Irene dried her tears her heart pounding as she heard the door of her office slam shut, Jackson storming out the fury evident, even if she only saw his side profile, she could see it in his tense jaw and now wild eyes. She slammed her head against the door she was leaning on. Her form slipping down it as she wrapped her hands around herself tightly trying to brace herself and regain her lost composure. He always had this type of power over her, it was something that consumed her and she could never let go off. Even after five years her heart beat only for him. Only for Jackson Wang. Only for her Jackson, but the reality was he wasn't hers in the same way she reminded him that she was not his. She made out that it didn't hurt her to hurt him but it did. Every look in his eye felt like a dagger to her own chest but she was stubborn; her heart broken too many time for her to trust anyone with it, hell she didn't even trust herself with it. Hers eyes closed. That wasn't the truth. Her heart knew better. She was resenting herself because despite all he had done she still trusted him. Why? She had no idea. Another lie. She couldn't bring herself to comprehend it but deep down under the multiple layers of cold exterior she knew it. She knew it was because she was still in love with him. Five years could not erase his imprint from her heart, partly because of Jay but partly because she didn't let him die in her heart, torturing herself over and over again with his memorise, with his pictures. She self inflicted the poison after he stopped giving it. She was addicted to it. To him.

She slammed her head against the wall, her lotus like eyes slipping elegant tears down her face. She was so tried. Tried of the pain, tired of the constant hurt. She wanted to heal, she wanted to let go off everything but she didn't know how too. She no longer knew how to set her heart free from the torment. Even looking at him became suffocating, her breath falling short every time he approached her, every time he would smile at her. Her heart always knew how to ache at the wrong time, to the point it would stop her from saying anything. He didn't know the reality, the reality that her heart was aching to be with him, that she was very much still in love with him. And maybe he would never know. And maybe that was were their stories detached themselves.

She let a bitter laugh out. She was stupid. Stupid to think they would ever escape each other, his name was written in her destiny, a constant reminder that her running was useless. He would find her. This was the charade that life begun from the very start but how she prayed it would take away the suffering and pain as well instead of giving her conflicting feelings.

She opened up her phone, searching desperately...searching for tickets. Tickets to get the hell out of here as fast as she could, to save herself. To save her child. And to save him from this now toxic cycle.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

She hadn't come home. The rest of them waiting rather impatiently as Jackson took long strides up and down the room, the fury that had been edged into his face since he came home still present. Jay watched his father walk back and forth, his eyes following every moment as his small arm reached out, his hand grasping Jackson's, causing him to turn. "Your making me dizzy Dad." He said giggling slightly, watching as Jackson's simmering anger dissolved into nothing. He kissed his sons forehead softening down his hair before sitting next to him trying to calm his forever restless heart. They heard a ping from Wendy's phone. "She's making her own way, she's only just finished work." The rest nodded, as Jackson picked up jay walking to the car with the rest in quick succession. He didn't believe it. He didn't believe her excuse, not one bit. He knew her well enough to know that she was avoiding him, hiding. He strapped Jay in before sitting himself, his gaze following the blue cerulean sky, his mind and heart begging for her to just let him all the way in. He knew. As much as she thought he didn't, he knew, he saw it in her eyes: he knew she was still in love with him. It was the very reason he was fighting so hard. The small gestures to try and fix her heart, to try and make her believe that he would never do what he did again. He always knew she was stubborn, something he both hated and loved about her yet his own heart began to bleed in need of her. He sighed, his gaze falling from the scene as jay snuggled into his fathers warmth, His eyes meeting Wendy's who offered him a smile. He managed to give her one back before looking straight back out the window, missing the way that mark and Bambam's eyes flashed in concern.

