After a long day at school, I finally returned to the dorms. The first thing I wanted to do was change out of this dirty uniform and take a long shower. I was so exhausted I didn't want to bother setting up a bubble bath like I originally wanted.

I entered the bathroom and took off all my clothes. For the first time today, I saw the full extent of the damage that the D Class students did to my stomach. As I stared at the bruises, I felt like throwing up. It looked like something out of an abstract art gallery.

The damage on my back must've been similar, if not worse, so I didn't bother checking it. Instead, I entered the shower, washing away all the stress that I've accumulated today. My stiff body relaxed as the soothing sound of running water surrounded me on all sides.

While I melted away from how good it felt, I quietly reflected on this extraordinary day.

Today was an exception to my plain, simple life. I was abnormally active, getting myself into flashy situations that I would usually avoid, such as trying to save Shimizu from Hashimoto, or stepping in to win Akari's cardfight for her. Today also marked the first time I talked to Chabashira-sensei one-on-one, and unexpectedly witnessed a gentle side of her.

My fingers traced the cotton gauze she put on my cheek. The water had made the tape loose, so it was close to falling off. I would've peeled it off beforehand, but I forgot to in my rush to the shower. Regardless, simply remembering how mesmerising Chabashira-sensei looked as she tenderly cleaned my wounds made my heart skip a beat.

Was it okay to feel that way? It felt really taboo, honestly. I shouldn't lament on it though, as I needed to focus on the upcoming war.

As a first step, while on the train ride home, I messaged Yukina and Nora - who were my only E Class contacts - the information I found out from Chabashira-sensei. Since they know quite a few popular people, I'll leave it up to them to spread the word.

If I told everyone else, they would either ignore me or not believe me due to my unpopularity. These two were deemed trustworthy, so they'd take their word over mine. Strangely, I had also received two missed calls from Yukina, and a message from Suzune, asking me if I was alright. I'll get back to them once I finish showering.

I still haven't come up with a strategy, but without knowing the specifics, there wasn't much point to formulate a plan right now. Instead, I'll use this time to dig up information on D Class in order to counter them. At the very least, I need to train our class to become better cardfighters.

With only four days until the war starts, the window of opportunity was small. I should probably hedge my bets on a select few that are already solid at the game, and try bringing them up to competency.

Above all else, I needed to prove to Chabashira-sensei that I could get our class to A Class in order to get her on my side. This war would be an important stepping stone towards that goal, so I had no choice but to take things into my own hands, even if Matsushita and Sakigamiya didn't like it.

This would also be a good chance to prove to the class that I have the skills to lead them if I managed to secure a more commanding position for the war. Though, I have no idea how I'd convince them to let me be in charge.

Maybe I should make use of Matsushita's goodwill and use him as my ambassador. Even though I'm considered a loser, he's only ever treated me as an equal, so it shouldn't be hard to ask him to help me out.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. As I dug through my drawers for something to wear, someone knocked on my door.

This was the first time I've ever gotten an unexpected visitor while attending this school. It was cruel fate for it to happen while I was half naked.

"Give me a minute, I just got out of the shower."

"Okay."

I didn't expect to hear a girl's voice. What does a girl want with me? Today keeps getting weirder and weirder. I tossed on some clothes and opened the door.

Standing at the entrance was Yukina.

"Yuu-kun... hey."

I wasn't expecting her to come visit me. Even though I felt happy about it, she didn't look happy to see me. If anything, she sounded sad.

"Hey. Is there something wrong?"

Yukina looked side to side, then straight at me.

"Is it alright... if I come inside?"

I nodded, letting her enter my room. Even though I'd usually freak out about this sort of thing, especially since it was a girl visiting, the way Yukina was acting right now kept me serious.

"Feel free to make yourself at home." As I offered her that, I began drying my wet hair with a towel.

She nodded, and sat down on my couch. Even though she was trying hard to look at me, her eyes kept evading my face with each try. Usually, it'd be the other way around - I'd be the one having trouble looking at her.

An awkward silence filled the room. Seeing Yukina act so strangely made me begin to worry. I put my towel down and sat next to her, trying to ignore the lingering anxiety in my heart.

"...would you like a drink?"

"No, it's alright."

Yukina squeezed her hands together. Something was definitely bothering her. She leaned down, and picked up the wet gauze that was on the floor. It must have fallen off while I was drying my hair.

