Woohoo! It's not a typical one shot but it's something!! Let's give a cheer and read!

***********************************

Joy: Hello everyone and welcome back to the Moments of Joy podcast. It's nice to have you back for another episode.

Mason: What do you mean another episode, this is your first episode.

Joy: That you know about. Just because you weren't a guest on the other ones doesn't mean I haven't had this podcast for a while.

Mason: Uh huh and that's why I found that this is your only episode? You can't lie to a hacker.

Kennedy: You looked it up, that doesn't indicate you needed hacking skills to find it. Any idiot with a phone could have found that.

Mason: Kennedy Stevie Keller, don't annoy me. I will reveal every embarrassing photo you've ever taken to the whole world.

Kennedy: Jokes on you I've never taken an embarrassing photo.

Mason: Oh you haven't. I have. Remember your fifth birthday party. The orange and too much laughter.

Kennedy: You can't-

Link: I think we're getting off topic.

Donovan: Link is right we are.

Harrison: I think to get off topic we'd have to be on one which I don't think we are. Mason didn't let Joy even tell us why we are all here.

Carter: Okay, Joy you want to tell us why we are all here.

Joy: Wait? I actually exist? For a second everyone kept talking over me and I had the strange feeling that I wasn't real, just a figment of your imagination.

Kennedy: I hate to break it to you but you're too strange to be a figment of someone's imagination.

Joy: That's reassuring. So yeah let's get started... Uh... (papers rustling) So I brought you all here because I had some umm (more papers rustling) questions that are just... around here... somewhere.

Sophia: As a guest, I feel it is impolite to express my opinion of the running of your podcast but if I were a listener I would say you are disorganized, and since this is your first podcast reconsider continuing it beyond this episode.

Joy: Thanks Sophia. That was brutally honest. Now! Since I apparently should only have one episode I guess I shouldn't waste it. I brought you all here today because I wanted to ask you all five questions and hear your answers and how they compare to each other. On top of that, I do have submitted questions from a few of my listeners.

Link: I thought this was your first episode.

Joy: And yet I still have submitted questions, which puts a dent in your accusation Mason.

Mason: Or those questions are from you masked as 'listeners'.

Joy: This is a podcast, people can't see your air quotes.

Mason: No but they could hear it.

Carter: I have about twenty minutes worth of patience for this, after that, I'm leaving. Joy, I would suggest having more authority and taking control of your own podcast, and getting moving.

Joy: That's right, this is why everyone told me this would be a bad idea. Anyways, I'll jump in. I was going to have a little back-and-forth chatting about life and whatnot, but from the majority of flat expressions, I'll refrain. Or maybe that's how you all just look. Anyways, first question!

What is one goal you have for yourself?

We'll start on the left and go around in a circle.

Donovan: To protect my family at all costs.

Kennedy: That's great Commander but a pointless goal since Mom and I can take care of ourselves.

Donovan: Doesn't change anything.

Carter: That is a beautiful goal, even if it is pointless.

Donovan: Do you want me to change it?

Mason: Clearly she does. She's judging your goal strongly. What an unsupportive wife.

Joy: You know I think we should keep moving. Carter, do you have a goal? Or do you face life with a glare and know that it will cave to your will? See, like that glare.

Mason: But you aren't caving so is it even working?

Joy: I'm caving on the inside.

Carter: Donovan is not glaring at me so I'll go and we can move on. My goal is to simply be the best at whatever I'm doing.

Mason: I would make a joke about that but it's annoyingly a possible reality for you.

Joy: Yes, it is. No need to dwell on it while some of us are just trying to survive the week. Kennedy, what's your goal?

Kennedy: Dominate life, I guess.

Harrison: You know, a simple goal. Hey! Don't hit me. Your goal was completely unfocused and vague.

Kennedy: And yours is better?

Harrison: Obviously. I plan to graduate top of my class, including above Kennedy. Stop. You have to stop hitting me every time you're annoyed with the fact that I'm superior to you.

Kennedy: It's not then, it's whenever you annoy me.

Harrison: Which just happens to be when I am being better than you.

Donovan and Link: Enough.

Harrison and Kennedy: Yes, sir.

Link: Right now my goal is to resolve my current lawsuit with minimum court dealings and with a fair amount for my clients. They lost a family member and I don't want their pain to be dragged out with all of the drawn back and forth.

