Dear Diary,

                   It was our last night in Las Vegas, and the venue was sold out, despite it being a Sunday. The sea of people illuminated with neon glow sticks around their arms and necks while swaying and singing to the music as each band played their set. A Ferris wheel spun nearby, the lights flickering to the beat of drums and guitar riffs. Smoke from the fog machines filled the navy sky, spreading electric energy as I stood backstage bobbing to the rhythm. Rodrigo was off somewhere, probably snorting coke up his nose with Dave, but I tried not to care while taking sips of champagne with Melody. The cool sensation of the fizzy bubbles and the bass thumping in my chest made me so distracted I almost overlooked Ben at my side until Melody nudged me.

"Hey," I shouted over the music, a smile instantly blooming across my face as his green eyes admired me.

"Hey." He smiled back. "Wanna get out of here?"

"What?"

"Let me take you somewhere."

"But don't you guys perform after this band?" I crooked my brows.

"That gives us thirty minutes. So, what do you say?"

"Go for it, babe!" Melody nudged me. "I'll cover for you if your hubby comes around."

"I don't even know where he is."

"He's with Dave and Alex," Ben replied. "Which means—"

"He has a needle shoved in his vein," I finished and darted my gaze but could already feel the tears accumulating. The more Rodrigo's layers peeled back, the more horrific they became. What would I find out next?

"Fuck him!" Ben said and took my hand. "Let's escape for a bit. I'll get your mind off his shenanigans."

"Go!" Melody urged. "Go have fun." 

"Where to?"

"Everywhere." He beamed and tugged me through the backstage crowd and down a creaky flight of metal steps.

The outdoor arena made it so easy to disappear from watchful eyes. We ran between rows of tiny food shacks, dodging people as they ordered hot dogs and soda. The buttery popcorn's aroma clung to my curly hair as the wind blew through it, and every few feet, Ben would glance back at me, his hand squeezing mine, grinning. I was his, and he was mine, in our little bubble where only we mattered. After a few minutes, his pace slowed, his eyes searching the signs until we stopped in front of a cotton candy hut. He pulled me inside, slamming the door behind us, and pushed me against the nearest wall.

"We can't be in here!" I gasped.

"The machines broke down. I heard them talking about it earlier, and they didn't even bother to lock up before leaving. Tisk tisk." He smirked.

"But what if they come back?"

"Carmela, it's ok. As long as you're with me, everything will be alright."

"But, Ben—" He silenced me by crashing his mouth onto mine.

One simple move, one sweet kiss, and my anxiety faded along with the distant thump of the concert.

The night I found Rodrigo doing heroin, Ben took me to his room, and we held each other like spoons on the bed—me as the little spoon curled in the protection of his arms. Nothing and no one could ever hurt me when Ben was around.

With him, I was safe.

With him, I felt like me again—happy and confident instead of lost and scared.

As we stood in the cotton candy hut, I wanted to feel so much more, so I trailed my fingers down his abdomen to his zipper. Ben chuckled, pulling away from our kiss, but he gleamed down at me.

"Naughty girl."

"Make love to me, Ben."

"In a cotton candy hut?"

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"Have you taken a look at this place?" He stepped back, his boots crackling against the sticky floor, motioning to the appliances and cluttered prep table.

"When we first met, you took me to an equipment room to have sex."

"I took you there to fuck, not make love. There's a difference."

I bit back a smile and stepped closer, curling my fingers around his belt loops. "Ben, you're just a big softy deep down, aren't you?"

"What? No."

"I think you are." I stood on tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck, my face inches from his. "And I think it's adorable."

"Ok, fine. You caught me. Deep down, I'm just a kitten."

"Maybe that's why you're such a great cuddler?"

"I'm great at lots of things." He wrapped his arms around me, lifting my feet from the ground.

"I don't believe you. Guess you'll have to show me," I sighed.

"I won't make love to you here. I'll save that for later, but I can do something else."

"Like what?"

A few beats of silence passed as he searched my eyes, and the steady thump in his chest transitioned into a rapid percussion against mine. He walked forward and sat me down on the counter, the sticky floor crunching under his feet. There was the slightest graze of his lips as his hands ran down my sides to my hips. I couldn't hear anything other than my incendiary heart as his fingers worked the button and zipper on my shorts. Then, he gently tugged them, along with my underwear, towards my ankles. 

"Ben..."

"It's ok, Carmela. Trust me." 

"I do," I replied, even though there was a nervous edge in my voice. Of course, I trusted him. Completely. With my entire heart.

"Good," he whispered and kissed my lips before kneeling in front of my parted legs.

"Ben," I repeated, my voice quivering as he placed his mouth on me.

But then my head fell back as an inexplicable detonation of sensation radiated out towards my thighs, causing my abdomen to tighten and my fists to clench around his hair. I had never experienced whatever he was doing with his tongue in slow yet vigorous strokes. Rodrigo certainly never attempted it, and I was glad he didn't because it was a moment I could share with Ben and only Ben.

As the concert thumped outside, the drum solo matched my heart's rhythm while I stared at the ceiling, breaths quick and floating upwards in desperate, incoherent pleas. 

"That's it, Carmela," Ben hummed against me. "Let go."

