I studied Antony's face intently. "It seems like that name means something to you."

"What?" His eyes darted back and forth nervously. "I have no idea what you're talking about, man. Never heard of her before."

"Then why do you look like you've just seen a ghost?"

"This is just my hangover face, man. Partied it up a bit too hard last night, you know? Or, I mean, partied too hard two months ago. You know what I'm talking about."

"You've heard of this Witch of the Misty Woods before, haven't you?"

Antony's Adam's apple bobbed up and down a couple times rapidly and he began to visibly sweat. "No I haven't."

"You have! Come on, spill the tea!"

"Awk!" Chaucer chimed in. "Spill the tea! Spill the tea!"

Antony sighed. "All right. Look, if it was just you I'd never tell you in a million years. But I just can't resist that freakin' bird, man."

Chaucer ruffled his feathers and preened himself. "Who's a pretty birdy?" he squawked.

Antony covered his face with his hand for a moment and grimaced. "Aw jeez, am I really going to do this? Look, if this is really happening, I'm going to have to swear you to secrecy. What I'm about to reveal to you, you cannot tell to another soul ever. Capeesh?"

I glanced around. We were still completely alone on a barren stretch of road leading into town. "Considering there's nobody else left, I don't think that's going to be a problem."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to need you to swear on it."

"I, Shannon Meadows, being of sound mind and body do solemnly swear I will never repeat another word of what I'm about to hear to another person living or dead so help me God. Is that good enough?"

"The bird's going to have to swear, too."

"Awk! I swear! I swear!"

Antony nodded. "Okay, well it all started ten years ago this very night..."

*

October 31st, 1984

It was Halloween night and my band Rumpelforeskin that I told you about had just finished playing an awesome gig at the hottest club in Rochester. We played tight as hell, the crowd was totally into it, and there was a record exec in attendance who wanted to sign us to a contract on the spot. Life was good and things were looking up.

But then as we were driving home from the gig in our van some accusations were bandied about and it kind of came to light that I slept with the bass player's girlfriend. Also the drummer's girlfriend. Also the guitarist's girlfriend. Also the keyboardist's girlfriend. And then there was the dude we had come in and play tambourine on a couple songs. Yeah, I slept with his girlfriend, too. What can I say, man? I was living the rock and roll dream.

The rest of the guys in the band didn't see it that way. The tambourine guy in particular was really angry. They took a vote and decided to kick me out on the spot. Can you believe that? They kicked me out of MY band. I started it! Plus I wrote all the lyrics. Those guys wouldn't have been anything without me and they had the balls to kick me out of my band over some chicks? I tried explaining to them that once we were famous we'd have women all over the world throwing themselves at us and they wouldn't even think twice about their old hometown girlfriends, but none of them wanted to listen to reason. So they threw me out.

Literally they tossed me out on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and took off. We were miles from the nearest town and I have no clue how far we were from home. It was a dark overcast night and I couldn't see the moon or any stars. There were thick woods on either side of the empty road filled with ominous black trees.

I walked down the road a little ways, hoping to hitch a ride, but after our tour van disappeared in the distance, I didn't see another car again. And it was quiet. Spooky quiet. Sort of like right now. And it was starting to get cold. I could see my breath forming a cloud in the air each time I exhaled.

Anyway, I didn't know what to do so I kept walking down the road. And then all of a sudden I heard something coming from the woods. It was music. But not just any music. It was the gnarliest, most badass, head bopping, booty swaying rock and roll I'd ever heard in my life. And I thought I saw a light somewhere off in the distance deep in the trees.

So I left the road and started walking into the woods. I couldn't see where I was going, but I tried to follow the sound of the music. First I thought it was straight ahead of me, but then I heard it coming off to my right so I changed directions. Then I swore it was behind me so I turned around.

Before I knew it, I was completely lost. But I didn't freak out because I could still hear that totally righteous music and as long as it was pumping, I knew everything was going to be okay.

And then I emerged into a clearing and the music came to a sudden stop. I barely noticed though because my attention was completely taken up by the sight of a red altar in the middle of the field in front of me. There was a large symbol on the front of it, kind of like a pentagram, and there were smaller runes scrawled all over it. The top was covered with candles. None of them were lit at the moment, but I could tell they had been because there was melted wax all over the altar. And there was also a skull in the middle of the altar. Did I mention that? It looked like a human skull, but there were these sick horns coming out of it.

My first thought was that it was the most badass thing I'd ever seen. I wished I'd had a camera on me because it would have made a wicked as hell album cover. I actually tried to recreate it on the cover to Mööseknuckle's fourth album, Our Dark Lord and Master, but that picture didn't even come close to the real thing.

I figured some kids had been out here doing some Halloween Satanic rituals, and I thought that ruled. And then I thought maybe I should try to do a ritual of my own. After all, what's more rock and roll than selling your soul to Satan? And maybe the Lord of Darkness would make all my hopes and dreams come true.

I'd never performed a dark ritual before, but I figured, how hard could it be? I'd just speak from the heart and who knows what might happen?

I found a box of matches sitting next to the skull so I lit all of the candles and then knelt down in front of the altar. I folded my hands and closed my eyes and then I shouted out "Hear me, O Lucifer! My name is Antony LeBon Lacey and I desire to be in the greatest, most successful, most downright face meltingly rockin' band of all time. Grant me my wish and my soul is yours! I will be forever your humble servant and I promise to spread word of the glory of Satan far and wide!"

I stopped and listened. At first nothing happened. All I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. But then, one of the candles went out. Then another. And another. One by one the lights were snuffed out until only one candle remained: the biggest one right smack in the middle of the altar. It didn't go out. If anything, it got brighter. Then all of a sudden the eyes of the skull started to glow a deep red color. The skull's mouth flew open and mist started to pour out of it. Before I knew it, the whole clearing was filled with a thick white fog.

I couldn't see anything at all for a moment, but then a bright light suddenly emerged from somewhere in the trees. In the center of the light I saw a figure emerge. I couldn't make out any of its features as it was surrounded by blinding light. It just looked like a dark smudge, but gradually the intensity of the light lessened and I could see it was somebody covered from head to toe in a black robe. It lifted a sleeved arm towards me and I saw a gnarled hand with long, claw-like fingernails stretched towards me.

"L- Lord Lucifer?" I asked.

"No," I heard a raspy whispered voice say. It seemed to come from all around me and tickled my ears.

"Are you a minion of Satan?" I asked.

"I serve darker masters than Satan," the voice said.

"Wh- Who are you?" I stuttered.

"You may call me the Witch of the Misty Woods. I understand you have a wish."

"Yes," I said, recalling the reason I had summoned this entity in the first place. "My jerk bandmates just kicked me out. I want them to regret that decision. I want to be in a new band. And I want it to be the biggest band in the world. I want to have millions of adoring fans and I want to be rich and famous beyond my wildest dreams. I am prepared to give up my soul to achieve this."

There was a moment of silence before the witch responded. "This can be arranged. But there will be a cost. I have no use for your soul. I see it is shriveled and weak. There is no nourishment to be obtained from it. Are you prepared to trade the lives of your former bandmates to see your wish granted?"

"Those jerks? Sure. Screw them."

"Then it is done. This shall serve as a down payment. A greater toll must be exacted at a later date. Are you in agreement?"

"Yes!" I shouted.

The witch had been standing at least twenty feet away from me, but in the blink of an eye she was right next to me. She grabbed my right hand with an iron grip and with one of her long clawed nails she scratched a long gash in the palm. She threw back the hood of her robe revealing a leathery, wrinkled face covered in warts and jagged scars. She had wispy green hair that grew out of her scalp in patches and her eyes glowed a dull red color.

She smiled suddenly, fully displaying her sharp black and yellow teeth. A long, slimy gray tongue emerged from her mouth and licked the blood that was gushing out of the wound in my hand. Then when her mouth was full of my fluids, she grasped me behind my head and pulled me towards her face. I could taste the warm metallic flavor of my own blood, tinged with something foul and rotten as she kissed me for several agonizingly unending minutes.

At last she released me and was instantaneously back at the edge of the woods again. "It has been sealed. Your wish is granted. Go forth and conquer this world. But remember, the main part of your debt is yet to be paid. In ten years time, I will collect the rest."

With that she vanished into thin air, although I could hear an echoey voice chanting "Beware the Witch of the Misty Woods" for a moment afterward. The mist began to clear out and the last candle on the altar went dead as the skull's mouth snapped shut.

I began to feel drowsy and although I tried to fight it, before I knew it I had collapsed at the base of the altar. My consciousness faded quickly, and then it seemed like I experienced absolute nothingness for an incredibly long time. It was almost like time had lost all meaning.

But then I suddenly snapped back to consciousness and found myself at home in my bed. At first I figured I had just awoken from a nightmare and none of the events of the previous night had occurred. But over the next few days a series of bizarre and grisly accidents befell my former bandmates.

The first to die was the keyboardist Greg. He was mowing his lawn when he ran over a small boulder that was half buried in the soil. A piece of the lawnmower blade broke off and was flung up and backwards. It embedded itself in his throat. He bled out in his front lawn before anyone discovered him.

Next was Dave the bass player. He went to light a cigarette off one of the burners in his stove, but it sprung a sudden gas leak and a huge fireball exploded in his face and he was charbroiled alive.

Then Andy the drummer was on a ski lift when the cable collapsed and his chair fell over 30 feet to the slope below. He impaled himself on his own ski pole.

Keith the guitar player was at a lumberyard when a chainsaw slipped out of someone's hands, went flying through the air, and decapitated him.

Even the guy who played the tambourine met an unfortunate end when he slipped on a banana peel and got sucked into a jet's intake engine.

As for me I put an ad in the classifieds and within fifteen minutes I got responses from the top musicians in the tri-state area. We met up the next day and formed Mööseknuckle on the spot. Within a month we had a #1 hit single and were touring the world. In less than six months all my dreams came true and I became the legend you see before you today.

*

"Wow, that's some story," I said.

"Yeah, well, I've never told anyone that before, so let's just keep it on the download, okay?"

"I already said I would! Believe me, I'm much more trustworthy than the drug-addled musicians you normally associate with."

"Yeah, well, don't get any funny ideas. I know people. I can make your life miserable if you screw me over."

"Kind of like your old bandmates?" I asked.

"Yeah, well as far as the world knows, they were just incredibly unlucky and I'd like to keep it like that."

"If there even is a rest of the world left to care about that," I said. "So this witch said she was going to come collect the rest of your debt later, huh?"

"Yeah, and between you and me I'm actually kind of looking forward to talking to her again. I mean, don't get me wrong, she freaks me the hell out. But I kind of don't feel like she totally lived up to her end of the bargain. I mean, we were flying high for several years there, and I still do okay from the royalties, but once the 90's rolled around and that Seattle crap started getting airplay, I haven't had a hit single since. The deal was to be the greatest band of all time, not just the 80's."

"And she said your debt was coming due when exactly?"

"Ten years. And that was exactly ten years ago tonight."

"I see," I stroked my chin thoughtfully. "I guess we'd better get ourselves ready to meet a witch, then."