"This explains why you were acting so weirdly in class today, Yuu-kun."

Yukina gently spoke as she examined the gauze. On the back, there was a tiny patch of blood.

"You were trying to hide that scar on your face from everyone."

She stirred up the courage to look at me directly. As I looked into her eyes, I noticed that they had changed. Usually, Yukina's eyes sparkled like diamonds, but right now, they were swirling with darkness. It scared me.

"Yeah. I didn't want anyone to worry for me or anything."

I tried to be honest about it. Though, it was more convenient if no one bothered me about something as minor as a swollen cheek. Yukina let the gauze fall to the floor like a flower petal.

"So... how did you get it?"

"Get what?"

"That injury."

Even though she was a kind person, Yukina could be confrontational when she wanted to. It was becoming difficult to answer, as I didn't want to tell her about being publicly humiliated by D Class. I'd prefer if no one found out about it.

"Oh, uh... it was an accident."

"An accident? How does someone accidentally get a swollen cheek?"

She said it in such a derisive tone, it kind of stung a little. Though, I could tell she didn't say it to be mean. There was genuine pain behind those words.

Could she tell it was a lie? There was no way.

"It's true. It's an accident."

"Then explain."

She snapped back with a lightning quick response. I scratched the back of my head, trying to come up with something in the spot.

"I... hit my face on the corner of a desk."

Yukina's eyes pierced me with disappointment.

"That's a lie, Yuu-kun."

I knew I wasn't fooling her because of the unimpressed look on her face. In defeat, I lowered my head and came clean.

"...yeah. It was a terrible lie, wasn't it?"

"Why won't you tell me the truth? Is it that bad?"

"In the first place, you came here seemingly out of nowhere. I didn't know what to expect."

"Don't try to change the subject. If you're trying to... protect me, then it's pointless."

I noticed the uneasy break in Yukina's words. Even though she was being aggressive towards me, her tone was tinged with agony.

"It's not like that. It'd be troublesome if people were staring at my face and asked me about what happened. I don't feel like talking about it or placing unnecessary attention on myself."

"You were drawing unnecessary attention to yourself by covering your cheek the entire time during class."

"Well, no one confronted me about it, so who really cares."

"...I care."

Yukina gripped the hem of her skirt and gritted her teeth. Then, she faced me directly.

"I care, Yuu-kun!"

I swallowed a lump in my throat.

Yukina cares about something as minor as this? This was unlikely since we're not that close anymore. We barely spent any time together outside of school. We've grown so distant, I don't think we can really be called friends anymore. It's not like anyone in our class remembers the fact that we were friends in middle school.

Times have changed, people have changed, and our situation has changed. Ever since entering GEN Academy, Yukina's only been going up, while I've been going down. For someone popular like her to care about a loser like me... that's impossible. A swollen cheek on my face is the least of anybody's concerns. Yukina has better people to care about, like her actual friends. Not a nameless stranger like me.

"Why... why won't you just tell me the truth...?"

"...there's just some things you're better off not knowing."

"...but I do know, Yuu-kun. The real reason why you got hurt."

"You... do?"

"Yes... seeing you lie to me like this is frustrating. It feels like you don't trust me."

But I do trust you, Yukina.

"That's why... you've left me with no other choice."

Yukina took out her phone, and played a video on the school forums in front me.

It was D Class beating me up. The entire fight from start to finish that was recorded by Kirara. I watched myself get beat up by them in disbelief. Pain jolted through my torso as I recalled the weight of each blow.

Albert's powerful punch that sent me flying. Mikitaka's foot stomping on me as he paraded victory. All the delinquents laughing at me while I was on the floor.

I choked up, feeling a surge of fiery emotions latch onto my chest and shake my heart.

The worst part was the comments scrolling across the screen. People were actively enjoying watching my torment. I hadn't realised the extent of how much I was hated by the year group until now. They got a kick out of seeing one of the Big 3 Loners be assaulted in broad daylight.

So this is how Yukina knew about what happened... those guys at D Class posted my misery for everyone to see... it wasn't just the 1st Years who watched it. The 2nd Years and 3rd Years joined in as well. It was likely teachers would catch onto this video soon. Even if they did, it wouldn't matter. I was E Class trash, so this was justified in the eyes of the school.