So I did. 

With fingers sifting through his hair, I took a firm grasp, my thighs clenching the sides of his head as I released a euphoric moan. My toes curled inside of my red Converse while blood seemed to drain from my limbs, leaving them weightless as my spine melted onto the counter along with the rest of me. Ben peered up, a grin plastered across his face, before wiping his mouth.

"Why are you so beautiful?" he asked.

"What?" I searched his eyes as he stood, his body hovering over me, so I had to crane back to stare at him. 

"Absolutely beautiful." He cupped my face and kissed me. 

Even in my gelatinous state, I wanted more of him, so I deepened the kiss, but he pulled away and nuzzled my nose—insisting we had plenty of time for more later. Groaning, I relented and scooted off the counter, my shoes landing on the sticky floor. I was a wobbling mess trying to stand, but Ben helped me back into my shorts like a gentleman and gave me another kiss.

"Consider that an appetizer for later tonight when I take you to my room and show you what it feels like to make love." 

"I don't know if I'll have the patience to wait," I giggled. "I think I might be addicted to you."

"The feeling is mutual." He pressed his forehead to mine. "But it's time for the band to go on stage."

"Can't we just stay in our little bubble forever?"

"Maybe." He straightened and cupped the side of my face. "I'm leaving the band once the tour ends, and I'm moving to Seattle."

"What?"

"I've put a lot of thought into it. I still want to perform and create music, but being in this band isn't good for me. You see how crazy it gets, and it's been like this for six years. I'm tired, Carmela."

"So then..." I dropped my gaze to our feet, a giant lump forming in my throat. "Where does that leave us? You said you loved me."

"I do love you." He tilted my chin up, his eyes surveying mine. "Come with me."

"What?" I gasped.

"Leave Rodrigo."

"But, we're married. I can't just run away."

"That's what divorce lawyers are for. I'll help you find one, but first, you must get far away from him. The longer you stay with him, the worse things will become, and he'll ruin you. Leave him. Come with me."

"Do you mean it? You want me to leave with you?"

"Yes, Carmela." He twined his arms around me. "Imagine the life we could have. We could be amazing together, and I'd never hurt you."

Tears accumulated in my eyes as I nodded yes. He lifted me off the ground, kissing me repeatedly, but the cotton candy hut's door swung open, and a man stepped inside.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Oh shit!" Ben laughed.

Grabbing my hand, we darted past the stocky man dressed in a blue and pink cotton candy uniform. The employee rushed after us, his fist in the air as he shouted, but we disappeared into the moving crowd, our bellies aching from laughing so hard. Our giggles subsided the closer we got to our destination, and our hands slipped away to retreat into our pockets.

We arrived backstage right in time for Ben to snatch his guitar and join the band behind the curtain while I did my best to pretend I came from a different direction. Melody was standing there with Leo and Rodrigo when her gaze landed on me. 

"Get your cute butt over here." She curled a finger at me, and I took my place next to Rodrigo like a good wife, his arm draping my shoulder.

"How are you feeling, sweetie? Still nauseous?" Melody asked. "I told your hubby you needed to lie down for a bit."

"Yeah, fine."

"Was it something you ate?" Rodrigo furrowed his brows, holding my chin between his fingers.

"Maybe she's got a bun in the oven!" Leo teased, but Rodrigo's eyes illuminated.

"I can picture you with a baby belly." He caressed my stomach. "Wouldn't be a bad thing if you are pregnant."

I brushed his hand away, disturbed by the thought, but tried pulling on a smile. "It's too soon."

"Or maybe perfect timing?" Rodrigo said. "The tour is wrapping up, so we wouldn't have to worry about you being pregnant on the road." 

"Yeah, but I'm still in college, and caring for a baby would make getting a degree difficult."

"You don't need college. This tour put us on the map this summer, so our manager is working a deal to get us signed with a major record label."

"What? I didn't know that!" My jaw dropped while my brows flew to my hairline. Despite everything, I swelled with pride. Rodrigo's dream was to get signed, so I knew it would be a tremendous accomplishment if it came true. 

"We're going to become big. Real rock stars. So, don't worry. I'll take care of you and the baby and buy us a mansion with maids, cooks, gardeners; you name it! And we'll have a pool so I can see you walk around in a tiny bikini while giving our baby swimming lessons." He placed his hand on my stomach again.

"Rodrigo!" I laughed. "There is no baby. I'm not pregnant," I insisted and nudged his hand away again.

Ben observed, off to the side, so I snuck a glance his way, but he flitted his attention and continued plucking the bass strings. When they finally announced the band, Rodrigo gave me a quick kiss, stiffening my spine. His affection felt wrong. Like a betrayal to the person I truly loved—the person I truly belonged with.

The boys shuffled past me, with Ben being last, so I caught his finger with mine as if that tiny contact would right the wrongs swirling in my chest—as if we needed a reminder that our plan to move to Seattle was real and not just words uttered in an emotional moment.

Ben flashed a smile at me and mouthed the words, I love you, before proceeding onto the stage, and for the rest of the night, with every stolen glance, I knew I was his, and he was mine.

And soon, after the tour, we would be together. It gave me so much hope for the future because I had found my person.

My soulmate.