(long stretch of silence)

Mason: Maddy go, you're the only one who could have a more worthy goal than the rest of us. We'll all look pathetic to the depth your husband just dropped.

Link: You're saying that because you were going to say something like Carter was, weren't you?

Mason: You'll never know now.

Maddy: My current goal is to raise enough money to help the community that was devastated by the latest storm. A lot of people lost their homes and everything they had. This charity should be able to help them get back on their feet.

(More silence)

Mason: No! No one look at me, I'm not going after that. Yvette, you can share your goal.

Yvette: Interesting, I hadn't noticed that bus coming at me.

Carter: I think you should have, seeing as you married Mason.

Yvette: Fair enough. My goal is to design easy-to-build but structurally strong houses that are more affordable.

Mason: That's it, we're getting a divorce. Don't smirk at me, I'm annoyed with you. Fine, that kiss made me less annoyed. But I'm still annoyed.

Yvette: Sure you are. What is your goal, Mason?

Link: Yeah, Mason, what's your goal?

Mason: Stop grinning like that Link, smugness is not a good look on you.

Link: Was I being smug? I didn't realize it. It just naturally came seeing you squirm.

Mason: I didn't squirm.

Carter, Donovan, Yvette, Link: Yes you did.

Mason: Am I allowed to storm out of this room?

Carter: You could if you wanted me to mock you for being dramatic until the end of time.

Mason: (clears throat) You asked about my goal, yes? It's easy. It's nothing as inspiring as these overachievers. It's barely a goal actually since pretty natural after all. I don't even think I need to say it at all-

Carter: Mason, I will throw a mic at you, say it so we can move on.

Mason: Fine, I want to be a better father.

(silence)

Sophia: I think you are a good father now.

(More silence)

Mason: (in a soft tone and in French) Thank you.

Sophia: Does this mean it is my time to share my goal?

Joy: If you want to.

Sophia: I would like to understand people better.

Mason: You will.

Yvette: It will take time. But you will.

Zander: You're not alone in trying to figure out how people work. I don't know either. People do things and it makes no sense to me. They do it, I see it, and I wouldn't do anything like it but if they did it it must make some sense to them right? Well, that's what I think so I try to understand why but I find I don't actually ever figure out why they did what they did. Am I talking too much? I realized I'm here but not actually sure if I should be here it seems like it's a kinda... uh... your family and friends kind of thing but you invited me so I came but I'm still not sure if I should be here.

(overwhelmed silence)

Sophia: I want you here.

Zander: Oh. Then I'm glad you're here.

Sophia: But as this is not a podcast I have an involvement in, other than being a guest for today, I do not know if my opinion matters.

Mason, Yvette, and Joy: It does.

Joy: It's my podcast, even if the lack of me talking suggestions otherwise, and I say that your opinion matters. And Zander I do want you here. And it's your time to share what you're goal is.

Zander: Oh! My goal. Is that for life or like a general goal you have for a month so then it seems more attainable but if you don't achieve it it's not actually too bad because you only had it for a month so you're not really connected to it at all?

Kennedy: Can you repeat the question?

Harrison: Kenny, stop being mean.

Kennedy: It was a legit question.

Harrison: Uh huh.

Joy: Zander, you can share whatever goal you have.

Zander: I don't really have one.

Kennedy: So the rambling question was for....?

Zander: Clarification.

Kennedy: Seemed a little pointless.

Carter: Kennedy.

Kennedy: What? I think my skepticism is warranted.

Sophia: His question made sense to me.

Joy: And it was valid. Let's move on. (in a lower voice) Though I have no clue how we're getting through all five questions. (louder) Okay! Next question. What makes you happy? Let's try a lightning round. Donovan, start us off again.

Donovan: My family.

Kennedy: You need a hobby. That answer is so sad.

Donovan: You don't want to be my source of happiness.

Kennedy: No. I'm leaving for college soon. What are you going to do then when your happiness is gone?

Carter: He said family, that also implies me and his brothers.

Kennedy: Eh, I think I outweigh you in how much happiness I bring him.

Mason: Are you sure about this? This conversation would make me doubt it.

Harrison: You can't reach him, Kenny so stop trying to smack him, you're just hurting me! And I've had enough abuse for one day.

Joy: So much for the lightning round idea. Carter, it's your turn go!