I looked away from Yukina. I couldn't face her after she saw such a weak side of me.

"It's no big deal."

I tried to sound like I didn't care, but even I could hear the shakiness in my voice right now. Multiple indistinguishable feelings were scrambling my head, making it hard to concentrate being my usual distant self.

"How can you say that when the video says differently?!"

"You don't know what it was really like. You weren't there."

"I wasn't... but I wish I was! Back then, I wish I spoke up against Alice-san and joined you in going to D Class! If I did that... then maybe... this could've been avoided. But because I was a coward... you got hurt."

I don't understand what Yukina was saying. It was my choice to go alone to D Class. Still, the ruckus in my head didn't calm down. Instead, it got worse, as something painful stabbed through me. I had no idea how to respond to her feelings, so my mouth moved on autopilot.

"If you knew... then why bother asking? That means you lied too."

Stupidly, that was the only reply I could muster. A callous statement questioning her intentions, even though I knew they were pure.

At this rate, I might as well sever our relationship on purpose. There were no positives to being associated with a guy like me. Only negatives. I didn't want Yukina to force herself to be around me anymore.

After seeing her life at this school become so much better than how it was in middle school, I didn't want to take that away from her. I had no right to do that, especially since I couldn't make a change for myself when I first entered this school. While Yukina adapted and grew as a person, I was stuck in my dorm room feeling sorry for myself. She doesn't deserve to call a loser like me a friend.

I was just a pathetic excuse for one.

She probably viewed me as a pitiful charity case - only talking to me due to a mixture of the kindness in her heart and out of obligation from being middle school friends.

There was no way she'd voluntarily spend time with me, as doing that would get her reputation dragged through the mud. In all likelihood, she would probably stop interacting with me over time, letting our friendship die in the process.

In that case, I'm only speeding up the process.

That's why, it's better this way. All I have to do is make her hate me. If I do that, then she'll stop seeing me as a friend. I'll go back to being a loner, like I've always meant to be. A shadow of the class that no one cares about. That's how I've always lived my life ever since Suzune moved away. I'm used to it.

"I lied... but that's because I know you're stubborn like this, Yuu-kun. I wanted to see... just how much I've ruined our relationship. It's clear to me that... you don't trust me anymore. I want to know why."

I'll make her hate me.

"Ha ha ha. How stupid are you? I've never trusted you, Yukina-san. Not from the very beginning."

I'll make her hate me forever.

"Back in middle school, you were so annoying. Each time you came over to me, I wanted to yell at you to go away. I hated that you couldn't take a hint and leave me alone."

I'll make her hate me so she can live her life properly.

"Ever since we came to GEN, and you started hanging out with Matsushita-san and Sakigamiya-san, I've been more happy than I've ever been in my entire life! Without you around, I can finally live a peaceful school life! I... I hate you, Yukina-san! I hate you!"

I was promptly slapped across the face by Yukina.

"You're not fooling anybody, Yuu-kun. Drop the act."

"What act? This is how I really feel... don't you understand? I hate you."

Please, hate me. Forget about my existence. You'll be happier that way.

"You're saying all those horrible words, but the look in your eyes is completely different. It's a painful look... on the verge of breaking. You're usually so apathetic, but right now... I can see all those feelings that are clouding your judgment. You want to run away, don't you? That's why you're trying to make me hate you."

Yukina grabbed me by the shirt.

"That won't work. You can say all the nasty stuff that you want, but I know that's not how you truly feel. Everything you do is for my sake, isn't it? That's why you lied... in order to protect me, so I wouldn't have to worry about you. But Yuu-kun, you need to realise something important. I'm not someone special, like an angel. I'm in E Class for a reason... so stop treating me like one."

Yukina pushed me down on the couch, and straddled me.

"That's why... let me show you how flawed I am."

My body shut down as Yukina's fingers traced my chest. Her hand slipped under my shirt, lifting it upwards. I couldn't fight against it.

"I'm sorry, Yuu-kun."

I had become numb to my frenzied emotions ever since Yukina sat on top of me. Her amazing scent mixed with the sensation of her silky pink hair brushing against my body was intoxicating. Her warm breath spread across my chest ticklishly. My heart felt like it was about to burst at any moment now.

What is this...? It feels...

