I've always wondered this question ever since I was in middle school.

"Why was he better at academics than I am?"

My parents were the type to never care about my academics, even though that's what I always excelled in at school.

I could barely pass and they'd still be happy.

Because they didn't care, I worked extra hard to get the top scores at school, so my classmates and teachers would shower me with praise instead.

At elementary school, I was the best student in my class without the doubt. Not only was I smartest, but I was almost the most athletic and beautiful too.

However, once I got to middle school, all of that changed.

I knew that there were people more pretty than me and people more sporty than me, but I didn't care about being beaten in those areas. They could have the win.

Rather, what I did care about was academics, because that's what impressed the most people. I felt confident I could continue to reign in this area and beat everyone else, so the thought of someone else being better than me never crossed my mind.

Until one day, I got a dose of brutal reality.

On our first midterm exams, I came in second place.

A boy in my class - his name I don't even want to utter - had beaten me.

I soon came to the gut wrenching realisation that there were people who were also better at academics than me.

The next time we had exams, I was confident that I'd come out on top, because I had studied extra hard for the finals.

But when the results got released... I came in second place again.

He had beaten me again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

By the second semester of my 2nd Year at Minanohara, he had always beaten me.

I was so close on so many occasions, but I had failed to close the gap between us.

I was damned to stay stuck in second place, never once having tasted the sweet nectar of victory from coming in first place ever.

Even though I studied the hardest I ever had before in my life, put in more hours than everyone else in my class combined, and once even threw up and passed out from the stress, I still failed to beat him.

I didn't understand why this was happening.

I kept putting in so much effort, but nothing was paying off...

Sure, our grades were the same, but the marks were different.

He always scored more than me, which was always frustrating.

He always got first place without even trying. I'd never seen him study once.

He was always goofing off with his friends and never took school seriously.

It was like he was a natural genius. In fact, everyone praised him as such.

Despite that, no one ever looked my way and congratulated me for my achievements except for my friends.

The one reason I had to continue excelling at academics was slowly slipping away.

If I wasn't going to get any praise from doing well, then what was the point?

Then, I had an idea.

What if... I stripped away all that praise from him?

If I was giving up because of this, then depriving him of attention would surely make him stop excelling at academics too.

In my twisted head, that was what I truly believed.

And because I believed in that irrational thought, it led to the worst days of my life.

At first, I just wanted to dissuade him from doing well.

That's why I got the class prince to fight my battles for me.

However, it didn't work.

He still beat me.

So I escalated things a little further.

It still didn't work.

Somehow, he was resilient against everything I threw his way.

It was like trying to kill a cockroach.

It was nearly impossible.

Every thing I tried never made him waver in his academics once.

That's why I realised I couldn't beat him.

And once I realised that, all hell was set loose.

The suppressed anger, frustration, and inferiority that was churning in my heart was about to explode and spill out.

If he wasn't going to fall, then I'd make him fall.

This was no longer about beating him in academics.

This was about making his life miserable as revenge.

And that's when everything spiralled out of control.

I let go of my morals and created an unforgivable situation.

When I saw him slip away, I remember hearing this question echo in my head like a ghostly reminder of why this all started.

"Why was he better at academics than I am?"

Why any of this happened.

Ever since that day on the school balcony, I've stopped wondering that question.

Because every time I remember the events of what happened, I feel like throwing up.

Even though it wasn't directly my fault for what happened to him, I was the cause for all this.

If this story came out, my reputation would be ruined.

People would blame me for why this incident occurred.

If that happened, then everyone would abandon me.

I couldn't let myself fall to that level.

Not to the same level as Takanori, Ikesugi, and... him.

I've seen first hand how vile and monstrous human beings can be to each other if they commit their mind to it.

I knew better than anyone else how easily it was to slip into that mentality.

And I didn't want to be on the receiving end of that depravity.

Because my heart was weak.

I'm a weak person.

I've always been a weak person.

I pretend to be strong so no one hurts me.

Because my heart is made of fragile glass.

That's why my lips are sealed.