Carter: I would say my family but apparently that doesn't constitute as a valid answer.

Kennedy: It's an answer just a little bit of a sad one.

Link: Yes, but that means everyone here, except you Kennedy, would all have that same sad answer.

Kennedy: Not Harrison.

Harrison: I'm not getting involved in this. Because either answer will have you or my family giving me looks.

Kennedy: You can just say it-

Joy: You know what! I think that was a terrible question, I see that now. Who wants happiness anyways. That was my bad. Let's move on to a different question. Okay so-

Sophia: I would like to share my answer.

(A pause)

Mason: (softly) Okay tell us, what makes you happy?

Sophia: When things fit together perfectly. That could be an equation. Or a computer. Or jars.

Maddy: Jars?

Sophia: Yes.

Zander: I get that one. When jars fit together inside each other it's really satisfying because then they can fit in one place all together even though there are multiple of them. It's efficient. It's very nice.

Maddy: Oh. That makes a lot of sense. I never thought about it like that. I like that Sophia.

Sophia: Hmmm.

Joy: Okay, you know I think asking the five questions was a bad decision from the start. I'm just going to move on to the questions that were submitted by my listeners.

Mason: How can you have listeners when this is your first episode?

Joy: I have people.

Mason: You have people?

Joy: Yes. Now stop questioning me. (clears throat) Okay, this first question is from Kikijion and it's specifically to Carter. The question is: how would you say the trauma from your mother has affected your parenting?

Oh, that one is... umm you know if you don't want to answer that's okay.

Carter: It's fine. I'll answer.

Kennedy: Good, because I want to know what the answer is.

Carter: (shifts) The way it affected me... I was fully aware of the impact I would have on Kennedy. I knew my actions would leave imprints, even if they were small things. That meant as much as I could I was honest with her about life, about myself. I... I loved her as much I could so she never felt any lack. So... yeah.

(a beat of silence)

Kennedy: I never felt a lack. Ever.

Carter: I'm glad.

Harrison: Except all your love and support created a bit of a menace of a human being. She believes she can conquer the world.

Kennedy: You think I can't.

Harrison: No the disturbing thing is knowing you fully could.

Kennedy: But I never would. Too much work.

Joy: Thank goodness for that. Okay! Next question. This one is to Mason from practical_cookie -

Mason: You made that up, didn't you?

Joy: I told you I have people, can you please stop doubting me?

Mason: Not likely but go ahead and ask your question. Excuse me, Practical Cookie's question.

Joy: The question is, not my question, but Cookie's question is: I know you got daddy issues and I wonder if you see Donovan as some sort of replacement father figure? In the sense that you try to be on your best behavior with Donny to impress him, to get his approval?

Mason: What? Where is this attack coming from? What did I ever do to this person?

Donovan: I am curious to know this answer.

Mason: Shut up.

Carter: I have to say I am curious too.

Mason: Both of you stop looking at me. You're both dead to me.

Yvette: It is an interesting question.

Mason: Et tu brute?

Zander: I wouldn't blame you if you did. I have barely been around Mr. Keller for very long and I find him calming to be around. Also, he has this thing about him that makes me think that he could kill you with a look if he wanted to but he's nice enough he wouldn't ever do it but he also wants you to know he could but wouldn't.

Harrison: That strangely summed up Uncle Donovan.

Link: Yeah, that was scarily accurate. But Mason, answer the question. We all want to know. And none of us will judge you for your answer.

Carter: No, we definitely will judge you.

Maddy: And never let you live it down. But if you don't tell us we'll all assume what we want and you will have no control over the narrative.

Mason: Practical Cookie, whoever you are, you've just made a bad enemy.

Joy: Stop being dramatic and answer. I have more questions to go through.

Mason: Fine. No, I don't.

(staring silence)

Mason: I might... maybe a little... see him... as someone... that is a good... person... to, you know... yeah.

Link: What was that last part? You trailed off and I didn't catch it.

Mason: You're also dead to me now.

Link: Sure sure, what did you say?

Mason: I said he's not a terrible person that I don't mind being around and sometimes seeing how to improve myself... if you know he says something.

Link: So he's someone you look up to.

Carter: You look to him for guidance and knowledge.

Kennedy: He is the one leading the way.

Harrison: Without him in your life you'd be a terrible person.