I snapped out of my unforgivable thoughts as tears fell on my stomach. My eyes trailed up, only to find Yukina hovering above me...... crying. Her face scrunched up as she looked away from the bruises.

It was the first time I saw Yukina break out in genuine tears.

I was paralysed.

I didn't know what to do or say.

Everything I knew about her was shattered.

My perception of us had been broken.

The warmth of her tears was lost on someone like me.

My mind could only understand one thing.

It kept repeating one thing.

It was etched into my memory by force.

A reminder of how weak I was.

It was the face of Yukina crying.

This much was enough to break me too.

"...why are you...?"

"For lots of reasons... but the main one is... you got hurt, Yuu-kun! And it's my fault!"

Her crystal tears continued to overflow cruelly onto my chest. I couldn't stand to see her like this any longer. Raising my hand, I gently wiped the tears on her cheek. Even though it was an upsetting scene, Yukina's tears were beautiful.

All my doubts about our relationship had finally caught up to me. Right now, as I touched her smooth face, I didn't feel all that distant from her, unlike what I thought. Slowly, I was putting all the pieces together. The vague reason why she was acting like this became clearer as I thought about it more.

"Can we... talk about us?"

I forced myself to choke up those words, even though I was scared and unready to confront that topic. However, I can't keep living the same way I've always been. I need to change too. Yukina nodded, pulling down my shirt and gripping it while shaking.

"Fu... there's a lot to talk about, isn't there...?"

"We'll take it one step at a time then. We have the whole day to explain... how we feel."

"You're right. Let's forget "reading the air", since by doing that, we..."

"...we've just been assuming how each other felt without confirming it. Isn't that right?"

I hadn't noticed it until now, but we've become reliant on analysing each other's actions in order to understand each other. It's honestly become second-hand nature to me, as we've always done this since middle school. It was our silent way of communication, as we understood each other extremely well back then.

However, by continuing to do this all the way into high school, where our situations have drastically changed and we no longer see things in the same perspective... of course we'd make the wrong assumptions and conclusions about each other's feelings. By not using words, we were limiting our own understanding of one another. That was the first problem we had to conquer.

"You know, when I saw that disgusting video... the first thing I felt stirring up inside of me was a mixture of darkness. I really did mean it when I said I wish I had the courage to speak up against Alice-san back then. If I stood my ground and joined you in going to D Class, I could've prevented you from unnecessarily suffering..."

"No one can see into the future, so don't blame yourself over not taking action. Besides, in that situation... I saw how Sakigamiya-san was pressuring you. It was fine if she bossed me around however she liked, but when I saw her do it to you... I couldn't help but speak up to get you out of that uncomfortable position."

"That was really brave of you, Yuu-kun... like always, you saved me from a tough situation."

She was probably referring to earlier this month, when I uncharacteristically dragged Yukina out of the classroom to save her the trouble of declining her friend's invitations to join an after school study session. It was obvious she was tired and wanted to go back home, but the air was pushing her to say "yes" unwillingly.

"I felt crushed seeing you get ganged up on by all those D Class students... it was such an unfair fight. The fact they attacked you while you were defenceless, then had the gall to record and upload this video made me seething. Not to mention all the snide comments everyone made... none of these people have any sympathy and it's disgusting!"

Hearing Yukina talk about her hatred so passionately made me start to realise that she truly did care for me. I was blatantly ignoring it because I thought we had drifted apart ever since coming here.

"But... what hurt the most Yuu-kun... was that you didn't tell me about it."

"...it was an embarrassing and humiliating experience. The idea of telling you that I got hurt by those guys made me feel ashamed. Like I was admitting my weakness."

"You shouldn't feel ashamed over this. You're the victim. I just wish... you trusted me enough to not feel embarrassed telling me about it. We're partners... aren't we?"

"Of course we're partners. I am for you, you are for me."

"If that's true... then why did I have to find out you got hurt by that video...? I called you multiple times, but you didn't pick up... I was so worried about you, it made me feel sick. That's why, when I finally got a response from you, I checked it immediately. While reading the message though... it just made me frustrated. You cared more about a war over your own well-being... and my attempts to contact you too. You didn't even bother calling back... I felt more like a tool than a friend."

"That's my fault, Yukina-san... I was going to call you after I finished showering. I didn't expect you to arrive at my dorm room."