An hour later they arrived at the venue, the boys getting out first to help the girls out and shield them from cameras as they shuffled in their skirts and dresses. Flashes hindered their view for a second, Jackson's eyes quickly adjusting as he moved forward, his arms carrying jay who smiled and waved cutely. He laughed. His son was a natural. Just as they entered the red carpet Irene and Suho entered from the other side. Jay looked on excitedly as Jackson put him down. "MUMMY." He screamed his little legs carrying him to her as the remainder of Got7 and RedVelvet crowded around Jackson. He watched Irene's head whip around a beautiful smile dazzling her face as she picked Jay up. He felt his breath stop in his throat as his gaze swept over her form. She was dressed in a sequin black evening gown that had spaghetti straps tied around her neck holding the dress against her curvy form, her back fully on display, her hair attempting to cover it, styled dead straight. Her lips were covered in a dark maroon colour emphasising the shape of them, her eyes coated in mascara and eye liner making them pop ever so slightly. Dressed in his favourite colour, a smile graced his face as he watched his son and the love of his life...the mother of his child. Jay looked at Jackson. "DADDY." He yelled before Irene could stop him. The camera flashes halted silence echoing as Irene and Jackson's eyes widened. "Dad come on." Jay said beaconing to him. Jackson walked forward, somewhat satisfied at the look on Suho's face as reporters pushed him out of the way. Irene looked uncomfortable, being pushed slightly by the crowd that now surrounded them. Jackson wrapped a protective arm around her waist pulling her in as his eyes glared up into the reporters. "Be careful." He said, drawing her and jay closer as he told them to take a step back. Irene held jay close as she bravely snuck a look into his eyes. "Jackson your the father of Irene's child?" Asked one reporter, similar questions thrown their way as Jackson shushed them. "Calm down...yes. I'm the father." He said his eyes casting down to Irene's wide ones. She looked at the reporters confirming him as the father as security managed to push them away, photographers now begging for a family shot. Jay stood in front of them, Jackson's hand still resting on her waist as he kissed her forehead taking the opportunity to whisper into her ear. "I'm sorry I should have asked you if you were okay with that." Irene looked up at him. "You did the right thing Jackson...your his father, no one can change that truth not even me. You gave my child a name today for himself and for the world so thank you." She attempted to smile, her gaze returning back to the scene as he looked at her his eyes softening before turning to the camera flashes. They both signalled the boys and girls to come, a true family photo being taken as they all smiled brightly. Genuinely.

Minutes later they moved off the red carpet, jay holding both his parents hands a big smile on his features as he looked at Suho. Irene's gaze remained lowered as SBS decided to sit RedVelvet and Got7 together after watching the commotion on the red carpet. "AUNT JEN AND LISA." Jay called out running up to the girls who approached them. They smiled hugging jay and engaging Irene in a conversation, Jackson's eyes captivated by her laugh, the moment was short lived however as they were told to take their seats, the evening finally commencing.

An hour in and the boys were called up on stage winning the award for the best boy group globally. Jackson pushed to the forefront as fans screamed. "Hey...." he begun looking at the award. "We want to say a big thank you, for appreciating our work, for all the love and support that fans have given us over the years. The continual dedication of you all doesn't go unnoticed by any of us. We love you all for everything, for giving us this platform and letting us do what we love which is make music for you all. We want to say a big thank you to JYP as always for being a father figure in this industry and offering support and guidance when we falter...."he took a deep breath looking at the boys who nodded at him. "I want to thank a new angel that has come into my life...Jay. My son. I love you champ...so much and I will continue to make you and your mother proud so that one day I'll be worthy of both of you properly. Thank you irene..." he said hearing the screams become progressively louder, her eyes casting to the side before straight into his. "Thank you for coming back to me Babygirl...even if I don't deserve it. Thank you for giving me jay. Thank you for giving all of us Jay. We have all fallen in love with our little boy, he's become the light to his father and uncles days." The boys nodded smiling and waving at Jay. Irene felt her lips curve into a smile as she looked at jay. She nodded slightly, as she watched her son run cutely up the stairs into his fathers arms, the boys huddling around him as fans awed at the scene. They collected the award moving off the stage moments later to prepare for their performance after twice. Ten minutes later they began performing...the audio for you calling my name playing as fans screamed in pure ecstasy, chanting the fan chant enthusiastically as the boys completed the choreography perfectly. Jackson's eyes fixed to Irene's as he sung his lyrics, his heart quenching as she detached herself from him, busying herself with jay who looked up at him admiringly. He smiled slightly, the performance finishing the lights casting low as the boys exited, leaving Jackson. The lights flashing slightly as they focused on his figure, Irene's eyes casting back up to him.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

This shit been on my mind for a while man I think I lost a real one
And I been feelin' so down, when I lay down the only time I'm looking up
Pardon my manners if I end up hittin' your cell after dark
I been drowning in that courage liquid, my judgement been blurry, ah

His eyes met hers. Pinning her to him as jay moved out of her lap sitting with Wendy to watch his parents.