Mason: Consider yourselves all permanently locked out of your computers and all your files deleted. Now move on.

Yvette: (quietly) Everyone has an impact on the people around them. Mason, I like that you have good people around you. It shows that you want to be a better person. That should never be a point of embarrassment.

Mason: (quietly) I'm fine with it but admitting it on a podcast is not my thing.

Yvette: Still, I'm proud of you for it.

Joy: Now, moving on. I have multiple questions from Cupcake_hamilton and they are to Donovan and Carter, Mason, Link, and Sophia. To Donovan and Carter: how are you doing being parents? Care to share some interesting moments?

Donovan: Kennedy isn't a criminal, I say we're doing pretty good.

Kennedy: As far as you know. I could just be a really good one.

Carter: I love you but you're not that good. Or cutthroat.

Kennedy: I could be!

Harrison: I really don't think that's something you should be trying to fight for.

Donovan: Like I said, so far not a criminal. And moderately a decent human being.

Harrison: As far as you know.

Kennedy: Hey!

Carter: As for interesting moments... the other day she tried to-

Kennedy: Okay! No need to share that. It was a weak moment and no one needs to know.

Harrison: Is this where you tried to tail your parents to see if you could get away with it, thought they were doing some shady deal, but then found out later that they knew you were there the whole time and were messing with you?

Kennedy: (gritted teeth) I said no one needed to know.

Harrison: (smiling) Whoops.

Donovan: I find raising someone to know the skills of an FBI agent interesting. It means she tries to use them but still lacks the subtlety of experience to pull them off.

Kennedy: Enough shots fired! I won't try anything again. Can we please move on now?

Joy: Sure. Now Mason again: what were your thoughts when you first realized that your father, for the first time, won the election?

Mason: Oh good, nothing deep or judgmental. I didn't think much. I was relieved all the insanity of campaigning was over. It was after I came to realize that the true insanity of life living with a father as the President was going to begin.

Joy: Interesting. Okay, I'm to keep going since this episode is already getting so long.

Kennedy: And that's our fault.

Yvette and Joy: Yes.

Joy: Thanks, Yvette. Okay, for Link, what's your favorite case to date? How did you prepare for that? Did you win?

Link: Uh, woah. I appreciate the question. The case that is my favorite... I worked with a pro bono case that helped a kid convicted of robbing a gas station. He wasn't guilty and I was able to get his sentence dropped. It was an impactful case because I was fully aware that this kid's future hung in the balance. If the trial went the wrong way his future would forever be altered. But instead, he will now be able to create a different outcome for himself. I barely slept the weeks leading up to the court date doing prep but it was all further to watch him getting to hug his mom again with a verdict of not guilty.

Joy: Dang! That's amazing.

Maddy: My amazing husband.

Mason: Only brother with having.

Link: I thought I was dead to you.

Mason: You came back from the dead it seems.

Joy: That's a relief. Now, a question for Sophia, what do you feel when you interact with Donovan?

(Thoughtful silence)

Sophia: I feel like I've stepped into a completely white room that is not stark white but a warm shade of white that makes the world seem clean and peaceful. The emptiness of it makes me feel I can paint the walls whatever color I want. He is a safe place.

Donovan: I'm glad I can be that for you, Sophia.

Mason: I am too.

Yvette: We both are. Thank you.

Donovan: Of course.

Kennedy: Joy, are you crying?

Joy: What? No. It's just...dusty in here. And a bug flew into my eye or something. Let's just keep going. This text question is from Kaycee_Robinson and it's to everyone currently with a career: If you had to choose a new career (and it couldn't be related to your current job) what would you do?

Maddy: I'd be an FBI agent.

Carter: Really?

Maddy: Yeah, I might not be good at it but hearing about what you do, how you save people. Well, it's made me curious about what it must be like. But like I said I would not be good at it.

Harrison: Did not expect that answer.

Link: Same. Though if you're switching to FBI agent, I'll join you. We can be terrible together.

Maddy: Awww.

Kennedy: You understand being bad at it would be death, right?

Carter: Not necessarily. Mason is terrible at his job and he's still alive.

Mason: Uncalled for. And a complete lie. And if I was going to change careers I'd be President, might as well use these brains to fire every terrible person who currently holds office.

Carter: You would be the best and worst President ever.

Mason: I know. Mi amor what would you change to?