"I did that exactly because I was worried about you... I wanted to see you in person... to make sure you were okay. I waited so long outside your room, trying to find the courage to knock... but I kept deliberating and making excuses to run away... because I couldn't bear the thought of seeing your bruises and scars. It's so pathetic and cowardly...!"

"No, that's normal. I also felt sick at the thought of looking at my own scars. I didn't even bother checking my back... if I did, I think I would've thrown up all over the bathroom floor."

"It's not that, Yuu-kun... I don't know how to explain it, but... my own hesitations have prevented me from helping you. I realised that after seeing you had no one there to help you get out of that situation... when you told me you were used to being alone, that moment sank it in deep for me. At this school, you... don't have many close friends, do you?"

"They call me a "big 3 loner" for a reason."

"I never saw it that way, because the girls made those titles as a joke... so I never thought anyone would take it seriously. Even then, I thought you had friends other than me, since I see you play with people like Nora-chan, Aki-kun, Mitsuba-san... so I thought you were fine. But I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"I consider them friends, but we never became close or anything. They never bothered to talk to me outside of school. To them, I was the type of guy you hang out with only at school, and forget about at home. I can count on one hand the amount of times someone has asked me to play with them outside. The only boy that genuinely does make an effort to talk to me outside of school is Nora-san, but he rarely initiates conversation and usually hangs out in your friend group more often than not." 

"I don't think I've ever seen you talk so much."

Yukina's radiant smile was slowly returning.

"I'm no good with words. That's why I keep quiet."

"I don't think so... you keep quiet for another reason, don't you? The atmosphere of the class... it's not kind to you."

"I noticed. Since people don't see me as much of a friend, they constantly ignore me and make me the punchline of jokes. I really do feel like a loner, even amongst them. It doesn't help that I'm unpopular in the class. Remember my introduction? Because of my plain looks and bumbling incompetence, everyone wrote me off as a boring person. It didn't help that Akari-san told everyone a dark secret of my past, but thankfully they all forgot... since no one cares about me."

"When I hear you talk about yourself like you're worth nothing... it really hurts."

"It's the truth. I'm unpopular garbage at this school. After reading those comments on the video, I can clearly see now just how much everyone hates me."

"They hate you for an artificial reason. I know that you're a good person, Yuu-kun."

"Is that really true though? I'm a rotten failure. Unlike you, who's made an active effort to make your life better, I wait around for an opportunity to drop into my lap. Even if I get that opportunity, I somehow screw it up anyways. But you on the other hand, Yukina-san... this entire time, I've been watching you blossom from afar. It was like admiring a beautiful flower in full bloom. I really am proud of you."

"Yuu-kun, what are you saying...?"

"It sounds creepy, I know... but that's how I feel, watching you make your ideal high school life from afar."

"No, it's just... I don't understand what you mean. My high school life is far from ideal."

"Yukina-san, you've become a riajuu bijin. Haven't you noticed?"

"I... have?"

"Of course you have. You're an extremely popular person in the class. You're the most attractive girl in E Class. You're close friends with the class representatives. You get invited out all the time. You have fun with everyone else. When I see you with that life that neither of us had in middle school... I want you to keep it that way. That's why......"

The difficult part was coming up. Telling her about my true feelings.

"I thought... our relationship was falling apart... that we were becoming distant, because you didn't have the time for an unpopular person like me anymore. Back in middle school, we had each other. Now in high school, you have everyone else. You didn't need me anymore. I thought you moved on from our friendship, so I didn't bother making an effort to reach out, since I wanted you to enjoy your school life. It was the least I could do for you, the person who stuck by someone as useless as me throughout middle school. You made those three years bearable for me, so I didn't want to take away what you managed to gain by coming here. If it meant leaving me in the dirt, then so be it. I never deserved a friend like you anyways. You're a kind, sweet and cheerful person who gave this quiet, gloomy and apathetic loser a chance when no one else would. Yukina-san... thank you."

I felt out of breath by the end of it, but it felt good to let it all out. I never got to show Yukina how much she meant to me, so this was my indirect way of thanking her for being by my side.

Halfway through all this though, Yukina had began crying again. Even my eyes got a little watery. Verbalising these thoughts I've been internalising for such a long time has really taken a toll on me. I've let the small things get to my head and cement the idea I wasn't worthy to be by her side.