I'm a mess, gave you baggage and made you stress
Know your better off with the next man yah
But I can't seem to let go, let go
So when I hit you with that text, hopin'
That you gimme another chance

He pointed in the direction of Suho...he knew that he maybe able to treat her better but he couldn't watch her become someone else's.He wanted to love her. And he wouldn't let her go. He hadn't for the past five years. And he wouldn't now.

I know you need some time
Ooh
Can we get along like we used to?
Ooh
Till we both can't get enough, makin' love like we used to
I know I can't change the fact I fucked up your heart

He knew how bad he had done her. He knew it and he would never let himself forget but he wanted her back. He needed her back, despite the time that she still obviously needed, he wanted to heal her instead.

I'm down to make it all better
Can we get back to loving like we used to?
This shit been on my mind for a while
Man I think I lost a real one
That boy Sean said it the best, beautiful girls

He lost her. He lost the right one. He watched her eyes ghost over, the unshed tears clouding her eyes.

Give you they best then leave you depressed and all
But I ain't suicidal
Feel I'm stuck in a you asylum
I know I don't deserve you
But until I get through to you
I want you to know
I'm a mess, gave you baggage and made you stress

Her eyes remained fixed to his, as he spoke the words her heart had been dying to hear. He conversed with her through music. A language they both understood.

Know your better off with the next man yah
But I can't seem to let go, let go
So I'ma hit you with that text, hopin'
That you gimme another chance
I know you need sometime
Ooh
Can we get along like we used to?
Ooh
Till we both can't get enough, makin' love like we used to

Making love...it was the purest form of their love. Of course it would be, she got jay through that, but hearing him say those words still made her blush.

I know I can't change the fact I fucked up your heart
But I'm down to make it all better
Can we get back to lovin' like we used to?
Can we get along like we used to?
Till we both can't get enough
Making love like we used to
Like, just like we used to yeah
Like we
Can we get back to loving like we used to?
Ooh
Can we get along like we used to?
Till we both can't get enough
Ooh

Her heart was aching at his words, she could hear the sincerity in his voice. He knew how bad he fucked up and now her words and her stubborn nature seemed useless In front of his ever green love.

What I'm saying, ain't no replacing you
Know the past ain't reversible
I hope you willin' willin' to let it go
Let me show that I could love you more
Genuine 'cause girl I speak the truth
No more lies, just like I'm translucent
See through me and see I'll do right by you
See through me and see I'll do right by you

He had walked up to her, her chair angled perfectly for him, as he crouched down in front of her, the words touching her soul as the rest of the world fell away, their story openly on display as he begun to heal her wounds with his voice. Their eyes hooked on each other, not breaking away for a second.

Girl you my shawty, shawty
Girl you my shawty (Girl I'm down to make it all better)
You the only one so can we make love?
The middle of the night, night
You the one I want

edging closer to her, she stood attempting to move. He grabbed her hand turning her to him, his arm wrapping around her waist slipping to her back and then moving around to her hip as he rested his head against her stomach. Her eyes closed, a tear slipping down as her elegant hands gracefully held the side of his face, tracing his jaw slightly.

Can't nobody do it like me
Nah, nigga can't do it like
Do it like

His eyes moved up into hers, the lights focusing on them as the song finished. Her heart thumping relentlessly at the close proximity. She closed her eyes for a brief second, before opening back into his. They stayed in their positions. The applause that sounded bringing them back as Irene shrugged his arms off her sitting back down turning her chair away. He was grateful the focus was no longer on him. He was grateful that no one saw the way his face fell. He smiled slightly at the girls who watched him in concern after, before taking out the ear piece, walking away, not turning to capture the way Irene turned to watch him...a sense of yearning apparent in her eyes to all. To all but him.

TBC

Authors note:
Hah bet your hating me for that cliffhanger. I'd love to hear your thoughts...let me know what you think? Love it? Hate it? I look forward to hearing back from you guys. Lots of love and best wishes. Stay safe xx