Yvette: A school teacher. I had a truly amazing science teacher in my seventh grade year and he was the one who made me love science. I think I would like to be that for someone else.

Harrison: You can love science?

Link: It's a beautiful choice. Donovan, what about you?

Donovan: I'd be a model.

Mason: What?

Link: Seriously?

Kennedy: DAD! Seriously!

Maddy: You'd do well.

Harrison: Mom!

Yvette: Interesting and unexpected switch.

Carter: Why?

Donovan: For the sole purpose of having Carter have to be married to a model while she's an FBI agent.

Carter: That's it, I'm becoming a lawyer then and you'll be the superficial hot piece I'm married to and support.

Kennedy: Ewwww! Can you please not call Commander that? It's weird.

Joy: I don't think any of you take this question as seriously as it was meant but whatever the answers were far more entertaining. The next question is from __cupcake__29 and is for Mason.

Mason: Your listeners are real people. And they love me.

Joy: Uh huh. Okay, Mason: if you ever got the chance to travel back to the past would you change anything?

Mason: Uh, that's interesting. Initially, I'd say I'd change everything so I didn't have to grow up being the first son. But... if I changed that I would be in this room.

Joy: Awww.

Mason: No, I don't want to be in this room, it smells like popcorn.

Joy: Sorry.

Mason: But I'm talking about the people in my life. I wouldn't have them. And that's something I would never want to change.

Yvette: You softie.

Mason: It's for the podcast. I think the mic is changing me. We should leave.

Joy: NO! Only a few more questions then you can go. I'll go quick. These are from SilverHope_, Mason, would you have another child?

Mason: That is a question for my wife.

Yvette: We love that daughter we have now and if we ever had more in the future we'd love that too.

Sophia: I do not know if I want a sibling. But if you decide to have one then I will welcome it.

Mason: Good to know.

Joy: Boom! Question down. Next, it's to Danny but Carter can answer. Danny, what are you up to in life these days?

Carter: Danny is currently serving in the Secret Service and is so busy that I hardly get to see him. He continued in Captain's footsteps.

Joy: Great! Another one marked off. Kennedy, what is your first memory of your grandparents, all of them together?

Kennedy: I was four, it was Christmas and I remember wanting to run around with my cousins but neither grandparent wanted to put me down. It was infuriating. I had been really sick the weeks before so I think they were worried I'd tire myself out or something.

Carter: You were still sick. They were keeping you from making yourself worse again.

Kennedy: I still missed out on an epic Nerf war game.

Harrison: You were four. What could you have done?

Kennedy: Damage. A lot of it. I was a sniper prodigy even then.

Harrison: I wouldn't even call you one now.

Joy: Okay! That was interesting. Moving on. Carter, please tell your daughter to stop chasing Harrison around the studio.

Mason: You call this a studio and not a garage?

Carter: Cadet. Sit.

Joy: Woah. That was impressive. Now to Link: what was your journey like becoming a kick - oh that's a bad word, um becoming a kick butt lawyer?

Link: It was a strange experience. In law school, I was on my own first the time. Donovan was in Quantico and... it was freeing. Not that I would take my time having Donovan with me away but it was terrifying being on my own but actually great. The bonus was he was still my best friend so if I ever felt overwhelmed he was there for me. As well as Maddy, Carter, and Mason. They were the stern words I needed to keep going and the encouraging words when I needed help. Thinking about that time all I can think about is how I became an independent person who could get through challenges on my own but also someone knew understood the importance of asking for help when I needed it.

Mason: You forgot to mention I was the one to bring you ice cream when you were having mental breakdowns.

Link: I think that was implied.

Mason: But I feel like it should be stated since I was the better brother.

Carter: You're his only brother.

Donovan: By blood.

Mason: See! Even Donovan acknowledges that he's a brother and therefore me saying I was the better brother has a foundation.

Joy: You are ridiculous. Oh, shoot! Did I say that out loud? I forgot to add attractive, ridiculously attractive.

Mason: Uh huh.

Joy: Anyways. Question for Maddy: what do you do for a living?

Maddy: Oh, that's nice being singled out. I create charities and find donors for them. My main focus is on current problems that occur in the country. So rather than long-term charities like breast cancer and such, I focus more on helping issues that have suddenly arisen like if families have lost their homes in a terrible storm.