"Oh... Yuu-kun..."

Yukina wiped her tears, and leaned in closer to me, wrapping her arms around my back.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry that I never noticed your feelings... I never felt that way about our relationship. To me, it was the same as always. You were still my friend, Yuu-kun, even if I played with other people. No one could replace you for me. Your still calmness and indifference in thought is what I love and find most interesting about you... there's no one else like you out there, really. I never once thought of you differently ever since coming to this school. You'll always be my precious Yuu-kun."

I couldn't look at Yukina. Hearing those bittersweet words come from her mouth created a storming catharsis in my heart. I covered my eyes with my arm.

"I thought you were fine, since I saw you talk with the other boys, but I was wrong. Your relationship with them isn't the same as the one I have with the girls. You were treated like an outcast and sacrificed yourself for my sake. I want you to stop doing that... okay? I don't want to see you get hurt anymore. I care for you, Yuu-kun. For the first time... I realise just how much of a bad friend I've been. Not being there for you when you needed it most... indirectly hurting you by not noticing your feelings sooner... never spending enough time by your side... all of this could've been avoided if I changed my perspective slightly to fit yours. How could I call myself your best friend when I let all that go unnoticed...?"

"You... consider me as... your best friend? Not Sakigamiya-san... or Matsushita-san... or Demiza-san... or Hono-san... or...?"

"Shh."

She pushed a finger against my lips to shut me up.

"I've only known those guys for two months. I've known you for three years. There's no debate about it, Yuu-kun. You're my best friend. Do you feel the same way?"

"Of course I have...! You're the most precious person to me, Yukina-san! When you called me your best friend... it made me really, really... really happy."

Her hand cupped my face, and her thumb stroked my cheek.

"Me too, Yuu-kun... I'm really happy too, that you told me all these things... it feels like we've gotten closer, hasn't it?"

"It has..."

As I removed my arm from my face, I noticed that we had become unexpectedly close. Our faces were millimetres apart, and her body was pressed against mine. My free arm was wrapped around her waist, and her arms were still bundled around my shoulders.

"What do you want most of all?"

"I want to be with you more. I'm lonely when you're not here by my side. How about you?"

"I have a few things... like dropping honourifics for each other and hesitating less so I can protect you more... but more importantly, above all else..."

Me and Yukina touched foreheads. The tips of our noses brushed each other as our eyes met. Our rough breathing hastened and mingled with each other. I could feel her pounding heartbeat reverberate throughout my chest.

"I want to see Yuu smile for the first time."

"Yukina..."

Her alluring lips leaned in. I moved forward as well. We closed our eyes.

An image of him intruded my head.

I pushed her away.

"Yuu?"

"I... I'm sorry... Yukina, I..."

I tried to apologise. My mind and body wouldn't cooperate with me. I was stuck. My freedom was stripped from me.

"Yuu, what's wrong?!"

Yukina grabbed my shaking hand. It brought some of me back to my senses. My heart was thumping violently. Like I couldn't breathe.

"Are you... mad at me?"

My throat was constricted. Yet I managed to choke up those words. Eventually. Somehow.

"No, of course not! Are you okay though?!"

Hearing her urgent voice calmed me down. It was soothing.

"Yeah... I'm fine. Sorry... I just... blanked out."

I regained myself, slowly.

"Yuu... for a moment, your eyes... they had real fear in them. What happened...?"

"It's about... I don't want to talk about it."

My heart dropped. This intimate moment between us had been ruined because of me. Why can't I do one thing right...

"I understand... then, I'll be by your side until you're ready."

"...thank you."

We laid on the couch while embracing each other tightly. My hands trembled as I finally hugged Yukina for the first time. It was like we were reaffirming our relationship. I held her close to my chest, not letting go.

I couldn't tell what I was feeling in this moment. Was it happiness? Was it sadness? Maybe, it was neither of these things. I was feeling both everything and nothing. I wanted to confirm my feelings, but I couldn't. This was entirely new to me.

"Tomorrow... let's each lunch together, Yuu. Just the two of us. No one else."

"I'd love that, Yukina. Shall we... make it a promise?"

"Fu fu. Of course..."

We tied our pinky fingers together.

From now on, I'll be more open around her. That was the hidden promise I made to myself in that moment.