three - drunkard

- - - ➳

i sit on the couch lining the caboose of the train, my chin resting in my hands as i stare out the window. the colors of the passing landscape smear together until i can hardly distinguish the ground from the sky. everything is going by so quickly i can barely see so there isn't really a point, but it gives me something to do and keeps my mind off the horror that has become my life. 

i hear the door slide open, but don't turn around. "i don't feel like talking right now," i say quite coldly.

"too bad. i'm staying." it is not matthias talking like i had previously thought. it's katniss, and she sits next to me on the sofa, leaving about a foot of space between us.

"sorry," i apologize, turning toward her. "i thought you were matthias."

"that's understandable." at first i do not understand her words, but then she continues and i realize what she means. "at first i wanted nothing to do with peeta. now...now i couldn't forgive myself if he died."

katniss looks down at her hands and i notice she is twiddling her thumbs. it's a nervous habit. my eyebrows quirk– i do the exact same thing.

"i thought he was just trying to be nice to me so he could befriend me then betray me in the games," katniss continues. "i was wrong."

"so are you saying i should trust matthias?" i ask, not really comprehending what's she's trying to tell me.

"he seems trustworthy enough," she tells me honestly. "nice, strong, true to his word. do you know him?"

i hesitate, then nod. "i met him this morning in the woods. he slew a rabbit then gave it to me."

"if he acts like that outside the games then i'd say he's good for an ally." katniss crosses her legs. "just watch out; the games could turn him into a monster."

i can't help but smile despite her warning. katniss and peeta are going to be great mentors. their youth makes them relatable, and the fact that they've practically just stepped off of the victory tour means everything is fresh in their minds. 

"any siblings?" she asks as a form of small talk.

i find myself nodding instantaneously. "an older brother, roy. he's your age."

"and how old are you?"

"fifteen."

katniss's breath hitches. "fifteen," she mutters under her breath, seemingly horrified, but i'm not sure why. she is quick to change the subject so i don't dwell on it any longer. "friends?"

i shake my head, wondering if i should be embarrassed by this fact, but i can't find the strength to care about that fact right now. "i'm not the friendliest person," i admit with a frown. "it's just me and roy. that's all i've ever needed."

"i have one friend." katniss picks at her nails. "his name is gale hawthorne. he has a girlfriend now." i think i hear a sense of sadness in her voice but i can't be sure. "maureen. she's nice. i remember her from around but i never got to know her. i-i'm happy for him. she has gale and i have peeta. it all works out."

i can tell this topic upsets her, and that she probably still feels something for gale. peeta definitely loves katniss with his whole heart, mind, and soul, but does katniss truly feel the same? was their engagement just a setup for the capitol?

"curfew is soon," katniss reminds me, standing up and cutting our conversation short, "you might want to head to your room." she says nothing else before leaving, the door sliding shut behind her. i am alone again.

the train had stopped to refill while we'd been talking. i can't tell what district we're in because as soon as i turn to look, we lurch into movement again, and soon the outside world is just a blur of colors, blending together in such a fashion that it makes me dizzy and i am forced to tear my gaze away unless i want to be sick. 

i sigh and stand, leaving the compartment before heading into the narrow corridor where our rooms are located. on the way i pass matthias, who greets me with a slight smile and a wave. i give a mere quirk of my lips in return. he smiles a lot; it's kind of unnerving. 

"goodnight, thalia," he says, and i can barely have the thought to wish him the same until his door slides shut.

upon entering my room, i notice it has been cleaned and my dress from the reaping is nowhere to be seen.  even though i had wanted it off a few hours ago, i can't help but feel like a vital organ has just been ripped from my body. now with new clothes and freshly-washed hair, the only remnants of home are the hairpins on my head and madge's gift on my shirt. 

in a daze, i don't bother to change or take off my clothes, only discarding my shoes before climbing into the bed. i pull the covers up to my chin and the soft, thick blankets warm me instantly. i trace the phoenix pin with the tips of my fingers before closing my eyes and letting the train rock me to sleep.

-

the last thing anyone wants to be woken up to is effie trinkett rapping her knuckles obnoxiously on their door, proclaiming cheerily, "up, up, up! today is a big, big day!" but sadly that's how i am pulled out of my deep slumber the next morning. i am not very joyous about that at all. i also have no clue how she can be this effervescent first thing in the morning.

i reluctantly climb out of bed and change into a cream-colored button-down blouse and stay in the same pants. i am careful to remember to remove the phoenix pin from my old shirt and attach it to the one i am currently wearing. i am grateful it's silver because it seems to go with everything, though i wouldn't care if it didn't. i would still wear it everywhere even if it were an unflattering shade of swamp-green. 

when i enter the dining compartment, matthias isn't there – again – but this time peeta is, and so is katniss. they are sitting next to each other, so i sit in the seat across from peeta. i start to wonder if this is a setup so matthias and i have to sit beside each other this time.

effie, of course, is at the head of the table again, muttering under her breath about matthias's tardiness and daintily eating her meal with such felicity that makes me realize why it's so hard to believe that capitol residents are real human beings. everything effie does is eloquent it makes me wonder how she manages to do everything perfectly all the time. it must be exhausting.

