they were becoming quick friends because Selene, too, was utterly delighted.

Remus laughed over the rim of his glass. "Now, I do. What a fun piece of useless information."

Knowing Dorcas would support her no matter what, Selene felt a new-found wave of confidence overcome her as she turned to Remus. "Well, did you know my birthday before Dorcas just told you it was the day before her's?"

Selene was sure she had caught him out (Dorcas too, by the snapping of her fingers) until his smile shrunk to a more modest one. "Yes," he replied.

Did that mean he didn't know Dorcas' birthday until now? Or that he just hadn't pieced this piece of "useless information" together until now?

She could have called him out, tested him, but something about the way he didn't break eye contact and the non-boasting way he was grinning, told her he wasn't lying. And that was enough for her.

"I don't want to interrupt your guys' moment any more than I already have, so I'm just going to go," Dorcas said.

Selene looked away from Remus just long enough to see the girl off, as she joined Mary over by the fire.

"She likes you," Remus said as soon as Dorcas was out of earshot.

Selene quirked a brow. "Surprised?"

"Absolutely not," he instantly replied.

Selene took a sip of her drink to hide her ever-growing smile.

"Did you have fun today?" Remus then asked her.

There was a certain hope in his eyes, one Selene didn't want to disappoint.

But she didn't have to. Because she did have fun. And it was all thanks to him.

Selene nodded. "I don't know why I never followed the Quidditch cup before," she shrugged. The game was confusing and terrifying at times and she wasn't sure she had picked up all the rules yet but it was the atmosphere that was her favourite part. Although, she might be confusing fondness for the experience of watching a Quidditch match for just being around Remus.

"I felt house pride for a house that wasn't even my own."

Remus chuckled. "Well then, we better all get dressed up for the Ravenclaw v Hufflepuff match."

"You don't have to do that," she told him. "I think it would send James into a coma supporting any other team besides Gryffindor."

"You're probably right," Remus replied. "We'll leave him in his dorm."

He was so close to her now, his head lowered so that his voice could travel to her ears. He radiated warmth and Selene was sure that wasn't just the chaos of the Gryffindor common room nor the raging fire.

Part of her felt wrong for enjoying the Gryffindor win so much. It wasn't her house, she had never cared for the game until now. What would her dormmates think?

But the other part of her felt like she had finally found something worth hanging on to. Selene had always told herself to never get attached to anything ever because if they ever found out the truth about her, the inevitable end of that attachment would be too painful.

But if she lived like that for the rest of her life, would her life even be worth living?

"Thank you for getting me out today," Selene said with a dainty smile. "It's about time I start enjoying school life."

"I'm glad I was the one that made you realise that."

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