A tear falls. I wipe it away quickly. I look in the mirror and take a deep breath. Then I smile. It looks fake. I scrunch my eyes. Still looks fake. I close my eyes and think of my happiest memory. Like I'm casting a patronus. Then I laugh at myself. I don't feel it like real laughter. It sounds a tad hollow but I think it's ok. I open my eyes looking into the mirror. I blink and put a small smile on my lips. My brown eyes don't sparkle like they should and my nose doesn't scrunch naturally. But to anyone that isn't looking close enough I look happy. I walk out of the bathroom. I hug my little sister and kiss her forehead. Then I smile at her. I turn away. My friends wait expectantly. "Love you" I say and she repeats it. Then I go to my friends. None of them look close enough to to the fake happiness that lingers in my features. Except possibly Trixie but she does ask me questions. That's why I love her. I know that I should talk about it but I can't afford to at the moment. I can't burden her. So I keep my mouth shut. Only letting my secrets out through tears or a neat little row of cuts on my leg. I am a bucket full to the point of spilling. But I will not do that. Because that's not who I am. I will hurt myself before I hurt my friends or family. So I do. Each little drop of blood is a secret that will soon be soaked up by toilet paper and then flushed down the toilet.

Ok so if anyone is reading this, cutting does not help. Please don't do it. I haven't cut in 3 months. I already feel better. Please pm me if you need to talk.