"there you are!" effie exclaims when matthias finally enters the room. by then i am halfway through my breakfast of waffles, fruit, and a drink peeta suggests that is called hot chocolate, which is sweeter than coffee and therefore much better. i'm mid-sip as i scan his outfit choice for the day– a blue blazer over a white shirt and black pants. it's interesting how he chooses to dress so sharply. 

matthias plops down next to me and hungrily examines his options before carefully selecting pancakes and fruit. he dumps a generous amount of syrup on his pancakes and his roll, which he has taken from a basket in the center of the table. i notice how he isn't eating everything in sight as we did at supper last night. we both know the consequences now.

"so what are you good at?" peeta asks, his voice muffled because he is eating a strawberry. matthias and i exchange looks and suddenly we are both spitting out each other's talents simultaneously.

"she almost took my head off with a knife once."

"he does exceedingly well with swords."

we both glance at one another sheepishly. peeta is smirking and so is effie. katniss just manages the slightest of grins.

"so, throwing knives and swords?" effie confirms. "that, i think, we can work with."

"i almost got killed by a knife in the first thirty seconds," katniss recounts. "i think they're close enough to the tributes that–"

"the games are different every year, sweetheart." that voice i have never heard before. i turn toward the door to see that haymitch abernathy is standing there, swirling whiskey in a small glass. you've got to be kidding me.

"how are you–"

"haymitch!" effie stands and, surprisingly enough, embraces him. haymitch barely lifts his arms in response. "i'm so glad you could make it!"

"haymitch?" peeta asks in disbelief, gaping at the man like a fish out of water. "what– how did you get here?"

haymitch winks and takes a swig of the alcohol. "magic."

i roll my eyes. i thought we would finally have a drunk-free mentored games this year, but apparently not.

"i'm here because you" - he points to katniss - "and you" - his finger moves to peeta - "still don't know a thing about the games. these two tributes are gonna end up waltzing in there thinking it's all reindeer games and sugar pies if they're left with just you two."

"they wouldn't!" katniss protests, crossing her arms. 

"we've seen the games," i add. "we know that they are anything but reindeer games and sugar pies."

haymitch ignores me. "so, i think i heard something about knives and swords, am i correct?" matthias and i both nod. "and what are your names - tessa and matt?"

"thalia and matthias," matthias corrects him stiffly. "and yes; i sword fight and thalia is good with knives."

"how far can you throw?" haymitch asks me. i shrug in response, deeply annoyed by even just his presence. "well that's not a good enough answer." he is trying to aggravate me, and sadly it is working, each word he speaks digging deeper and deeper into my skin until anger is burning every inch of my body and my bones feel like an inferno. "think about it. how. far. can. you. throw?"

i feel my fingers curling around the knife next to my spoon and before i know it i am firing it towards haymitch with all my strength and speed. he luckily ducks just in time because it surely would have killed him.

everyone gapes at me except for katniss and peeta, and haymitch looks impressed, so really it's just matthias and effie who are shocked. silence rings in the dining compartment. 

"well, let's go have a look, then." haymitch turns and walks back along the corridor and i look at katniss, unsure if i'm supposed to follow him or if the statement was rhetorical. when she nods and stands up, i go with her, following her down the train.

we finally stop at the third compartment, where the door is shut and the blunt point of the blade is lodged into it. haymitch grunts as he yanks it out of the wood and i am reminded of how matthias got my knife out of the tree yesterday morning in the forest.

speaking of matthias, i don't notice that he and peeta are behind me, and i almost trip on his shoe before catching myself, leaning on the wall for support. i am beyond relieved that i didn't fall into him again– i don't need him thinking that i have naturally terrible balance. it might be something he'd try to use against me in the games.

as haymitch examines the knife, he mumbles to himself. finally he says in a louder voice, "looks like we've got ourselves another group of victors this year," before taking another long drink of whiskey and walking away, twirling the knife with his free hand. 

gif is katniss, peeta, & haymitch

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i dont really know what this chapter is, to be honest. it isnt very good, sorry :/

but ooh haymitch arrived! i just had to bring him in because face it- katniss and peeta really are forgetful about certain details sometimes.

see you next monday and happy early new year!

xoxo,
kristyn