Can anyone give me a valid reason to live? Now that I'm home schooled my friends no longer talk to me at all. The. One person that I truly looked forward to seeing in my life is now dead. Everything is spiraling out of control. I can't see straight anymore. I just want to sleep and do nothing else  for the rest of my life.

The one person that I wanted to meet was my oldest sister. She was the one person that I wanted to explain why my mom had done half of the shit she did. I never met my oldest sister and now I won't. I hate being like this. I hate having this autism. I hate having ADHD. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I can't keep my promises like I wanted. I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be happy. What the hell happened to me?!? I just want death. Death where art thou? Come steal me away from this misery. I can't stand life I can no longer see my purpose. I wanted to help people but I can't even help myself. I am a person that blinded himself making it seem like everything is alright when in all reality it isn't. Why am I like this? How did I become this? When did I become this? I don't know anymore. What's the point? These songs explain some of how I'm feeling. I need a reason to exist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNv5g_9EliQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGuNOcmHj54