"Whoa, whoa," I said. "We're not looking for any trouble here. We're survivors, just like you."

"Survivors?" the voice sounded confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You know," I tried to put on the friendliest smile I could muster up. "The end of the world? Or whatever weirdness is going on."

"End of the world? What the- Are you people on drugs?"

"Technically, I might be on drugs right now," Antony said. "I mean, I snorted a whole lot of blow before I went to bed, although I guess that was like two months ago."

"That's it, I'm calling the police."

"Oh, do you have a phone?" I asked. "May we use it? I'd like to call my agent. If she still exists, that is. Quite frankly, I'd like to call anyone. Maybe I'll just start dialing random numbers and see if anyone picks up."

"Why would I let some trespassers use my phone?"

"Hey man," Antony said. "You seem like you're not quite up to speed here. Have you been outside lately?"

"Been outside? I just woke up when I heard you hooligans stomping up my stairs."

"Just out of curiosity, what date do you think it is?" I asked.

"September 1st, of course."

"Nah, man," Antony said. "It's October 31st. Happy Halloween! You've been sleeping for two months just like us!"

"Awk! Happy Halloween!" Chaucer chimed in. "Beware the Witch of the Misty Woods!"

"What did that bird just say?"

"He was talking about a witch," I said. "The Witch of the Misty Woods. Are you familiar with her, by chance?"

"I've heard the name. I've always thought she was just a legend."

"She's no legend, bro," Antony said. "I've met her in the flesh. And we have reason to believe she's coming back tonight."

"Perhaps we'd better back up a moment here. Who did you people say you were again?"

"I'm Shannon Meadows, brilliant writer of literary works of genius."

"And I'm rock legend Antony LeBon Lacey."

"Awk! I'm Chaucer. Who's a pretty bird?"

"Ah, yes. Lacey. You I'm familiar with. Loud parties. Drives too fast through town."

"But mostly because of my awesome music, right?" Antony asked.

"No, mostly because you're a menace to society."

"I'll take it," Antony beamed. "Sounds bad-ass to me."

"What about me? Surely you've heard of my award winning debut novel Ennui in the Everglades. Granted it only won one award and that was in the Cayman Islands, but I saw your bookshelves. You obviously like to read. Surely you'd be aware of a celebrated literary master in your midst."

"No, I've never heard of you. Or the bird either. But I'll take you at your word you're who you say you are."

"I'm afraid you have us at a disadvantage, kind sir," I said. "Who might we be having the pleasure of conversing with?"

"You can call me Magic Al," he said as he lowered the shotgun and stepped forward into the light revealing an slightly overweight older gentleman with long white hair accompanied by a long flowing white beard. He had on a pair of thin spectacles and was wearing pajamas covered in stars and moons. "I'm the owner and proprietor of the magic shop and this is my inner sanctum, which you have invaded. Also I'm a sorcerer of some renown"

"Like an actual sorcerer?" I asked. "You mean you do real magic and stuff?"

"Yes, I have been known to dabble in the arcane arts. Most people just come here because they either want to learn basic magic tricks like sawing a lady in half, or else they have weird spiritual beliefs and want to buy crystals or elixirs. All of that stuff is nonsense, of course, but it's where the money is, so I've got to deal in it. But if you fellows are tangled up with the Witch of the Misty Woods, that sounds like something that's more up my alley. Please, tell me more."

"Well, I'm not usually good at making long stories short, in fact I like to make long stories even longer, but in the interest of time I'll do my best to condense things. It seems that exactly ten years ago, Antony here performed a dark ritual and summoned the witch. They struck some sort of deal wherein he would achieve fame and wealth beyond his wildest dreams, but in return she promised she would take payment at a later date. All of which may or may not have something to do with the fact that every living creature seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth and there's a bunch of weird stuff I can't explain out in the street, like old museum pieces and non-functional items that claim to be phones. I think that about sums it up, but you should really probably step outside for a minute with us and see for yourself what's going on."

"Yes, perhaps that would be the best course of action, let me just slip on my robe and slippers and let's get a look at the situation."