Link: My Wonder Woman wife.

Maddy: Thanks, sweetie.

Harrison: No kissing in front of the offspring!

Link: You're old enough to know how this works. Get over it.

Harrison: Ewww.

Yvette: You mentioned wanting to be FBI agents to save people but from what you've said today, I believe you already do. You simply do it without guns and dramatics.

Carter: Hey... no, that's fair.

Joy: Fair and true. Now, these last two questions are from WardaSaqib5 and the first one is to Mason and Yvette, what was the first time you realized Sophia may be more talented than others?

Zander: I'd really like to know the answer to this one. Personally, it was right away. I think there's something you can just see in her face that says she's better than other people. But I don't know maybe I'm the only one who can see. But I don't think I am because I've seen how other people react to her and I think they see it too and feel intimidated.

Sophia: I do not think that I am better than other people.

Zander: You might not think you are but you definitely. I mean if you think about it you are... This question wasn't for me, right? Okay, Mason, you can answer it.

Mason: Thank you, Zander for letting me answer the question asked to me.

Zander: You're welcome.

Mason: We knew. Do you want to tell it, mi amor?

Yvette: Sophia was five months old and Mason had gone back to work. It was the third day after he'd returned and I told Sophia that 'daddy was home', something I'd said the last two times I'd heard him open the front door. This time she raised her finger and pointed to the doorway a second before Mason walked in. She understood what I meant.

Sophia: I did?

Mason: You did. I dropped my coffee when I saw you pointing at me when I heard your mom talking.

Sophia: That is interesting.

Zander: See, I told you she was better. And you proved it. She was better even when she was a little baby.

Joy: Well we all did know this. Now final question because this episode is so long that I'm considering never doing this again. To Carter: do you think you would be more like your step-sister if your mother stayed? Or would you be the same just without the factor of defensiveness?

Mason: HA!

Carter: Who are your readers?

Mason: And why do they go for the jugular?

Carter: Who asks these types of questions?

Mason: Clearly people who have been stalking us. We should be on our guard, no one can be trusted anymore.

Joy: You're being dramatic again. It's me, I talk about you a lot.

Mason: Ha! So your 'listeners' are just you.

Joy: No, I'm saying that I'm the one who talks about you a lot so that's how they know so much. They aren't stalking you. You don't need to be on guard.

Mason: We still will be.

Joy: So dramatic. Carter, are you answering or not?

Carter: I don't think we will can ever know. I still would know how to throw a punch, beat Donovan in a run, and find Mason intolerable, so infer from that what you will.

Joy: That might be all we get. Now does anyone know how to end one of these podcast things, this is my first time so I'm not sure-

Mason: I knew it was your first episode.

Joy: Okay. Oh, so you're all just going to stand up and start leaving. Really? No one wants to stay goodbye? I mean into the mic waving at me does nothing, people can't see you, this is a podcast. Wow, okay yeah all of you are just going that is... disappointing and now it's just me at a table, all alone talking to myself.

(sighs)

Thanks for listening! This has been my first, and most likely last podcast episode, of Moments of Joy. May every day have a moment of happiness! Laters!

**********************************************************************

NOODLE!!! I DID IT!!! I WROTE SOMETHING!!

*grabs your hands and dances around in circles until we're dizzy and fall to the floor*

OH JEEZ!! It feels good!! I actually wrote something! I'm not missing my arm completely!

Though writing this I realize future readers who read this and haven't been through the devastation of the last couple of weeks might not know what I'm talking about.

Really quick before I explain let me know what you thought of my podcast! 💭💬🗯

So I didn't really lose my arm, I lost my creativity (and losing my arm was the metaphor for it) and well it's not like I lost my creativity, I had my eyes on it but it went on vacation without me to the Bahamas. Which I think is so rude because I've never been but I would have liked to go.

Whatever, my creativity is inconsiderate, big surprise. I think this one shot type dealio thing was a postcard it sent back to me. I'll take it!

Hopefully the postcards keep coming, even they don't look like normal updates I'll honestly take anything I can get.

So who knows what will come next week but for this week I got something and it makes me soops happy!

Thank you to everyone who gave me questions! They really helped!!

Vote, comment, follow BECAUSE I WROTE!!! MY ARM ISN'T LOST FOREVER!

Also this is me bravely setting out on the barren landscape in search of my creativity.