One Void day, Count Bleck sat at the table reading the newspaper. A purple morning light filtered in from the window as he sipped his #1 Boss mug and that pleasant morning music played.

Just then, Mimi rocketed into the kitchen. "Count, are you drinking coffee?!" she exclaimed.

"What? Oh, uh—"

"GUYS!! THE COUNT IS DRINKING COFFEE!!" she screeched before he could finish.

Mr. L ran in. "Coffee??" he shouted. "You don't say! I drink it to put me to sleep at night."

"What a surprise," Mimi grumbled.

"Yeah, well I love it! There's something about the beany smell that just makes you want to take over the world, y'know?"

"No, I don't," Mimi replied, crossing her arms.

Count Bleck tried to speak. "Minions, this—"

"Who's drinking coffee?" asked Nastasia, walking in. "The Count?!"

"Nastasia, it's just—"

"That reminds me! I haven't had my third cup yet this morning!" she exclaimed, scrambling to fix herself more. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily), she got the last of the instant flakes in the bucket.

"Did someone say coffee?!" shouted Dimentio, appearing. His clear ring distorted the Count's mug. "The sweet gift unto mankind, like fire to a brainless cragnon?"

"Count Bleck did not—"

"I SAY!" shouted O'Chunks, lumbering in. "It BE COffeH!"

"What are you minions going on ab—"

"I can't believe you're drinking coffee without us!!" shouted Mimi.

"Yeah, the instant stuff is almost gone," pouted Mr. L.

"But it's just the Count! He has the right," Nastasia tried to say, probably to hide the fact that she had just finished the last of it.

"Mr. L, how DARE you!! I believe I'M the one that chipped in to buy the instant coffee," interrupted Dimentio. "It's instantness is so instant that... it's instant!!"

"What be Dimentio blabberin' bout?" O'Chunks asked.

"Yeah, who cares if it's instant??" Mimi interrupted. "I've never even HAD coffee, and I wanna try some!"

Mr. L inhale-gasped loudly. "NEVER had coffee? How do you sleep at night??"

"WE'VE GUT TO GET HER SOME!!" O'Chunks shouted.

"Ah ha ha. A fine idea," Dimentio said pleasantly. "But I fear all that caffeine may be too much for her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mimi demanded.

"A hearty coffeh is not for the high-strung," O'Chunks agreed.

"We could just get decaf," Mr. L suggested.

Dimentio gasped. "Decaf is fake, L! That can't be anyone's first experience of coffee! ...Not that I care."

"Well, why don't you go to a coffee shop?" Nastasia suggested, still to hide that she had taken the last of the coffee. "You can find plenty of very good coffees there. And it would be a nice break. ...For me."

"A great idea!" Mr. L exclaimed. "TO THE VAN!!"

"Alrught! We're goin' on a COFFEH TRIP!!" O'Chunks cheered as they headed out the door.

Nastasia grabbed the keys to their unsuspicious heist van from the rack and tossed them to Mr. L, who caught them like some pro sports player or something on his way out. "Just don't even think about coming back without a caramel macchiato with double espresso for me, k?" she shouted after them.

"Well I can see what keeps you going every day, reckoned Count Bleck," the Count spoke up.

"O-oh, of course, Count!" Nastasia said sheepishly. "Drinking a good cup of coffee is all I need to face the day. And helping you, of course!"

"...If that peels your potatoes, observed Count Bleck with a shrug."

So while the others left, she and the Count sat around drinking their non-coffee-shop drinks. A little while later, the rest of the minions returned bearing sour expressions and first degree coffee burns. After putting up the unsuspicious van, they all came and sat around the table looking glum. (Well, technically only Mimi looked glum. Dimentio and Mr. L were shooting each other smirks while O' Chunks looked normal.)

"Why can't we ever just go out and have it end normally?" Mimi complained to no one in particular.

"Well, what happened?" Nastasia wanted to know. "Did you have coffee?"

"Oh, we had coffee, alright," Mr. L said with a snort. "O'Chunks bumped into some guy with a giant armful of it right as we walked in, and I got burned through my sleeve!"

"I culdn't help it," O'Chunks defended.

Mr. L rubbed his arm. "And then Mr. Magic over here had to flex on the cashiers when they didn't have his diamond-studded royalty-flavored coffee drink or whatever."

Nastasia looked confused. "Back up a second. Where did you go?"

"The Starbeans Cafe in the Voidwood Mall," Dimentio said, crossing his hands/arms. "And I was just trying to demonstrate what a good coffee should look like!"

"So they didn't have his fancy shakerato or whatever it's called," Mimi spoke up. "And then he railed on them about the importance of good beverages for a full five minutes. And then he conjured one up in their faces, and the barista got mad and tried to kick him out for being a business competitor."

"That's a lie," Dimentio interjected. "That is NOT why they kicked us out."

Nastasia was thoughtful. "...What's a shakerato?"

"A Caffè Shakerato is a type of authentic Italian coffee only served in the summer months. They take espresso, shake it with ice in a cocktail mixer, and then pour it into either a martini-esque glass or a taller glass," Dimentio explained. "And APPARENTLY that's too fancy for this place."

"You're too fancy for this place," Mr. L said under his breath, but Dimentio heard him and whacked his head.

"But wait, you didn't tell her the other thing!" Mimi said expectantly.

"Yes yes, I'm getting to that. So the real reason we got kicked out is because Mr. L here tried to order a cappuccino, only he didn't know what he was doing and tried to walk out with the mug, which actually constitutes stealing in many business establishments," Dimentio went on. "And then O'Chunks decided it was a perfect time to ask if they had a spare bathroom he could use, which they did not, so we had to ditch the coffee and hightail it out of there." He glared at them. "And so I hope you all enjoyed your break."

"Well, that's too bad," Nastasia said. "Maybe next time. What about you, Mimi? Did you get anything?"

"Oh, well, I got a coffee while those doofuses were being dolts," Mimi replied, "but I actually discovered that I don't like coffee."

There was a small silence in the kitchen. A cricket chirped. Then Nastasia rubbed her head and said, "Sometimes I just don't know about you people."

Then O'Chunks rushed forward. "Ey Nassy, hold up! We got yer drink still! I grabbed it to go before they threw us out!"

Startled, Nastasia accepted her coffee and beamed. "Oh, thank you, O'Chunks! I suppose it was all worth it, then." She sipped her cup and started to walk away.

"Yeah, for you," Dimentio said. "I still don't see my shakerato."

"Well I never got to finish mine either!" Mr. L snapped back. "How am I supposed to relax now?"

"Well why haven't you installed a coffeemaker in your Brobot yet? Honestly, I'm surprised," Dimentio remarked.

"ENOUGH!! SHOUTED COUNT BLECK!!" shouted Count Bleck, who had been sitting there sipping his mug the whole time. He extended his cape so that it blocked out the lights and all they could see was him.

"Count, you've got some coffee stains just there," said Mimi, motioning to his collar.

"COFFEE MATTERS NOT!!" Count Bleck shouted. "Count Bleck does not know why you minions are making a big deal about it, because he is not even drinking coffee. It's hot tea."

Everyone was silent. Another cricket chirped.

"Well that's a healthy choice, Count," said Nastasia.

"Ugggh," everybody groaned and left the kitchen.